"I love you. I love you so much it hurts. This is not just your fight. Don't

you dare say that it is. The guy tried to kill you Billie. He tried to kill the

woman I love. Leave him alone? Not a chance in hell."

Van's last words, said in rage, before he ran out of the room.

"He loves you more than anything."

Deaq had looked at me with sorrow in his eyes. With pity. And with anger.

Don't they get it? He will die. Painfully.

Oh God, why does he love me? I didn't ask for it, didn't want it.

"I know. And that is what will get him killed."

" What do you care?"

How can Deaq ask me that?

Of course I care. He works for me. He is a friend.

" You have sent him to a clear death before. What's the difference now?"

That has been work. This is life. And I have so much more to lose.

" Why are you asking me this? Why aren't you out there, stopping him?"

He is Deaq's friend. His partner. And Deaq is letting him kill himself

without even trying to stop it.

He laughed, bitterly.

" Stopping him? I like my life Billie. He won't let anyone stop him. He

would kill me if I tried ."

" And you're just going to let him die? He is your friend Deaq. Don't that

mean anything to you ?"

I hate this hospital bed. I hate the fact that I can't even go to the toilet

by myself. I won't be able to stop him. He will die and I will lie here like a

fucking coma patient.

" Don't you dare ask me that. He is the best partner and friend that I ever

had. But he loves you. If he had to choose between our friendship or

you, he would choose you. He wouldn't even think twice."

If he loves me, why would he put me trough this? Don't he understand

what his death would do to me? How it would destroy me?

"I could lose him Deaq. Lose him. And he wouldn't even know..."

" That you love him ?"

He smiled at me.

Love? Is that what it is? The fussy feeling I get when he smiles.

The feeling of security and peace when he is near me. The jealousy I feeI

when he talks to other women. Flirts with them. Is that love?

" Do I?"

I sounded like a little child. And Deaq's voice softened.

" Ask yourself this: How would you feel if you never saw him again?

If he died this instant?"

Pain. I would feel a gut wrenching, tormenting pain that would never end.

I would fall apart. And my soul would die.

" I love him. "

" Yeah. I know. And he loves you."

He does?

" Then why does he want to kill himself?"

Deaq shook his head and looked at me like I was stupid.

And maybe I was. Because I knew. I knew. If someone would hurt him...

They would be dead as soon as soon I could find them. I would kill

them with my bare hands.

" You know why. Just like you have known that you love him.

He is right, sometimes you are a fucking bitch."

" A fucking bitch?"

" Yeah. You have been pushing him away. And it has been killing him."

So what would I have done then? Told him that I loved him? Given him

my heart? Given him the power to crush me like a bug? Because people

do that. When you let them in they betray you. Hurt you.

" I know that you don't trust people. But it is not people we are talking

about. It is Van. And he would die before he would hurt you."

" You don't know that. He is just human. If I let him in it would kill

me. Because I love him to damm much."

He left me alone in my room.There wasn't anymore to say.

Van would die and and I would fall apart. And he would never know.

I don't know how I fell asleep, but the next time I opened my eyes

it was morning and the sun shined trough the half closed blinds.

And Van was leaning against the wall, looking at me, his arms crossed

in front of his chest.

- So we love each other. Now what are we going to do about it?

TBC...

It may take a while for me to update. School and stuff. But I'll do my best.

And please, RnR. As I said, I live for it.