I had one more place I wanted to go. I had not really been thinking of going there until the disaster with Mark. Now I wanted to clear my head.
We were silent in the cab; both feeling quite awkward after my random display of fake affection.
The cab stopped and I led him toward a building. Erik thought it was another bar or restaurant. He had no way of knowing how very different the building was.
As we entered my cell went off. Erik stared at me fascinated as I brought the phone out of my purse. He had no idea what the tiny, thin piece of colored metal was, or how it was making that noise.
"Oh, it's my friend Rebecca, hang on," I was oblivious to his wonder as I opened my flip phone and pressed a button. "Hey, Rebecca I can't really talk right now," To his astonishment Erik heard the voice on the other end.
Ever interested in new inventions and technology, he wanted to ask me how it was possible for me to communicate using this device. He refrained from asking though, he understood that as a man living in whatever year this was, he should know about this ringing piece of metal that allowed you to talk to others.
He had seen quite a few people holding one of these things to their ears. He had just thought they were crazy or something.
A man at the ticket counter we were walking towards saw me on the phone, "Miss please turn off your cell phone while you are inside," So it is a cell phone, Erik thought.
I did not pay any attention to his instructions but I did feel like it was rude to talk to Rebecca with Erik there. "Alright I'll talk to you later," I hung up. I finally noticed the astonished look on his face. I followed his gaze to my phone, "What?"
"Nothing," Erik lied quickly, "What are we doing here?"
"Going up," Going up to the top of the Empire State Building was a tourist favorite in New York and I did not think he would object. I paid for our tickets, truth be told Erik was quite an expensive date, and we waited for our turn in the elevator.
I glanced over at him when we were on our way up. He was looking quite sad and confused, but there was a hint of anger in his face as well. I could not blame him. I had been toying with him all day, not to mention he was not over his own ex.
The other passengers in the elevator, not that there were many, tried as best they could to keep away from Erik due to the strange way he looked. I glared at the one girl who seemed the most taken aback by him; a thin little blond who spoke with an English accent. I did not see who she was to judge anyone; she was wearing a scrunchy in her hair.
"What is this place?" Erik whispered to me finally, but we were almost outside.
"Just wait and see," I said, and I opened a door and led him out into the night.
I heard him gasp beside me as the thousands of lights that made New York City appeared below us.
"This is incredible," Erik breathed, staring out onto the bright dots below.
It was incredible; to gaze down at the lights of New York at night is to seen an earthen bound field of stars.
"I know; the first time I came to New York, when I was fifteen, I came up here with my family and when I saw this, I knew this was where I wanted to live," "I cannot believe man built all this," Erik said, stunned.
"Beautiful isn't it?" I smiled at his impressed expression, "I come up here sometimes, just when I need perspective; I always said I wanted to my boyfriend to propose to me up here," I have no idea why I said this.
"Did he?" Erik asked.
"No," I said, looking out into the night, "He proposed in Paris; which was wonderful; he took me to a show and then out to dinner, and then as we were walking home he popped the question," I sighed as I remembered, "And I will always remember him fondly, as an ass hole," I muttered.
We stood silent for some time, just looking. I think Erik felt as though his mind had just been sent through a ringer. He was seeing a sight grander and more spectacular than he had ever dreamed possible. And as he looked at the lights he wondered; could he handle this change? Perhaps…with all the people in this city, and all the new opportunities, maybe he could forget his past, and find someone like him in the world, some one who was…
"Do you think I am a freak?" he asked me suddenly.
"All men are freaks," I said automatically, "I guess all women are freaks too, in fact I think there is something seriously wrong with each and ever one of us," I lit another cigarette, "But if you really want to think about it; what is normal anyway?"
"Not me," Erik said, "Normal people do not look like this,"
What could I say? He had a point. Normal people did not look like that. Still, I wasn't going to tell him that. I had to say something else, and quick because the longer his comment hung in the air the closer it got to passing into truth because I did not refute it. But he beat me to answering.
