But I should warn you. I only got one bed.

He looked at me with a fire in his eyes and smiled.

That won't be a problem. That won't be a problem at all.

I don't like to be depending on others. Don't like when I'm not in charge.

And yet, here I am. Depending on an other human beeing. Trusting

him with my life. It feels good. And I hate myself for it.

His kiss had been full of love. I guess it was love, because it was something

that I had never felt before. It made me feel wanted. Secure. Made me

forget about the rest of the world. And for that, I can never let him kiss

me again. If I forget about the rest of the world I'll end up dead.

I had been flirting with him. I don't flirt. Ever. But if had felt so good.

So right.

Why does everything about this guy feel right? Flirting with him.

Touching him. Kissing him. It all feels like home. And it scares me.

- You regret this don't you?

- No.

I lied. Of course I lied. I had agreed in a moment of weakness, and now

I regretted it with evry fiber in my body. Living with him, even if it just was

for a couple of days, was going to be tourture.

I want him in my house. In my bed. And I never want him to leave. It makes

me weak. And I hate beeing weak.

He knew. Of course he knew. He knows too much. Sees too much.

God knows he loves me to much.

I could feel the look he gave me as he drove. I ignored it and looked

straight out the window, glad that I had a pair of sunglasses on me. My

eyes would have told him too much.

- You are not weak.

As I said. He sees to much.

- It does not make you weak to want someone Billie. To need someone.

His voice got softer as he continued.

- Loving someone dosen't make you weak.

Yes it does. When you love someone you give away your heart, share

your soul. You let them in.

You are always stronger alone. If you are alone, nobody will break your

heart. Shatter your soul. Nobody will hurt you. Chrush you. If you are

alone no one can destroy you.

He stopped the car infront of my house and turned to me. I could see

the anger in his eyes. The hurt. The frustration.

- You still think that I will hurt you.

I refused to look at him.

- People tend to do that Van.

- Well, I'm not people. I'm a man. A breathing, living man. I love you.

And it kills me Billie. It kills me that you think that I will destroy you

the first chans I get.

- Then stop loving me. If it kills you then stop.

I was pushing him. Pushing him away from me before he could do it to me.

I should have seen it coming. Should have seen the way his eyes changed.

The way his muscles tensed.

He moved so fast. One minute he was sitting still on his seat and the next

he had pulled me against him, his lips chrushing mine. This was not a

sweet kiss filled with love, it was a desperat, passionate kiss from a man

who knew what he wanted. He didn't ask, he took.

And just as suddenly as the kiss had started it was over, leaving me

breathless.

He hold my face in his hands, his eyes burning holes in me.

- I can't stop. I can never stop. I want you, I love you, I need you.

Your heart. Your body. And your soul. Get used to it.

He let go of me and gave me an dangerous smile.

- Because I will get it. Sooner or later.

I didn't know if it was a treath or a promise. But it made my heart shudder.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He helped my out of the car and in to the house. He cooked me dinner

and told me to eat. He was friendly. Funny and charming.

But he didn't touch me. Didn't kiss me.

I was confused. He acted like he was my brother, not like someone who

wanted me. And it disturbed me more than I would have liked.

After dinner he told me to get some rest and I agreed. It would give me

time to think. To figure out my feelings.

I got restless. I had laid there for an hour when I couldn't take it anymore.

I got up and started to search for him. I heard the sound of the tv and

followed it to my living room. He sat in a armchair, his eyes closed and

his head leaned back.

- Why haven't you touched me?

He opened his eyes and turned his head to look at me.

I cringed. I hadn't meant to sound so desperate. So vulnerable.

He looked at me without saying a word.

- Never mind.

I sighed and turned to leave. I was half-way in the kitchen when I felt

a hand on my arm. I turned around and looked at him.

- Because If I touch you I know that I wouldn't be able to stop myself. I

would make love to you and you aren't ready for that.

That answered pleased me more than it should have. And I found myself

flirting again.

I stepped closer to him and laid my arms around his neck. I could feel

his body tensing.

- And how do you now that I'm not reday for that? I whispered in his ear.

- You are just gotten out of the hospital. And you don't trust me.

I'm not even sure you have any feelings for me.

I drew back and looked at him. He met my gaze and I saw the need in his

eyes. His love for me. And the pain that I had caused.

- I love you.

And it wasn't so hard to tell him that. It didn't feel like my heart was

going to be smashed to pieces.

- Are you sure? His eyes searched mine.

- I'm sure.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He kisses me and I feel me knees go weak. His hands goes up my legs until

he reaches my hips. They stop there and he presses me even harder against

him.

His mouth leaves mine and he starts trailing kisses along my jaw until

he reaches my ear lobe. And I close my eyes, savouring the feel of his

lips against my skin.

His hands sneaks under my shirt and I can't help but gasp at the feel

of his hands on my back. It feels so go. He feels so god.

- Your skin is so smooth. Like silk.

- Van...

- Open your eyes.

I do and find him looking at me, his eyes dark with passion.

- I want you. But I can't do this if you are going to reject me tomorrow.

I have hurt him so much. Rejected him so often that is has become a habbit.

- I want you too. I want you so badly it hurts.

He smiles a sensous smile.

- Good. Because I was planning on taking this to the bedroom.

Do you mind?

Mind? If he dosen't hurry I'm going to drag him there myself.

I rub my hips against his and he groans.

- You feel so good.

I reach up to his face and whisper in his ear.

- Bedroom. Now.

- Couldn't agree more.

I take his hand and togheter we go into the bedroom. He closes the

door and stands there, looking at me, and I feel like I'm going to melt.

TBC...

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