Hi!

I am so blown away by the response from the last update... That chapter, and the drama that went down within it, is something I've had planned for a very long time and I was extremely eager to see what you all would think and all the reviews that were left did not disappoint! Safe to say we all agree Odette deserves better all the way around, right?

I am currently virtually pouring all of us a glass of champagne right now because I am in full-on celebration mode over the fact I hit over 100 reviews this last chapter! That might not seem like a big deal to some but considering this is an OC story and this is only *technically* the thirteenth *official* chapter (chapter one was just a prologue), 100+ reviews not only feels like an achievement but more so a huge honor. I know I sound like the most annoying broken record but the positive reception I've gotten for this story has meant so much to me. Writing an original character into a fandom as beloved as Gossip Girl can be super intimidating but I feel at this point that anyone reading this is truly invested in Odette and the amount of reviews, follows, and favorites I've received so far is more than I could have ever expected. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you all.

I want to give a giant shout out to tomeii, EchoMoment, c-c-crazy13, Hearteyesmf, Elle, Rachem, Guest x 3, Muskan Jain, Sunny, momorocks101ful (or Momo), Sad, Betty, and sleuthingsadsloth - I have read and reread each of your reviews countless times and I can't even try to describe the elation I feel when I get to hear your thoughts on a piece of work that I pour *so* much of my heart into. As nervous as I feel knowing how angry you all are with most of the characters I also love that you all care enough about Odette to really feel for her and take her side over even the canon characters that I know we all love and adore. So, thank you for caring about this character *almost* as much as I do ;)

As always, a special shout out to my kindred spirit, greyspaces - who was so supportive of this last update that she messaged me her every thought as she read through it for the first time, therefore, giving me the opportunity to experience her reaction to that Nate-enzie scene in real-time lol. S, you are such an inspiration to me, thank you for always being my biggest supporter since literal day one.

WARNING:

VULGAR LANGUAGE, MENTIONS OF SUICIDE, TEENAGE ALCOHOL AND DRUG USE

WARNINGS WILL BE AT THE START OF ALL CHAPTERS.

All rights to 'Gossip Girl'; plots and characters belong to the author Cecily Von Ziegesar as well as TV Producers Josh Schwartz & Stephanie Savage. I only claim ownership of my original characters. And while they are part of the Rockefeller family, and mentions to their infamy and status will be made, any mentions of them are purely fictional and none of the characters that comprise the family are based on the true-life family.

"I couldn't be with people and I didn't want to be alone. Suddenly my perspective whooshed and I was far out in space, watching the world. I could see millions and millions of people, all slotted into their lives; then I could see me—I'd lost my place in the universe. It had closed up and there was nowhere for me to be. I was more lost than I had known it was possible for any human being to be."

[Sunday, 8:10 A.M.]

[NP: favorite crime (but it's even sadder) by crustycoco on YouTube]

Despite knowing she hadn't gotten nearly enough sleep, Odette could feel herself beginning to regain waking consciousness. Slowly, her eyes fluttered open but she quickly closes them once again as the sun peeking through the blinds irritated her. This is precisely why she had black-out curtains in her room. Not having her eyes assaulted by the early morning sun was the only way she managed to be a morning person. That, and she was a creature of habit and her morning routine was essential for her to have a productive day. However, she didn't have it in her to care about her routine or productivity today.

With a groggy sigh, Odette picks up one of the spare pillows and throws it over her face. She was only doing this to shield her eyes from the blinding light pouring into the room but she did briefly consider how much force would be required to smother oneself. However, the fabric of this particular pillowcase felt like Teflon and even she knew she deserved better than death by cheap pillowcase.

No black-out curtains and cheap pillowcases, what was next, bed bugs?

'Wait - where am I?'

Sitting up abruptly, she immediately begins to try to take in the unfamiliar space around her.

For one, it was clearly a hotel room and a small one at that.

Directly next to her side of the queen bed was a nightstand with various pieces of her jewelry scattered across the Cherrywood surface. There was also a bucket of melted ice with an empty bottle of champagne floating in the water. There didn't appear to be any champagne flutes or any other type of glass in the room which led her to believe she forwent the cup route altogether and opted to instead drink directly from the bottle, which could explain the growing migraine she felt approaching.

Her eyes continue to scan across the room, pass the dresser which has an old Samsung tv propped on top of it, and to a floor-length mirror with adjacent hooks. One of which, her dress from last night was hanging from.

For the first time since waking up, she's made aware that she is not still wearing her clothes from the night before. Instinctively she lifts up the covers she's still tangled in and realizes she is completely naked. Despite being the only person in the room, she pulls the covers up to her neck as if to not expose even an inch of her bare self.

Looking over to the identical nightstand at the opposite side of the bed from her, she can see how different it looks compared to the one on her end. Besides the lamp and a small piece of paper, the surface is practically spotless. Rolling over to the left side of the bed, she picks up the paper and skims the limited information it gave her.

Had to head back into the city really early for Church - sorry. I got you a late check out though so you're good till 1.

I hope you have a great day. I'll be thinking of you.

- J.L

The penmanship - a fair mixture of elegant cursive and chicken scratch, was very familiar to her. This was hardly the first note of this manner that she had received. Rarely had Jordan ever stayed the full night with her. After all, once the deed was done he had a life to get back to where he wasn't a grown man who lusted after teenagers and in this instance, he needed to escort his wife and mother to Sunday Service like the decent, God-fearing, man he was. She briefly found herself wondering if he was desperate to get to Church today to wash away the sins he committed the night before.

There had to be something wrong with him.

Actually, she knew for a fact there was something wrong with him.

Jordan was in his early thirties, distinguished - for someone of his class and pay grade, at least. His wife was pretty... if you were into that whole gigantic-fake boobs-and-harsh-tan-look. Which clearly he was if he married her... but he was also into Odette, obviously, and while her body might be mature she was still just sixteen.

Fifteen when they first slept together.

Probably thirteen when he started to get braver about touching her in ways they both knew he shouldn't - a squeeze here a graze there and other moments when his hands lingered on her just a beat too long. But, it was when she was ten or so that he first took a special interest in her.

To Odette, Jordan was a lot like the older brother she wanted her own brothers to be. Unlike Theo, he was so nice and unlike Chris, he was so present and he always gave her exactly the kind of attention that kids who are deprived of it from their parents crave so desperately.

Back then, everything was so innocent, at least on Odette's part.

Never would she have expected that their relationship would become what it was.

Despite winding up in a predicament such as this, Odette wasn't completely naïve.

She knew what went down between them was really wrong and extremely illegal. It was the type of things PSA's were written about and that parents all over the world feared. As dense as her own mother could be, even Anika had the sense to warn both Odette and Cortney growing up about 'stranger danger' and protecting themselves and their bodies from strange men that might be a bit too curious. But that was kind of the whole problem, everything predator-related that she was taught was relating to a stranger.

Jordan wasn't that.

He worked for their entire family but more than that he was very close with all of them. Earning her grandfather's respect and admiration was no easy feat and yet Jordan quickly became someone David held in extremely high regard and whose friendship he not only relied on but cherished.

Everyone in their family loved Jordan and so, of course, Odette did too, and from that initial, innocent, love grew something toxic and she fell so deep into it that she couldn't see things for what they really were until it was far too late.

Jordan had groomed her, she knew this.

She knew that the friendship he had sparked up with her as a child was not innocent, even if he convinced himself to this day that it was. She knew, even if it was subconscious, that the minute he started working for the Rockefeller family and was introduced to her, that his intention was to get close to her.

And it had worked.

She wasn't even sure he had to try all that hard because he had her way before he knew he did.

Although she had initially seen Jordan as an older brother figure, that admiration quickly grew into something much deeper and much more dangerous.

She fell in love with him before she even had a real sense of what that word really meant.

To her, being in love with him meant thinking of him constantly, instant butterflies in her stomach any time he was around, and wanting nothing more than to be with him at all times.

It wasn't real love but it was all she knew.

Once things turned physical between them, that only heightened her feelings for him which in turn set her up for impending heartbreak.

She loved him - she was in love with him and so she justified their relationship and the things they did.

She would stay up countless nights, stick to her stomach with worry. Not about the things they did but about what would happen if they were ever caught. Never would she sell him out though and she would leave everything behind and escape into the night with him in a heartbeat if he asked. She would even daydream of running off to faraway places like Greece, or Sweden, or even Portugal - all places where she met the age of consent and they could live freely together in the open, unashamed.

For a long time, she had thought Jordan shared in these dreams.

It took her too long to realize his only dream when it came to her, had been achieved the first time he was inside her.

At this thought, Odette can feel her stomach turn.

She crumples up the piece of paper with Jordan's note scribbled on it and launches it across the room before settling back into the uncomfortable sheets.

Despite knowing all that she did now, she still had found herself in the same place she worked so hard to escape from.

After everything that had gone down between not only her and Jordan but now her and Chuck, she still somehow ended up back in this bad place and back in bed with Jordan.

It was sick.

He was sick and in turn, he made her sick just like him.

Before she could at least somewhat justify her actions because she truly believed she was in love with him but now? She didn't even like Jordan how the fuck had she ended up back here?

After everything that had gone down last night at Cotillion with Chuck and Blair she was positive she couldn't get any lower, but waking up in the bed where she had slept with a married man - the same married man that had abused her and broke her heart, made her realize the bar determining how low she could go was officially in Hell.

