The slip of paper under her door the next morning was the first of Claire's surprises for the day. It was written in familiar handwriting and as she read Cliff's shipped items from the night before, she was hit with a wave of spring and early summer nostalgia along with shock that he had attempted to do work in his condition.
A paltry offering of less-than-stellar blueberries sat in the box; Claire half-wondered if Cliff was attempting to sell an old snack when she saw a very fresh-looking leaf among the fruits. They were past season and she wondered if he realized Zack wouldn't be able to pay very much for them.
The third surprise was a knock on the door that evening, and as Claire opened the door, it revealed Karen and Ann, each with knapsacks and bags on their shoulders.
"Hello, hello!" Ann chirped.
Karen grinned and leaned on the doorframe. "Do you have plans tonight? Of course you do! You're hanging out with us!"
Koro wagged his tail, sniffing the guests and letting out a happy yip.
Claire looked over her shoulder and frowned. Part of the floor was still ripped up and there was a pile of wood and tools Gotz that had been working with; her place was hardly in the shape for guests. "But my house isn't very-"
"We don't care!" Ann interrupted as her and Karen pushed through the doorway with their bags. "I housekeep up in The Bachelor's Pad, so you know I don't mind a little mess. Besides," she added with a grin, "we're going to be camping outside tonight!"
"Outside?" Claire's eyes widened in surprise.
Ann let out a chuckle. "Don't tell me you've forgotten already! We talked about sleeping under the stars a while back."
She struggled to retrace their conversation in her memory, but she shamefully drew a blank. She felt a bit guilty doing so, especially while seeing the excitement glowing in Ann's eyes. At the moment, she felt so disconnected from the rest of the world… Her anxiety over Cliff and Cain's situation had kept her in a haze, and it welled up more intensely as she shook her head sheepishly. "I-I can't remember…"
Claire could hear Cliff's last words to her echoing in her mind:
"I think I need to be alone for a while."
While the phrase wasn't necessarily unfriendly, it jabbed at her heart; ever since they had befriended each other, they had grown comfortable sorting out and talking about their problems and worries together. Why did the evening before feel like a step backward? How long was a while? Why did he look so worried even after knowing Cain was alright? Was she reading into everything too much?
It felt like the world was closing in and her breathing increased in pace.
This awful sinking feeling… I haven't felt this in so long… Why now in front of everyone?
Karen set her bags on the floor and caught Claire in a big embrace. Claire's joints refused to cooperate as she attempted to return the hug, her body turning to stone. At Karen's touch, she slowly melted as she rested her head on her friend's shoulder. She was surprised when the tears came. She sniffed as Karen soothingly ran her hands along her back and squeezed her.
"Hey… It's okay," the brunette murmured soothingly. "We know you've had a lot on your plate."
"A lot," Ann repeated for emphasis.
Claire quickly wiped her tears with the back of her hand and gave them an apologetic smile. "I-I'm sorry about that… Maybe a night with friends would help…"
The three headed outside and Claire watched as her friends unpacked their bags. A pack of smoked sausages, some insect repellent, flashlights and a battery-operated lantern, along with a radio – it looked like they had prepared this outing together.
"Let's get this fire started before it gets too dark," Ann suggested, waving the pack of sausages. "I'm getting hungry, too!"
"Ah, b-but to start a campfire…" Claire's voice trailed off as her mind attempted to run through the process. Kindling would need to be found, and she'd need to shape it in that nest shape like Cliff showed her. Her heart sunk as she remembered the fizzled out campfire in the Valley. She hoped Cliff was in better spirits today…
"Yo, Claire! Is this stuff here scrap wood?" Karen was poking a pile of miscellaneous leftovers from the renovation that had temporarily been stored alongside the house with her foot.
Claire nodded. "You can use that, but we need to go inside and get that flint and steel that-"
She saw Ann waving a box of matches in her hand before crumpling up an old newspaper she had brought in her pack. "We've got it all under control. Why don't you come over here and sit down?"
The girls shared a snack of sausages grilled over the fire, and after an evening of singing, silly stories, and jokes, they tucked into their sleeping bags for the night. Claire rolled herself up in an old blanket from her bed and stared at the night sky above them, grateful that they had made the decision to come and visit her.
"I don't think Harris likes me all that much," Ann said suddenly.
"Huh?" her friends replied in unison and squirmed under their blankets to see her.
The young woman's long, red braid tumbled across her pillow and grazed the grass below as it hung down. Claire could make out the moon reflecting in Ann's eyes as her eyelashes fluttered, looking up at the starry sky above them. She didn't look particularly sad or distraught, but there was no joy in her expression, either.
