With everything going on right now I want to take a moment to let everyone reading this know that I'm sending all of you massive virtual hugs. I sincerely hope that each of you, and all your loved ones, are safe and remain healthy during this ongoing crisis. There is so much pain and fear in our world right now, for a lot of reasons, but we have to remember that we're all in this together. To anyone out there that needs to hear it, you are not alone.
Each of us can do our part though and what better way to practice social distancing then to stay inside and read a nice FF update, yeah? :)
Now, I'm not going to lie, this chapter has been done for well over a week now.
With everything going on in the world right now, as well as some general anxiety issues, I had a lot of difficulty with getting this chapter edited and ended up avoiding FFnet completely. But, I finally buckled down and got it done and here we are...
***IMPORTANT NOTE PLS READ: before I get on my soapbox I want to mention that this chapter was heavily influenced by the song 'Linger' by 'The Cranberries'. If you can, I highly suggest you head over to youtube right now and give it a listen. I wrote the entire first part of this story while listening to my old Cranberries album, with specifically 'Linger' on repeat. I *personally* think the song playing in the background will elevate all the emotions of the first part of this story if you listen(on repeat) to it as you read. ****
I am *so* blown away with the amount of traction I got from this last chapter... thank you all so much! Feedback in the form of favorites/follows, reviews, and pms really serves as the best motivation for me to get another chapter out.
I'm writing this fanfic because I truly love this character and want to tell her story, but it makes it really worthwhile to know there are people out there along for the ride with me. I'm so happy to hear that some of you have taken a liking to Odette. A lot of pressure comes with writing an original character and trying to make her stand out from the canon characters. So to each of you that has made a point of leaving feedback over the course of this story so far,
Rachem, Raging Raven, torikay28, bubbliciousbeauty, femmefatale95, Purplestan and other guest reviewers,
thank you.
And to the one guest reviewer out there that mentioned my writing reminds you of another writer on here (because we both put a lot of details) I love that and will definitely check said fellow writer out!
Lastly, (if you read these you knew this was coming) a huge thank you to my friend 'greyspaces'. S, I've said it before but this story would never have been posted if not for the inspiration you give! I'm beyond thankful to be on this crazy writing journey with you.
Alright well guys, buckle in. We are just barely getting started, and there is so much fun drama ahead. Stick with me and I promise you won't be disappointed!
WARNING:
VULGAR LANGUAGE, SEXUAL SITUATIONS, MENTAL ILLNESS MENTIONS, DRUG AND ALCOHOL USE
WARNINGS WILL BE AT THE START OF ALL CHAPTERS.
All rights to 'Gossip Girl'; plots and characters belong to the author Cecily Von Ziegesar as well as TV Producers Josh Schwartz & Stephanie Savage. I only claim ownership of my original characters. And while they are part of the Rockefeller family, and mentions to the families infamy and status will be made, any and all mentions of them are purely fictional and none of the characters that comprise the family are based on the true family.
"And in the end, all he learned was to be strong alone."
November
Living in New York guaranteed you would live a fast-paced life. You had to, to keep up with the ever-moving city.
Being born and raised on the Upper East Side had an even more direct effect.
It was the opposite of Peter Pan's Neverland, rather than never growing up, kids were forced to grow up way too quickly.
With parents that were rarely around, and hired help that came and went, children were rarely ever allowed to be children for long. They were too busy raising themselves, trying to navigate the world around them, and overall, dealing with things far beyond their maturity levels.
Chuck Bass was no exception.
He stopped being a child at the age of eight, but from what little childhood he was allowed, he did enjoy it.
Chuck was the only child of Bartholomew and Evelyn Bass.
Bart was born and raised poor by parents who always aspired for more but were never able to achieve it. Due to this upbringing, Bart had worked incredibly hard to build himself up as a new-money, real estate mogul. But in his efforts to reach the very top of his career goals Bart sacrificed a typical home life. He worked extremely late hours and was constantly traveling all over the nation and world, brokering deals.
However, instead of being left to a nanny, like most, Chuck got to spend all his time with his mother, which he loved.
Evelyn took a great deal of pride in being a mother.
Born and raised poor, she was extremely grateful for the life her husband gifted her but, it didn't make her happy. Chuck did. Most of the time at least.
Evelyn had undiagnosed mental health issues that she had been battling with for the majority of her life. Shortly before meeting Bart, she had been put on a fair dosage of Lexapro, and it helped. Most of the time.
After suffering several miscarriages early in their marriage, both Evelyn and Bart were elated when they finally successfully delivered a healthy baby boy. Even several months after giving birth Evelyn had not seemed to lose her 'pregnancy glow'. She was bubbly, and kind, and a doting wife and mother. She saw her baby as a new lease on life and Chuck brought color and happiness to her world in a way that nothing else had. So, with this newfound feeling of complete and total happiness, she decided to stop taking her medication. She would still refill her prescriptions and go through the motions for Bart's sake but he was so busy out there providing for them he hardly noticed what was happening in Evelyn's day-to-day.
From a young age Chuck began to notice some of his mothers' eccentric behaviors. But he had always viewed them as part of her charm; she was an extremely free spirit. It was surprising to think that someone as structured and cold as Bart Bass could be with someone as quirky and warm as Evelyn. But they made it work, somehow, someway.
Mainly they worked because they never had to fully live a life together. While Bart was constantly away, Evelyn and Chuck were left to have all the fun.
The young mother would take her son on lavish shopping trips down 5th avenue, only to turn around and give everything they purchased out to homeless people on the streets. She would take Chuck to all sorts of museums and educate him on various subjects. Not all of her teachings were accurate, but they were certainly entertaining.
But Chuck's favorite thing to do with his mother was to go to the ballet.
