TITLE: A Matter of Privacy

AUTHOR: Lady Sirius

PAIRING: RL/SB

RATING: NC17

FEEDBACK: Of course all rights to Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling

- I only wish that Sirius and Remus were mine, other than in my heart!

DEDICATION: To my glorious, talented, wondrous and everlastingly sexy

inspiration - Gary Oldman - and to my Remus - Amber - for whose friendship and devotion I shall be everlastingly grateful.

A Matter of Privacy

Chapter Four - The Aftermath of the Wedding of James and Lily - aka the Reception

Lily Evans, now Potter, is a most radiant bride, and James a handsome groom, looking as if they've just stepped off the top of a wedding cake - which in a way they did, for the witch who made their cake was able to make toppers that looked just like them, and everyone oohed and aahed over the miniature figures that danced together atop the ivory icing.. It was a beautiful wedding, everyone agreed, held in the park-like expanse of the Potter's estate, and attended by wizard and muggle alike. Although the muggles were kept blissfully ignorant of any of the magical doings involved, and simply saw what they needed to see to keep them from having their memories erased. Sirius did his part as best man, but his heart wasn't in it, not at all, it was with the tawny haired boy who sat alone, even though he was surrounded by the other guests - and in their eyes were mirrored their unhappiness, although they wore happy masks to keep from disappointing their friends.

The night before, after the bachelor party, had been pure nightmare. When Sirius returned to the flat, Remus wasn't there, much to his surprise. He lay awake and waited for him in their bed, hour after hour, until sometime after dawn, he heard the door to the flat open, and he held his breath as Remus entered, waiting for him to come into their bedroom. But he never did, and Sirius could hear the creak of the couch as he settled himself upon it. And he cried himself to sleep.

And now the reception is in full swing, everyone is dancing and laughing and it is undoubtedly a great success, forming the basis for many happy memories for years to come. For some, at least. Not so for others.

Sirius steals away from the bridal party. He needs a fag. And he needs some privacy. He finds a spot behind a grove of trees, slides down to the ground, his back against a tree, and lights up gratefully. This is one habit he is trying to break, because it is anathema to Remus - the sensitive nose of the wolf after all. And for the most part he does well. But there are times, particularly in times of stress, or when on a job for the Order, when he just has to have one. Like now.

He is startled to hear a familiar voice. "Got another one of those?" as James slides down beside him.

"Don't tell me you've left your lovely bride all alone?" Sirius teases him, handing him a fag which James lights with his wand.

"Just for a minute," he confesses, "don't worry, she's got her mom, all her friends, she won't miss me for a minute. So, why aren't you in there dancing with Hestia? She's been looking for you, mate?"

Sirius shrugs. "Don't feel like dancing, that's all. Is that such a crime?"

"Guess not," James blows out a puff of smoke, forming a perfect ring. "Damn, I'm good," he laughs. Then he turns serious again. "Life is difficult at the best of times, isn't it?"

"What do you mean?" SIrius frowns, regarding him carefully.

"I know that things are getting rough, what with this war coming and all, and maybe this wasn't the best time for this, but I want you to be the first to know - Lily and I are having a baby..."

Sirius is speechless, gazing up at James, thunderstruck, for several minutes. "That's...that's...well, it's wonderful, mate...congratulations..."

"We didn't exactly plan it, but it happened, and we couldn't be happier," James grinned. "By our calculations, he should be arriving some time next August."

Sirius takes a good long pull on his fag before putting it out beneath his boot. "Have you told Remus and Peter?" he tries to sound casual, mentioning both of the other Marauders intentionally when his sole thought is of Remus.

"No, not yet, I wanted you to be the first to know," James admits. "For a special reason, even."

"Oh, what's that?" Sirius looks at him quizzically.

"Because Lily and I want you to be his godfather," James surprises Sirius with this request.

"Siriusly?" Sirius' eyes widen to twice their normal size.

"Siriusly," James echoes the familiar pun.

"I don't know..." Sirius shakes his head. "I'm not what you call good godfather material. I'm a fuckup from the getgo, you don't want me, you should ask someone else. Like Remus. He's the dependable one. Not me..."

"No, we want you, Sirius," James maintains, "we know what we want, and you'll be fine, don't call yourself a fuckup, cause you're not..."

"But I am," Sirius replies, dropping his hooded eyes from James' direct gaze. "I really am, mate, believe me..." And before James can respond, he pops up, "You need to get back to your bride, come along," and disappears in the direction of the reception, so that James has no choice but to follow him.

Remus observes the two friends as they return to the rest of the partying throng, of course, he's done nothing else all day but track Sirius' movements, even though he hides the fact very well. But nothing escapes his attention, down to the most minute detail. He realizes that Sirius was no doubt smoking with James, but he can't very well say anything, now can he, not when they aren't even speaking? Of course not.