"What are you talking about? Of course Harris would like a girl like you," Karen retorted, rolling onto her back and tucking her hands behind her head. "What's not to like?"
Ann let out a deep sigh. "Well, he is really nice to me. He runs a lot of errands for his dad and sometimes brings me little souvenirs from his trips – malted milk balls, apricots, rice crackers… once he brought me a doughnut…" She let out light chuckle. "I teased him about getting some for himself, too…" She sighed once more and Claire noticed how her eyebrows furrowed a bit. "I guess he's pretty polite… He asks how my day is going when he stops by the inn every day… We went out to Kai's a couple times and he insisted on paying…" Her tone of voice changed to a softer one. "We k-kissed at the end of the pier... He said he thought I was cute…"
"All perfectly good evidence that he doesn't like you," Karen snorted sarcastically.
Ann rolled her eyes. "Oh, shut it! … Anyways, it's not about him being nice." She took her braid in her hands and wrapped it around her knuckles as she bit her lip. "I just don't know if I can see this working out…"
Claire's eyes followed Karen as she stretched her arms above her head. "Do you feel like he treats you like a kid because you're ten years younger than him?" Karen asked.
Claire found herself sitting up a bit in her curiosity. Karen was never one to sugarcoat things, but for her to bring that topic up without even being asked…
"Not really," Ann admitted nonchalantly, brushing the end of her braid against her knuckles rhythmically. "We've never really talked about the age difference, and I don't really think about it all that much. It's just… I kinda feel like a third wheel when we're at the inn and Dad's there. At first I was really excited to listen to them gab, because they'd talk about Mom sometimes. But in a lot of ways, it's not any different than if we weren't dating at all."
"Sounds like you're a little jealous. Surely he spends some time with you alone, too," Karen replied.
Claire snuggled under her blanket, silently awaiting a response.
"Yeah, but it kind of feels… off. He's always smiling, but I get the feeling he's hiding how he really feels. I mean, we haven't fought or anything."
Karen didn't sound convinced. "Maybe you're just insecure because things are going so well. There's nothing wrong with being happy together. Are you looking for a boyfriend or a sparring partner, anyway?"
Ann's tone became more serious. "Something's got to be bothering him… I can just feel it, y'know? Like… a hollow feeling, almost. He's just really good at faking it."
After all, I do it all the time…
Karen played with a stray leaf on the ground, avoiding Ann's gaze. "You should confront him about it. Just ask him how he's feeling or if he has something on his mind. Rick rants to me all the time. Then, when he's done, he's in a much better mood," she finished with a playful wink.
Claire looked at Karen with admiration; she truly was a strong woman. She knew Rick had his fair share of problems and she wondered if he extended his girlfriend the same courtesy of listening to her troubles.
"I… can't." Ann dropped her hands by her sides. "What if I come off as too aggressive and ruin things? Then I really will be all alone…" Her voice died down into a whisper as she visibly gulped.
"C'mon! This isn't the Ann I know," Karen softly chided, rolling back over to face her. The smile faded from her face as she saw that her teasing didn't cheer Ann up.
Claire's mind was replaying a conversation she had with Mary not too long ago.
"He was a wonderful actor. He didn't want me to know he was still hurting…"
"I think…" Claire's voice came out as a squeak. Her friends both turned to her in surprise that she spoke up. "I think it might help if you talked to Mary about this. She was with Harris for a while…"
Ann let out a sigh. "Yeah, and he broke up with her. If he dumped someone as pretty and smart as Mary, what does he really think of me?" Her voice unknowingly rose in pitch as she nervously tugged on her braid. "I mean, she has the patience and guts to put up with Gray and tell him like it is. What kind of chance do I really have with Harris? What kind of a chance do I really have with anyone?" There was panic in her voice as she scolded herself under her breath, wiping her tears on her sleeping bag.
Guilt rose in Claire's stomach as she realized the effect her comment had on her friend. "Mary said to me that Harris's heart just wasn't in their relationship."
"Really?" Ann's voice cracked.
Claire nodded. "Yeah. She said that she doesn't think it was anything in particular she did."
