Disclaimer: ASP is my Hero – But I'm not her… so I will now tell you that I take no credit for any of the characters here (except those not mentioned in the TV series)

This chapter title is property of Alexisonfire.

A/N: This fic, while slightly AU will be very realistic (maybe not so with the drug bits because I'm not into that stuff… but how things get to be like this, and the black hole runaways typically get sucked into). I was fortunate in being able to do some charity work in Toronto, with the homeless, and met a number of drug dealers, and prostitutes. This fic will be generally quite accurate in its story line… and will follow a Go Ask Alice/Speak format.

Rating: PG13 - R for content and mild language.

WARNING – This is not a fic to read if you are looking for Fuff or a light read. It is harsh, angsty, and will be very gruesome at times. For Mature audiences (viewer digression advised :P)

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Chapter 4: Happiness by the Killowatt

"Listen, a friend of mine is having a sleepover tonight. Why don't you come along? I'm sure she won't mind, and maybe in the morning I could help you find a job, or a place to stay. I have some friend who could hook you up. What do you say?"

Mama Kim's voice echoed in my head, warning me not to go. But one look at Ashley's kind face, and I realized that Mama was a paranoid mother.

Spread your wings and fly away. Fly away, far away. Spread your little wings and fly away. Fly away, far away. Pull yourself together. 'Cos you know you should do better. That's because you're a free man.

I pulled a Rory and made a list in my mind. Pros on one side Cons on the other. It basically came down to whether or not I wanted to sleep on a bench or under a roof with gummy warms and a movie.

"Lead the way," I said, hauling my bag onto my shoulder, and following her out the door.

---GG---

I couldn't believe what I was doing. First I had run away from home, and now here I was, trusting someone I had just met, and spending the night at someone's place who I hadn't yet met.

I'm crazy.

I followed Ashley down to the subway, and let her buy me a ticket. Carrying my stuff, we climbed in.

I'd never been on a subway before. But I was stunned by the ads flying by. Everything was so overwhelming that had it not been for Ashley, pulling my arm and calling "Come on!" I may have been stuck on the subway and found myself quite far from my destination.

Where exactly was I going though?

"Ashley," I asked gently. "Where are we going?"

"Oh, her place is just over here." She said smiling. "I can't wait for you to meet my friends. They're going to love you!"

I smiled, and continued to follow her.

Before I knew it we were facing the front of a rundown building. I did a double-take, and began wondering what I had gotten myself into. Where the hell am I? My mind screamed while I looked around in a panic.

"It looks worse than it is," Ashley comforted, seeing my panicked look. "It's hard to afford a place here, the inside is nice though. Just wait."

I didn't have any choice but to follow, seeing as Ashley had one of my bags in hand.

Using her own key, she opened the door.

"Martha!" She yelled "We've got a guest!" Walking into the house she dropped my bag at the front door. "You can leave your stuff here; we can move it into one of the rooms in a little. You can share with me, I don't mind."

"Okay," I replied uneasily. "I thought this was your friend's house."

"I practically live here," Ashley said, her smile never leaving her face.

I wonder if her cheeks hurt when she goes to sleep at night. I thought, chuckling lightly to myself.

We entered a kitchen, and suddenly I realized what Ashley had meant by the inside being nicer. The hallway was terrifying, cracks in the walls, stains on the floor; But the kitchen? The floor was tiled with white linoleum, and the walls were painted a slick black. The appliances were all chrome. My face lit up the second I saw it.

This was sick! It looked like a walk-in Ikea ad! This was how I wanted my place to look. It was perfect.

"Hi, who are you?" A blonde girl asked from the kitchen table, where she was flipping through a day-planner.

"Lane," I supplied.

"Cool, like walk down a –"

"Yea," I interrupted.

"I'm Martha."

"It's nice to meet you. Is this your place?"

"Kind of, well almost." She said, glancing around. "It's more mine than the others. But I don't really own it."

"So what, is it like your boyfriends or something?" I asked, slightly shy at the idea of staying at someone's boyfriends house.

"Something like that," Martha said, quickly looking back down to her book.

"We'll thanks for letting me stay the night."

