The Concrete Jungle
Erik ended the call. It had taken him all day, and quite a few random accidental calls to various listed Chinese takeout places to fully master the art of telephone-ary.
He had been picking up his coat from the floor when he realized it held something which was not his. Honestly, he had been glad to have a reason to talk to me as he had spent the whole day alone and perplexed. He still did not understand so many things.
However now faced with the prospect of actually going out he felt skittish and wondered if he should not have been so hasty in calling me. He thought he knew enough to get to the restaurant, after all cabs had been around in his day, they had just been pulled by horses.
But now he was facing the prospect of going out into public alone where everyone would stare at him. He had gone out like this on the first day he had been in New York, but that had been different, he had been so stunned, how could he not go out?
This seemed like a much worse situation that he was facing now, and what if he got lost? He had found his own wallet with bills identical to the ones I had been using to pay for things so he knew he had the money to get to the restaurant. Although he did not know how much this currency was worth…God this was going to be difficult!
The other problem was that he had been wearing the same clothes for almost three days, and that was certainly not acceptable. He opened his closet. The rows of expensive men's clothing intimidated him. He had seen the people walking on the streets the day before and noted how unlike their mode of dress was to his. As he had not been exposed to the wonders of modern media he had no idea how to dress.
He took a stab in the dark, and just grabbed something black. He had no idea he was playing into a classic rule; black is always always in style. Erik changed in the room with the toilet. To his horror he discovered he smelled like death; ironically not a smell foreign to the streets of New York.
Erik stared around the room; everything looked weird. The shining silver knobs meant nothing to him. He approached what he would later find out was the shower. Reaching out, he stepped into the vertical tailed chamber and turned one of the knobs. To his unpleasant surprise he got a stream of cold water on his head.
All this considered it was no surprise that we were nearly finished with dinner and he still had not come yet.
"God, Liv, you have been looking at the door every five minutes, he will come when he comes," Rebecca said.
"Maybe he got lost;" Susan said worriedly, "New York is like a jungle if you don't know your way around,"
"I don't see how he could have," I said, checking my watch, "I told him were to go," but I knew there was a very good chance he was turned around somewhere. Erik was not a native New Yorker. He was not familiar with the indigenous tribes; the hookers, the cult of crazed cab drivers, the pan handlers, the muggers…oh God what if he was getting mugged?
"Well, I have to go," Susan said, and a giddy smile came over her face, "I am meeting John for a late movie," John Grove was Susan's latest knight in shinning armor. He was a wealthy businessman with an expensive town house which Susan already thought of as her dream castle.
"I should go to," Jackie said, "Deadline looming," she stood and put money down on the table and patted my shoulder, "We will meet Mr. Wallet Slip some other time,"
"You are going to?" I asked Rebecca, who was standing as well.
"Yes, you see that waiter over there; I have been eyeing him all night and he just got off, so now I can take him back to my place and he can get off again!" Rebecca smiled, eyeing the waiter seductively.
"And I thought leaving a 25 percent tip was the way to treat your waiter," Jackie said wryly, "Night Liv,"
All three girls left money on the table and me sitting and waiting for the man to come out of the jungle.
Erik was not having an easy time of it. He had spent fifteen minute figuring out how to work the shower, ten getting dressed, and then twenty working up his nerve to go outside. Once he made it out to the street; it took him fifteen more minutes to catch a cab. And then the cab took him to the wrong place, which he did not notice until the cab pulled away.
An hour and a half after our phone conversation he arrived at the front of the restaurant. The host greeted him.
"Ah, do you have a reservation?" he asked, and Erik noted that this man spoke in the same tone as the man at the restaurant the night before. He sighed; he was in a different time, but people were still the same species of mean when it came to his face.
"My…friend is already inside," he said, hoping he would be admitted into the room beyond.
"I am sorry, but the restaurant is very full and…"
Erik stopped listening to what the man was saying. He thought about Thomas Hobbs and his state of nature. If only, Erik wished. In a society with no rules he would have just choked the life out of this annoying man and gone into the restaurant.
However, instead of resigning to a state of no rules, we had all given our undying loyalty to a sovereign; The Norm and his wife, The Status Quo. Too bad for Erik he was a revolutionary.
But for now, he would have to try to play by the rules of the land.
And the rules of New York City are simple; you don't give up until you are in the door. You have to walk right past that doorman, bouncer, host or hostess and say, "Screw you, I'm going in!"