Part of him must still be in love with Aja…
"Huh… maybe I should talk to her. I just thought things were going to be different than how they turned out, y'know? Like I was exactly what he was looking for…" She tucked her hands behind her head. "I always thought when I found a guy, we'd… I dunno… go along together more easily and there'd be this spark. I mean, I thought I felt it at first, but… His face only lights up when he talks about his childhood and teenage years. Cheering people up is kinda my thing. I thought I could make him as excited for the present day, but…" Her words faded as she looked at the smoldering remains of the fire. She wondered with a detached feeling if it was the perfect representation of her relationship. "I'm starting to understand… you can't control what another person thinks and feels…"
Giving your heart to someone who already wants someone else's isn't going to change their mind…
"Goddess knows I've tried that before and it's ended miserably," Ann muttered with a bitter laugh, wiping the last of her tears with a sniff. "I don't want Harris to feel like he settled for me if he's looking for something else."
"What do you mean?" Karen asked softly.
"His dad told me some things… He used to be head over heels for this girl he dated when he was a teenager. I saw an old framed photo of them on the wall with their family pictures. He looked… happier than I had ever seen him in person… I kinda wonder if he still is in love with her."
"I can't believe Thomas would say something like that!" Karen sat up and clenched her fists. "What kind of father does that? It sounds like sabotage!"
"Actually… it kind of explained a lot," Ann replied calmly with a sad smile. "I think he was trying to help me. Thomas said that he wanted the two of us to be happy and that he'd love it if I was able to help his son let go of his past."
"You can choose to help, but it's not ultimately your responsibility." Claire's voice broke the silence. "I hate to say it, but there's a chance that he's just not ready to move on… And if that's the case, I guess you have to ask yourself if you're okay with that." She couldn't help but compare it to her feeble attempts to get Gray's attention.
"Huh… that's actually a pretty good idea. Maybe I should talk to Mary first about that other stuff…"
Karen made a grunt of agreement. "And it sounds harsh, but Claire's right. Maybe you should talk to Harris about it. Whether or not he's stuck in the past, that has no bearing on you. You are still wonderful, desirable, and worthy no matter what happens."
Ann was wiping away a fresh batch of tears. "Goddess… you two are the best…" She sniffed again and her friends pulled their makeshift beds against hers, sandwiching her in a hug. "I can't talk to my dad about this kind of stuff, and I feel stupid talking about it… I'm not going to worry about it anymore tonight…" She paused, giving Claire a grin; she was ready to turn the conversation into something more lighthearted. "I kind of expected it from Karen, but who knew you were such a romantic guru, Claire?"
Claire shook her head. Her previous relationships were barely worth mentioning and her lack of experience with romance was embarrassing. "Hardly," she replied with a laugh.
"She just keeps it real," Karen added with a grin. "One of Claire's pieces of wisdom. Cliff gushes about how nice she is to talk to when I bump into him at the bar."
Claire felt a warm glow in her chest and her cheeks. "H-he talks about me?"
Ann laughed. "We can't get him to shut up about you! It's a far cry from back in the spring when he hardly spoke to anyone at all. It's… an improvement," she decided with a nod. "It's actually pretty cute," she admitted, shaking her head with a chuckle. She felt relieved it no longer caused her stress; the pure joy on Cliff's face when he spoke about Claire gave Ann hope for the future for all of them – for happier days ahead.
"And why wouldn't he talk about you, Claire? We're all friends, right?" The playful nudge and wink from Karen left Claire giggling nervously as she played with a strand of her hair, flustered. "And Cliff thinks you're a really good friend…"
A lovely giddy feeling rose in Claire's stomach, and as ashamed as she was to admit it, she hoped they'd continue to talk about him. After all, it was a familiar ritual to tease someone about their crush during a slumber party. Forgetting to question when they had realized her feelings, as she never really said it aloud, a grin broke across her mouth. Some things never changed.
"I know what days he sees you because he comes back to the inn with this big dumb smile on his face," Ann giggled. "One morning a couple of weeks ago, I said your name just to see how he reacted. He was starting to walk up the stairs and turned around so violently that he smacked Gray in the face with his bag. Cliff was at the foot of the stairs before he realized he had hit him."
Karen roared with laughter. "I wish I had been there to see that!"
"Gray fell down the whole flight of stairs…"
"What?!" her friends cried in unison.
Ann stuck out her tongue and winked at them. "Just kidding! It was really more of a gripping of the handrail and swearing at him. Cliff got so flustered he offered to pay for Gray's breakfast. Gray refused, but Cliff wouldn't take no for an answer. So Gray finally just ordered a piece of toast and water." Ann snorted. "With those two, it's like living with cats and dogs."
"So you're pretty used to drama," Karen commented.
Ann sighed. "Ain't that the truth!" She debated for a brief moment mentioning the current problem between the roommates – Gray and Kai had been trying to coax Cliff into finally asking Claire out. Now that summer had ended, the job had become solely Gray's responsibility. She decided against sharing this out of respect for her friend.
