Wow... it's been so long for me to update this. I have such an issue with finishing my fanfic. One of these days I'll get past that. Until then, I'll dream of the days when I own CSI. Hey, don't even tell me I can't own it – because I will! I must... mumbles to herself in a fit of insanity
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Sara wandered herself from one building to the next, dropping off resumes where she could, and taking the time for small talk whenever someone of a higher stance in the companies was available to do so. She stopped at a total of five places, but she really had her heart set on a couple of her top choices – the first, a small research facility that dealt with a range of biological experiments and the second, a greenhouse not far from her home.
She wasn't too concerned which of the places she got accepted into, if any, because all would offer their fair share towards another sanctuary she could go to when she wanted to put her mind on other things. The overwhelming qualities that made those two choices stand out to her, was of course, the methodical thought processes required for the research facility (something she found calming because of the logic behind it all) and the tranquility she found when surrounded by plant life. She really did have a thing for vegetation – something she wished she'd been able to experience more of, growing up.
When she left her last drop-off location – the greenhouse, she instinctively walked down the street in the direction of her home. She made it about half way there before she realized that there was no longer a place for her there. She'd decided on a life without her family, especially one without her father. But since she was in the area, it couldn't hurt to pick up some supplies.
It didn't take her long to think about her mother. She hadn't seen the lady since the day before the fiasco, but she still wondered, what about her mother? This isn't what she had really wanted. Now her mother was in unnecessary danger at the hands of her disturbed father. Who knows what was to become of her. But though she loved her mother, she still couldn't forget the fact that she just sat by and let her husband do such horrible things to her daughter. Her only daughter and that hurt her deep inside.
The truth is, her mother stood by this man long before Sara was born, she continued to stand by him with the full knowledge of what that man had been doing to her as she grew up and she would probably continue to do so for a long time after she had left. The older Sidle just didn't seem to have the will to do anything on her own accord. Thinking back, the young student couldn't in all honesty think of a time where her mother had taken things into her own hands. It was always, keep him happy and things will be okay. If only I don't upset the man it will all turn out fine.
This made her question her act of leaving though. Was it really what she wanted to do? Could she really be stronger than her mother? Strong enough to make it on her own? To get out there and stand on her own? She didn't really have a choice in the matter now. That was one of the real reasons she was currently looking for the part time job. She hoped she'd be able to scrape enough money together to pay for her rent.
She'd used the little that she had to pay for first and last month's rent on a small place downtown. She wasn't about to make the same mistakes her mother had. She'd been following in her mother's footsteps for far too long now and all of that was about to change. In all honesty, she figures it just did.
That didn't mean that she wasn't going to make some mistakes of her own however. She was as new at this as anyone could be. She hadn't even thought about food as she was paying for her one room piece of independence. So, because that wasn't at the forefront of her thoughts, she was now going to have to live with her choices and learn to cope, as well as stick to a few things that she told herself she'd never go against.
The most important one of these things to her was not placing her burdens onto the ones she cared for. It wasn't something she had wanted to do with her professor, and she felt horrible about that, but he was now deep into her troubles, and she wasn't about to inconvenience him any farther than what she already had. It wasn't up to him to fight this battle for her. He had his own life to deal with.
As for placing her burdens onto her family, she wouldn't have done that even if she had some in the area. She'd never once met anyone from her mother's side of the family and only once during a family reunion did she get to meet her father's side. Her father had moved her mother far away from her family early after being married so that she wouldn't have anyone to depend on, save himself.
Friends were just as scarce, and in the end none really existed since the girl did little socializing outside of the classroom. She had put the majority of her energy into her studies – both during class time, and into the long hours that followed.
The more she learned, the faster she figured she be able to drag herself up out of this mess. Things were starting to look up though, because she was well ahead of her plan to leave once she'd finished school and secured a job. She guessed she had her father (and maybe Grissom as well) to thank for that.
Nearing her old home, she looked up at the dreary place wondering where her parents were now. They obviously weren't there, as the cops had kept watch on the place yesterday in hopes that her father would return so that they could place him under arrest. He never did. They figured he was trying to head towards the Mexican border, but the truth was, that their guess was just as good as hers. And she didn't have the faintest idea of where they would be.
Pulling out her key, she headed up the driveway to the front door. Until she got her first check, she wouldn't have the money to purchase food, so she figured she'd just grab some from home, since it technically was hers anyway. She went to turn the key but found that the door wasn't locked. She cautiously peeked in, listening for any sounds in the house and when she heard nothing, she made her way to the kitchen.
She grabbed a couple of grocery bags from under the sink, and rummaged through the cupboards in search of things that could be eaten without needing to actually be cooked. Her new apartment didn't have a stove, nor did she even think there would be room for one, had she the money to buy it.
In the end, she had some crackers, some cookies, almost a full loaf of bread and some drink mix and a box of tea bags. Though she hadn't really drank the juice mix since she was younger, she was happy to find something that would make for a tasty drink, but also wouldn't weigh too much for the walk home.
She filled the other bag with a full set of dishes for two people (in case she ever needed extra before she could go and buy a proper set). She grabbed two plates, two cups, two bowls, and two settings worth of silverware. Last, she popped the pain killers and vitamins into the bag and headed down the hallway towards her room to fill a bag with her belongings.
As she walked down the hall, years of memories started flowing back into her. She saw visions of herself running into her room to hide, visions of her father later finding her crouched in her closet, and the subsequent 'punishments' that would follow.
She remembered the time just after her thirteenth birthday where he dragged her down the length of the hallway, only to shove her into his closed bedroom door, breaking her wrist before leading her past the door frame and lifting her on to his bed where he penetrated her for the first time. He'd had told her that now she was a teenager it was her duty to give her father the love her mother had stopped returning years ago.
Her mind raced with the images of her father taking her into his bedroom on the numerous occasions that followed and raping her until he would either toss her aside or on those rare occasions finish it off with a sharp beating. Of course, on those few occasions where he left any visible evidence, he'd always come up with some excuse as to how it had happened whenever it was necessary to make the trip to the emergency room.
Years of repressed feelings washed over the girl until she couldn't take it any longer. She ran into the bathroom, lifted the toilet cover and wretched violently into bowl. She lost the small amount of food she'd eaten that day, and continued to dry heave into the bowl until her stomach hurt and her throat was raw. Once she was through, she leaned back against the wall, and quietly sobbed.
After the second good cry in as many days, she pulled herself together and splashed some water on her face and quickly brushed her teeth to rid herself of the taste of vomit that had collected in her mouth. She threw her toothbrush and the toothpaste into one of the bags and finished making her way into her room. Once in there, she grabbed several changes of clothes, the small jar that she'd kept her loose change in, and the rest of her school books.
She left that place as quickly as she could, hoping beyond hope that she wouldn't have to return anytime in the near future, that is, if she would have to return at all.
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Here's the time where I would normally beg and plead for reviews. Okay, so I probably wouldn't beg and plead... but, if you feel the burning desire... not that I deserve it, my horrible, horrible self leaving all my readers hanging without an update for so long. Anyway, I hope that last chapter made some semblance of sense. Because I was just sort of typing as things came to mind.