Though he left out the language, Erik did walk right past the host and into the restaurant.
"Sir! Sir!" The host went after Erik, trying to call him back. He wasn't listening.
I saw him from across the room through the mess of other tables and waiters and groups of women going to the bathroom and I smiled; he saw me and came over.
"Well look who made it! I was beginning to think you were lost," I said, and I have to admit I was relieved. If I had been responsible for calling him out on a suicide mission in to the deepest dark of New York City I don't think I would have been able to live with myself.
"Miss is he with you?" I saw the host who had followed Erik for the first time.
"Yes, he is with me, is there a problem?"
"No Miss, please enjoy the rest of your dinner,"
He sat down next to me. For the second time in two days we were out to dinner. In any other situation this would have been a rapidly progressing relationship. I stared at him for moment; impressed with his attire; quite New York for a non native.
Erik looked around the room; a panicked expression on his face, as though he did not belong.
"Did you bring my wallet?" I asked.
"Yes, here," he handed it to me.
"Thank you for brining it all the way down here," I put the wallet in my purse, "I hope it wasn't a big inconvenience,"
"I was not occupied," he said shortly.
"Are you hungry?" I asked, I was full but I thought it was rude to ask him to come all the way down here and then just make him leave with out eating.
"No," He responded. I was not aware of the fact that this man hardly ate anything; although I could have guessed it because he was very thin.
"Well then, let's get out of here," I said, standing and throwing money down on the tale. I led him outside.
"Where are we going?" he asked. I had planned on just going home, but than I realized he was expecting more and I think I owed that to him. I had asked him to come to me, and besides, it was not as though I had some other, wonderful plans.
"It's a good night for a walk," I said. We began in silence, and I did all I could to break it.
"So, what did you do today?" I asked him.
Erik felt his stomach churn. He did not want to appear stupid or crazy in my eyes, and he figured that if he said, 'trying to figure out how to work the phone and the thing that shoots out water,' he would sound just that. So instead he said, "Nothing,"
Damn him; sometimes his responses were so short it was like talking to a wall, "You must have done something," I pressed.
"I have a job interview Monday," Erik remembered.
"Where?" good, I thought, get him talking…
Good, Erik thought, I can have her help me figure out where this place is, "Mont Building and Design,"
What he didn't know was that he had just named one of New York's top architectural firms.
"I didn't know you were an architect; I thought you were a composer,"
"I do both," he said as we continued to walk down the street, glancing here and there at the various signs of another night in New York, "Do you know where Mont Building and Design is located?" he asked me.
"Actually yes," the place was only a few blocks from my own firm. I had dated a guy in legal there a few years ago.
"If you want we can share a cab there on Monday," It occurred to me that I was being extremely nice to this man I hardly knew, but he had helped me first, and in everything we had done together he had been a perfect gentleman.
I had attributed his good manners and tendency not to act like an ass hole to the fact that he had not been in the city long enough to adopt the traits of the native species of men.
Now, I don't mean to say that all men are jerks; just the one's I've dated. The New York City social scene can be like a dangerous tropical rain forest at times. You need to be familiar with all the types of life to keep from getting poisoned or getting eaten alive. I did not see Erik as the type who would, in the end, leave you feeling as though you had just been mauled by a wild cat.
So we walked together, and gradually he became more relaxed. No one was staring at him, one because in the dark it was hard to see the marred side of his face, and two because really, no one passing on the street gave a damn.
"So where did you study architecture?" I asked him.
"In Rome," he responded.
"That must have been incredible, do you speak Italian?"
"Not very well anymore, I am out of practice; I used to be better,"
We came to a street crossing, and he continued to walk although the light had not yet changed for us to go.
I quickly pulled him back by the hand, "Watch it!" I said as I grabbed him by the wrist, and for reasons of my own, I kept my hand in his. He felt a little cold, but I attributed that to the slightly chilled night, and it quickly warmed in mine.
"I always wanted to go to Italy," I continued.
"Are you interested in architecture as well?" he asked me. I wasn't aware of how hard it became for him to talk now that all he was thinking about was my hand holding his.
"No…shoes," I admitted with a small laugh.
"All the beautiful things in Rome and all you care about are shoes?" He squeezed my hand.
"No…I hear the food is good to," for the first time he laughed; not a long, loud laugh, but a laugh none the less; and it was sweet.