"I'd imagine it's pretty fun, though," Claire admitted.
"She's just imagining living under the same roof as him," Ann laughed, burying her head into Claire's shoulder.
Claire's face burned, but she found that she rather liked it. She knew she should have some more shame and deflect the comment, as was expected in these kinds of situations, but she didn't feel the desire to. She recalled their mornings together while Cliff shared breakfast with her, and then returning during lunch and dinner. The days they had all three meals together were the best. It almost had been like living with him for a while. She could clearly remember the way his eyes sparkled while they talked about the day ahead, the way his laughter rang through the farm like gentle music…
Claire could see his deep blue eyes void of life as he stepped out of Doctor Hardy's office, the coldness and helplessness radiating from him...
Her smile faded along with her blush. It somehow felt wrong to be laughing and joking around when she knew he was having such a difficult time.
Her friends noticed her change of behavior.
"Hey, we were just teasing, Claire. You know that, right?" Karen gave her a squeeze and a kiss on the cheek.
She had been holding it in all evening, but she couldn't stand it anymore. "Have either of you seen him? I mean, since yesterday?" she asked nervously, wringing her hands. She was aware that this get-together was a poorly-disguised attempt to comfort her after she returned from her trip to Forget-Me-Not-Valley.
Karen solemnly shook her head, but Ann spoke up. "He hasn't been around the inn much. Gray mentioned that he bumped into him last night with a bunch of bags."
"Maybe he went back to the Valley to be closer to Cain," Karen reasoned. "A couple of overnight bags…"
Ann gulped and closed her eyes, balling her hands into fists and pressing them into her lap. She didn't want to hide the truth from Claire. "Gray… said Cliff had his bow with him."
Both friends didn't get a chance to brace for impact.
"WHAT?! He's out hunting right now?!" Claire panicked, holding her temples to stabilize herself, but she found she was shaking her head, her temper flaring. "His wounds reopened just from climbing back on that horse! What is he thinking? How is he even going to use a bow?!" For the first time in a really long time, Claire felt angry at Cliff, and she had half a mind to tear into the woods and search for him in the dark. "He's going to make his wounds worse! He did not listen to the doctor the other day and he got an infection because he didn't take care of himself!" Her breathing sped up as she clenched her fists and jaw, tears springing from her eyes. "He's going to get hurt!"
A gentle hand at her shoulder broke her spell.
"He's a grown adult, Claire." Karen's words were blunt.
"And he's lived outside for a long time before he moved here. He knows what he's doing." Ann hoped she sounded more confident than she felt.
Claire buried her face in her hands. All the blood, the stifled cries of pain as the doctor pulled dirt and debris from the infected wounds… "He's an adult, but he's not invincible…"
The brunette put an arm around her shoulders, giving her a soothing pat. "It hurts when someone you care about makes reckless decisions, doesn't it?" Karen's words held no malice as she recalled seeing Claire at the hospital, weak and helpless in the tub of cold water as Elli and Trent fussed over her heat exhaustion.
Claire nodded, but she didn't uncover her face.
"It sucks, but you have to let him make that decision and hope that he learns from it."
The tears continued to flow. "But it's not like Cliff to be so reckless!"
A light touch on her knee startled her and Claire looked up, her face damp. Ann shot her an apologetic smile, her own cheeks tear-stained with the earlier conversation. "He almost lost Cain. Maybe he's afraid he can't get by without him and he's hunting by himself to prove that he can do it alone."
Claire recalled Cliff's words the other evening:
I just… can't lose him…
Sniffing, she wiped her tears with the back of her hand. "But he's not alone…"
A cheerful grin spread across Ann's face. "You're right; he has the three of us worrying about him."
"And… he has my love." The words came out easily and they were freeing as Claire said them. A relieving sensation overcame her and she breathed the night air deeply, gazing at the stars. He was under this same sky… Wherever Cliff was, her heart belonged to him. A thrill came over her at the idea. She closed her eyes and silently sent him some love, hoping it would touch him.
A playful nudge caught her by surprise. "It's about time you admitted it out loud." Karen smirked.
Author's Note: This chapter and the next one were originally going to be combined into one, but it was quite a bit to take everything in and I didn't want the significance of this talk to be overshadowed. Look forward to another chapter real soon!
I feel bad for those of you who are really excited for Ann and Harris. I didn't make things easy for them, did I? Will they be able to work things out?
I'd love to hear what you think! Your reviews make my day! :D