Rory's POV
Aw this is hopeless, even studying isn't distracting me. I can't stop thinking it over. the other day was really weird. He was really weird and it freaked me out…big time. I need to see him, talk to him, ask him what's up but he obviously doesn't want to tell me…I mean I'm sure I've been…approachable, confide-able, I've given him every chance and yet nothing…
Jess' POV
It's not my fault. It wasn't the right time. When will it be the right time? I know her too well, that's the problem…in the past it's been easy because I was never really that connected…in so deep. Talk about a shock to the system…I don't know how to handle this…
Rory's POV
Is it Dean? No, no it can't be. He must realize that that was a stupid mistake. A stupid stupid mistake that unfortunately I can't take back. Is that what's made him freeze whenever he tries to talk to me? Oh god I've completely broken his trust haven't I…
Jess' POV
She's the only person in my entire life that I've ever trusted and I don't want to ruin that…it's too…too vital. Can I just erase her from my life forever? No. Way. Do I wish I could?
Rory's POV
I wish he was here with me…and…and everything was straight forward and I was actually able to ask him what's wrong…but I know I'm literally terrified of what he'll say…
Jess' POV
Come on, you need to talk to her…
Rory's POV
I have to see him…
Rory inhaled shakily and tucked a few stray strands of hair behind her ears. She looked at her pale complexion in the mirror. Her eyes were slightly bloodshot from over thinking, overanalyzing…she was so tired. She swung open the door and there he was. She didn't make a sound...it was almost as if she was expecting him to be right there. Sitting on the steps outside.
"Hi." Rory sighed wearily.
"You ok?" Jess stubbed out his cigarette, his equally worn-out yet still as intense brown eyes never once leaving her face.
It took Rory a few seconds to respond and in the end all she could manage was a helpless sort of shrug.
"You can come in." It wasn't an invitation, it was more like a statement of fact.
"Is Lo…"
"No, she's at Sookie's. Jackson's away and she was lonely…Sookie I mean and…"
Jess cut Rory off by stepping up to her and kissing her gently on the cheek before entering the house.
For some reason Rory found herself swallowing back tears. She remained at the door, regaining her composure, reapplying the mask, before she followed Jess and sat down next to him on the couch.
They looked away from each other awkwardly.
"So how's Luke?" Rory ventured, tentatively. Jess is not a small talk guy.
"He's still Luke…no change really since this morning," Jess cut her off. I can't stand small talk.
Duly noted…hang on, enough is enough…Rory stood up and spun around to face him, her arms folded self consciously but with what she hoped looked pretty hostile to him, because she was finally pissed off with all this pointless beating around the bush.
He decided to stand up too, following her lead, for now.
"Jess."
His eyes flickered away from her immediately. It was like an all too familiar slap in the face. The resigned tone of her voice, absolutely bereft of hope. And yet she continued to search out his eyes, just to make sure.
" So is this it? Are we done?" Her words were calm.
This wasn't what he was expecting. Did this make things easier for him? Or harder? His eyes immediately shot up to meet hers. WHAM. Her eyes winced only slightly as she held his steady gaze. In that split second he could have sworn that he could hear his own heart skip a beat. Maybe that was just the thunder outside…but here she is and just looking into her eyes I know now for certain, that I'll never be able to leave her forever.
"I love you…" the words escaped his mouth in a whisper.
Did he regret them…not yet anyway.
Rory felt herself shudder with apprehension. He doesn't mean it…
She doesn't believe me…Frustration, emptiness and then Jess impulsively reached out, easing her to him with one hand gently resting on the small of her back, kissing her passionately on the lips.
His hands fell naturally to her small hips, tracing their delicate shape with lustful strokes. Initially Rory was stunned by his sudden change of mood, but his previous lilting words soon began to coax her mind. She could feel herself giving into him, she was giving him all the signs and more, little sighs of delight and moans of excitement as his smooth hands became more and more hurried, impatient.
She'd never done this before…inexperienced, but she was losing herself – and fast…her surroundings a blur…only him and her…him and her…him and her…him on top of her…and oh my god she was pinned down on the couch! How did this happen?
She felt herself tremble with forbidden pleasure when she realized that Jess was playing with her breasts, slowly and subtly teasing her… so this is how it feels to be aroused/turned on/in a state of sexual frenzy…pretty cool…
This was an almost unbearably torturous ecstasy for Jess, if only he could stop feeling guilty…as if he was taking advantage of her innocence… and if only he could forget…
Her own hands were now shyly exploring him and he encouraged her by smiling and nipping her ear playfully…but then his hands were on her jeans, at her belt buckle…and all of a sudden she was falling behind and she couldn't catch up…this is way too fast…I'm…I'm not ready…
Jess immediately stopped, because Rory had stopped moving and silent tears were escaping from her eyes. A severe pang of shame and self hatred hit Jess and he leapt up and walked away to the other side of the room.
Rory slowly sat up. "Jess," she sobbed quietly.
Jess put on his leather jacket that was hanging on the back of the couch and then he made for the front door when…
"No!" Rory shouted, "Don't do this to me…"
Jess stopped before the open door…his eyes flickered up to the brightening sky, the wind ruffled his hair and he closed his eyes…
"It's not fair, can't you see that? You can't just leave all the time when things don't go your way." Rory paused, "It's not right. I mean you turn up and obviously I've done something wrongexcept you won't talk to me and then all out of the blue you say…you…you pounce on me when we haven't even discussed…it," this is coming out all wrong "Why won't you talk to me?"
Don't you see that the reason I can't talk is because I don't want to disappoint you?
"I don't understand what I've done wrong!" Rory continued, "Is it…is it Dean?"
Jess found his breath quickening and he suddenly clenched his fists and slammed the door shut in front of himself. His voice was hoarse and heated, "Rory…I tell you that I love you…and you still think that he's got the slightest fucking thing to do with anything?" His anger was rising in the pit of his throat as he glared into her mystifying blue pools for eyes.
"…Well I'm sorry that I…I can't read your mind but if you won't talk to me then what am I supposed to think?" she countered tearfully, standing up to face him.
"You're supposed to trust that I'll tell you when I'm ready…and not get pissed off and throw my feelings back in my face!"
"…And what about how I feel? You just assume that I'm ready for…that you can set the pace …sorry if I'm a tad reluctant to jump into bed with someone for the first time in my entire life without even talking about it with them first… but if you feel…rejected now, well then…"
"Then what?"
"…then it should make your disappearing act a lot easier." Rory mumbled quietly and looked away.
"Rory…" He began.
"Don't Jess. Don't. Don't tell me it's for the best because…you're not good enough for me and my mom hates you and I'm going to Yale and you're…"
"…not graduating high school or taking my girlfriend to the prom," Jess finished for her.
"Oh." Rory stated mildly…but hang on, that's irrelevant, I mean, it doesn't even matter anymore…
But neither one of them are mind readers…
"Exactly," Jess responded softly, before gently shutting the front door behind him on his way out.
A/N – ooh, dramatic…I know! PLEASE REVIEW…and any suggestions of what could happen next would be greatly appreciated!