"You see, I am right, a person should not look like this; that was what Christine thought, and that is why she left me. If I looked like a normal man, none of this would have happened,"
I had never heard such self loathing; and I am a lawyer. We all struggle with self image issues; how else could you explain yoga, gym memberships, and fat free sugar free ice cream? But this man had a problem you could not fix by running a mile each day or getting a hair cut like the rest of us could.
"It is why people hate me," he continued, and I was glad there was fencing separating him from the city below, because he might have jumped.
"If I did not look like this I would not be along all the time," he said miserably, and I realized I had brought this on myself. I had been the one to rope him into coming to dinner. I had said I would show him around. I had dug the hole, but I was not ready to fall into it yet and let this whole evening go to hell.
"Now that is just not true," I said, blowing smoke out into the night air, "Look at me; I am all alone, believe me, most people find they are alone in this city and all they have to relay on is themselves,"
"What if you do not want to be alone?" he asked.
"Join the club, and in the mean time, buy a dog," I replied sardonically.
"So you are all alone?" he probed.
"God, you don't have to say it like that," I had enough reminders without the total stranger telling me I had no one special in my life. I kept in mind that he was a total stranger I had made out with on the street.
"But you are alone?"
"Yes,"
"And you are happy?"
"Most of the time," I said, and it gave me a good feeling to know that I was being sincere.
"And what about the rest of the time?" he asked.
I considered for a moment, "You cry a little; pay too much for shoes, eat a little too much ice cream, and then you go on with the rest of your life because you have to,"
Erik thought about this for a moment. Concluding that he was a monster and a freak with no soul did not seem to work very well to let him have a good life. And then he had a thought; he was alone, but he was not alone in being alone.
"I wouldn't worry too much about it," I said at last, "I went to a state fair once and I saw the world's fattest twins; both married," I shook my head, "So if they can find love, there must be hope for everyone…somewhere out there is another little freak just like you who will understand you, love you and…kiss your three heads and make it all better,"
"So you think…love…is possible?"
"Anything is possible, this is New York,"
We stood there for awhile, just watching the city below. Even thought the weather was improving as spring kicked into full gear, it was a chilly night and I shivered slightly. He noticed even this small motion on my part and he removed the evening jacket he had been wearing all night and draped it over my shoulders.
Again I was struck; where had this guy come from? Was there something in the water in Paris that made man want to perform shows of chivalry which had closed in New York years ago?
Normally I would have refused the coat. I did not need a man to help keep me warm; I just wanted one. But this was different; he was not trying to pick me up, I was not on a date with him, nothing was calculated; he just thought I was cold.
"Come on," I said finally, "I really need to be getting back home,"
In the cab ride home I felt exhausted; we had been all over the place and I just wanted to go home, crawl under the covers, and sleep.
My door was finally in sight; now only one awkward thing remained. How were we going to say goodnight?
This had not been a date, but I was not sure if I had changed the rules when I had kissed him or not. Before I could answer my own question he opened his door.
"Good night," he said simply, and then he entered his apartment and closed his door.
Well, I thought, at least that was not so awkward. I was inside before I realized that I was still wearing his coat.
I had two options; I could go and return it to him at that second, or I could admit that he had inadvertently done the equivalent of a woman leaving her purse with a man to secure a call back. I set the coat on the back of a chair and fell into my bed.
As for Erik, he walked around his new home, still clueless as to how he had gotten there, and still wondering why exactly he had been sent here. He felt tears rise in his eyes several times as he wondered aimlessly around. He thought of Christine and he wondered where in all this she was, and if she was happy, and why she had never been happy with him. Normal behavior for a heartbroken man.
In the kitchen he inspected the large, steel cabinet that was cold inside. Finding the freezer he looked at a carton, taking it out he read the side; it was the ice cream I had been talking about. He found a spoon, and then went into the spacious living room and pulled a chair over to the window. He sat, he cried a little into the ice cream, and he watched as the night slowly faded and the sun rose over New York City.