A/N: Don't own GS/GSD. I saw a scene where Mayu dropped some leaves on Shinn who was sleeping with a book open on his face – which inspired my interpretation of Shinn's childhood activities, plus a quote by Jules de Gaultier: "Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality." I deliberately paraphrased the quote into the story (I don't own it).
Special thanks go to Caorann fridh Bronach for beta reading and giving insightful suggestions, as well as mumyou nanashi for offering an opinion on this story beforehand about Shinn and providing scientific back up for Shinn's actions.
This story ignores Final-Plus of Destiny. In other words, I took a different route with his life.
Crimson-colored eyes darkened as he watched Aya and Darro climb into their vehicle, en route to the city. They were his new "parents," his guardians, now, until he turned eighteen. They had been delighted to have him come into their home and live under their roof, and he had wondered that day if they had lost their minds. Or perhaps were simply quick to return to life as it once was despite the fact that a war had taken place. However, that day had been over a year and a half ago, so maybe he was the one losing his mind -- still grieving after a year and a half had passed since the end of the Second Great War. He was, after all, the one who barely ate, who barely slept, and kept staring at the pink cell phone on his nightstand as if it were some sort of shrine. Maybe he was losing it. Everyone else had returned to normal, or so it seemed. Even his good friend, Lunamaria, had become "normal." She was graduating this year, from high school, and moving on to pursue a different career other than the military.
And he – Shinn Asuka, former ace of ZAFT – was certain he wouldn't graduate next year because of his low marks in every subject. At his new school in a different neutral nation on earth, he was known as the sarcastic and stupid student. He had no friends due to his bitter nature – those idiotic, oblivious teenagers. They had no idea of the chaos and torment he had suffered through. They didn't know he was once a soldier who had killed. Not that it mattered, though. The point was that they knew nothing of him and did not care enough to ask. He didn't bother them and they didn't bother him, the lesson of doing so having been quickly learned by a few students. Calling someone a brainless numbskull had cured those few students of ever approaching him again.
Shinn left his bedroom and descended down the stairs, dragging his backpack across the floor into the kitchen. He took only a small sip of orange juice and one bite of the cold toast on the table. Then he sat down on one of the chairs and glumly waited for his ride to school. He thought about how his day would be spent.
Every day at lunchtime, while the others ate their lunch and enjoyed their leisure time, he would sit in the library, staring out the window at a piece of charred, treeless, land in the distance destroyed by the war. Everyday he would contemplate how cruel war was. War had stolen his family and had ravaged the earth. War had robbed his life from him because he felt like an empty, hollow shell with no soul, no reason to live. And war was starting to take its toll on his sanity.
Each day, in the library, images of the war replayed violently in his mind: the sounds of anguish after being shot, the screams of horror, and the explosions of gunfire – they wouldn't stop. Each day he saw the corpses of his father, mother, and sister and at some moments, they would reach out to him, as if blaming him for living. Shinn always thought back to battles when that happened and focused on the lights and stars of the space fights between gundams and starships until the bell rang. Then he would move on to the rest of the school day, sitting listlessly in his seat, barely hearing a word being said. Then he would return "home" to lie in his bed with forgotten homework still in his backpack, hating the fact that everyone had almost, nearly recovered from their grief and he wasn't even half-way.
And each and every day, he returned to the library at lunchtime and started reading random books in order to keep himself from further reliving the war. Ghosts of his family, however, continued to haunt him, and they tugged at the invisible albatross around his neck. Upon opening up a fantasy novel, he remembered the day he had fallen asleep on the grass with a book on his face, during a fine autumn afternoon. Shinn remembered Mayu dumping a pile of leaves on him, and he remembered chasing her around, the two of them laughing, giggling, and enjoying the mere breath of life. He had actually been close to the top of his English class, then. Yes, Shinn Asuka once loved to read.
Initially, it had been comic books, but no series of books ever took him to another world like the fantasy novels had. There were knights, dragons, princesses and princes, kings and queens, wizards and mages, goblins, pegasii, and many other figments of the imagination. Shinn had been to dark tunnels and dungeons and had felt the cool breeze from aboard a ship on the high seas. He had paid a visit to the King and the King's noble knights and had laughed at the antics of the hero's sidekick. Shinn had had wonderful times.
Of course, as he grew older into a teenager he had found other things to occupy his time, but his love of fantasy and reading never diminished; that is, until that fateful day when evacuation was ordered. There had been no valiant warrior or gallant knight to save him from the dragon of destruction.
Shinn sighed as he spotted the school bus that picked up kids living in the rural areas. It was time for another pointless day at school. It was time to take the front seat of the bus and stare at the passing trees, vehicles, although he really didn't see them. That was what the others assumed as paper planes and laughter flew about, drumming up an atmosphere of normality; they assumed he liked looking at things go by, knowing nothing of the visions of horror going by in his mind like a rushing river.
River…river invoked the sea and the sea reminded him of Stellar. The sea also reminded him of Mayu for her death had been near the seashore of Orb. The sea was like a coin, with two sides – calm and raging. But Mayu and Stellar were like dolphins, innocent and full of joy, although Stellar was only seemingly unburdened. He knew her story.
Their deaths continued to penetrate his brain. Shinn almost always found their faces instead of the answer to a tough algebra equation, and he didn't know whether to love or hate those moments. Love would be the satisfaction of the longing to see them and hatred stemmed from being reminded over and over again of reality.
