TITLE: A Matter of Privacy
AUTHOR: Lady Sirius
PAIRING: RL/SB
RATING: NC17
FEEDBACK: Of course all rights to Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling
- I only wish that Sirius and Remus were mine, other than in my heart!
DEDICATION: To my glorious, talented, wondrous and everlastingly sexy
inspiration - Gary Oldman - and to my Remus - Amber - for whose friendship and devotion I shall be everlastingly grateful.
A Matter of Privacy
Chapter Three - The Bachelor Party
Is it surprising that Sirius ends up hosting the bachelor party as well? Not really, Remus grimaces, just another thorn in his side. At least the girls won't be there - they are off doing something on their own - Lily and Hestia - and Lily's mysterious cousin Cosette, whom he has yet to meet and doesn't really want to, and a few other of Lily's female friends, such as Alice and Sirius' cousin Andromeda.
As for the gentleman's party, that consists of James, Sirius, Remus, Frank, Dedalus Diggle, Ted Tonks and Mundungus Fletcher, Dung having wormed his way in at the last moment, Merlin knows why. But, as Sirius said so eloquently, Why the fuck not, one more pallbearer is just what we need.
The seven gentlemen sit in a private room at the Leaky Cauldron, pitchers of butterbeer upon the table, and flasks of firewhiskey being passed around between them. Remus is aware of some of the things that go on at such an event, including but not limited to strippers and loose women and such, and it is his fervent hope that Sirius has planned for none of these things. Of course, he could simply ask him. But that would involve actually speaking to him, something which, as the wedding draws nearer and nearer, they seem to do less and less of.
They are both thoroughly unhappy puppies, their misery a stark contrast to the gaiety of the others.
Mundungus is in his element, as he shows them some items he has "acquired" recently, for which he is seeking a buyer.
"I hope you got those from someone on the other side," James quips, casting his eyes over the booty on the table, and wondering to himself how much Dung is asking for that stunning aquamarine bracelet. Just the sort of thing Lily would like. Providing he didn't tell her of its origins, of course.
"Indeed, indeed," Mundungus laughs. "They were tucked away in the safe. I suspect no one wears these babies. Not in that house anyway." And he chuckles to himself as if he has some sort of private knowledge.
"Go on, whose house was it?" Ted asks curiously. He is just a bit tipsy. Being a married man, he seldom goes out with the boys, so this is a real occasion for him. Baby Nymphy has been left with his mother, who adores her, while her parents are out celebrating the fortune of their good friends.
Mundungus leans across the table confidentially, his eyes shifting from person to person. "Let's just say that the couple who own this aren't what you might expect to find in high society..." His eyebrows arch significantly.
"What, they're muggle?" Ted frowns, not liking the sound of that.
"No, that's wizard jewelery, I can tell," Frank interjects, picking up one of the pieces and examining it. "Seen too much of it at the Ministry, in raids, not to know... Fact, I saw something a lot like this, last time we had a go at Malfoy Manor..." He gives Dung a curious look. "You pop this from Lucius?"
Mundungus merely smiles enigmatically.
"Can't be Lucius, he said couple," James protests, until something begins to dawn on him. "Oh yes, I forgot, Narcissa, whyn't you say so? They're married, they're strange, yes, but not that strange..."
Mundungus chuckles again. "You learn a lot of things by breaking and entering, my friend..."
"What kind of things?" the curious Dedalus wants to know. He sits back in his chair, a guitar in his hands, and strums on it, providing background music of sorts. "What sort of paper they use in the loo? The colour of their sheets? Or something more interesting - maybe that they have whips and chains in the master bedroom?"
"Funny you should say that," Dung laughs, "There are two master bedrooms, apparently..."
"Two, whatever for?" Ted asks, obliviously.
James looks sharply at Fletcher. "Two? As in his and hers? As in they sleep separately? Not uncommon for those sort, you know? Right, Sirius? Didn't your parents have separate chambers too? Lots do..."