"Oh, it's not a problem. We do this a lot. Monthly sleepovers. Usually we try to invite someone new. Looks like you're the lucky pick tonight."

"Whoopee," Another girl said sarcastically from a seat next to the counter. She was painting her nails a deep crimson.

"Cut it out Gill." Martha said annoyed.

"What ever," Gill said, placing the lid back onto the nail polish bottle. "So are we gona party tonight, or what?"

"Oh, we're gona party," Ashley said, her smile growing wider.

"Ethan's going to be over in about an hour," Martha said lightly, as she stood up and closed her magazine. "So cough it up ladies."

Everyone grumbled as the reached into their pockets, pulling out wads of cash. Sliding them onto the table, Gill took over the task of counting.

"Is this all everyone's got?" She asked, looking up surprised.

"It's been a slow week." Ashley said in response.

"Grab me the food jar." Gill called, as she pulled an extra twenty out of her pocket.

"I can chip in for pizza if you like," I said, suddenly worried that these girls were going to go hungry trying to make tonight work.

"Pizza, sure." Martha said smiling. "That'd be great."

"See Gill?" Ashley said. "Leave the food jar alone, and we'll use Lane's money to pay Ethan."

"Alright," was the only reply, as Gill snatched the twenty from my outstretched hand.

"Shall we migrate into the living room?" Martha asked her voice chirpy.

Before I had any idea what was happening, I was the forth person in the circle, and responsible for pouring the shots.

"Fill me up," Ashley laughed, leaning into me as I tried to pour her some more vodka.

"Let's play a new game," Martha said smiling.

"No more games," Gill called from her spot lying on the ground. She exhaled a large puff of smoke from her cigarette. "Why can't we ever just drink and pass out. What is it with you and a constant need to make everything into a game?"

"Truth or Dare!" Martha squealed as if she hadn't heard Gill. "Lane you can go first because you new."

"Sure," I said, slightly dizzy from the large amount of liquor coursing through my veins.

"This is slightly different though." Ashley said, trying to be serious, but failing miserably. "When you choose truth, if you lie, you have to do a dare. Also, if we ask something like have you ever frenched with a complete stranger, and you say that you haven't, it's like a dare; you have to do it."

"Truth or Dare?" Martha asked, her face bright with excitement.

"Truth?" I asked, almost afraid to choose.

"Have you ever frenched with a complete stranger?" Ashley said laughing.

Fuck.

---GG---

"Ladies," came a male voice from the doorway.

"Ethan!" Ashley screamed in her drunken state. "How are ya?"

"I'm fine baby, you got something for me to drink."

"I'll grab you something," Martha said; slightly more sober than Ashley.

"Gill," Ethan said trying to gain her attention from the hovering smoke she seemed so fascinated by.

"Ethan," She replied, without even sparing a glance.

Then his eyes met mine. They were a cold gray, terrifying I'm sure, had I not been too intoxicated to pay notice. He kept his eyes on me, unflinching, and all I could do was stare back waiting for whatever came next.

I didn't.

"Why don't we go to the kitchen," Martha said, pulling Ethan into the other room.

"Lane," Ashley hissed once he was gone.

"Hm?" I asked, trying to focus on just one of her.

"This is the perfect opportunity to finish the game!"

"What?" I asked, trying to organize her words in my head.

"Ethan," she hissed as if it were obvious.

"Who? That guy?" I asked. "What about him."

"He's a complete stranger to you." Ashley said, her smile not so gentle now.

"I can't!" I hissed, trying to remember what it was exactly that I couldn't do.

"Go, go in there, and say you're getting me another beer."

I stumbled slightly as Ashley pushed me towards the kitchen where Ethan and Martha were arguing about something.

"You're short." Ethan said, his face stern and cold.

"Okay, firstly it's that time of the month," she said, sounding much more sober than she should be. "You know how hard that makes things."

"I don't give a fuck." Ethan said harshly. "This isn't a confession to a priest. I'm not a teacher giving you a grade. This is a business transaction. You have excuses? Go join parliament, they have no place here."

"It's newbie night." She said, as if it were answer enough.