She started taking him at the age of four, which seemed far too young for something so highbrow but Chuck was a very calm and mostly quiet child, and within that first showing he became completely transfixed. He loved watching the dancers bodies move, gracefully telling a story.
Ballet was a pastime he was sure he could never grow bored of, and Evelyn loved being able to share that with her son. She had been a beautiful dancer in her youth, but due to her own inner demons, she had lost her passion. But she could see that same light in Chuck's eyes that had once filled her own, so when Chuck had come to her saying that he wanted to take ballet she was all too eager to sign him up.
And he was a natural.
Watching his very first practice reduced Evelyn to tears. Not only was he a beautiful dancer, but he was a happy child. She was both elated that her son could feel so passionately about something, even at such a tender age, and also somewhat jealous because pure happiness came so effortlessly to him.
Chuck was only able to attend ballet lessons for a month before Bart caught wind of it all. Bart had been raised in a rougher area of Queens, and was firmly against his only son doing such girly activities. He was concerned it would make him soft.
Evelyn and Bart fought back and forth on the subject but ultimately, like with most things, Bart won the battle.
Chuck had been crushed, but his father was quick to sign him up for other, more appropriate, activities to entertain him. Sports like, PeeWee soccer, hockey, and baseball. He didn't mind those, he had even met a friend during his first soccer season, but none of the sports had enraptured him the way ballet did.
Knowing how much of his heart still belonged to the art form Evelyn continued to support Chuck's passion for ballet by taking him to any openings they could attend.
"You know," Evelyn leaned down to get as close to Chuck's level as she could, "back in high school I did this ballet."
Chuck looked up to his mother, eyes wide in amazement, "Really? I think this is my favorite." He was only saying that because of the connection it had to his mom but it was sweet nonetheless.
Suddenly a woman sitting next to Chuck looked over and hissed at him, "You really shouldn't be talking."
He was only seven, and still hadn't completely mastered the ability to talk in a whisper.
Noticing the woman's rude tone Evelyn can feel her mood shift like a flip of a coin. Before she has a moment to think over what she's doing she's up out of her seat, past Chuck, and inches from the older woman's face. "Don't you ever talk to my kid like that, do you hear me?" She gets close enough to whisper in her ear so that no one else can hear, "I will rip your face off if you even look at him again."
Everyone is completely stunned by the drama that had quickly unfolded before them and begins whispering back and forth to each other. No doubt judging her and her actions, but she didn't care. Just as quickly as she had become infuriated she was now completely collected once more.
Without another word she moves back to her seat, tapping Chuck lightly on his nose as she passes him. The older woman she had confronted got up, likely in search of security. But Evelyn wasn't worried. She had enough money to be able to pay people to excuse her ever-shifting moods. Right now, all she wanted to do was enjoy this moment with her son.
"I mean, look at them..."
"That's Bart Bass's wife, you know."
"I know they're new money but you would think formal attire to the ballet is just a given. She's in jeans, and he looks like he just came from soccer."
"Smells like it too."
Hearing the couple behind them talk back and forth Chuck's attention is pulled away from the stage as he looks between him and his mother. He had just come from soccer practice, and in his excitement, for the show, he hadn't even noticed that everyone else was dressed up for this.
They dressed up for the ballet sometimes, but other times she would tell him last minute and they would come in whatever they were wearing at that time. T-shirts, shorts, even pajamas a couple of times... Evelyn never seemed concerned about it so in turn Chuck never was. But hearing these people mock them suddenly didn't make him feel very good. For the first time in his life, Chuck felt less-than...
Watching Chuck's tiny face crumble Evelyn can feel her blood start to boil once more. She snaps her head back at the couple seated behind them, fully ready to tear into them, but suddenly she feels a small hand take hold of her own and looking down she meets eyes with Chuck. His eyes were completely identical to her own; deep, dark-brown, and very warm. Looking into his eyes made her feel completely at home and instantly killed the rage that was stewing inside her. Squeezing his hand, she leans into him once more and continues talking him through the ballet.
"This is the Odette solo, this is one that mommy did."
"You can do that?" Chuck's eyes never left the performer as he spoke in bewilderment.
Evelyn chuckled to herself, "Well, not anymore. But I used to be able to."
"She's so pretty." He didn't mean the dancer herself, though she was, but rather the way her body moved so elegantly across the stage.
"She is." Evelyn watches in admiration as each plie seems to play out so effortlessly. It was like the ballerina was moving on a cloud, and it took Evelyn back to her own days performing this very dance. In this moment, she was completely at peace.
"Chuckles," Evelyn calls her son by his pet name, she was the only one that ever called him that but he didn't mind because it was her, "Is this one really your favorite?"
He fell in love with every ballet she ever took him to. Each one instantly became his favorite until he would see the next.
But this one was different.
This one was special to him because it was so special to her.
"Yes, we need to come see it again soon."
Satisfied with this answer Evelyn only nods in agreement.
"What's it called again?" They had seen so many that he had enjoyed, it was easy for him to forget the names. But this is one he wanted to be sure he remembered.
Shifting her gaze from the stage back to her son, Evelyn stares at Chuck in silence.
In this moment he was so beautiful and so innocent.
She wanted to freeze time right now.
She never wanted this moment to end.
"Swan Lake."
As much as Evelyn never wanted her son to grow up, he of course did.
Chuck had a soccer game earlier that afternoon that neither of his parents could attend so instead Anne Archibald brought him back to her house so he and Nate could play. He spent the majority of the day with the Archibalds and even ate dinner there, to his and Nate's surprise. But with both boys bedtimes quickly approaching, and little communication with Evelyn, Nate's nanny dropped Chuck off at the Bass penthouse.
The Bass's housekeeper had come in the morning and was long gone by this point but Chuck was relatively used to solitude, especially recently.
Evelyn had stopped taking him to ballets, and most days would barely get out of bed. Bart, as usual, was rarely home.
