Ronon's gruff voice fills the office,
".. got here, didn't see any people. McKay tripped on a root. There was some rocks. We came back. End of mission report."

Lorne is actively typing the words when he freezes and screams. The sound is haggard and bounces off the walls of the office. His head is pounding, but the nausea is better than the last time. This time, however, it is not just a vague sense of déjà vu. This time he is certain - it's not his first time here, in this room, at this moment in time.

He looks around to ground himself and everything is exactly the same in his and Sheppard's shared office. Only he is different, a transplant, a fake. Someone who should belong but doesn't.

Once he gets his breathing more under control, he makes for the infirmary.

Keller is very concerned to see him. It must be the lingering panic on his face. The paper sheet crinkles loudly in the exam room as he sits on the table. She leans in close and he can smell her perfume, probably something McKay had bought her.

"Evan, what's wrong? I've never seen you like this before."

"I have a headache."

"Major Lorne," she frowns, "you're not the type to come in with just a headache." She reaches to measure his pulse, and adds quietly, "You can talk to me, you know that, right?"

He is stubbornly silent, but tries for a strained smile. How do you explain to someone that you're pretty sure you're losing your grip on reality? It does nothing to dispel the worried look in the doctor's eyes.

With a resigned sigh, she starts the scanner, takes his blood pressure and temperature, checks for pupil reaction. Her nimble fingers run along the sides of his throat and palpitate his stomach. Lorne appreciates her thoroughness. After the basic panel of testing, the results were pretty conclusive. He was fine.

"Look, if your only symptom is a headache, it could be that you're just dehydrated or exhausted. Have you been sleeping well?"

"It's not just the headache, I feel… off. Like.. I feel like I'm losing my mind, Doc." Evan cards his hand through his hair. He half laughs but when his eyes find Keller's, they're desperate. She puts a hand on his shoulder but he barely feels it.

"Are you taking anything to stay awake?" She asks in a hushed tone and he flinches away from her, offended.

"No, this isn't like last time." He sounds harsher than he intends, but his last bout with the Kirsan fever outbreak and the subsequent stimulant overuse weighs heavy on his mind.

"OK, it will be okay, Evan." Her voice is smooth and soothing. He can tell she's trying to pacify him. "Let's get you on an IV to replenish some fluids and vitamins, and I'll run a full blood panel in the meantime."

Keller is taping down the IV lines to the back of his hand when he hears a familiar voice. Todd saunters over like he owns the place, followed closely by an agitated Woolsey and two nervous marines. You can tell from their faces that they haven't had a single off world assignment yet and it's their first actual wraith encounter.

"Major Lorne, I trust you are well enough now, to send me those reports?" Woolsey crosses his arms and taps a foot impatiently as he speaks. He glares at Keller, as if trying to impart on her the order to release her patient and let him get back to his job.

"Yes, of course Sir," Lorne replies. He glances at the doctor, who just shrugs in his direction.

"Mr. Woolsey, I'd like Major Lorne to stay for at least another 15 minutes to get through some of this IV infusion before he returns to duty", Dr. Keller interjects. Woolsey is not pleased, but he sees the compromise for what it is. After all, Keller could easily put Major Lorne out of commission for the rest of the day, if not longer.

"Fine, I'm late for my SGC check-in as it is, an additional delay on the reports won't make much of a difference. However, I expect them in my inbox tonight. I'll leave Todd here in your capable hands, Major Lorne. " Woolsey is gone before anyone can reply.

Lorne feels exhausted all of a sudden, and drags his hand over his face. Todd stares at him curiously. The marines continue to fidget behind him, clearly standing as close as they dare. Lorne dismisses them, their nervousness making him anxious. Dr. Keller double checks his IV line, motions for Todd to take a seat on a nearby chair, and leaves.

"Are you unwell, Evan?" Todd rumbles out when they are alone.

Lorne shrugs. He doesn't quite have the words to explain how he feels, so he says "I'm fine, just tired. Keller thinks I'm dehydrated." He hopes that Todd doesn't follow up with a question about how he ended up in the infirmary for dehydration in the first place, and something in his face must tell Todd the topic is closed, because he doesn't say anything else. They sit in complete and awkward silence until Keller comes back to remove his half depleted IV 20 minutes later. Lorne assures her he feels much better and flashes a smile at her, hoping it reaches his eyes. She is convinced enough to let them escape from the infirmary and it makes Evan feel even more like he's lost his mind. He does feel a little bit better though.