As a shiver of disgust runs down her spine, Odette throws the covers off her as if they suddenly burned her skin and she quickly jumps up from the bed and starts to redress herself in last night's clothes in a hurry. She didn't care that Jordan had paid extra to give her a late check out she was desperate to get out of this room before the guilt and shame of it all ate her alive.

[Sunday, 9:00 A.M.]

Walking through Williamsburg, on a brisk December morning in her formal dress from last night had Odette feeling like this was her most embarrassing walk of shame to date.

However, the odd stares she caught as she moved along the sidewalk didn't deter her search for coffee. After the night she had, she felt she owed her body the caffeine rush and perhaps, if she was lucky, it would spike her serotonin levels a bit.

Williamsburg was a pretty popular neighborhood in Brooklyn but most Upper East Side trust fund babies stuck their noses up at all things Brooklyn and wouldn't dare admit to venturing across the bridge and exploring the various shops and trendy cafes. However, in this instance, her peers snobbery would work in her favor because the chances of her running into anyone she knew were slim to none.

Spotting a café on the corner of the street adjacent to her, Odette looks both ways quickly before hurrying across the bustling street.

Pushing the glass-plated doors open, a distinct bell chimes to signify her entrance to the establishment.

Most coffee shops in the city had the same corporate feel, call it the Starbucks effect, but this one felt different. Due to its location on the street corner and the many floor to ceiling window panes, lots of natural light poured through and highlighted the soft color tones throughout the café. While she tended to prefer her coffee shops to feel more like a library with dark academia vibes there was something to be said for how a room filled with so much light could in turn brighten her mood. Barely, but it was certainly a start.

Waiting patiently for the woman in front of her to finish ordering, Odette's eyes absentmindedly trail down her body as she studies her outfit. The woman was in leggings that looked like cheap knockoffs of a pair of lavender Lulus Odette had rolled up in one of her drawers back at home. The signature emblem on the back of the waistband was clearly a cheaply added sticker because it was more champagne-colored than white and was almost completely peeled off. She was wearing a sports bra that was meant to look identical, however the lavender fabric of the bra was slightly darker than the leggings. The stitching in the back was also tearing. This would probably go unnoticed to most but not Odette. Being someone that could always afford designer everything made it easy for her to spot cheap imitations.

There were very few things that made Odette cringe in the way designer dupes did. Especially when they were poorly made. She never understood how someone could feel comfortable walking around, showing off something that was so obviously fake. However, if they couldn't afford the real thing they really had nothing to compare their knockoffs to.

Still, this lady would probably snap a selfie with her morning coffee at some point and upload it to the gram - she was definitely the type to call it that, and caption it something basic and truly fitting of her live, laugh, love bullshit life. Furrowing her eyebrows in judgment, Odette can't help but think that if this woman wore something like this around Blair or their group of friends she'd get eaten alive. She is quickly snapped out of this train of thought as the toddler attached to the woman's hip turns around and stares at Odette with his large brown eyes.

It was almost as if he knew exactly what kind of shallow judgment Odette was passing onto his unsuspecting mother, and by the looks of it, he didn't appreciate it one bit.

Taking a small step back, Odette clears her throat as she looks away from the toddler, ashamed. Despite this, she could still feel his big eyes on her. She deserved to feel uncomfortable though. She was feeling miserable and in turn, was being mean to strangers.

At the end of the day, who was she to judge this woman and her knockoff leggings? This woman had a whole life with relationships and experiences she knew nothing about and yet her first thought was to judge her based on her appearance and decide that if she were a peer of theirs, she'd be a victim of her friend groups mean-girl antics. This lady was not her peer. She was a grown woman and a mother and she likely couldn't care less what Odette, Blair, or any of the other high school girls thought of her. Who were they to judge anyway?

Odette had slept with a married man.

Blair had screwed her long-term boyfriend's, long-term best friend.

None of them were perfect, at all. Yet they felt they could move through life looking down from their self-appointed pedestals, judging the world.

Shaking her head in dismay Odette moves slightly around the woman and waves to get the attention of the barista, "Hi, sorry to interrupt, but I would like to pay for her order."

Now being able to see the face of the stranger she had so quickly opted to judge, Odette is taken aback by how friendly she appeared to be.

"Oh my. You don't need to do that! I'm getting drinks for all the women in my 'mommy and me' group too and they get all the add-ins. They're difficult."

"No..." she really did need to do this, "I want to, and I don't mind, please let me?"

Bringing her hand to her chest, the woman juts out her lower lip forming a small pout, "You have no idea how nice this is. This one kept me up all night," She nudges the brown-eyed toddler on her hip, "and I woke up in the worst mood because of it but this gesture from you is just a reminder that life is good and nice people do still exist. Thank you so much!"

With a final smile, the woman turns away and moves to the end of the counter to wait for her order.

'Nice people do still exist.'

They might but Odette didn't know any and she herself, certainly wasn't one. Her gesture was far from nice and if anything was only an attempt to alleviate her own guilt for so quickly judging a stranger but perhaps she could take all the good karma she could get right now.

Stepping up to the register Odette lets out a hearty sigh, "Hi, can I get an Americano with two shots of espresso, please?"

"Okay. What's the name?"

"Odette."

"Wow."

Caught off guard, Odette turns in the direction that this new voice came from and is met with a smile from an unfamiliar man who appeared to be in his mid to late forties. He looked like a lumberjack with a large, protruding, belly that was practically busting out of his flannel, and his thick, wiry beard was more white than grey and covered most of his face.

"That is a very unique name you've got there, young lady. Beautiful too. Fitting."

How the fuck would you know if that's fitting or not? You don't know me.

It took everything in her to not roll her eyes.

Yeah, just like you didn't know that woman. Yet you made assumptions about her too...

That voice in her head had a point. Perhaps this was her payback for being so judgmental before. Now she was forced in a position to be hit on by Paul Bunyan so subtly that she could not act disgusted by his advances because he would, in turn, no doubt, feign confusion at how she could perceive his perfectly innocent compliment that way and she would look crazy. The woman always did.

"Thank you." She finally offers curtly, before turning her attention back to the barista, "What's my total?"

As Odette pulls her card out of her wallet, the man from before moves past her to grab his drink but before walking off, because he can't just walk off, he turns back to her and says, "You really should try to smile more. Life can't be that bad, darlin'."

Staring up at him, Odette could feel her insides start to boil. A sentiment similar to the one before, rang through her head - How the fuck would you know if my life is bad or not? You don't know me.

It was true.

This asshole didn't know the way she had degraded herself last night after so much work to be better than that. He didn't know that her best friend had sex with the guy Odette really liked and that they both had been keeping it from her for a month. He had no idea the hurt and self-hatred she was feeling inside and yet he wanted her to smile? There were so many things she could say, so many things she wanted to say but instead because it was just easier, the corners of her lips turned up in a forced smile.

"See, there we go. That wasn't so hard, was it?"

As soon as the man walks away from her, the charade ends, and her smile drops. Turning back to the barista once more, she asks again, "Sorry, what was my total?"

"I've got it, Sean."

Hearing yet another person interrupt what should have been a quick, painless, interaction, Odette turns around to stare down this new social intruder with fire in her eyes.

"Whoa, just trying to be nice." Dan slightly brings his hands up in defense and waits for her response before dropping them.

"Dan? What are you doing here?"

Scoffing to himself, Dan raises his eyebrows at her, "You're on my territory," Skimming her up and down, he can see she's clearly still in the same outfit from last night, "I should be asking you that, no?" Before she has a chance to respond, he turns back to the employee behind the counter, "Total?"

"Uh, an even seventy-six."

Dan's face noticeably falters as he glances from Odette to the cashier, "The hell did you order?" He whispers to her.

"I'm paying for the woman in front of me too."

He could appreciate the gesture but still resented the fact he ever offered to pay her order. Odette had more money than Dan had ever seen in his life yet he was the one paying her expensive bill? With a small sigh of defeat, he holds his card out, "I guess no good deed goes unpunished."

Odette can't help but notice that Dan practically holds his breath as he waits for the charge to be approved.

"Thanks, Dan. I'll Venmo you though."

Guiding her off to the table he had secured earlier that morning, Dan shakes his head, "Not necessary. After last night..." trailing off, he realizes he doesn't know how to finish his initial thought.

"Let's not talk about last night, ever, please?"

That was a particularly impossible request but he could at least try to appease her for the time being.

"Well, what are you doing here?"

"Let's call it sightseeing."

To this point Dan only offers a small nod - he could tell she was bullshitting but he also didn't have the heart to call her on it.

The two of them sit in uncomfortable silence for a while but just as Odette is about to crack from the discomfort, Dan starts again, "I know you don't want to talk about it but I want you to know that I'm here for you, if you change your mind or even if you don't."

Running her fingers across the nape of her neck, Odette remains quiet for a few more beats. The events of last night were on constant replay in her mind and the anguish of it all was heavy on her heart, more specifically her chest to the point it felt she was slowly losing the ability to breathe. The thoughts and feelings were suffocating. Her time with Jordan and her time asleep was her only escape from what felt like a true living nightmare. Now she was awake and had no one to distract her and she could feel all that she pushed down inside for that little while and it was now all flooding back to the surface - quickly and uncontrollably.

"I just don't," shaking her head in dismay, she meets Dan's gaze once more before beginning again, "I still don't really understand the whole thing. I'm having a difficult time wrapping my head around it. I don't know how they could do that?"

Her last point came out sounding like a question but if it was one, it was meant to be rhetorical. However, that didn't stop Dan from responding in his own special form of comfort - good ole' reliable sarcasm.