There is really nothing quite like walking alone with someone you like; you walk lighter, you smile more, and you don't notice how far out of your way you have gone until you realize you are kind of lost.
"I think we should head back," I said, "I don't think I know where I am anymore," the truth was I was talking about more than location. I did not know where I was with Erik. I liked him, he was different, and he was sweet in an old world sort of way. I had known him for two days, it was a fairly short time, but…I felt…lonely sometimes. It was hard being all alone all the time.
Erik did not know what was happening either. The whole world around him shocked him, but even more astonishing was the way I was acting. He did not have a lot of experience with women, but he got the feeling…I didn't hate him.
We took a cab home and he walked me to my door. Actually I was still holding his hand and I pulled him to my door. We stood there at my door for a few minutes and I felt my mind spinning. I knew I could feel something between us. There was an electricity around the two of us. I could let him go and spend another night alone watching crap on late night TV or I could…
"Good night," he said, and he turned to go and I decided. I pulled him back to me, my back pressed to the door, and my lips pressed to his. Only this time it felt different. This time he kissed me back. He didn't just lightly touch me, he pressed harder against me. I felt his hand pressing against by back, the other buried in my hair.
Yes, it was fast. But in New York, a city that moves so quickly we get the Sunday paper on Saturday, this was par for the course…at least for me.
For Erik this was like nothing he had ever experienced or expected. There were so many questions to be answered; why was I doing this? What would happen if we went through the door of my apartment? How did I feel about him? How did he feel about me?
But in the end, Erik was just a man after all. And as a man he knew that a woman he felt attracted to was kissing him, and as a man he knew he didn't want to stop.
We were just two people who had been searching for love all our lives and never found it. We had both been let down, rejected and heartbroken.
I blame passion for turning my head completely. I figured, even if he did turn out to be just another toxic bachelor in the jungle, I was ready to risk it all over again. I broke our kiss briefly to unlock my door and let us both in.
Now Erik felt anxious. I was pulling at his shirt and leading him deeper into my apartment.
With one kick of my high heeled shoe the door of my bedroom was open. I fell back onto the bed, bringing him down with me.
Never once did I get the feeling Erik wanted to stop.
He didn't want to stop, as nervous as he was. He had never been with a woman in this sense before and that fact had always shamed him. His face made him feel like less than a man, he didn't need his lack of experience with women to amply that feeling. He was determined to do this.
When it comes to men I have slept with all kinds; the good ones, the selfish ones, the fast ones and the ones who are so bad you have to fake it.
It was clear to me that Erik was unsure about what he was doing, but I didn't think anything of it. The first time is usually a little awkward. Besides, most men are so happy to have made it into the bedroom they don't think about where to go next.
He fumbled as he tried to take off my button up Cavalli blouse and I ended up taking it off for him. He also had no idea what to do with my bra so I took that off for him to.
Poor guy, he had almost felt sick when he had seen the bra. Of course it looked nothing like the undergarments of his day and he had no clue as to how to get it off. It frustrated him that he was so close to what he wanted but even when it was set right in front of him he didn't know how to get at it.
Erik hadn't had high hopes for himself in bed, but after not being able to remove blouse or bra he felt so embarrassed he just wanted to leave.
But I wasn't about to let him. I didn't think it was strange at all that he had had a difficult time undressing me. Lots of men had had the same problem. You would think that after all man kind had done, space ships, skyscrapers, frozen yogurt, they could handle a simple two hook clasp!
However this was not the case. One guy had actually become so frustrated with my bra once he had tried to pull it over my head! Of course that had not worked and it had totally ruined the mood.
This mood was not going to be ruined. With all I had going on in my life; trying to make partner, make rent, and still have a life was hard. Very rarely did I find a normal seeming guy who I was attracted to.
I could tell Erik's confidence was shaken so kissed his lips hard before trailing a path along his jaw to his ear. The moment my lips touched his ear lob I heard him groan. His grip on me tightened. I felt his hands on my back and I desperately wanted them to move…
Erik didn't know what to listen to; his head was telling him he would make a fool of himself and that he should get out of there. His...well lets just say his body, wanted him to stay, to explore and to enjoy.
His hand moved to my breast at last. I sighed with pleasure as his large hand touched me. My head fell back against the pillows and I closed my eyes.
Erik's lips pressed against my neck, his tongue flicking out to taste my skin. He was a natural at this. He sucked the skin on my neck so passionately I knew I would have a mark there the next day. And it felt wonderful. I made sure he heard me gasp and moan so that he would know he was doing a good job.