Todd follows him like a shadow through the long corridors of Atlantis until they get to Lorne's office. Evan sits in his chair and motions for Todd to sit at Sheppard's desk, cause they don't really have any additional seating for visitors. While Todd is fascinated with the swivel chair (wraith chairs must not be so mobile?) Lorne is putting away the recorder he abandoned earlier. He rolls over his own chair to the coffee maker and is carefully measuring out ground coffee to start a fresh pot, when Todd gasps, then hisses, then purrs out "Shepparrrrd".

Evan turns to see Todd holding up the scrap of paper that was somewhere in the no-mans-land between his and Sheppard's desk. The one with Todd's likeness, very poorly drawn on it.

"Evan, what adolescent human created this likeness of me?"

Lorne just starts snickering. He completely forgot that was there, even though he feels like he just saw it the other day? Yesterday? He turns back to his coffee so that Todd can't see him almost dying from laughter, and eventually says as calmly as he can, "You know, Todd, it's quite rude to look through Col. Sheppard's personal documents. How do you even know it's a picture of you. "

"This is clearly a likeness of me, Evan. I am quite confident, because of this part right here."

Evan turns and rolls closer to the desk. Todd is pointing to the corner, where it clearly says "TODD" in Shepard's scrawled handwriting with an arrow pointing to the very obvious cartoon of Todd. He can't contain his laughter any more. Todd tries to look offended.

"Is this what Sheppard visualizes when he is envisioning me?"

"Todd, this is truly a compliment, " Evan says, chuckling. "Look, Major Sheppard clearly took some time to think about you and capture his impressions on a piece of paper, and he keeps it here at his desk as a reminder of your deep bonds of friendship."

The wraith scowls but has no retort. He sits there, contemplating the sketch. Lorne goes back to the coffee maker and pours himself and Todd a nice hot cup of coffee. Then he returns to his reports, wrapping them up to email to Woolsey before the short balding man stalks him here as well.

"This beverage you have served me is disgusting, Major Lorne. If I had not seen you gulp it down in elation, I would think you were trying to poison me."

"Well I may not be the best barista, but it gets me and John through the day, " Evan replies.

"I will never understand the human inclination to torture themselves with sustenance that provides no pleasure and a bare minimum of increased function," Todd muses. "When I was imprisoned on Earth, Sheppard frequently provided me with what he called 'quick food', and it was much more enjoyable to this. I especially enjoyed something called an Orange Fanta, though I am unclear if 'orange' stood for the color or was supposed to be ascribed to the taste."

"Its 'fast food', and you know they add chemicals to that to make it addictive, right? That's why it's so good."

"Perhaps, but one would think that humans, with their limited lifespans, would focus more on enjoyable things. Nothing is better than a good meal," Todd purrs, and Evan isn't quite sure if he still means fast food, or the humans themselves. The wraith looks wistful, but continues diligently sipping the coffee. Lorne thinks that he's only drinking it to be a good guest.

The major's finally done the reports and emails them out to Woolsey, copying his CO as well. He stretches and leans back in his chair, putting his boots on the desk.

"Sooo, what do you want to do now?" he asks Todd. A glance at the computer reveals that it's still almost 3 hours until Sheppard returns and he can finally be fully wrapped up with his duties for the night, although Todd no longer feels like an obligation.

"Hmmm…" Todd mimics his posture and leans back in Sheppard's chair. "It depends, are you still in poor health?"

Evan has a fleeting thought of 'Aww, he does care' but ends up saying he's fine. His head does feel better and the feeling and dread and insanity seems to have tapered off at some point too. He attributes his wellbeing entirely to the coffee.

"Sheppard has told me of this game from his past, when he was just an adolescent. I wish to try it."
"What's that?" Lorne asks, intrigued.

"He called it some type of water bulb fight."

Lorne laughs. "You want to have a water balloon fight?"

"Yes. If it is my choice, this is what I wish to experience."

"Well, I don't have any water balloons… But maybe we can improvise. Follow me, I have an idea."

As they're returning back to the infirmary, Evan leans in and whispers to Todd, "Distract Keller with sciency questions while I steal supplies."

Todd nods in affirmation, a serious co-conspirator.

They burst into the infirmary and head straight for the doctor, who seems to be organizing some supplies. She looks concerned when she sees them, so Evan smiles as big as he can and waves.

"Dr. Keller, Todd had some questions for you, while he's here visiting. I was wondering if you had some time to talk to him?" Todd looked appropriately curious and also attempted a smile.

"Major Lorne, are you feeling OK? I haven't gotten your blood labs back yet but I can go check on them if you want to wait."

"No no its fine, all good, doesn't matter, I'm great, just, Todd had some questions so I thought we would swing by on our way to uhh.. The mess yeah, that's where we're going."