"I know? I can't believe that Blair Waldorf and Chuck Bass are capable of hurting someone and only acting in their own self-interest? So unlike them."

Absentmindedly chewing on her lower lip, Odette hardly realizes how sharply she is biting down until she feels her teeth penetrate the skin of her inner lip and a metallic taste begins to overwhelm her. Covering her mouth with one of her hands, she pleads with Dan, "That signature Humphrey sarcasm can be charming at times but right now is definitely not one of those moments."

"Understood, sorry." Dan preferred to give tough love in almost all situations but the Odette that sat before him now looked so utterly defeated and so unlike herself and he didn't have it in him to give her anything other than his gracious understanding.

"I'm not sure if I actually thanked you last night." Taking a breath to steady her growing nerves, Odette offers the best smile she can to Dan but this smile doesn't quite reach her eyes, "But, thank you. You really aren't such a bad dancer."

"It was the suit. A suit like that can make a gentleman out of anyone."

"Even, Dan Humphries, apparently."

"Apparently." At this, Dan lets out a small chuckle, "I guess the person who gifted me that suit has pretty good taste."

"Hm." Odette rolls her eyes gently, her half-hearted smile from before faltering further, "Not in people but suits, totally."

Dan could feel his forehead crease as his eyebrows knitted together, "Not everyone is Chuck and Blair, you know?"

"Thank God, for that."

"No." His mouth twitched as he tried to think over his next words carefully. Normally Dan was one to just talk, especially when nervous he'd practically word-vomit, but a situation of this severity, with someone as torn up as Odette was, made him feel like his responses required more consideration than usual, "I mean not everyone is like them. The two of them are wired differently. I think their narcissism speaks to one another. I guess in a way, it's kind of like they're perfect for each other." At this last point, Odette noticeably recoils. So much for trying to be considerate. "Bad point, I'm sorry. What I meant from the start was that they..." He trails off for a moment and makes no move to continue until finally, he shrugs, "They suck. They are the worst people I know but not everyone is them. There are still good people in the world. In your world."

Dan looked so optimistic as he spoke. Odette didn't have the heart to tell him that she felt like her whole world was them. She didn't have the heart to say it out loud to herself even but she knew it was true. Losing them meant so much more than just losing them. Losing Chuck and Blair meant losing everyone, and this was a loss she was already feeling not even twenty-four hours into this whole mess.

It was strange to see Odette like this. She was someone that seemed to possess natural confidence and while she wasn't always 'Miss Sunshine and Rainbows' she never had appeared so broken down.

But that's what Blair and Chuck did to people. They broke them and worse, they reveled in the takedown of it. Everything was a game, making everyone that came into their field of vision, game pieces. Dan had always seen the two of them for exactly who they were and he didn't understand how no one else saw it but now that Odette had, he would weirdly give anything to take that knowledge away from her if it meant she didn't have to look as defeated and heartbroken as she did right now.

"Hey, so Tanya said since I covered late shift Wednesday for Sean, I can dip out a little early today. Isn't that cool?"

Completely unaware of the heavy subject matter currently at hand, Vanessa interrupts the small moment between the two.

Waiting for some semblance of a response from Dan, Vanessa looks between him and Odette before sitting a cup of coffee in front of the blonde, "Americano, two shots of espresso?"

"Yeah, thanks." Taking a long sip of her coffee and letting the liquid burn down her throat, Odette sits the cup back down before looking to Dan, "I appreciate you buying my coffee and talking to me but I should probably get going."

"Right, right." Dan mentally kicks himself once he realizes he's now standing up, almost as if he was planning to walk her out or something. Doing his best to play it off he decides to go in for a hug. Which makes him want to kick himself even harder.

Surprisingly, Odette goes in for the hug as well. He had never taken Odette for much of a hugger but by the way she squeezed against him, he could tell it was a gesture of care that she was really needing.

"Seeing as you and I are basically the only ones not going to Croatia this holiday if you ever want to hang out...?" He really had planned to elaborate on that more, but he could feel Vanessa's disgusted stare burning into the back of his head and he once more felt like a complete idiot for his behavior.

"I appreciate that and I will let you know but I think my main plan for this extended holiday vacation is to curl up in my bed and disappear from the world for a bit."

"Well, if you decide you want to disappear together, you know where to find me." He hadn't meant that quite as suggestive as it sounded and he prayed she would let it go or walk away as if she heard nothing.

Staring at him for a moment, Odette offers the best smile she can once more. She could at least appreciate his effort. Her eyes shift from his face to various points around the room, "Yeah, trendy cafes in Brooklyn. That's where the Lonely Boys are. Good to know."

Without another word, Odette moves towards the entrance she initially came in and Dan watches her retreating figure with a familiar sense of melancholy. For some reason, this specific moment triggered flashbacks to when Allyson moved out. Odette never looked back at him, just like Allyson didn't as she walked out of their home for that last time, bags in tow.

Retreating figure, retreating figure.

Crying. So much crying.

Animosity. Never-ending.

"Earth to Humphrey?"

Pulled from his thoughts, Dan is met with an incredulous stare from a concerned Vanessa, "Hm?"

"What was that?"

Could Vanessa see where his mind had just gone?

Surely not?

"One Upper East Side Princess wasn't enough? You're setting out to get with the entire trust fund brat-pack, now?" Vanessa's lips were pressed into a thin straight line as she waited for his response.

"It is not like that with us. Besides, I have a girlfriend! Serena, maybe you've met her?"

Rolling her eyes, Vanessa nods in an over-animated way, "Yeah, I remember. Just making sure you do."

"I can be friends with girls I'm not interested in." It felt self-explanatory but he still gestured to Vanessa for extra effect.

The reminder was harsh. Gritting her teeth, Vanessa thinks of all the things she'd like to respond to. Maybe she could clarify he wasn't interested in her right now, but that wasn't always the case. As friends, they had kissed and even done a little more. She knew she wasn't crazy for picking up on a certain, very familiar vibe, between Dan and Odette but that wasn't a fight she was trying to have right now. "Whatever," She surrenders, "Did you hear what I said about Tanya?"

[Thursday, 11:22 A.M]

It was the day before Christmas when Odette finally found it within herself to get out of bed and leave her room. Since she had come home Sunday she had practically become dead to the world and she did exactly what she told Dan she would - disappeared.

Her phone had died Sunday morning and once she remembered she had last used her charger in the living room, she no longer cared about it. What did it matter if her phone ever turned on again when she had no one to talk to and no one that was trying to talk to her?

Odette felt comfortable locking herself away in her room because she had everything she could need in there. Well, mostly. She had basically been surviving on warm water bottles and a bag of stale sourdough pretzels for the past four days but she was fine with that. It wasn't like she had much of an appetite. The only one really suffering was Dottie. Thankfully, Odette wasn't completely alone in the house and therefore was able to crack her door open just enough for the exuberant pooch to free herself so that the housekeeper on duty could walk and feed her as needed. Once she was ready to rejoin Odette's misery party, Dottie would paw at the bedroom door to let her know. Almost all of Odette's limited energy was put into pulling herself in and out of bed to open and close the door for the dog.

Today was different though. She was tired of feeling tired. So she made herself get out of bed and take a shower. From there she took her time fixing her hair and doing her makeup. She was trying, desperately, to get back to her 'regularly scheduled programming' but as she forced a smile at her reflection in the mirror above her vanity, even she couldn't buy into the image she was trying to sell. She was not remotely happy but she also knew she couldn't wallow in it any longer or she might never pull herself back out.

Walking down one set of the twin staircases, Odette is almost tempted to consider getting this far a win and return to her den of depression. However, she knew she needed to stand strong and keep moving along if she stood a chance at getting out of this house. If she didn't do it now, she'd be stuck in her room until the New Year and then her first outing would be the first day back at school.

School.

There was always a sense of dread about returning to school after the holiday. Usually, this feeling of anxiousness was due to the prospect of returning to a mundane existence after having a fabulous break. Or maybe you got a terrible haircut a la 'new year, new you' and you were nervous about being judged, talked about, and teased, mercilessly. At this point in time, however, Odette would give anything to return to a mundane life or sport some bad haircut. All of her anxieties relating to school could be tied to two people.

Chuck and Blair.

It was the idea of actually seeing them again, after everything that had gone down at Cotilion and after they had jetted off to another county with all of her other friends and her sister, that had her feeling on edge. She was angry and beyond that, incredibly hurt and she wasn't sure what was actually going to happen once they were all back in the city. She especially didn't know what might happen once she was forced to be face to face with them. The idea of knocking them both across the face was soothing to her but not exactly realistic. She knew she needed to be strong and stand her ground - more importantly, stand up to them, but the more isolated she became from everyone the more small and insignificant she felt. Going against Blair meant losing every friend she had.

Her everyday life would be exactly how these last few had been. The idea of it made her stomach twist into painful knots.

"ешь сейчас"

Looking up, Odette is met with a hard stare from the housekeeper who quickly gestures to the formal dining room.

"ешь сейчас"

'Eat now', she repeats in Russian once more.

Odette wasn't at all hungry but she also was fearful of what the female Ivan Drago might do to her if she said no. Moving in the direction of the dining room, Odette tries to offer a small smile to the Russian woman but she is only met with a look of great displeasure.

Ulyana, who was the exact opposite of what her name suggested, was their holiday housekeeper. Meaning, she took over the responsibilities of cleaning and maintaining the expansive home while the Rockefeller's usual housekeeper, Astrella, got to have an extended holiday break to enjoy with her family. It was nice to give Astrella, or Star as the girls had called her from a young age, the time off with her family but Odette loathed having Ulyana in return.