Sirius makes no reply, he isn't paying any attention to them, he's watching the light play over Remus' face, the way it falls into his eyes, and makes them an even deeper topaz; he watches the frown lines that etch his mouth, the ones that Sirius wishes to kiss away. He wants to kiss everything away, make it all right, but he can't - he can't - and the knowledge is killing him.
"Sirius?" Ded gently nudges him with the neck of the guitar, and he starts.
"Wha?" Which only succeeds in causing the others to laugh. Other than Remus, that is.
"Ah, but you see gentlemen, it isn't quite that simple," Mundungus continues, pontificates even - he is ever one to take the spotlight, when he isn't stealing, that is. "It's definitely his and hers - but it's more like his and his...and then hers..."
"Whatever does that mean?"a confused Ted reaches for the butterbeer, feeling that he is falling behind more and more in this strange conversation.
"Dung, are you saying what I think you are?" James begins to smile, and then to laugh, and then he begins to out and out guffaw, braying like a donkey in heat. His laughter is infectious and soon the entire table is chortling. Other than the puppies, of course, but no one seems to notice.
"Yes, I am," Mundungus confirms, "Mr. Malfoy has a boyfriend..."
"I wonder who?" Frank speculates, as he pours another round for them all. "Any ideas?"
"Possibly..." the thief says mysteriously.
"Tell, tell, tell!" they all clamour, as Ded jumps up on the table, strumming even louder, as he begins to sing, "Frog went a courtin' and he did ride, uh-huh. Frog went a courtin' and he did ride, uh-huh. Frog went a courtin' and he did ride, with a sword and a pistol by his side, uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh..." He begins to stomp about on the table, and the others are hard put to move their drinks out of his way as he tromps about the glasses and the pitchers, which shake at his passage. "GENTLEMEN!" he yells, "let's get naked!"
More laughter as they attempt to get him down onto the floor once more, which they finally succeed in doing, but is that better as now he is beginning to strip?
Loud banging is heard on their door, as if someone is trying to tell them to keep it down in there.
"Up yours!" James calls out, for he is more than three sheets to the wind, and even when sober is wont to be reckless. Drinking only makes him more so.
"Up yours!" the rest of his mates take up the cry - minus Remus and Sirius, of course, who sit in stolid silence, unnoticed.
The door suddenly flies open, and laughter is definitely the order of the day as one irate platinum blonde stands there, serpentine cane in hand, glaring at them openly. Dedalus he gives a very skeptical look, as by now he is down to his skivvies - and still going. "If I'd wished to find myself in a bordello, gentlemen - and I use the term quite loosely - I'd have done so. Either control yourselves or find another place to... play..." he says disdainfully.
"Now, now, Luci, don't be getting your knickers in a twist," Mundungus snickers, which only produces hoots from the others.
Lucius is less than pleased with his remark of course, but before he can respond, a dark shadow looms behind him... and James bursts a gut laughing - what exquisite timing! Just the person he has been thinking of, and now their very juxtaposition confirms his suspicions. "Snivellus!" he cries, "you and Luci are welcome to join us! We're having a bachelor party, for moi!"
Severus frowns at this vulgar display of frivolity, shakes his head at them. Lord, how he hates them - especially those two, as he spots Remus and Sirius, sitting among their number. "Lucius, let us just leave. It's not worth the effort..."
"Aw, wanna kiss and make up somewhere else?" James goads them, gratified to see a flush spring up on Snape's cheeks. Bingo! He has hit the target! What a red-letter day! He'll have to remember to thank Sirius for this later. "Got a hot date? How do you get away with this, doesn't Narcissa care? Or does she have her own boytoy stashed away somewhere for her own amusement?"
"You will not talk about my wife that way!" Lucius snarls, and in a flash he has drawn his wand from its holder, but just as quickly James has drawn his - as has half the table. Wizard's version of a Mexican stand-off.
"I suggest we take this outside," James challenges the two wizards.