The only thing that ever seemed to improve his mother's mood was him.
Throwing his soccer bag to the floor, and kicking off his shoes, Chuck sprints across the marble floors and up the stairs towards his parent's room.
"I'm home!"
Chuck halts in the doorway as he notices his parent's king-sized bed is clearly slept in, but his mother is nowhere to be found.
"Mother?" His voice echos across the expansive master suite as he gently creeps into the room. He quickly covers his own mouth in an attempt to stop the words that have already escaped him.
She was probably hiding from him. She did this a lot.
It used to really amuse him but didn't as much anymore. It was something that made her laugh though, and he liked hearing her laugh, so he'd play along for her sake.
Tiptoeing across the floor, cautious as to not make any loud noises, he abruptly pushes their bathroom door open.
"Got ya!"
But he's only met with the same echo of his voice, like before. Straightening his posture Chuck can feel his insides start to squirm.
The complete and utter silence he was continually met with was deeply unsettling. "Mom?" He finally yells out as he turns and walks back into their room.
Seeing the shape of a body underneath the covers a feeling of relief washes over him as he jumps and throws himself in the bed. As he wraps his arms around his mother his body begins to slowly sink into her 'figure'. Alarmed he yanks back the covers to only see her body pillow.
At this discovery, Chuck enters full panic mode.
It wasn't like his mother to stay hidden this long.
"Mom, this isn't fun anymore."
It was quickly dawning on him that she wasn't here.
But if she wasn't in the Penthouse, where would she be? And why wouldn't she have taken him?
He was quickly regretting staying at the Archibalds for so long. The chicken piccata wasn't that good. He'd have much rather been here so that his mother could take him with her.
Sliding off the bed Chuck moves towards the hallway, shoulders slumped in defeat. He had never stayed home completely alone and while usually he loved how big his house was at this moment it was pretty terrifying.
How could his mother leave him like this?
Before he leaves the room something catches his eye.
Sitting on the dresser was his mother's signature diamond tennis bracelet. It had been a gift from Bart early in their relationship and she never went anywhere without it.
He turns and eyes her closet for a moment. The door was left propped open and the light was on, which was strange.
Taking a deep breath Chuck approaches the door timidly, unsure of what he may find inside. After several deep breaths he swings the door open, forcing himself to keep his eyes open as he does so.
Her closet looked completely untouched.
Including her luggage, which was really the best sign he could have hoped for. This meant that maybe she hadn't gone far and would, in fact, be home soon. She did wonder off sometimes. She probably went to the Archibald's to get him. He would just have to be patient and wait for her.
A small smile breaks out across his face as he's once again flooded with relief.
He felt a lot better but was still somewhat skeeved at the idea of being here alone so he quickly ran off in the direction of his room, not even stopping to turn the hallway lights on.
As he pushes the large double doors to his room open, the sensor lights automatically switch on as they detect his movement but he doesn't dare move an inch further into his room.
He can't.
After a life-long battle with depression, and untreated bipolar disorder, Evelyn Bass took her own life.
The act itself didn't shock many people, most that knew her had always known she had issues. But, once word got around that it was her eight-year-old son that had found her hanging from his bedroom light fixture people were suddenly all kinds of concerned.
It was the talk of the city.
Benefits were held in her honor, charities were created, and everyone suddenly wanted to have big discussions about mental health issues. For a time.
But then, just as quickly as it had become a thing, it suddenly wasn't.
Soon enough people forgot all about the 'whys' and focused on the 'hows'.
How could a mother be so selfish?
How could she be that unhappy with her privileged life?
How could she be so cruel to subject her son to that?
How could the family not have known?
Suddenly nobody remembered Evelyn for the beautiful, warm, free-spirit that Chuck knew her as. She became a tragic tale and Chuck was left the boy whose mother killed herself.
But once the next major scandal broke out people didn't seem to remember tragic Evelyn either. She went completely unspoken of by the world, and by their family. Chuck couldn't even remember the last time anyone had asked him about her. Even Nate only ever mentioned her anymore when the anniversary of her death was approaching.
No one cared.
She was the only person that had always looked out for him, always protected him, but once she was gone he had to learn to protect himself because no one else was going to, especially not his father.
That point had been made blatantly clear when he tried to tell Bart that one of his foreign business associates, that had been staying with them as he oversaw Bart's recent development, had been coming into his room late at night. He didn't believe Chuck, chalking it all up to a wild imagination due to his mother's recent traumatic passing. By the time Bart had started to suspect anything funny was happening it was too late, and the damage had been done. Bart cut ties with the man, but nothing else ever came of the situation, and much like Evelyn's death, they never talked about it.
Being forced to grow up at such a young age Chuck became a self-soother, and when he was feeling bad, which was more often than not, he outright searched for anything to dull his pain.
The drugs and alcohol came first, and then older guys like Carter Baizen told him and Nate about porn and masturbation, and from there came the girls and sex. He preferred the girls to the porn or drugs, but any and all of them did the trick at any given moment.
He was far from that innocent little boy, transfixed by ballerinas.
He was, quite frankly, a complete fucking mess.
But for the most part, he played it off well.
His wrongdoings were infamous, and none of his peers held him to a very high standard. They didn't believe he was capable of being better, or deeper, and he preferred it that way.
Chuck provided a good time but was never looking to be anyone's long-term.
He wasn't someone that was going to call you after you hooked up or, in most cases, even talk to you at all.
Given his track record, it would have been really easy for him to blow off what had happened at Odette's party. Expected of him even.
Yet here he was...
In her round, pink, bed, making out with her for the fourth time since her party the previous week.
'The Cranberries' album record plays in the background; Dolores O'Riordan's iconically haunting voice drifting through the room.
The only other noise to be heard was coming from the faint sound of Chuck and Odette's lips moving together.