Ulyana worked for an older couple in their building, the Abramov's, who Odette had long suspected of being connected to the Russian mafia. They had a daughter who lived in Florida and during the Christmas holiday they went to visit her and gave their trusted housekeeper that time off, with pay. Despite still receiving her regular wages, Ulyana resented having time off. She had no family, or friends so it appeared. She worked to live and lived to work and once she was presented with the opportunity to earn a supplemental income she jumped at it. Not so much for the money but rather just to have something to pass the time until the Abramov's returned.

Anika had sought the older woman out after getting into a heated argument with her in their building's elevator five years previously. Apparently, Ulyana resorted to calling Anika some less than favorable names in Russian during this interaction, and Anika was able to quickly call her on it and in turn, earn her respect. Realizing they shared a native tongue had quickly bonded the two women, despite their differences and previous squabble, and Ulyana had been working for them every Christmas season since.

Upon entering the large formal dining room, Odette quickly notices that the table is set for three people. As far as she was aware, Ulyana and herself were the only people currently occupying the home. Perhaps the third place setting was for their driver who wasn't required to stay in the penthouse but was on call at all times?

"Are you... eating with me?" She hadn't meant to pause for so long in between her sentence however she did feel a bit uneasy asking. She felt uneasy talking to the older woman in general.

At this question, Ulyana's eyes become narrowed as her lips curl in disgust, "Why would I be eating with you? Is this something your regular maid does?"

Odette had always preferred the term housekeeper to 'the maid' - the latter seemed far more degrading and harsh, especially the way Ulyana said it. Plus, as was the case with most house staff on the Upper East Side, Star had become a part of the family over her many years of servitude. She wasn't quite as hands-on when it came to child-rearing as others were but she still had formed a close bond with all three of the Rockefeller women living in the home. Still, having said that "No, she doesn't eat with us."

"Then I don't understand why you'd ask that?" Shaking her head in dismay, Ulyana begins to fill three perfectly polished, crystal glasses with water, "тупая девушка."

Unlike most people who tried to conceal the fact they were talking badly about someone by mumbling under their breath or whispering to themselves, Ulyana made no point to keep her feelings about anyone a secret. 'Dumb girl' is what she had called her, knowing perfectly well that Odette could understand her even if she said it in Russian. But that was kind of the point, Ulyana didn't care that Odette could understand her. She wanted her to know exactly what she thought of her.

The corner of Odette's lips pulled down into a small frown as she took her place at the table. As if she wasn't feeling lowly enough, now she was being insulted by a sixty-four-year-old woman who looked like a buff Strega Nona. She didn't have to take this from her? But she did because that's just who she was these days. She let people walk all over her. Just like how she let Blair and Chuck get away with what they did and escape in the night with everyone she liked or cared about before she could even tell Nate the truth. Now, knowing Blair as well as she did, she had no doubt she was poisoning all of them against Odette at this very moment. That was the thing about going to war with your best friend, they knew your secrets and weak points and could use them against you, and considering this was Blair Waldorf she was dealing with, Odette knew she wasn't at all safe from a public take-down. Sure, her biggest secret was probably safe since the only other person that knew was Carter Baizen but what about everything else Blair did know? She could already see it. While sipping some tropical drink by the pool Blair would recount the first time she met Odette and how the young blonde had been strung out and was by all accounts, a complete basket case. This wasn't entirely the truth but because Blair said it was, it would be in everyone else's mind. That was the power of Blair Waldorf. Beyond that, she also had Cortney in her corner and once plied with alcohol who could say what she might reveal to the others.

Odette didn't know and had no way of knowing. That was the sickest part of this entire thing. She was completely cut off from them all and had no choice but to sit around and agonize over what could be said and discussed about her at any given moment.

And while they were all off having a grand time and torturing her, she was stuck here being insulted by an old woman, and by the time they returned to the city if she made her move to confront Blair or out her and Chuck to Nate, no one would be willing to listen to Odette. They would assume it was her petty way of getting back at them for not including her on the trip or something ridiculous like that and she would be ostracized.

"I like the red bikini too but those strings on the bottoms come untied so easily."

"And that's a problem, why?"

Hearing two voices steadily growing louder as they approached the dining room, Odette is able to recognize that the first voice is her mother but she didn't recognize the second.

"Deets?!" Anika dramatically slaps her freshly manicured hand to her chest, "You scared me! I thought you were in the Balkans?"

Seriously?

"Nope." Odette makes sure to pop the -p for dramatic effect, "I've been here." Today was Thursday and she had been here since Sunday and despite never coming out of her room she knew for a fact her mother hadn't been home once in the days since. When Anika was home, the house was loud and the energy was chaotic. The feel of the home had been the opposite of that the past few days which made it all the easier for Odette to wallow in her misery in peace.

Shifting her gaze to the man accompanying her mother she instantly recognizes him as Jack Bass.

Jack stands in place for a moment, watching Odette expectingly as if he was waiting for her to greet him but this greeting never came. "Hello Odette, it's nice to see you again."

"It's nice to see you in more than just a towel this time." Odette's lips form into a tight line as she mentions the memory of their first meeting. She didn't know anything about Jack Bass and perhaps he was a perfectly nice guy but right now, she hated all things relating to Chuck, and unfortunately for Jack, that included himself.

"Doll, be nice. You're going to make our guest uncomfortable." Anika reprimands her with a stern look that would have been laughable to Odette had she had it in her to laugh at all. Anika rarely played the role of a true mother but then would get like this around any man she was dating. She'd scold and reprimand as if she had any authority over her daughters at all. She'd hold these random men's comfort in higher regard than the comfort of her own children despite the relationships always being fleeting. It was a joke and in turn, she was seen as a joke by both Odette and Cortney.

"No, that's okay." Pulling back his chair, Jack doesn't take his eyes off Odette as he sits down across from her at the large dining table. "I prefer honesty over disingenuous pleasantries. Besides, I don't think any woman should have to change themselves to appease a man."

His words would seem nice, or at least gracious, to an average passerby but Jack had that exact same look of devilish intent in his dark eyes that Chuck was so known for possessing and it was unnerving to her.

Staring back at him with a coldness, Odette speaks in a deadpan voice, "Wow, alert the press, Jack Bass is a feminist."

Anika looks nervously between her eldest daughter and the man of her dreams, or well, the man of her moment. She was really enjoying her time with Jack and she didn't appreciate the nastiness that Odette was hurling his way. As she opens her mouth to speak up for him, Jack burst into deep laughter.

"You're funny."

"She's hysterical." Anika stares at Odette knowingly, "But she can also be a bit much, which you are being right now. будь милым."

'Be nice.'

"No, you be nice, Mother." Odette quickly fires back, "It's so rude to talk in a language our guest can't understand."

"I'm not one to complain, I have a deep appreciation for the Russian tongue." His comment was overly suggestive and the way he ogled her as he said it made her squirm in her seat.

Noticing her discomfort, Jack chuckles to himself before offering his second glass to Ulyana, "Can I get an old fashioned?"

It was only eleven in the morning but Anika was a full-time alcoholic so it was only natural for drinks to be flowing at all hours of the day.

As Ulyana walks off to start making his drink, Odette stops her, "My charger is in the living room, can you plug my phone in please?" She would have gotten up herself but ever since her last comment, Anika had dug her heel into her foot under the table, effectively keeping her in place and on her best behavior.

"бесполезная девушка."

Odette's face drops as she watches the woman walk away having insulted her once more. Now, not only was she a dumb girl but a useless one too, apparently.

"Why didn't you go on the trip? When Coco called after Cotilion she made it seem like you both were going?" Once she finishes her question, Anika brings her wine glass to her lips and takes a long gulp as she waits for Odette to respond.

"Coco is an idiot and I wasn't invited."

To this point, Jack furrows his eyebrows together in slight confusion but doesn't say anything.

"Don't call your sister an idiot and explain? I'm very confused. Wasn't this trip organized by Charles? Why wouldn't you be invited?"

Of course, Anika needed it to be spelled out for her in bright and bold letters. Sure, Odette had given vague answers but couldn't her mother piece it together from that?

"Did you two break up?"

Okay, so she could.

Hearing the word 'break up' come out of her mother's mouth, while discussing Chuck in front of his Uncle, made Odette want to curl into a ball of shame and roll away.

"No. We were never together in the first place."

Then what are you so upset about?

That stupid voice in her head always chose the worst times to speak up. It was a valid question though and one she had been asking herself this entire time. They hadn't been together so did she really have the right to feel as spurned as she did?

Yes, you do!

Whether they were together-together or not, her feelings were still valid. Besides, it wasn't so much that it happened but that they tried to keep it from her. She'd like to think that if Chuck or Blair had been forthcoming about their transgression that she might have been able to get past it. Odette liked to think of herself as a pretty understanding person and they should have at least given her the chance. She shouldn't have had to find out the way she did. From Jenny Humphrey of all people!

Anika watches Odette with concerned eyes. She could practically see the wheels in her head turning as she internally agonized over the situation, "Regardless, I'm sorry it didn't work out Deets." She was more aware than either of her daughters liked to give her credit for but she wasn't sure that, that didn't make it worse because despite knowing what her daughter was going through she wasn't any more inclined to provide comfort to Odette than she had been before she knew anything. In fact, even as she was talking to her daughter, in the back of her head she was running down her list of things she still needed to pack for her upcoming trip with Jack.