"I'm sure you would like that," Severus sneers, "since you clearly outnumber us."
"Fine, then just me and Sirius. Us against you. Cmon, Sirius..."
Sirius is brought sharply back to the present. What the fuck is going on? When did they get here? And why? And why does everyone have their wands drawn? But suddenly he has this irresistible urge to fight. To get his hands dirty. To hurt someone. To take away this pain.
He catches Remus' eye - Remus is imploring him, silently, not to do it - he can read that expression very well - and he is so torn. He signals back his frustration, his inability to cope with the situation before them...begging for something from his lover...anything... But he receives nothing...it is so maddening...
"Coming, James," he says at last, starting to rise from the table.
But someone is watching out over drunken revellers this night, for in comes the cavalry in the form of the females, and they pour through the door like a noisy gaggle of hens, pushing Lucius and Severus aside as they do so, who simply take this opportunity to quietly leave, to Sirius' disappointment. He'd rather tangle with them than with the women, and it's clear he's going to have his hands full with Hestia, indeed.
Andromeda has found a seat on her husband's lap and the two of them are snogging like newlyweds, while Lily and James are greeting each other as if it had been years, not just mere hours. Ditto Alice and Frank. The mysterious French cousin - for whom else can this strange girl be, but Cosette? - is goggling wide-eyed at Dedalus, who is propped up against one wall, casually discussing with her the merits of legalizing marijuana, oblivious to the fact that he is quite starkers. And Hestia? Well, Hestia is snookered and in the mood for what - love? sex? affection? Sirius doesn't know, but he knows he wants no part of it as she attempts to take a seat on his lap.
His cheeks flame, as he points to the nearest chair. "Hestia, we have enough seats. Honestly. This isn't necessary..."
"No, but it's fun," she giggles as she hangs herself around his neck like a cheap boa - constrictor or fashion accessory, take your pick. "Do you know how very cute you are, Siri?"
Sirius winces, both at her words, and at her use of his nickname - the one that only Remus is allowed to use, just as Remy is his sole property. He knows without looking that Remus is livid, and a quick glance confirms that. "Don't call me that," he warns her quietly, but firmly, reaching for his glass. Merlin, he wishes he were passed out about now, so he wouldn't have to deal with this.
"You know you're not supposed to be here," James is telling Lily, "it's a bachelor party," but from his expression he is anything but dissatisfied with her presence. And none of the other men seem to be objecting. In fact the only unhappy faces belong to Remus and Sirius.
"What shall I call you, handsome, sexy, adorable? How about the sex god?"
"Sirius will be just fine," he says, trying to maintain a certain level of politeness before he tells her to sod off. Which, of course, he can't do, considering the wedding and all, which has to be gotten through.
"Siri, will you be my boyfriend?" Hestia suddenly giggles, just before she plants a big wet one on him unexpectedly.
"Go, Sirius, go Sirius, go Sirius," the chant begins with Dung but is picked up by one and all - except for one obvious exception. "Go, go, GO, GO, GO!"
Sirius is flailing his hands ineffectually - isn't that a clear sign that he is NOT enjoying this? Damn, she's strong for a broad, he thinks to himself, but he finally manages to disentangle himself - just in time to see Remus slip quietly out the door. DAMN!
He glances reproachfully at Hestia, who has no idea of what she has done - of course. How could she? How could anyone understand? And suddenly he feels the need to leave this place, for it stifles him - and his heart is breaking in two, and he just cannot bear any more. He rises from his place at the table, says apologetically to James, "Sorry, mate, I'm not feeling so good, I'll talk to you later," and before James can protest, or offer any more of his inane suggestions - Hestia was bad enough, thank you very much - Sirius quickly exits the room, threads his way around the tables of drunks that lie between him and the exit, and is shortly thereafter standing beneath the clear night sky. He looks about him, his heart thumping loudly, painfully - but there is no sign of Remus anywhere. Is he really surprised? No, not really, as the tears begin to course down his cheeks, unchecked.