And it breaks his heart that they aren't speaking - and that he spent the night on the couch rather than going into the bedroom with Sirius. Why? Because he is a coward - a damnable coward - and he hates himself for that. Why is he so afraid of telling people? Okay, it's true that being homosexual isn't exactly universally accepted, and that there are people who hate those who are, and call them terrible names. But dammit, that doesn't change anything, does it? It's what he is - it's what they are. And living a lie and covering it up is denying everything about the love they share - and worst of all, it's hurting Sirius, whom he loves with his whole heart, and who only wants to be able to kiss him in public. Goddammit! Why is life such a bitch sometimes?

"A penny for your thoughts," a voice behind him breaks into his unhappy reveries. He jumps as a hand is laid upon his shoulder, until he realizes that it is just Lily. Now Lily Potter.

"I think you are the most beautiful bride ever," he covers up his thoughts as he gazes at her - although he has to admit she really is radiant. In fact, you could say she glows.

"Why aren't you doing your share of keeping the ladies happy?" she teases him, "you should be dancing, a handsome guy like you? Why are you off here by yourself?"

"I don't really dance, Lils," he says, "not very well. I don't want to ...step on some poor girl's feet you know..." He has managed to avoid more than a cursory conversation or two with Cosette, who appears more interested in Dedalus Diggle anyway, but when he does talk to her, he feels Sirius' eyes upon him. The same way that he stares when Sirius is deep in conversation with Hestia Jones. Ah, the green-eyed monster, how it gnaws and chews at his heart, worrying it like a puppy with a bone. And the thought of his happy little puppy almost drives him to his knees, but he manages to keep a stiff upper lip, and he knows that Lily doesn't suspect a thing.

His mind goes back to the bachelor party, to the way everyone had laughed when they discovered that Lucius Malfoy had a boyfriend, as if it were something wrong. As if it were a dirty little secret. If that is the case, it is because Lucius is married, not because he is gay. Being gay isn't wrong, it is natural, after all. He finds himself pitying Severus for the hellish life he is forced to live, if it is true that he is Lucius' lover. At least neither he nor Sirius is married.

"Oh look, I think Hestia is determined to make Sirius dance with her," Lily's voice recalls him to the present. Sure enough, Hestia is dragging an unwilling Sirius out into the area reserved for dancing, and Remus watches them, wanting it to be him, wanting to be the one that dances with Sirius. The one that holds him and touches him...and shows the world the truth about who and what they are... "You know they make such a cute couple," Lily continues, pounding the stake further into Remus' heart.

Oh such unbearable exquisite torture - as his heart is being shredded within his chest. "Noooooooo," he moans softly, "noooooooooooo..."

"Remus, are you all right?" Lily asks with concern.

"Excuse me, please Lils," Remus says, as oblivious to her question, he walks as if in a dream, through the dancing couples, straight to where Hestia and Sirius are standing on the dance floor, Sirius still not cooperating with the girl's intention of dancing with him. He taps her on the shoulder. "Hestia, if you don't mind, I believe this is my dance... "and when she turns toward him, holding out her hands, he hastily adds, "with my boyfriend," and the girl nods and backs away, although by now he is completely unaware of anything but Sirius, who is gazing at him thunderstruck.

"Remus, what did you say?"

"My boyfriend. I said you are my boyfriend," Remus repeats loudly enough to be heard by any one and everyone, as he takes Sirius gently into his arms, "and this is my dance, and mine alone, and...and...Sirius Black, I love you," as he kisses him square on the lips.

They wind their arms about one another, their lips meshed, their bodies locked together, as for the moment the dance is forgotten in this reunion of heart and soul... and when they come up for air they find everyone about them cheering them. And James and Lily and Hestia are gazing at them fondly.

"About bloody time, you two!" James exclaims.

"What? You mean, you knew?"

"Seriously? Yes, a long long time ago. When we were still in school. We were just letting you make the announcement in your own way and time," Lily smiles.

"But you were so damn slow about it, we thought you needed some help..."

"What?" Sirius' jaw drops in amazement. "You set us up?"

Hestia giggles. "Sirius, you're cute and all, but I have a steady boyfriend. No offense, I was just meant to make Remus jealous..."

"And you did," Remus admits, his face suffusing with colour, but he is smiling beneath it all. "You certainly had me fooled."

"Me too," SIrius says.

"I propose a toast," James says, as champagne is handed all around, "to good friends, may they never be forgotten - and to the ones we love, that we never lose them."

"Hear hear!" Glasses clink together harmoniously.

The night continues with a great joyousness. Sirius drinks too much, as does James, and when Sirius and Remus are homeward bound in the early hours of the morning, the animagus becomes ill on the road - more than once, in fact - as well as all over his poor Remus. But the patient lycanthrope cleans them both up, and lovingly helps him home - to their home - where they climb into bed at last and simply hold one another all night long.