Red bikini with the strings. Jack liked that one, evidently.

The white silk Dolce and Gabanna dress.

Vibrator... check the batteries first.

"Mom?"

Pulled from her thoughts, Anika searches Odette's face for some sort of reaction or clue. It was clear that Odette had been talking to her and she had been so invested in running through her list that she hadn't heard a single word.

Jack's head naturally tilted downward as he waited for Anika to respond, but based on the wide-eyed, deer in headlights, look she was sporting he felt it was safe to assume she had no idea what was said. Instead of allowing Odette to feel that no one was listening to her, he spoke up, "It's not my place and I don't mean to overstep but to be quite frank, my nephew is a little asshole. Us Bass men are not great at the whole relationship thing." He gestures to Anika, figuring that she'd appreciate him acknowledging as much, "We never have been. Bart and I were raised by a single dad and after Chuck's mom passed on, so was he and we all know Bart isn't the warmest individual and in turn, I think Chuck has grown to become more like him and less like his mother. Which is unfortunate because Evelyn was a wonderful..." Jack's shoulders slump as he realizes he is rambling at this point, "I'm not trying to make excuses for the kid I'm just saying, not to take whatever it is he did too personally."

Odette understood what Jack was trying to get at but that didn't change the fact that she absolutely did take Chuck's betrayal personally.

"I can appreciate what you're saying." Strangely enough, she actually could. "But I don't think bad experiences or unpleasant upbringings justify poor behavior. And while I'm sure losing his mother and growing up with Bart has affected him in a negative way, no offense to your brother," Jack shrugs off this comment before she continues, "I think giving Chuck a pass because of that is enabling him. You don't get a pass to be shitty and hurt people because you're hurting."

For a moment, Jack almost forgets he's talking to a teenager. For being young, Odette sounded so much like an adult. More so than even her own mother tended to. How his nephew had managed to score such an impressive young woman was beyond him but the fact he had lost her, made a lot more sense now. "I'm not going to sit here and pretend I'm a saint but because of my own experiences, I know damn well that Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. So, godspeed to my nephew." As he finishes this thought, Jack does the sign of the cross in front of Odette.

"I don't even think I'm angry anymore. I'm just disappointed." Odette was surprised at how forthcoming she was being with Jack, who by all accounts was a stranger to her. Maybe it was because he was really easy to talk to but then again she was almost positive she was just in that dire need of someone to talk to and more importantly, someone who would listen to her. At this point, she was desperate and she didn't really care who it was.

"Well, Jack was going to take me away for Christmas and to bring in the New Year but I agreed when I thought you and Coco wouldn't be around. So perhaps I should stay? So you aren't all alone?"

It was a nice offer, but Odette could see the fear behind her mother's eyes. She was terrified of Odette calling her bluff and asking her to stay behind. Not that she ever would, and her mom knew this which is why she had offered in the first place. "No, no way. You guys should go and have a good time. I'll find something to do."

Jack opened his mouth to say something and Odette had the strangest feeling that he was going to object to the whole thing but just as quickly as he had opened his mouth he firmly shut it once more.

"Are you sure?" Anika asked only once more for good measure.

"I'm positive. I'll be fine."

She wasn't sure she would in fact be fine but the truth was, being alone and being left with Anika was basically the same thing.

[Thursday, 12:28 P.M]

Brunch with Anika and Jack was excruciating to get through - mostly because of Anika.

Any concern Odette might have had about her mother seriously lacking substance was all but confirmed during the last hour, and she could only hope that she would never turn out to be as vapid. However, she was concerned loneliness could do that to a person. Even though she was considered somewhat of a B-list celebrity due to her reality show fame and had numerous, albeit short-lived, flings, Anika was probably the loneliest person Odette knew.

If she carried on the way she had been for the last week, Odette was on the fast track to wind up just like the person she loathed most in this world - her mother.

Settling back into the couch, Odette begins to scroll through her phone. Despite being powered off for several days, she had very limited phone notifications. Most were missed calls from a number she didn't recognize and the most recent was a gossip girl blast.

It takes longer than normal for the tab to load but once it has, Odette's eyes quickly scan the media blurb up and down.

ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴇᴠᴇɴɪɴɢ, ғᴏʟʟᴏᴡᴇʀs.

Furrowing her eyebrows in confusion, Odette scrolls back to read the time stamp for this particular blast and can see that it's from the day before. Now on the same page, she returns to reading over the post.

ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴇᴠᴇɴɪɴɢ, ғᴏʟʟᴏᴡᴇʀs.

ɢᴏssɪᴘ ɢɪʀʟ ʜᴇʀᴇ.

ɪ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ʙᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴏɴᴇ ᴇxᴘᴇʀɪᴇɴᴄɪɴɢ sᴇʀɪᴏᴜs ғᴏᴍᴏ ᴀғᴛᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇᴄᴇɴᴛ ғʟᴏᴏᴅ ᴏғ ᴘɪᴄs ᴘᴏsᴛᴇᴅ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ғᴇᴇᴅ? ᴏᴜʀ ғᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ᴜᴘᴘᴇʀ ᴇᴀsᴛ sɪᴅᴇʀs sᴇᴇᴍ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ʟɪᴠɪɴɢ ɪᴛ ᴜᴘ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴀʟᴋᴀɴs ᴛʜɪs ʜᴏʟɪᴅᴀʏ sᴇᴀsᴏɴ ᴀɴᴅ ᴊᴜsᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀʟʟ ᴏғ ʏᴏᴜ, ɪ'ᴍ ᴅʏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴋɪɴᴅ ᴏғ ғᴜɴ ᴛʜᴇʏ'ʀᴇ ɢᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ ᴜᴘ ᴛᴏ. ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴘᴇʀsᴏɴ ᴘʀᴏʙᴀʙʟʏ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴅᴇsᴘᴇʀᴀᴛᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴀɴsᴡᴇʀs ᴛʜᴀɴ ᴍʏsᴇʟғ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ ᴏᴅᴇᴛᴛᴇ ʀᴏᴄᴋᴇғᴇʟʟᴇʀ. ʙᴀsᴇᴅ ᴏɴ ʜᴇʀ ʟᴀᴄᴋ ᴏғ ᴘʀᴇsᴇɴᴄᴇ ɪɴ ᴀɴʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀʟʟ ᴘᴏsᴛᴇᴅ ᴘʜᴏᴛᴏs, ɪ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ ɪᴛ's sᴀғᴇ ᴛᴏ sᴀʏ sʜᴇ ᴡᴀs ᴠᴏᴛᴇᴅ ᴏғғ ᴛʜᴇ ɪsʟᴀɴᴅ. ᴏʀ, ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴇᴠᴇɴ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ɪᴛ ᴛᴏ sᴀɪᴅ ɪsʟᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇɢɪɴ ᴡɪᴛʜ.

ʏɪᴋᴇs. ᴡʜʏ ᴀʀᴇ ᴡᴇ sᴜᴄʜ ᴛʜᴇ sᴜᴅᴅᴇɴ sᴏᴄɪᴀʟ ᴄᴀsᴛᴀᴡᴀʏ, ᴏ?

ᴅᴇsᴘɪᴛᴇ ɴᴏᴛ ʜᴀᴠɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʀᴏᴘᴇʀ 𝟺𝟷𝟷 ᴏɴ ᴏᴜʀ ᴜsᴜᴀʟ sᴜʙᴊᴇᴄᴛs, ᴍʏ ɪɴʙᴏx ɪs ғᴜʟʟ ᴏғ sᴄᴀɴᴅᴀʟᴏᴜs ᴀɴᴅ sᴀʟᴀᴄɪᴏᴜs ᴅᴇᴛᴀɪʟs ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ sᴏ ᴍᴀɴʏ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀs. ᴀғᴛᴇʀ ᴀʟʟ, ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍɪᴄᴇ ᴀᴡᴀʏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴀᴛ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ғɪɴᴅ ɴᴇᴡ ᴘʀᴇʏ ᴛᴏ ᴘʟᴀʏ ᴡɪᴛʜ.

sᴘᴏᴛᴛᴇᴅ: ᴀᴛ 𝟻ᴛʜ ᴀᴠᴇɴᴜᴇ

ᴀ ᴄᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴ, ʀᴇᴅ-ʜᴇᴀᴅᴇᴅ, ᴍɪᴅ-ᴛɪᴇʀ ɪɴғʟᴜᴇɴᴄᴇʀ, ᴡᴀs sɪғᴛɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ sᴀʟᴇs ʀᴀᴄᴋ ᴀᴛ ᴀʀɪᴛᴢɪᴀ. ᴡᴇ ᴀʟʟ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜɪs ᴄʜᴀɪɴ sᴛᴏʀᴇ ᴄʟᴀɪᴍs ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴛʀᴇɴᴅʏ ʙᴜᴛ ᴍᴏsᴛ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴀɢʀᴇᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴄᴏɴsɪsᴛᴇɴᴛ ᴛʀᴇɴᴅ ɪᴛ ʜᴀs ɪs ʙᴇɪɴɢ ʙᴏʀɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜᴇᴀᴘ. ʀᴜᴍᴏʀs ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʙᴇᴇɴ sᴡɪʀʟɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴅᴀᴅᴅʏ ᴡᴀʀʙᴜᴄᴋs ʜᴀs ʙʟᴏᴡɴ ᴀʟʟ ʜɪs ᴍᴏɴᴇʏ ᴏɴ ᴄᴀʟʟ ɢɪʀʟs ʙᴜᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇs ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ɢᴏᴛᴛᴇɴ sᴏ ᴛᴏᴜɢʜ? ғɪʀsᴛ, ɪᴛ's ᴛʜᴇ sᴀʟᴇs ʀᴀᴄᴋ ᴀᴛ ᴀʀɪᴛᴢɪᴀ, ɴᴇxᴛ sʜᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ ʙᴇ ᴘᴏsᴛɪɴɢ ғᴀsʜɪᴏɴ ʜᴀᴜʟs ғʀᴏᴍ ᴢᴀʀᴀ ᴛᴏ ʜᴇʀ 𝟻𝟶ᴋ ғᴏʟʟᴏᴡᴇʀs. ʜᴏᴡ ǫᴜɪᴄᴋʟʏ ᴛʜᴇ ɪɴғʟᴜᴇɴᴄᴇʀ ʙᴇᴄᴏᴍᴇs ɪɴғʟᴜᴇɴᴄᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴄʜᴇᴜɢʏ ғᴀsʜɪᴏɴ. ғᴏʀ sʜᴀᴍᴇ...