'But I'm in so deep
You know I'm such a fool for you...'
As they lay side by side he wraps his arms around her waist and rolls over onto his back, pulling her into a straddling position on top of him, their lips never breaking contact. She had definitely learned a few things since their very first time and he was surprised by how much he enjoyed kissing her now.
It also made him curious about how skilled she was at other activities.
Odette kisses Chuck back feverishly, enjoying the feeling of being on top of him and therefore in a bit more control. Much to her own horror, she liked kissing Chuck Bass. Not that she'd ever outright admit that to him.
The whole thing was pretty confusing for her because she was always one of the first to harshly judge all the girls that fell for his overly rehearsed lines. She knew exactly who he was; how he was. Yet here she was with him, again.
She's taken out of the moment as she feels Chuck grow hard against her. Pulling back from him, she laughs a little awkwardly as she pushes his hair back, "You always ruin it." With a deep sigh she rolls swiftly off of him, landing on her own side of the bed.
Chuck throws his head further back into the pillow in annoyance, "I'd argue that you always ruin it by cutting us short." It was the same thing every time. They'd makeout but never take it any further. He fully expected it, yet was still always disappointed.
Normally he wouldn't waste his time on a girl that wouldn't put out but for whatever reason, he kept coming back to Odette even though he knew the whole encounter would only ever leave him with blue balls. It was masochistic, really...
"Did you want to smoke some more?" Pushing herself off her bed Odette moves across her room and grabs her porcelain-pink Jonathan Adler canister, offering it to him. The case had been her second gift from Chuck and he filled the large container to the brim with the most quality strain of weed he could find. "I thought this was only made in blue?"
Chuck watches her raise an eyebrow skeptically at him, but says nothing as he shrugs her question off. He had his connections but didn't need to talk about them.
Besides, to admit that he got her two custom made gifts would only complicate their situation more. He didn't want her overthinking on why he would do something like that for her.
He can feel her eyes on him, always studying his reactions. It made him slightly uncomfortable. More so because he was fairly certain she could see right through him. "You know I'll never turn down a toke." As he takes the canister and begins to pack his pipe for them he looks to her bedroom door, "Your mom's not home?"
"Oh, I'm sure she's here somewhere. Passed out in the wine cellar probably."
Chuck laughed a bit at the mental image of her mother blacked-out, surrounded by all her favorite bottles.
Everyone in each of their families' mutual inner circle had an opinion about Anika Stepanov, most were extremely unpleasant. However, due to his experiences with his own mother, Chuck didn't feel comfortable casting those same judgments on someone like Anika but, he also didn't judge Odette for being her harshest critic. Typically no one was more critical of a parent than their child, and vice versa.
"My mom has been acting like more of a bedlamite than normal. I think she's getting axed from her show or something, she seems to be spiraling."
"Have you asked her about it? You should." He didn't want to freak Odette out by bringing up a worst-case scenario, but he had been too young to know to check in on Evelyn. He didn't want anyone living with that heavy feeling of guilt.
"I can't believe Chuck Bass is urging me to use communication skills."
The thought amused her seeing as his own seemed to be severely lacking.
'But I'm in so deep
You know I'm such a fool for you...'
As the chorus begins again Chuck's gaze quickly shifts from the pipe towards the pink record player across the room from where they sat, "You a big Cranberries fan?"
Odette is immediately taken back, "I am, are you?" Most of her friends had little to no appreciation for the famous Irish rock band.
"My mom was. She played this album a lot when I was little."
This song specifically played on repeat in the Bass household, with Evelyn belting out the lyrics even though she was painfully tone-deaf. As the memory starts to form Chuck quickly shakes his head, pulling himself out of it. He preferred to avoid old memories because he didn't see the point in reminiscing on those times.
Every memory was tainted with the knowledge that no matter how happy Evelyn was in Chuck's memories of her, she still killed herself.
Odette noticed a slight twist in Chuck's face but she hesitated to say anything. She was never one to want to pry, mainly because she knew he didn't respond well to that. She is cautious of her words as she finally speaks, "What was she like?"
He wasn't used to people asking about Evelyn, mainly because people seemed to walk on eggshells around him when it came to her. Chuck smoothly exhaled the smoke he was holding in his lungs, passing her the piece and offering to light it for her. "I don't remember that much." He took a long pause between each word as if he was really trying to find the right thing to say.
"She passed away when you were pretty young right?" In truth, Odette didn't know a lot about Chuck's home life. No one ever really talked about it, least of all him.
"This is pretty heavy talk for a smoke sesh." As she passes the pipe back to him he sits it on her nightstand. He wasn't feeling overly baked, but he had lost the desire once she started talking about Evelyn.
Odette continues to stare, waiting for him to answer her.
He moves his body so that he's facing her door, and sitting with his back to her. "Yeah, I was eight. So pretty much the only memories I have are of her terrible renditions of this song." He quickly runs a hand through his hair as he starts to think of an excuse to get him out of this room as fast as possible.
"Well, it is pretty impossible to not sing this one." To prove her point, as the chorus picks up once more she leans across her bed, wrapping her arms around him, "But I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you." She sings along, only slightly off-key, but pulls away from Chuck as she feels how tense he is under her embrace.
As she pulls back she eyes his suddenly rigid posture and cracks a small, sympathetic smile. "Have you ever been in love Chuck?"
"Wh-why are we talking about this?"
Chuck was shaking his head, obviously agitated by her probing personal questions.
"So, I'm good enough to have sex with. But I'm not allowed to ask personal questions? Noted." She gives him a look over before scoffing.
"Well, we actually haven't had sex so therefore I don't owe you personal details about my life." As he looks at her he's slightly taken aback by how she stares back at him, clearly not backing down.