Erik heard all these little noises I was making and it made his desire grow. Still, even though I was encouraging him, he was unsure. What step should he take next?
I felt so hot all over I wanted to take my skirt, along with Erik's shirt and pants and throw them in a crumpled pile on the floor.
Figuring that Erik was not going to take charge any time soon, I did. I wasn't too young, or inexperienced, or shy.
I held him by his shoulders, sitting up and turning him until our positions were reversed and I was on top of him. Now I was in control, all Erik had to do was enjoy himself.
And enjoy himself he did. Erik watched me take off the skirt I had been wearing, along with the tiny piece of black lace underwear I had been wearing under it. He felt a jolt go through his body and, as nervous as he still was, he reached out and touched me.
He caressed my breast in one had, the other traveling down my side and then over the curve of my butt. Finally, I though, he is growing some balls! And speaking of which…
I had him undressed in a few minutes. His body was not that of a Greek God, but it was still appealing.
I looked up at him, meeting his eyes. I saw desire there, tinged a bit with fear but desire none the less. I knew I felt the same. We both knew…we were ready.
The first time was…well it was over so quickly I could hardly judge. But hey, that happens to everyone.
Erik knew he had not preformed perfectly and he felt embarrassed. He was very surprised when I continued to lay there next to him, running my fingers up and down his back and pressing my lips to his over and over again.
Even though he was not Casanova I still wanted him. I liked a lot of things about him; the way he listened when I told him things, the way he half smiled if I said something funny…the way his voice sounded, especially in the throws of sex…
In no time Erik was ready for another go. As it turned out, the second act was much better than the first. There was even a third act and a grand finale.
Satisfied and tired I thought nothing of it when I fell asleep in Erik's arms.
But Erik thought about it.
He lay on his back, one arm still hooked around me and the other flat on his chest. He stared at the ceiling. God, he thought, even the ceilings in this place looked different!
Erik had seen many strange things in his day, hell he had grown up with a traveling circus of gypsies! But this experience made the fire eaters and two headed snakes look normal.
The sounds of New York at night drifted in to him through my open window. Sirens, loud honks, people yelling to each other, car engines starting, buses going by…
Erik could not place any of these sounds though. He might as well have been in a jungle listening to wild animals at night.
And then there was me. Erik was more baffled by our relationship than any other thing he had experienced since coming to New York.
He could believe that technology had advanced in the way it had. His mind was ever brilliant and inventive; nothing was out of his scope technology wise.
But when it came to people, Erik could not believe how much women had changed since he had last loved one.
Where Erik came from, sex usually meant marriage or business. Lovers were rewarded for services rendered with some kind of payment; money, a fancy apartment in the city, jewelry, or a wedding ring.
Would I expect something from him now? He was sure I would, but he was not sure just what I would be expecting. He did not get the feeling that I was a prostitute or that I wanted him to marry me. That left him fresh out of ideas.
In the moment none of this had been important. As it had all been happening Erik had not been thinking, he had been feeling and experiencing for the first time.
Now all the questions were cropping up like weeds, toxic weeds that threatened to poison the night.
The sex had been great, wonderful in fact. Once Erik had gotten over his fear of failing miserably in bed everything had been amazing. The feeling of being inside of a woman was better than anything Erik had ever experienced before.
But what about the after sex?
The more he thought about it the more uneasy he felt. He had to get out of this bed; he had to get away from me. Erik had thought of another possibility far more humiliating than if I wanted something from him…wanting nothing else to do with him.
What if I never wanted to speak to him again? Never wanted to see him again? He thought perhaps now, just as transportation had evolved past horse and buggy, people had evolved past relationships.
Maybe sex was just something people did for pleasure and then never saw each other again. Either way, Erik did not think I would want to wake up next to him.
Even though I had given him no reason to believe I wanted him gone, Erik's mind was thinking for him again. And Erik's mind still could not believe that a woman would want him.
As carefully as he could he slunk from the bed. It was difficult for him to get out from under me without disturbing me but he managed.
He pulled on the pants I had thrown off earlier and checked his pocket; making sure his key was still there.
Erik scanned the room for his shirt. He had been wearing a black button up shirt which at the moment happened to be underneath me on the bed. Giving the shirt up for lost; Erik hurried out of my bedroom.
He couldn't be there when the sun rose and I told him to get out.