ᴀɴsᴡᴇʀ: ᴡʜᴏ ɪs ᴍᴀɢɢɪᴇ ᴄʀᴇɴsʜᴀᴡ? [+ ʟɪɴᴋ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴀɢɢɪᴇ's ɪɴsᴛᴀɢʀᴀᴍ]

sᴘᴏᴛᴛᴇᴅ: ᴀᴛ ᴀ ᴅɪᴍʟʏ-ʟɪᴛ ʙᴀᴄᴋʀᴏᴏᴍ ᴏғ ʙᴀʟᴛʜᴀᴢᴀʀ

ᴛʜɪs ᴇsᴛᴇᴇᴍᴇᴅ ᴅᴀʟᴛᴏɴ sᴄʜᴏᴏʟ ʜᴏᴛᴛɪᴇ ʜᴀs ʙᴇᴇɴ ɪɴ ᴀ ʟᴏɴɢ-ᴛᴇʀᴍ ʀᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴsʜɪᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀ ʟᴇssᴇʀ-ᴋɴᴏᴡɴ ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛʏ ғʀᴏᴍ sᴘᴇɴᴄᴇ ʙᴜᴛ ᴛʜɪs ᴄᴏᴜᴘʟᴇ's ʀᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴsʜɪᴘ ᴘʀᴇᴅᴀᴛᴇs ᴇᴠᴇɴ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴏғ ᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇsɪᴅᴇɴᴛ ɢᴏʟᴅᴇɴ ʙᴏʏ ᴀɴᴅ ǫᴜᴇᴇɴ ʙ's. ᴛʜɪs ᴡɪʟʟ ᴍᴏsᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇʟʏ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴀs ᴀ sᴜʀᴘʀɪsᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴏsᴛ ᴄᴏɴsɪᴅᴇʀɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ғᴀᴄᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʟᴛᴏɴ ʜᴏᴛᴛɪᴇ ʜᴀs ʙᴇᴇɴ ɢᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ ʜᴏᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴇᴀᴠʏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ʙʟᴏɴᴅᴇ ɢɪʀʟ ʜᴇ ᴄᴀɴ ɢᴇᴛ ʜɪs ʜᴀɴᴅs ᴏɴ. ɪ'ᴍ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴏɴᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴋɪss ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴇʟʟ ʙᴜᴛ ɪ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs ᴛᴀʟᴋ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴏ ɪ sᴇᴇ ᴋɪssɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ɪɴ ᴛʜɪs ᴄᴀsᴇ, ɪᴛ ᴡᴀs ᴏᴜʀ ᴅᴀʟᴛᴏɴ ʙᴏʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀ ʙʟᴏɴᴅᴇ (sʜᴏᴄᴋᴇʀ) ᴡʜᴏsᴇ ᴍᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ɪs ᴀ ғᴀɴ ғᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ᴏғ ᴀ ᴘᴏᴘᴜʟᴀʀ ʙʀᴀᴠᴏ ᴛᴠ sʜᴏᴡ. ᴛʜɪs ᴍɪɢʜᴛ sᴏᴜɴᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀ ᴄᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴ ғᴀᴠᴇ ᴏғ ᴍʏ ᴘᴀɢᴇ, ʙᴜᴛ ᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴛʜɪs ɢɪʀʟ ᴄᴏᴍᴇs ғʀᴏᴍ ᴏʟᴅ ᴍᴏɴᴇʏ, sʜᴇ ɪs ɴᴏᴛ ᴀ ʀᴏᴄᴋᴇғᴇʟʟᴇʀ. ɪ'ᴍ sᴜʀᴇ ᴛʜɪs ᴛʀʏsᴛ ᴡᴀs ᴍᴇᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴀ sᴇᴄʀᴇᴛ ʙᴜᴛ ᴇᴠᴇɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢs ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʀᴋ, ᴏʀ ɪɴ ᴛʜɪs ᴄᴀsᴇ, ᴀ ᴅɪᴍʟʏ-ʟɪᴛ ʙᴀᴄᴋʀᴏᴏᴍ, ᴡɪʟʟ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ʟɪɢʜᴛ ᴇᴠᴇɴᴛᴜᴀʟʟʏ.

ᴀɴsᴡᴇʀ: ᴡʜᴏ ɪs ʜᴀʀʀɪsᴏɴ ɪᴋᴇʀ, ᴘᴀʟᴍᴇʀ ʜᴀʀʀᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ǫᴜɪɴᴄʏ ᴍᴏʀɢᴀɴ. [+ ᴀᴛᴛᴀᴄʜᴍᴇɴᴛ]

ᴀsᴋ ɢᴏssɪᴘ ɢɪʀʟ:

ᴅᴇᴀʀ ɢɢ,

ɪ ʀᴇᴄᴇɴᴛʟʏ ғᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴍʏ ʙᴇsᴛ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅ ʜᴀs ʙᴇᴇɴ ʜᴏᴏᴋɪɴɢ ᴜᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ɢᴜʏ ɪ'ᴠᴇ ʙᴇᴇɴ sᴇᴇɪɴɢ. ᴡᴇ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ sᴇʀɪᴏᴜs ᴏʀ ᴇxᴄʟᴜsɪᴠᴇ ʙᴜᴛ ɪ ᴅɪᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ʜɪᴍ ᴀɴᴅ ɪᴛ ᴅᴏᴇs ʜᴜʀᴛ. ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ᴅᴏ ᴡᴇ ɢᴏ ғʀᴏᴍ ʜᴇʀᴇ?

- sᴘᴜʀɴᴇᴅᴀɴᴅsɪɴɢʟᴇ

ᴅᴇᴀʀ sᴘᴜʀɴᴇᴅᴀɴᴅsɪɴɢʟᴇ,

ᴍʏ ᴀᴅᴠɪᴄᴇ ɪs ᴛᴏ ʙᴇᴄᴏᴍᴇ ʜᴏᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴇᴀᴅʏ ᴛᴏ ᴍɪɴɢʟᴇ. ɴᴏ ɢᴜʏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ sʟᴇᴇᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜʀ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅ ᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴘᴜʀsᴜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ɪs ᴡᴏʀᴛʜ ʜᴀᴠɪɴɢ, ʟᴇᴛ ᴀʟᴏɴᴇ ʙᴇɪɴɢ sᴀᴅ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ ɪɴᴛᴏ 'ᴀsᴋ ᴄᴏʟᴜᴍɴs' ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ. ɪ sᴀʏ ᴅɪᴛᴄʜ ᴛʜᴇ ʙɪᴛᴄʜ, ᴛᴏᴏ. ᴀ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪs ɴᴏ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅ ᴀᴛ ᴀʟʟ. ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ʙᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ ᴏғғ ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ʙᴏᴛʜ. ᴀs ғᴀʀ ᴀs ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴏ ғʀᴏᴍ ʜᴇʀᴇ, ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴀʟʀᴇᴀᴅʏ ᴀᴛ ʀᴏᴄᴋ ʙᴏᴛᴛᴏᴍ sᴏ ᴛʜɪɴɢs ᴄᴀɴ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴏɴʟʏ ɢᴏ ᴜᴘ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜɪs ᴘᴏɪɴᴛ. ʏᴏᴜ sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ ᴍᴏᴠɪɴɢ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ʟɪɢʜᴛᴇʀ ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟ ʙᴀɢɢᴀɢᴇ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴏsᴇ ᴛᴡᴏ. ᴀs ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇᴍ, ɪ'ᴅ sᴀʏ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴄᴀɴ ɢᴏ ᴛᴏ ʜᴇʟʟ.

- ɢɢ

ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄɪᴛʏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ sʟᴇᴇᴘs ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ɪs sᴄᴀɴᴅᴀʟ ᴀɴᴅ ᴅʀᴀᴍᴀ ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ᴛᴜʀɴ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀᴛ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ʜᴏᴜʀ. ɪ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ʙᴇ ɪɴ ᴀʟʟ ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇs ᴀᴛ ᴏɴᴄᴇ, ʙᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴀɴᴋs ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟʟ, ɪ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ. ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟʟ ᴀʀᴇ ᴍʏ ᴇʏᴇs ᴀɴᴅ ᴇᴀʀs ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ᴀᴍ ᴍᴇʀᴇʟʏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏᴜᴛʜᴘɪᴇᴄᴇ - ᴛᴏɢᴇᴛʜᴇʀ, ᴡᴇ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛᴇ ᴀɴ ᴀʟʟ-sᴇᴇɪɴɢ, ᴀʟʟ-ᴋɴᴏᴡɪɴɢ, ᴀʟʟ ᴛᴇʟʟɪɴɢ, ʜᴇᴀᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ғᴏʀᴄᴇ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ʀᴇᴄᴋᴏɴᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ.

ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜɪs ᴛᴏ sᴀʏ, ɪ'ᴍ ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ.

xᴏxᴏ ɢᴏssɪᴘ ɢɪʀʟ

Odette found some comfort in the fact there was someone currently going through the exact same thing she was but the feeling was fleeting as her attention was pulled back to the top of the post where Gossip Girl mentioned all the photos being posted online and how she was noticeably missing from them all. Without a second thought, she switches apps to begin stalking the various profiles of her friends. It would no doubt be hurtful to see pictures of them all happy and living it up while she was stuck in New York, miserable and alone, but she needed to see it. She needed to torture herself.

Typing in Blair's handle, nothing is registered and instead, she is met with an infuriating textbox stating, 'No Results Found'.

This was odd but not entirely surprising. Blair could be a bit trigger-happy when it came to swiftly blocking people she had altercations with. To view the social media pages of the Blair Waldorf was a privilege, at least in Blair's own eyes. So if you crossed her, you were blocked and the degrees of crossing her could vary.

Run for the same student board position as her at school? Blocked.

Sit higher than her on the steps of the Met? Blocked.

Even daring to wear last season anything could earn you a spot on Blair's blocked list.

However, once she was over whatever slight she deemed you took out on her, she'd unblock you until you did the next thing that offended her. It was a vicious cycle and something to be expected given the two girls' last interaction.

She moves onto Chuck but is met with the same text bar from before.

Serena was the same.

Iz, Kati, and even Cortney were all the same.

The only person who didn't have her blocked was Nate. Good, dependable, Nate... who in truth, wasn't too keen on social media anyway.

He rarely posted anything new so he didn't have any recent pictures from Croatia. Not that he'd be able to post anything, even if he wanted to, considering Blair had lost or destroyed his cell. Likely to sever any and all contact Odette could have with him.

She could always send him a message now and wait till he got back into town, and checked his socials, to be able to find it:

Hey Nate! Hope you're enjoying your vacation. Btw, Chuck and Blair fucked.

But that seemed like such a cold way to go about spilling the truth about something so detrimental. No, she would just have to wait till he was back in New York and she could talk to him in person. Although, by then it would probably be too late. Clearly, Blair's crusade against her was in full effect and she was, essentially, being iced out by them all.

What had she even done to deserve any of this?

She was the victim here but that didn't matter when she was up against the master of schemes and takedowns.

Blair was playing chess while Odette was still stuck on checkers - she was not just one step ahead of her but rather three. There was no way for Odette to compete and she was backed into a corner and feeling extremely defeated on all fronts.

Despite quickly noticing she had no missed calls or texts from either of them when she powered her phone on, Odette still makes a point to check her most recent text conversations with Chuck and Blair to see if anything was overlooked. It was ridiculous and naive, but part of her hoped one of them had made a point to reach out to her. The entire time she had been wallowing in misery in her room, with her dead phone, she had wondered if they were trying to contact her and had found some small comfort in that. Now it was obvious they hadn't and she was left feeling more miserable because of it.

Looking through her recent calls list she sees several missed calls but none from the people she wanted to hear from. Most of the calls came from the same unfamiliar number from before.

"That's a Croatian landline."

Lurching her body forward in surprise, Odette looks over her shoulder to see Jack hovering inches above her.

"Wha-"

Jack continues before she can get her sentence out, "Croatia, that's interesting, isn't it? Perhaps it's Chuck?"

His eyes gleam with suggestive intent as he raises his eyebrows at her.

"Why are you spying on me?"

"Honestly when I came in here and saw you on your phone I was hoping you were going through your camera roll and that I could snap some mental pictures of you and your friends in those catholic school girl uniforms. For later purposes, of course."

"You are literally sleeping with my mother, that is so inappropriate and disgusting."

Shrugging off her concern, Jack moves to sit on the armchair of the couch Odette is on which makes Odette promptly move several seats over to put some much-needed distance between them.

"Give it a few years and we'll see if you're still singing the same tune."

She didn't have a doubt in her mind that she would always find Jack Bass skeezy and his advances repulsive, but men like him believed they were God's gift to women and there would be no convincing him that she was not now, nor would she ever be, interested in him. So, instead of continuing that conversation, she jumps back to the previous, much more prevalent one.

"Besides, why would Chuck call me from a landline when cellphones exist?"

"Oh, so you think it's just a coincidence that you're suddenly getting calls from the one place almost everyone you know is currently vacationing?" Jack shoots her a look of serious judgment, "Oh well, can't help stupid." Pushing himself off the armchair he starts to walk away from a slightly offended Odette, but as he remembers what he was coming to talk to her about initially, he turns back with a wide, Cheshire cat-like grin. "I almost forgot, I've got something for you. Call it an early Christmas gift." Reaching into his jacket pocket his fingers fumble around in there for a moment before he pulls out and presents to her a decent-sized bag of finely crushed white powder.

Odette's face drops, from a mixture of shock and horror.

"You, a grown man, are giving me, a sixteen-year-old, cocaine for Christmas?"

"Well, I think it'd be more clever to say I'm giving you a white Christmas, but sure." As he speaks, he holds out the baggie for her to take.

Practically slapping his hand away from her, Odette takes a small step back for added measure, "What the fuck is wrong with you, seriously?"

"Hm, well ignoring the fact that was probably meant as a rhetorical question if you really want to get into it, a lot. I'm pretty sure I have undiagnosed ADHD. Although some of that could also be explained by the years of drug abuse, I suppose. I also, strangely enough, always have mostly gone for women older than me and they are usually mothers. So, I guess my old man was right to call me a motherfucker most of my life." A rather proud grin suddenly spreads across Jack's face - clearly, he was impressed with himself for delivering, what he thought was, a clever anecdote about his clearly rough upbringing. Evidently complicated relationships between Bass men and their sons were on a generational scale. "I think my preferences stem from my lack of a motherly presence growing up since my mom left when I was young. Um..."

"You are ridiculous." Odette didn't need to hear about Jack Bass's mommy issues or possible mommy kink, and she certainly couldn't get into it with him how disturbing it was that he clearly sought out mothers that reminded him of his own - emotionally distant from their children, undependable and absentee. That seemed like an issue for a therapist, who would get paid absorbent amounts of money, to tackle and she resented him even dumping this all on with her when she had her own issues to worry about and definitely wasn't getting paid to deal with his bullshit.

"Speaking of mothers. I wonder what mine would think about you offering her teenaged daughter, drugs! Perhaps we should ask her." As Odette moves to get around him, Jack steps in front of her and leans down so that they are almost at eye level with one another.

"Do you really think she'd care? I mean, no offense, I guess, but I don't think she would. She really likes me."

At this realization, Odette's face falters and she goes to sit back on the couch in defeat. After everything else she had been dealing with, or rather not dealing with, she had no fight left in her. Especially when it came to going up against the likes of Jack Bass. She had done this same song and dance with Anika's other boyfriends and flings before and she knew how this would end.

It was sad that even Jack Bass, as new to the scene as he was, knew Anika would pick problematic men over her children any day of the week.

Pulling her knees to her chest, she wraps her arms around herself in an attempt to comfort herself.

Her friends didn't care about her wellbeing, neither did Cortney or Chuck, and now, as Jack Bass had so kindly pointed out, it was apparent that not even her mom really cared. She had no one.

"Look, kid, I'm sorry. To be fair, I did say no offense." Jack walks back to where Odette is seated and hovers over her once more, "Basically, I feel bad about taking your mom away for the holiday, and honestly... you're moping around the house all depressed-like and I'd kind of feel like shit if you ended up slitting your wrist in the bathtub while we were gone or something."

"Oh, please stop talking!" Throwing her hands over her face, Odette can feel herself begin to sink. She was horrified. Not because Jack had assumed she was suicidal, which she wasn't, but that it almost sounded appealing to her. The thought of it only lingered for a brief moment but it had been there and it was loud and she was now acutely aware that she was in a way worst place mentally than she had initially thought.

"Relax. I'm just saying, this stuff," he flashes the baggie at her once more, "always improves my mood so I figured it could keep you feeling good in a time where you maybe can't manage it yourself."

Odette had never stopped to think or consider much about Jack Bass before nor did she ever really care to but, based on this conversation alone, she felt it was safe to assume he suffered from his own issues, clearly, and he obviously self-medicated. It was way too easy for him to spot that something was off with Odette. He recognized the sadness within her because it was all too familiar to the despondency he carried with him daily.

His gesture was still completely inappropriate but in his own, really weird, way she supposed he genuinely was trying to be kind.

Reaching out she takes the bag of coke from him and tucks it into her waistband, "Thank you, I guess?"

"You're welcome." He smiles at her but like before, his grin is unsettling, "Now about those school uniforms..."

[Thursday, 7:25 P.M]

The usual Christmas anthems played, loudly, in rotation but were mostly drowned out by the boisterous crowd of people. Odette wasn't entirely sure why she had thought this was a good idea, but she was here and she was committed.

After Anika and Jack had left for the airport, she ended up back in her dark bedroom, under her cold sheets. She had considered staying there for the foreseeable future but then decided that with no one around to pull her out of this emotional slump, she needed to do it herself. Maybe no one cared about her but she cared about her and that was enough for now. It needed to be so that's what she kept telling herself as she forced herself to shower, put on makeup, get dressed and walk out of her building.