"Nope. I don't owe you sex, just as you don't owe me details about your life. I only asked because I think you have to have been in love before, and had your heart broken, for this song to really resonate."
"Ah, so Isaac Baizen's departure is what turned you onto this song?" Chuck's brows furrow as he's unable to hide the pure disgust that washes across his face. He didn't really know the younger Baizen, but after a previous falling out he was far from a fan of Carter and he couldn't imagine the brothers being all that different. Different apples maybe, but they came from the same branch of the same jackass tree. "I wouldn't be so quick to admit that. Ruins the song more than your bad singing did. Just saying."
"Who said I was referring to him?"
Chuck didn't want to ask the obvious, but who else could she be talking about? The only person she had been linked to before Isaac was, well, him...
"I can already see the gears shifting," Odette shakes her head in dismay, "I'm not talking about you either."
Chuck released an obvious sigh of relief. He was mainly joking, but it was good to know. Linking those three-words to their situation, past or present, was only going to put pressure on him that would push him away before things had even really had the chance to begin.
"You don't have to act so relieved. You should be so lucky to have me love you."
"If I was anyone else, someone like Nate for example... I wouldn't doubt that. But, I'm not and my perception on love is pretty skewed." He wasn't outright opposed to monogamy or what came with it, but right now he was enjoying the carefreeness that came with his current playboy lifestyle. Besides, from the limited examples of relationships, he witnessed around him, he didn't feel he was missing out on much.
"Why is that?" Her eyes search his, trying to detect a shift, "Wait, don't tell me...the great Chuck Bass has had his heart stomped all over?" It was posed as a question, but it wasn't.
To her, Chuck's shtick as the Upper East Side's resident fuckboy was completely transparent. He didn't allow himself to get personal or deep with anyone because he had probably been burned by someone he once considered special. But hadn't everyone?
She wasn't into the idea of coddling broken men. But with that said, there was a natural chemistry she felt with Chuck and she couldn't deny that she had been enjoying her time with him recently.
"A story for another time." Winking at her he leans forward and kisses her slowly, allowing himself the chance to lose himself within her for a few more moments. Finally, he pulls away, knowing this won't go any further and that he can't handle another case of blue balls, "I should get going. I'll see you at school tomorrow?"
Once she feels Chuck's lips pull away from her she instantly begins to chew on her inner lip. She wasn't super proud of herself for kissing someone that boasted such a large number of sexual encounters, but his experience with women certainly had its benefits. The boy knew what he was doing. "If I'm feeling up to it."
"Up to school? Or seeing me?"
"Don't know yet. Playing it day by day."
Central Park had become somewhat of a save haven for Nate over the years.
Most people would assume his main form of escapism was smoking or girls, and they wouldn't be wrong but running was another, healthier, coping mechanism of his.
The Captain had grown up in an upper-middle-class family with all brothers and was considered a mans-man. This was something he had instilled in Nate his whole life.
The Archibalds appeared as your typical All-American family and to further preserve that image Howard had instilled a love of sports and all things athleticism in Nate from a young age.
Nate had been going for morning runs in the park with his dad for as long as he could remember.
Lately, Howard didn't have as much available time and so Nate had started coming by himself. At first it had bugged him that his dad would blow off their routine, but quickly he realized how much nicer it was to not have to feel the pressure of trying to beat Howard. It wasn't a race and he was on no time limit, he could go at completely his own pace.
"Left."
As the couple ahead moves to the side at his verbal direction Nate can see he's almost at the North entrance of the park and breaks into a sprint to finish the last stride of his workout off strong.
Once his feet reach the sidewalk just outside of the park he raises his arms up and rests his hands against the back of his head as he tries to steady his breathing.
He closes his eyes as he feels the sweat from his hair run down his face.
His lungs felt like they were on fire, and despite it being rather cool outside he was unbearably hot. But he actually relished in the anguishing feeling, as his dad would say, it was 'a sign of a job well done'.
Hearing a ringer go off, his hands fumble through his pockets in search of his phone. As his eyes adjust he can clearly see 'Blair-Bear' displayed across the home screen. He begins to look around, nervous she might be watching but quickly mutes the ringer before putting the phone back in his pocket. As soon as he does he can feel the vibration of a text so he pulls his phone out once again.
To: Nate
From: Blair-Bear
Are you avoiding me?
'Blair-Bear' Nate visibly cringed as he saw her contact name once again. Blair-Bear was a nickname given to her by her father, but Nate had sort of adopted it back in middle school. He liked it back then, not so much anymore. The same could probably be said for the relationship itself. He taps away at his screen, editing Blair's contact sheet before responding.
To: Blair W.
From: Nate
No. Just been busy
Nate doesn't even have a chance to go through the motions of putting his phone away as Blair responds almost immediately.
To: Nate
From: Blair W.
We haven't talked much since the other night. We probably should.
To: Nate
From: Blair W.
Plus my birthday party is just around the corner and I would love your opinion on some things. Poke by any time...
In truth, he had been avoiding her.
After Odette's party, Chuck had invited a small group of people back to his suite for an afterparty. Surprisingly Blair wanted to go.
She attended these types of gatherings in Chuck's suite from time to time, but never very often.
Even more surprising than her attendance to the after-party, was her behavior once she got there.
Blair was a very structured individual. She was an academic-focused, serial over-achiever who had very little clue how to cut loose. She had long learned her alcohol intake and never let herself overdo it. But for whatever reason, that night she decided to get properly shitfaced.
As Nate watched Blair float around the suite, socializing, laughing, and being affectionately sweet to all the people she usually hated, he couldn't help but wonder what had brought this on?
She was out of sorts all night.
But her most out of character moment came when she demanded that Nate do 'it' with her on Chuck's bed.
Blair had stressed the importance of her virginity for years and there was no way that she had envisioned losing it on Chuck's bed, on the same mattress where so many cherries had been popped before her.