So this was why Shinn Asuka retreated to the library at lunchtime and his bedroom every day after school. He borrowed books all the time (for there seemed to be an endless supply of fantasy novels), hoping to avoid seeing their faces again and maybe regain his love of reading back to help curb the virus of insanity threatening to consume him.
And reading slowly began to help, but it also led to the development of something animal-like in him. Whenever Aya or Darro asked him to do something or to come see something, he would snap at them, angry that they had the nerve to disturb him from his reading. At school, a couple of students near him would catch a glimpse of the red eyes with an unnatural gleam to them as the orbs darted here and there in a book.
The librarian had caught him one time at a table, pouring over the second volume of a trilogy series. "That's quite a tale there you're reading," she had said after reading the back of the book. "Reminds me of a quote I heard once. Something about imagination being a weapon against reality."
Shinn had only nodded and then went back to his book, vaguely thinking about how she was such an annoying idiot sometimes. However, those words carried themselves back to his mind as he sat one afternoon, propped up by two pillows on his bed. "Imagination," he murmured, staring at the cover of a recent fantasy novel, pondering over one question: would imagination protect him from reality?
Reality was…real. It was there every night when he went to bed, during his nightmares, and at the foot of his bed every morning. Reality was…undeniable. Or was it? He wanted to find out. He wanted to see if he could find a way to fight it, and perhaps imagination was the key, the knight that would fight the dragon of reality.
And so Shinn continued to read and was once again transported to another world. There he found his father and mother as the king and queen of the land. There he found Mayu as a beautiful princess and himself as a prince. Stellar was there, too, as a young maiden who lived by the sea. Rey was also there as the son of a blacksmith and Lunamaria lived in a small house with her family; Lunamaria rode horses. They were all alive, although he knew full well that Lunamaria was also alive in the real world. But there was no reason why he couldn't pretend that she existed only in his fantasy world – there was no room at the inn for reality. That was the reason he had brought her over to his fantasy world, so she, too, could escape the horrors of war memories and live forever in blissful happiness.
Aya called him down for dinner and he had come to the table this time with a grin on his face. Aya frowned, suddenly concerned. What had caused the sudden personality shift in his face? It didn't match his ghostly pale skin that had shown up during his depression. "Shinn, you're looking happier today."
Shinn looked at Aya and nodded. "Lunamaria and Rey are coming to ride horses," he stated as if it were quite obvious that that was the reason for his brighter mood.
Aya raised an eyebrow as she cut off a piece of chicken. "Oh, I don't know about horses or this…Rey friend of yours, but there is a girl coming over to see you next week. Do you remember Lunamaria? She sent you a letter, and I can't remember if you said you read it or not."
Shinn nodded his head again, eyes sparkling with excitement. "I met her when I went into the village with mother when I was five. And I met Rey when I was seven. We always ran into the forest to hide and pretend we were pirates!"
Darro overheard Shinn's comments and closed his eyes in half despair, hoping what the doctors had warned them about hadn't happened. Aya, too, felt a cold chill run the length of her spine as she watched her foster son attack his food with zeal for the first time in months.
A week later, Lunamaria showed up, having been dropped off by her parents and Meyrin. They had traveled to earth for a short visit and Lunamaria wanted to see how her old friend was doing. The teenager was welcomed warmly into the house. "Shinn is upstairs in his room," Aya said, offering to take the girl's coat.
Lunamaria nodded her thanks as she slipped out of her jacket. "Is it all right if I go up and see him?"
"Yes, but…" Aya bit her lip as she hung Lunamaria's coat in the closet. "I have to warn you…he hasn't been himself lately."
Lunamaria was shown to the bottom of the stairs and concern bubbled in the pit of her stomach as she made her way up the stairs, each step making her feel like she had lead shoes on. She knew all about Shinn's experiences before and during the war. She, herself, had almost recovered and was glad to be with her family again, but Shinn…he had no family. At least she thought he didn't until she heard of his foster family.
He has to be all right, she thought, because he has a family, now. Still, he hadn't been replying regularly to her letters like before.
Therefore, her body was plagued with worry as she entered his bedroom and saw him hunched over a book like his life depended on it. "Shinn?" she called out his name timidly and knocked on the wall once.
Shinn didn't look up, but he answered, "Rey and I can't hold him off much longer."
Lunamaria's brow knitted together as she felt a lump in her throat form. "Shinn…Rey is…Rey's-" She bit her tongue, remembering Rey and the news of his death.
"Rey's losing his strength and so am I," Shinn said and she realized that he was only staring at the pages of his book. "But we have to save Mayu and Stellar – they're being held captive by it!"
Oh, that did it. Lunamaria sat down on the end of his bed, staring at him. "Oh, Shinn…" Tears glistened in her eyes as she listened.
Shinn went on. "Wait, I see – it's them! They're coming!"
Afraid of the answer, the teenage girl whispered, "Who?"
The teenage boy chuckled. "Silly Luna. Who else would be coming to help us and save us? We'll all live happily ever after once they come."
Lunamaria released a short cry from her throat, coming to grips with the worst. "Shinn, no…"
He glanced up from his supposed reading, crimson eyes shining like the sun, with a smile that Lunamaria found disturbing. "It's all right," he said lightly, "the knights are on their way to defeat the dragon."