Keller glances at Lorne suspiciously, but chooses to ignore his obvious lie. Evan thinks one of these days, he really needs to get better at lying. He stops conveniently between Keller and the cabinets against the wall, where he would be just out of eyeshot if she's focused on Todd. Todd grins awkwardly and it's all pointy clear teeth. The whole scene looks so bizarre. Lorne spots the rubber glove box in one of the wall alcoves. He gestures to Todd to get on with it already, earning him a side eye from the Doctor.

"Doctor Kellerrrrrr, "Todd purrs, purposefully rolling the rs in her name as a diversion tactic. He has gained her full focus. Lorne stops listening to them after Todd mentions the words 'retro-virus' and 'iratus DNA'. He gives it a few more moments, and once Keller is replying to Todd and pulling up something on her tablet, he is at the alcove, trying to pry the box of gloves out. Unfortunately, it's more secure than he anticipated. As time is of the essence, he starts grabbing handfuls of blue latex gloves and shoving them into every single spare pocket of his BDUs. Todd's eyes flicker to him and seem amused. He is sure he looks like a maniac, and it must be his lucky day that there was no other techs in the infirmary at that moment.

One box of gloves down, but what if that's not enough? Lorne quietly and gently opens a nearby set of drawers. It's all sanitized tools. The next one down is gauze and band aids. One over and it's needles and other supplies for stitches. He's about to give up when the last drawer from the bottom has a full unopened box of latex gloves, size extra small. Perfect for makeshift water balloons. He stuffs the box into his jacket and creeps back over to where he was standing before, right as Keller begins to turn.

Todd is bowing courteously to Keller for her help, but really it's more to hide his mischievous grin. He thanks Keller for the information and they briskly walk away, leaving the doctor stupefied by the major's unusual behavior. She frowns when she sees that one of her drawers was left half open.

In the corridors, Lorne leads the way to the little used West Sector of the city. He grins at Todd and holds up his prize, the full box of gloves. Todd leans in and says, "So these are the water balloons you mentioned, and now we fight?"

"Almost. This is as close as I can get here, without having to request a special package from Earth. And these are just the balloons, we will still need to fill them with water. But then, yes, we fight." Todd hums in appreciation.

The western pier of Atlantis is essentially abandoned. Most of the day to day operations and residential quarters, as well as the science buildings, are located towards the north-east, plus the central control tower. This section of the city lights up when it senses Lorne's ATA gene though, so they have plenty of light. Lorne wonders if anyone from Control will notice sudden activity in an unused part of the city and send someone to investigate, but he's fairly confident they won't, not with McKay off-world. And even if they did, they would call him about it first.

He goes into what looks to be this section's version of a mess and wanders into the back, to the kitchen area. The stainless equipment gleams in the bright lights, and he finds a nice prep table with a double compartment sink to set up his base of operations. The box of gloves goes on his side of the sinks, and he pulls out all the other loose gloves he had shoved into every pocket he had on Todd's side.

"Now watch, you hold the glove under the running water, like this." Lorne wraps his finger around the faucet, sealing the latex to the aerator. "Hold it tight so that it fills up as much as possible." The glove is swelling and expanding under the faucet at an alarming rate. "Then, very carefully, pop it off and hold it closed at the same time. The trick is to trap the maximum amount of water." He holds up the overladen glove that's almost as big as his head. "Then you just do a quick little twist and tie it off." His nimble fingers make a quick knot and he plops the glove on the counter. It wobbles menacingly. Evan is suddenly not sure that this is the best idea, but they have come too far now. Never give up, never surrender.

Todd watches the process carefully, analyzing. He gently pokes the full glove and it wobbles some more.

"Now," Lorne says "we make as many as we can to stockpile an arsenal. Then, the fight begins." The wraith nods and gingerly picks up a glove. It takes him a few tries to figure out the proper amount of pressure to apply with his finger to hold the glove in place against the flowing water, but soon hes holding a filled up glove. However, when he goes to make the knot, his nail pricks the glove and it explodes all over his chest and hands.

Lorne snickers.

Todd glares at him. His black leather looking jacket is made up of some type of water repelling material, because the water drops just cascade down and soon he's dry again, except for his hands.

Todd tries again. Lorne is watching carefully, to interject and offer to help if it seems like Todd might get mad and give up on this venture altogether, but the wraith is patient, or stubborn, or both. On the third try, Todd figures out some type of wrist flick that ties the glove without puncturing it.

Lorne claps in victory.

Another 15 minutes later and they both have a fairly impressive arsenal of giant water filled gloves. Evan is slightly bitter that in the end, Todd was more adept at filling and tying the gloves than he was, and ended up with a larger supply. They carry their weapons out to the mess hall and set up at opposite ends. Lorne sets one table on its side and uses it as a barricade, while Todd chooses to construct a complicated net out of chair legs by creatively stacking them. Showoff, Lorne thinks.