"I am not vanilla."
She kept repeating herself, talking over Nate as he tried to explain that now wasn't a good time for them to be taking this next step.
"I said no. I don't want to Blair."
"Fine. If you don't want it then maybe I'll just have one of your friends fuck me."
Nate's mouth fell slightly agape at her words. He had never heard her talk like this and the challenging look in her eyes was concerning.
"What? So it's okay for you to do it and not me?"
Nate let out an amused chuckle, shaking his head in dismay, "You know what Blair? If that will make you feel better than go for it. You want to get even so bad, have at it. I'm out of here."
Realizing her mistake Blair's face fell and she moves to grab his hand, "No, Nate. I didn't mean it. Please don't go."
But in her drunken state she was moving slower than normal and Nate was able to back away from her easily.
Without another word he turned on his heel and walked across the suite and out the door, not even caring that he was leaving Blair behind.
They hadn't talked much since then. A couple of texts here, maybe a passing glance in their schools shared corridor there.
He knew he couldn't avoid her forever, especially with her birthday quickly approaching. But he also didn't want to deal with the repercussions of the things either of them had said. So, he was sort of stuck in this limbo area, unsure of what he wanted to do.
Hence the much needed run.
"We thought that was you."
Before Nate can register who's talking to him he feels a set of paws pounce against him.
Looking down he instantly recognizes the spotted puppy pawing at him, "Well, hello to you too Dottie." He kneels down and begins to affectionately rub the dalmatian's head before looking up and smiling at her owner, "You guys out for a run too?"
"Yup, soccer is just around the corner and I need to get my stamina back up."
"I feel that."
Odette sighs at this comment, "Oh whatever, you and The Captain are out here every day. Look at you, you're going to be just fine." Odette gestures to Nate's bare chest, somewhat bashfully. He was beyond fit, especially for a high school boy. "Why'd you even bring that jacket."
Nate follows her eyes to the classic Varsity hoodie wrapped around his waist. "I was cold when I left, but once I started I got..."
"Hot, yeah." Odette rolled her eyes, a small smile spreading across her face, "Can't relate."
Nate gave her a quick look over. She did seem rather exposed to the cold November air in only Nike shorts and a t-shirt. "Here you can borrow my jacket." Before she can even argue he unties the jacket and hands it to her, "But I want that back. Boys Varsity jackets are coveted."
"Yeah, yeah. We'll see about that after we beat your ass in the girls vs. boys scrimmage." Odette's eyes shine at the prospect of light-hearted competition.
Nate nods for a moment, rubbing his chin pensively before responding, "No, what we'll see is if you even make it off the bench this year. Better get to running." Nate pats her on the shoulder, fighting the Chesire cat-like grin that was fighting to break out.
Odette stood stunned for a moment before pulling Nate's slightly over-sized hoodie onto her smaller frame, "Well, thanks for the jacket Nate, and who knows, maybe if I wear this long enough your bizarre love of running will rub off on me. I mean, a girl can dream, right?" With a final shared laugh, Odette gives Nate a small wave before pulling on Dottie's leash and breaking out into a slow jog as she enters the park.
Nate watches her retreat further and further into the park, a small smile still plain on his face.
He's somewhat startled as his phone begins to ring loudly once more. Glancing down at the screen he takes a deep breath before answering, "Hey...yes I got your texts Blair...no...no, I'm not ignoring you. I was running."
Odette sat at her bedroom vanity, slowly applying her signature lipgloss as she waited for her countdown to finish.
'3...2...1'
She quickly grabs at her phone and begins to furiously type away, her freshly manicured nails making noises as they tap against the screen.
Chuck had texted her asking if she was busy.
She had been laying on her rug, eating almonds, scrolling through her social media pages and saw the text notification as it came through. She was not busy. But, he didn't need to know that. So instead of replying instantly, she had waited a full thirty-five minutes to text him back.
Thirty-five was the perfect increment of time to make a boy wait. It was long enough for him to worry that she might be busy, but not long enough for him to fully write her off and make new plans.
To: Chuck
From: Odette
Kinda. What's up?
She had definitely been taught well by the older girls she hung around with and knew how to play everything completely cool.
As she pops an almond in her mouth, her phone signals that she's received a new text. Reading the screen, a smirk tugs at the corner of her lips.
To: Odette
From: Chuck
Haven't seen much of you lately
Chuck had broken the cardinal cool rule of not texting back within the same minute as you received the message.
As flattered as she was to see Chuck so eager, she knew she had him in this position because of how she chose to play things out. After her birthday, they had been spending a lot of time together. But this past week she had turned down all his offers and invitations. It was particularly funny to see that the more she told him no, the more he would ask.
She waited a full fifteen minutes before responding. But as she worked on phrasing a vague response, her phone chimed with another new-text alert.
He double-texted her... another cardinal rule, broken. Biting down on her lower lip she teases her hair as she reads his most recent message.
To: Odette
From: Chuck
I would really like to see you. tonight maybe?
Instantly another text pops up, 'Triple text?'
To: Odette
From: Chuck
My place? Pls...
Whatever Chuck had for her, he had it bad and Odette was feeling extremely pleased with herself.
With a satisfied smile, she pushes herself up off the floor and heads to her closet. She needed to find an outfit that would really seal the deal; the ultimate seduction attire. Something that would have him lusting for her, but wouldn't give away that that's what she was going for. This task was difficult but not impossible.
As she sifts through her racks of designer clothes she glances at the wall clock and see's that it's been ten minutes already. She needed to text him back. The poor Bass has tripled-texted her, he was probably suffering enough from embarrassment.
To: Chuck
From: Odette
We'll see.
There was no 'well see' about it, she was absolutely going to Chuck's tonight.
But he didn't need to know that for certain yet.
She was having entirely too much fun with this.