"Who? That Asian chick?"

"Lane," she said. "And yes,"

"Hi," I said, not wanting to hear any more. "Ashley said to get her another beer. Where are they?"

"Oh," Martha said grinning. "Lane, I don't believe you've met Ethan."

"No, I haven't."

"And Ethan, that means you haven't met Lane yet, right?"

"No," he said glaring at Martha. "I don't believe I have."

"Lane, this is Ethan, why don't you come and get to know him, while I grab Ashley her beer?"

"Uh, sure." I said uneasily. Trying to figure out how in the world I was going to have a conversation with a guy when I couldn't even tell how many of him I was seeing.

"Great," Martha said smiling. "Ethan?"

"You owe me." he said, passing her a small bag.

"Love ya, baby!" Martha said, prancing back into the living room towards the other girls.

"So…" I said after an awkward moment.

"Beer?" Ethan asked.

"Uh, sure," I said. Not even noticing what words were escaping my mouth.

This is so worse than the party with Dean. At least I knew everyone then! I thought.

Ethan, or Ethans plural, seeing as I couldn't focus on just one, walked over to where I was standing beside the fridge. Reaching for the door he leaned over me.

"So Lane, how long have you been in New York?"

Before I could answer, his lips were on mine. Not having any idea what to do, I just stood there and swayed in my inebriated state. Had I not been so completely wasted, maybe I would have had sense enough to think about what I should have been doing, or what was happening. But, unfortunately, circumstances weren't different. I was flat out wasted, and a complete stranger had his hands on my hips, and his mouth slowly running down my neck.

"Lane," he whispered between kissed.

"Hm," I asked, my world spinning.

"I want you to try something for me."

"What?" I managed, letting my arms roam up his back. Who knew kissing a stranger would be so amazing.

"This," he whispered into my ear, before tugging at it with his teeth.

He held up a needle for me to see, before gently kissing his way down my arm.

"Ethan," I managed to get out, my head swimming.

"Shh, shh, shh," he said.

I felt a sharp pressure on my arm, and sobered, though only slightly.

"What are you doing?" I asked, trying to break my lips away from his.

"Lane, Lane, Lane." He said kissing me again. God, I couldn't think when he did that. Sliding his tongue into my mouth, he pushed me roughly against the counter.

Everything was swaying. I had no idea what was happening, or where I was.

Suddenly there was a sharp pain in my left arm, and I felt nauseous.

"I'm gona throw up," was all I managed to get out before puking all over Ethan.

"You little bitch!" He yelled. "You fucking puked all over my jacket!"

"Sorry," I managed, as I ran for the kitchen sink.

"Here," Martha said kindly holding back my hair. "Try this." She said as she held out a pill.

"Thanks," I croaked, before swallowing it.

Come on, we'll go sit in the living room.

I leaned onto her shoulder, and stumbled beside her as we made our way down the hall.

"I'm so sorry for the…" I said before drifting off and staring in awe at the surrounding room.

The room was contorting in on the corners. I slid down to the ground, not looking to see where I landed, and just stared at the floor, terrified, yet amazed at everything happening around me.

It was like looking at a picture on the computer, but really zoomed in. You could see every single pixel, and it was beautiful. The way they all blended together, and how the colors seemed to move. I just sat there. I don't know how long I watched the floor.

But the next morning I woke up slumped up against a wall, with a small trickle of blood running down my forearm.

"So where has all the day gone? And why are my lungs aching when I breathe? Is there something wrong with the heat? Why am I so cold? And my heart feels sick, And it hurts when I speak, And this is not what I hoped for…"

---GG---

My Beta isn't responding right now, so I'm sorry if this chapter hasany errors in it... Would anyone be willing to beta for this fic? Send me a message or a review letting me know.

A/N: Hopefully this wasn't too scaring for anyone. I hope I was able to get the drug part down accurately…

Let me know what you think. There is more to come, and it's not going to be sunny skies.

To those who are wondering -- The Push chapter 19 is almost finished. I'm about half way through (who knew it would be such a tough chapter to write) depending on how school goes it should be up here in a bit. Just letting you know that I haven't forgotten that fic...