Who knows what did it. Maybe it was fate, maybe divine intervention, maybe just dumb luck. Whatever it was, something caused Erik's normally flawless night vision to fail him. His foot slammed into a table leg as he hurried through my living room.
His loud curse woke me up. It only took me a minute to realize I was alone in bed.
"Are you leaving?"
Erik turned to see me standing there. He was struck to see that I had put on his shirt…his shirt and nothing else.
"Do you want me to?" He got up the courage to ask the burning question.
"You can stay," I felt a bit foolish all of a sudden. I hardly knew this man; of course he would not want to stay. He was just leaving as any other one night stand would. The problem was I didn't want him to be a one night stand. I had done meaningless sex to death…I wanted something real.
"Are you sure?"
Even in the dark I could see how unsure he was. He looked remarkably like a child who had done something wrong and now was waiting for punishment.
"I'm sure," I went over and took his hand, "Come back to bed,"
He followed without further question. I lay down and waited for him to do the same. Erik sat on the side of the bed and rather sheepishly took off his pants again. He was surprised when he turned around to find I was right next to him.
And as he lay down I found that little nook between his arm and his chest I had been in earlier. That was exactly where I wanted to sleep.
Erik's questions were for the moment silenced. Whatever came in the morning, he knew that I wanted him there now.
New York is a city unlike any other. It is not surprising that new comers can feel at times like they are lost in a jungle of steel and concrete.
And just like the roads in this jungle we call The Big Apple, the relationships we create with our fellow inhabitants are confusing, twisted, ill planned and full of bumps.
Some of these roads lead to the altar, some to happiness where you least expect it, and some are just dead ends. But whatever lies at the end, the beginning is always worth it.
BLOOPERS AND STUFF!
Ok as for roles, of course Gerry has to be Erik…and I picture Kate Hudson as Olivia because she is so funny and sweet and cute…but to tell the truth the I used the name Olivia was stolen from Law and Order SVU character Olivia Benson so I also picture that actress as Olivia. The character Olivia on L&O show is very kind, strong, and helps victims of traumatic events (something I thought Erik would need) …Meg Ryan would be a good choice to (that was suggested to me)
He sat down next to me. For the second time in two days we were out to dinner. In any other situation this would have been a rapidly progressing relationship. I stared at him for moment; impressed with his attire; quite New York for a non native.
Erik looked around the room; a panicked expression on his face, as though he did not belong.
"Did you bring my wallet?" I asked.
(Erik looks for the wallet and can't find it)
"Nope…I didn't bring it!" Erik and Olivia are laughing. Man from crew hands Erik the wallet.
"Ah! Here is it!"
"The nice camera guy had it all along! I guess I should go sleep with him now!" Olivia gets up and makes to go over to the camera guy.
"CUT!"
"So where did you study architecture?" I asked him.
"In Rome," he responded.
"That must have been incredible, do you speak Italian?"
"Not very well anymore, I am out of practice; I used to be better,"
We came to a street crossing, and he continued to walk although the light had not yet changed for us to go.
Olivia forgets to pull him back.
"So your just gonna let me get hit by a car?" Erik is laughing.
"Shit!" Olivia grabs his arm and tugs on it.
"CUT!"
"So where did you study architecture?" I asked him.
Erik thinks for a minute, "I forget,"
"CUT!"
We were just two people who had been searching for love all our lives and never found it. We had both been let down, rejected and heartbroken.
I blame passion for turning my head completely. I figured, even if he did turn out to be just another toxic bachelor in the jungle, I was ready to risk it all over again. I broke our kiss briefly to unlock my door and let us both in.
(Olivia tries to open the door but it won't open)
"Shit! I guess we have to do it in the hall then!" Olivia laughs and she had Erik pretend to start undressing in the hall. (Laughter from crew)
"CUT!"
Erik turned to see me standing there. He was struck to see that I had put on his shirt…his shirt and nothing else.
"Do you want me to?" He got up the courage to ask the burning question.
"You can stay," I felt a bit foolish all of a sudden. I hardly knew this man; of course he would not want to stay. He was just leaving as any other one night stand would. The problem was I didn't want him to be a one night stand. I had done meaningless sex to death…I wanted something real.
(Olivia starts laughing)
"What?" Erik is smiling.
"I feel so naked!" The shirt is only buttoned once so it is off her shoulders and it barely comes down over the top of her legs.
The crew and Erik are laughing as Olivia tries to cover herself up.