Chuck's suit was completely quiet.
Usually, his place was loud and jovial, and there were always people over.
That's how he preferred it.
He liked to entertain and be entertained. Having people constantly around him left him virtually no time to himself, and therefore no time to think about the stuff he liked to avoid.
But, he made an exception today. Which was strange to even him.
Today was the anniversary of Evelyn's death and today of all days he didn't want to be alone, and he was risking it completely.
Nate and some of the other guys wanted to come over and have a boys poker night, but he turned them down and had texted Odette as he listened to his friends make other plans instead.
He wasn't sure she'd even come since she had been blowing him off recently but when faced with choosing a night with her or a night with the boys, Odette won. And it wasn't even close.
She was really making him work for it though. Her responses were short and far apart.
Which he hated. Because while he waited for her to reply all he could do was think... and think... and think.
The minutes ticked by as he waited for her final answer.
Time felt like it was dragging, to the point of agony.
Desperate to hear something from her he had even triple-texted her, which was extremely out of character for him. But it had all paid off as he saw her response finally come through,
To: Chuck
From: Odette
We'll see.
It was close to an hour later when Chuck finally received a call on the suites' phone.
"Mr. Bass, Ms. Rockefeller is here to see you."
'Finally.' The corner of his eyes crinkled as he grins, completely gratified, "Great, send her up."
After hanging up the phone Chuck gets up from the armchair he's been sitting in while he waited, and moves to the bar to grab two tulip-shaped glasses. Swiftly uncorking a bottle of Dom Perignon he starts to pour out the glasses for them.
He had overheard Odette telling Nate a couple of months back that Dom was her drink of choice and so he had gone out and bought several bottles for her to have for whenever she chose to come by again.
Hearing a gentle knock at the door Chuck calls out, "Be right there!" as he finishes topping off the glasses. Finally, he takes one and walks over to the entrance to greet her. As he opens the door, his signature smirk on display he can't help but chuckle to himself, "Look who finally decided to grace me with her presence..."
After a half-hour of trying on outfit after outfit Odette had found the perfect one; a white-slip dress.
It was casual but somewhat sheer. It hugged her in all the right places and most importantly, seeing her in this dress was going to make Chuck lose his mind.
Admiring herself from every angle in her large, floor-length, gold mirror she gives her reflection a nod of approval before slipping on her heels and heading for the door.
"Oh, you're headed out?"
Chuck's face falls completely as he realizes who is standing at his door.
It wasn't Odette, but rather her mini-me.
"What are you doing here?" He quickly scans the hallway to see if maybe Odette was just a few steps behind her.
But she wasn't.
Coco had come here completely on her own.
Cortney moves around Chuck and saunters into his suite, "Were you expecting someone else?"
"Uh, kind of..."
Not even bothering to look up at the girl as he speaks Chuck pulls his phone out to see if he missed any recent messages from Odette.
"Yeah, like my sister."
"Oh, you're headed out?"
Odette clenches her chest as she tries to steady her suddenly rapidly beating heart.
"Blair, you scared me! I wasn't expecting you."
Blair stares Odette up and down, judging her choice of night-time attire, "Clearly. Where are you off to?"
"Um, nowhere..." with the way she was dressed that wasn't believable, "...important." she quickly concludes with a small shrug. Pushing her bedroom door open she makes way for Blair to come in, "What's up B?"
Odette was clearly lying. No girl got done up like this for something, or someone, un-important. But Blair appreciated the loyalty Odette was showing by blowing whatever it was off to be here with her in her time of need.
"I think Nate's cheating again." With a dramatically long sigh Blair throws herself down on Odette's bed, curling up against her satin-silk sheets.
It was taking everything in Odette to not visibly roll her eyes.
She should not be sacrificing her night out for this. She had already had this talk with Blair many times before and while she wanted to be a supportive friend, constantly having to talk Blair off the ledge was getting exhausting. Especially now that it was affecting her personal life.
"Why do you think that?"
"He's pulling away from me. He has been for weeks! He's distancing himself"
Odette sits on her bed beside Blair and starts to gently rub her back, "Didn't you guys just have sex for the first time a couple of weeks ago? That seems like a strange way to go about distancing yourself from someone."
Blair feels a sinking pit in her stomach and tears begin to well up around her doe-eyes. Odette was referring to the night of her birthday party, but Blair and Nate most definitely did not have sex that night, or any other night for that matter.
But, that wasn't what Blair had told her friends.
The following Monday she had entertained them all with a wildly romantic tale about how she had finally lost her virginity to her 'Prince Charming' of a boyfriend. She didn't want to lie, she knew she shouldn't have, but she couldn't bear to see Pennelopes smug face if she told them, once again, that it didn't happen.
She was as tired of announcing she was going to finally screw Nate, as they all were of hearing about it. So instead, she lied.
It made her feel better about the whole thing too, for a time. The version she told the girls was much better than the reality of the situation. It all played out like a movie and it was nice to live in that alternative for a bit. But, the truth was always there.
Blair hadn't had the epic romantic night with Nate that they all thought, in fact, he was currently avoiding her at all costs and her heart was breaking piece by piece.
She knew Nate's cycle already. When things got this bad between them he always sought out the company of other girls and the idea of him blowing her off to be with someone else was destroying her.
Before she can even respond to Odette Blair burst into tears, burying her head into the pillows in shame.
Blair wasn't just crying, she was sobbing and even though she had been somewhat of a bitch to Odette recently it still broke her heart to see her best friend in this state. "B, don't cry? What's wrong?" She wraps her arms around Blair, hugging her tightly, "You know you can talk to me."
Anguished cries continue to fill the room and instead of trying to talk her down Odette decides to focus on her comforting her instead. She doesn't say anything more, as she holds her friend tightly, rubbing a gentle circle against her back.
