A/N: Thank you DKM and prplerayne. You really know how to make a girl smile. You´re the best. Here comes Billie´s POV. Sort of... Read it and tell me what you think.

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She lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling, remembering the note he had left her with.

A note.

It wasn´t enough. It wasn´t even close to beeing enough.

But it was all she had and she had read the note until the words was burned into her brain.

"... I love you. I love you more than anything on this earth. If I come back... No, when I come back I have a gift for you, if you still want anything to do with me. I love you Billie. Marry me."

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She didn´t know how she was supposed to feel. Anger? Gratitude? He was out there, chasing a guy that most likely would kill him and he did it because of her. Because the guy had hurt her.

Because she had almost died.

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"I love you. I love you so much it hurts. This is not just your fight. Don't you dare say that it is.

The guy tried to kill you Billie. He tried to kill the woman I love. Leave him alone? Not a chance in hell."

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She was thankfull that he would revange her and she was furious at him for doing something so stupid as going after the guy alone.

But the strongest feeling was guilt. He did it for her. He would die for her.

He loved her. And that made it even worse. Made the guilt even stronger.

She wished he would hate her, that he never met her.

But her heart protested at the thought. If he would´ve hated her, if they hadn´t met, then she never would´ve known what love was. She never would have known the security of his arms, the heaven he brought her to when they made love.

And, yet, still, her brain kept shouting at her. If they hadn´t met, she would never have lost her heart, she would never have felt this guilt that threatened to crush her. She wouldn´t have been so vulnerable, so skinless. She wouldn´t have been crying, alone in her bed.

If Van would have hated her, Deaq would never have slipped sleeping pills in her tea.

If Van would have hated her, Deaq wouldn´t have left her in her bed sleeping, while he drove away in her car. Drove away to aplace, she was sure, where he could help Van.

Why couldn´t he hate her?

Why couldn´t she hate him?

And the memories of the last time they had been togheter flooded her brain.

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They have eaten breakfast and now they are in bed, his arm around her waist and her head against his chest. Their clothes laying on the floor, forgotten.

His hand moves towards her head and his fingers gently brushes away the sweaty strands of hair that is stuck on her forehead.

She sighes, content.

He kiss her forehead,his lips lingering as if he wants to inhale her sent.

-Are you happy?

His deep voice sends shivers down her spine.

She moves her body so she can look him into his eyes.

- Yeah, I am.

- Good. You deserve to be happy.

Her body turnes away from him and her eyes closes . Her body tensed and he draws her closer to him, as if knowing the thoughts that goes through her head.

She? Deserves to be happy? She remembers the people she´s killed, the drugs she´s injected in her body. How can she deserve to happy?

- I love you.

-Why? Why would someone like you love someone like me?

Her voice is low and her eyes are full of tears.

Just a minute ago she had been happy, content. Now she was feeling unsecure, vulnerable. Scared that this was all a dream, an imagination.

- I love you because... Because I love you. You make me scared, irritated,angry,happy,nervous...You make me feel alive. You make me whole.

-I make you angry?

She hears the smile in his voice when he answeres.

- I knew that you would foucus on that one. Yeah, you make me angry. Sometimes you´re a little to bossy for my taste.

She snorts, pretending to be offended, and this time he laughs out loud.

He turns her face towards his, forcing her to face him and his voice turns serious.

- And I feel terrified everytime I think about the fact that I could have lost you when that Martin guy kidnapped you. I was sure that he would kill you and... God Billie, you could have died.

His voice brakes and she sees tears in his eyes.

He was crying? Over her?

She presses her lips to his and they share a passionate kiss. When they finally brake apart she takes his head in her hands, looking intently in his eyes.

- I´m here Van. I´m here and I... I love you.

His face brakes into one of the biggest smile she had ever seen and he pulls her impossibly close to him ,and once again they´re kissing. Madly, passionatly. Like it would be the last kiss they would ever share.

And then, in that moment, Billie knows that he loves her. Believes it.

In that moment, the world is perfect.

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She can feel the tears running down her face as she remembers.

God, she loves that man. She wish that he could be there this moment, that he would kiss her, hold her in his arms and tell her that he loves her. That he would stand infront of her on one knee and ask her to marry him.

The pain in her heart intesifies when she realizes that maybe he´ll never do that, that maybe she´ll never get the opportunity to yes to his marriage proposal, that maybe the time they made love was the last time.

Maybe he is dead.

Maybe the child that grows inside of her never will meet his father.

She puts a hand on her stomac, knowing that she´s crazy. She can´t possibly know for sure that she is pregnant. It´s to soon her brain tells her. It´s way to soon.

But her heart knows.

They made a life togheter.

She can only hope that he will be there to see it grow.

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TBC... I love this. Shocked you didn´t I? Hope so. -smiling-. I´m evil like that. I´m evil in a lot of ways. It´s just who I am. Nowreviews please.