"Playground fight rules," the major calls out. "Once your water balloons are all broken, the fight is over."

Todd waves his hand in acceptance like he knows exactly what a playground is and they take positions behind their impromptu shelters.

What Lorne wasn't expecting, however, were the specters Todd sent out to flank him and distract him. When Todd's white face popped up over the top of his table barricade, Evan was completely unprepared and got a full rubber glove worth of water to the face, leaving him drenched.

"Hey, no cheating" he yelled at the retreating figure, but missed with his return fire.

Todd played fair after that, but the damage was pretty much done. These gloves held so much water, that just the one hit was soak Lorne almost al the way through. He tried his own tactic, of throwing a decoy to Todd's right and then following up immediately with a glove to Todd's left, which almost worked, but the wraith's net of chair legs worked better. The rubber gloves bounced off the rounded metal legs and landed on the floor. Ones that were overly full would explode upon impact and shower Todd with a spray of water, but it wasn't the deluge Evan had received. Todd recovered the gloves which hadn't exploded. There were a few well placed shots though, and one lucky glance off Todd's nails that left the wraith pretty much just as soaked.

By the time all the gloves in their arsenal are depleted, the floor of the mess is littered with hundreds of blue pieces of latex. Lorne leans against his floor table barricade, completely and thoroughly wet. Todd sits gracefully on a chair nearly, one leg over the other, but while his clothes seemed to be dry, his hair and face are just as wet as the major's, and water is dripping out from under his jacket. Evan rums his hand through his hair and then shakes some of the excess water out.

"That was quite fun, Evan. Thank you" Todd says, and Lorne feels a warmth spread throughout his chest from the sincerity in his voice. He smiles lopsidedly.

"Yeah I had a good time too, Todd. Thanks for getting wet with me."

Lorne feels content, for what feels like the first time in weeks. Todd is humming some sort of soothing melody and he thinks they will both fall asleep right here, on the floor of an empty cafeteria in an unused section of the city. Except for one issue: Evan is cold and starting to shiver.

Todd feels the change in the mood and stands, extending a hand to the major and pulling him up.

"Evan, the state of my hair is your doing, so you must take responsibility."

Evan scoffs, "So you want me to, what, do your hair?"

"Indeed."

"Ha"

But the major pulls Todd along and they take back routes to his personal quarters so they no one sees them in this disheveled state. He chooses not to think about holding the wraith's left hand the entire way.

Lorne pushes Todd to sit on the couch and goes to change into some dry clothes, grabbing a brush and a hair dryer while he's there. He parks himself behind Todd on the back of the couch so that he can reach the wraith's long hair easily. It surprisingly retains water very well, and he works the heavy wet stands with the brush from the bottom up.

He's feeling sassy, so he says, "How about a trim, sir" and Todd replies with a deep growl that seems to vibrate the whole couch. Lorne laughs and runs his fingers along the wraiths scalp in circular massaging motions as an apology. His sister used to beg him for head massages all the time, so he likes to think he's pretty good at em. His fingertips map the contours of the skull, spending extra time at the nape of the neck. Todd leans into his touch a bit and the growl transforms into a rumbly purr. Lorne indulges him for a few minutes, then returns to brushing through the long hair before turning on the blow dryer. He runs the warm air from roots to ends until the white mass is all dry. It's smoother than he thought it would be and the strands fall through his fingers like silk, hypnotizing him. Even though his task is done, he keeps running his fingers through the length of Todd's hair.

"Evan.."

"Hmmm..."

"It's almost time..." Todd says sleepily. He's fully leaning back against the inside of Lorne's thighs now.

"Hmm.. Time for what?" Evan is entranced. He thinks he remembers deep down that this wasn't supposed to happen. But he can't remember what this is.

"It's almost time for me to go.. I must see Sheppard."

"Oh.. That's right, you two have a date. I'm just the placeholder."

"Evannn... That is not how it is... Business meeting..."

"Sure. Well, I'll walk ya out."

Lorne disengages his fingers from Todd's hair and moves to get up, but the wraith grabs both his hands and pulls the major forward until he's draped over Todd's back, essentially hugging him with his chin on the leatherhead shoulder.

"Stay."

It's part request, part command. Lorne is helpless against it. He did always love taking orders.

He sighs and lets himself relax into the hug. Todd is still holding his wrists in his hands loosely, and he can vaguely feel the wraith's feeding vent, closed and nonthreatening, against his skin.

"So.. What now?" Lorne asks. "Won't they eventually come get you?"

"No, not quite yet. I believe we still have some time to spend together. This is my choice of activity."

"Hmmm... Acceptable."