She can hear her phone ringing in her purse, it probably was Chuck. But she couldn't answer now, obviously.
"Yeah, like my sister."
Chuck doesn't say anything in response, unsure if Odette would want him telling people about their 'hang-outs'.
"I'm kidding, my sister hates you." Cortney laughs faintly as she plants herself on Chucks couch, "Or so she claims. But I think we both know better."
Ignoring this statement Chuck repeats his earlier question, "What are you doing here?"
"Relax. Kati is down a floor blowing some business guy. I'm just waiting for her to text me so we can go back to her place." Cortney's eyes go big with panic as she continues, "The guy with Kati said if you didn't let me in I could just go back to their room and wait. And watch I guess. So, if I'm imposing I can just go..."
'Damnit'
Chuck knew he couldn't throw her out now.
He was pretty positive she was bluffing but he wasn't willing to take the risk. Odette had told him not to mess with Coco but he was pretty sure she also wouldn't want him to knowingly put her in a bad situation either. "You can wait here for Kati, it's cool. I'm going to step in the hallway and make a quick call though."
Over the course of the next fifteen minutes, Blair's cries began to fade off until she feels she truly has no tears left to shed over this issue. "I'm sorry, I'm such a pain." Blair wipes at her eyes trying to avoid smearing her mascara.
"You are not. But, hey let me get you a wipe and I'll help you clean off your face." Getting up from the bed Odette hurries into her bathroom and begins digging through drawers.
"I have mascara all over my face don't I?" Pushing herself off the bed Blair walks over to Odette's mirror and can't help but laugh, "I look like the world's saddest clown. Or better yet, Pennelope after her dad's business partner tells her he's still not leaving his wife for her." Finding humor at Penelope's expense was one of Blair's favorite pastimes, and she could slowly but surely feel her mood lifting.
Things with Nate were hard and had been hard but they were them. They always figured it out, somehow, some way.
"Did you find the makeup wipes?"
"I'm looking still."
"You should really get more organized Dette." Blair mentions as she begins to look around the room for the missing makeup wipes.
Moving to Odette's nightstand Blair begins to pick up different objects that are scattered across the surface.
Out of the corner of her eye, she spots the familiar wrapping of the wipes and eagerly reaches for it, in the process knocking over the book it was buried under. She watches as the book falls to the floor, landing on a pile of slip dresses that Odette had obviously been trying on for her 'un-important' whatever tonight. At the thought, Blair can't help but crack a smile as she kneels down to collect the book and articles of clothing for her. Odette was such a good fri-
Blair can't even finish the thought as she feels her heart stop.
Tucked partly under her bed, as if strewn there in the process of being taken off, was an all too familiar varsity hoodie.
'It could be someone else's.' She tells herself as she snatches it up.
But pulling the tag out her worst fears are materialized.
A tiny N.A was sewn there for one, Nathanial Archibald. Her Nate.
"I found some!"
Hearing Odette shut her bathroom drawers before coming back into the room Blair tucks the jacket back where she found it and quickly moves to sit back on the bed, just as she was when Odette had initially left.
"Here, let me clean you up." Odette offers her friend a small smile as she sits beside her and starts to gently wipe the thick mascara off her eyes and cheeks.
"So, where were you actually off to when I got here anyway?" Blair turns her head so that they're forced to stare at each other. Surely she couldn't lie to her face...
"I told you, it wasn't important B. Not as important as being here for you."
Blair's heart sunk as she heard her response. She didn't believe one word. "Thanks."
Odette didn't answer his call.
Chuck was seething at this point.
All he wanted was to have a nice time with her and get his mind off of today. Now he was stuck babysitting Coco.
The only sight plus to this was that he at least wouldn't be totally alone now.
"Are you hungry Coco?" Chuck calls out as he re-enters the suite. He immediately notices she's not sitting where he left her and begins to wonder what she's up to.
"I'm ravenous."
As Chuck turns in the direction that he hears her voice come from, he is instantly hit with a familiar warming sensation that spreads deep within him. He forces himself to look away, going as far as to close his eyes as he pinches the bridge of his nose in discomfort.
"Put your clothes back on Coco."
She had stripped herself down in the short time that he was in the hallway, and despite her having an obviously beautiful bare body, he was deeply uncomfortable seeing her this way.
"Oh c'mon Chuck, this is what you do." Coco moves towards him, pressing herself against him, forcing him back with every step she takes. "You fuck girls, all types. Why not me? Why don't I meet your standards?"
"Because..."
She had forced him so far back in the suite that he could feel his bed against the back of his knees.
He knew exactly why not.
' "...if you ever did anything with my little sister, nothing could ever happen here again." she gestures between the two of them. '
But as Cortney rubbed her naked body against him he was finding it increasingly more difficult to formulate complete sentences.
"Because...what, my sister told you not to? Who cares!" Coco moves her mouth close to Chuck's ear and whispers in the most sultry of tones she can manage, "Since when does Chuck Bass let some girl decide who he can, and can not sleep with?"
Chuck shakes his head but doesn't say anything to stop her.
He had one Rockefeller girl that wasn't giving him the time of day, blew him off tonight even, and another that was literally here begging for his attention. Maybe Coco had a point...
Pulling back, Cortney smirks at him triumphantly, "Forget her and let's have some fun!" Without warning, she pounces on Chuck, wrapping her legs around his waist and knocking them both down onto his bed.
...raise your hand if that last scene made you super super uncomfortable(both of my hands are raised high in the air).
Yikes.
If you've read this far, thanks for giving this update a read and I can't wait to hear your thoughts! I'm also posting more content on the gilded insta page, so be sure to check that out.
The next chapter will focus on Blair's seventeenth birthday party and, unfortunately, things are going to get way worse before they get better. The drama that began this chapter is just the very beginning, so be prepared ;)