She wasn't just aimlessly moving either, she had a purpose. After Gossip Girl had been so kind as to point out that she was noticeably absent from her friend's holiday trip, she needed to take action and post a picture of herself looking stunning as ever and more so, happy. It would be a forced smile but it would do the trick and garner the number of likes she needed to feel temporarily validated.

Was the whole thing pathetic? Probably, but it got her out of her house for the first time in days and she'd take that as a small win.

It was Christmas Eve so traffic was even more chaotic than normal. She also didn't have a clue where she was headed and so she instead opted to walk and let her feet guide her.

The irony wasn't lost on her that her trek had brought her to Rockefeller Center and up close and personal with the coveted prize tree.

Staring up at it she is amazed at how large the structure truly is and in comparison, she felt insignificant and small. Growing up and attending the tree lighting party her grandfather threw year after year had really made her take this sight for granted. She always looked down on the tree, literally in the sense that the Rainbow Room sat at a higher level and figuratively in that she had never understood why people came from all over just to see 'some silly tree'. Standing before it now she couldn't deny that she felt overwhelmed by both its beauty and the intense way in which it humbled her to be viewing it here, the same way everyone else does.

"Beautiful isn't it?"

Pulled out of the trance the Christmas tree had on her, Odette realizes small tears have started to stream down her face. She quickly moves to wipe them away before facing the stranger talking to her, "It is, yes."

"I've watched the tree lighting on tv every year since nineteen ninety-seven. My husband and I have been saving for years to come to New York during Christmas just to see it in person."

Odette nodded along to what the woman was saying but didn't say much, she didn't need to as the lady carried on without missing a beat.

"I'm a school teacher from a very small town in Minnesota, going on...oh, thirty-eight years."

Odette could tell this woman felt a great sense of pride in this accomplishment. As she should. To a teenager like Odette time felt infinite in the worst way and impossibly long - imagining where she would be in two years felt exhausting and unimaginable and thirty-eight years sounded like several lifetimes.

"So I wasn't able to make it for the actual lighting ceremony but once school released for the Christmas break, Todd and I took off and I've been loving every minute of my big New York vacation."

"Now Alice Digby, I'm sure this young lady doesn't care to hear about two fuddy duddy's exploring the city." The woman's husband, Todd, joins the two of them and wraps an arm around his wife's shoulders.

"No, I think it's great that you two finally made it out here and I hope you are enjoying yourself." Looking at the couple and then back to the tree she asks, "Would you two like a picture in front of it?"

Alice's face lights up at the prospect, "You don't mind? I'm sure a young thing like yourself has more exciting places to be right now."

"Not at all," Odette assures but as Alice presents her phone to her, Odette's face drops. It was an early generation galaxy phone and the screen was severely cracked, rendering it mostly useless in this situation. "Um, why don't you let me take the pictures on my phone and I can text or email them to you?"

"That would be wonderful! My daughters tell me that those iPhones take the best pictures but I can't bring myself to figure out how to work the darn thing."

To this point, Odette laughs and easily recognizes that this was her first genuine laugh in days - it felt good.

Alice was the type of tourist most New York natives hated. Having been born and raised in the city it was uncool to love New York in the way that tourist always did and it made people like Odette and Blair and everyone else, feel better, or maybe even superior, to look down on outsiders like the Digby's.

It doesn't take long for Odette to realize this couple has no sense on how to pose and so she instead coaches them through it. Finally, once she has them set just right she starts to snap picture after picture, and before long Todd turns away from the camera to look at his wife adoringly before leaning in to give her a big kiss. Odette manages to get pictures of each of these moments too and for the second time since coming to see this dumb, beautiful, tree, she starts to cry.

Rejoining Odette where she stands, both Alice and Todd look concerned, "Are you alright, dear?"

"Yes, I'm so sorry. This is embarrassing I just..." There was so much she could say. She could tell them how much she missed her sister. She could tell them how heartbroken she was about her best friend and the guy she cared for betraying her trust. She could even tell them how immensely lonely she'd been over the last few days. But unlike Alice from Minnesota, she wasn't an oversharer and so instead she lies, "I love the holidays and it's so nice to see a couple like yourselves that love each other so much."

It wasn't a complete lie. It was nice to see these strangers' obvious love of one another but it also felt like a punch to the gut as she's reminded how alone she really is. Not even just in a romantic sense but in general.

"Well aren't you just the sweetest, come here!" Before Odette can object, Alice wraps her arms around her and gives her a good, long hug. "Thank you for being so sweet to us, most of the people your age in this city have been so rude. You've made our whole night."

The idea of impacting such kind strangers in a positive way made Odette feel good but it wasn't enough to bring her back to feeling normal. Not that she really expected it would but at this point, she was hoping for anything to make her feel better.

Once she has exchanged contact info with the couple and sent the many pictures she took of them, the three of them say goodbye. As Alice walks away, she turns back to stare at the tree before calling out to Odette, "I hear the family are a bunch of assholes so fuck every one of 'em but they sure know how to pick a good tree. Merry Christmas, dear!"

Odette is too stunned to speak and instead only offers a small wave in return. Apparently, Alice the school teacher of thirty-eight years had quite the mouth on her. Watching as the Digby's disappear into the crowd, Odette shakes her head in dismay before looking back up at the tree. Which no longer looked so beautiful and now seemed to be taunting her. Was this some kind of sick joke? As if she didn't feel bad enough... How did even a sixty-year-old woman from Minnesota hate her?

"Watch it!"

"Don't just stand there!"

As she is roughly shoulder checked and shoved by two massive groups of people moving in opposite directions, Odette realizes she's made a terrible decision and needs to get out of here.

"Move, bitch!"

"Wow, and happy holidays to you too, asshole!" She didn't actually see who threw profanities her way, so her response was shouted in the general direction, but no one seemed fazed and they all carried on moving around her. As was the norm for her lately, she was the only one left feeling bad about herself and stuck in place.

Feeling her phone vibrate against her hand, she eagerly - almost too eagerly, checks to see who this incoming notification was from.

She is immediately disappointed to see it's only Gossip Girl and that feeling grows tenfold as she reads the latest update from the bitchy cyberstalker.

ᴍᴇʀʀʏ ᴄʜʀɪsᴛᴍᴀs, ғᴏʟʟᴏᴡᴇʀs

ᴛʜᴇ ʙɪɢ ᴍᴀɴ ʜɪᴍsᴇʟғ ᴍɪɢʜᴛ ɴᴏᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛᴏᴡɴ ᴊᴜsᴛ ʏᴇᴛ ʙᴜᴛ ɪᴛ's ᴄʜʀɪsᴛᴍᴀs ᴇᴠᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ sᴘɪʀɪᴛ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴏʟɪᴅᴀʏ, ɪ'ᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ɢɪғᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴋᴇᴇᴘs ᴏɴ ɢɪᴠɪɴɢ.

ᴏᴜʀ sᴜᴅᴅᴇɴ sᴏᴄɪᴀʟ ᴄᴀsᴛᴀᴡᴀʏ ʜᴀs ғɪɴᴀʟʟʏ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴘʟᴀʏ ʙᴜᴛ ʙᴀsᴇᴅ ᴏɴ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ɪ'ᴍ sᴇᴇɪɴɢ, sʜᴇ'ᴅ ᴘʀᴏʙᴀʙʟʏ ғᴀʀᴇ ʙᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ ɪɴ ʜɪᴅɪɴɢ.

sᴘᴏᴛᴛᴇᴅ: ᴀᴛ ʀᴏᴄᴋᴇғᴇʟʟᴇʀ ᴄᴇɴᴛᴇʀ

ᴀɴ ᴇᴀsɪʟʏ ʀᴇᴄᴏɢɴɪᴢᴀʙʟᴇ ʏᴏᴜɴɢ ʙʟᴏɴᴅᴇ ᴡᴀs ʀᴇᴘᴏʀᴛᴇᴅʟʏ ʙʀᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴛᴇᴀʀs ɪɴ ғʀᴏɴᴛ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴠᴇʀʏ ᴛʀᴇᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʙᴇᴀʀs ʜᴇʀ ғᴀᴍɪʟʏ's ɴᴀᴍᴇ sᴀᴋᴇ. ᴇᴠɪᴅᴇɴᴛʟʏ, sʜᴇ ᴡᴀs sᴜᴄʜ ᴀɴ ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟ ᴡʀᴇᴄᴋ ᴛʜᴀᴛ sʜᴇ ɴᴇᴇᴅᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴄᴏɴsᴏʟᴇᴅ ʙʏ sᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇʀs ᴀɴᴅ ʙʏ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴏᴏᴋs ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ᴄʟᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ... ᴍɪᴅᴡᴇsᴛᴇʀɴ sᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇʀs, ɢʀᴏss.

ᴀɴsᴡᴇʀ: ᴡʜᴏ ɪs ᴏᴅᴇᴛᴛᴇ ʀᴏᴄᴋᴇғᴇʟʟᴇʀ? [+ ᴀᴛᴛᴀᴄʜᴍᴇɴᴛ]

ᴡʜᴇɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍɪɢʜᴛʏ ғᴀʟʟ, ᴛʜᴇʏ sᴜʀᴇ ғᴀʟʟ ʜᴀʀᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ᴀɴʏ ᴍᴏʀsᴇʟ ᴏғ ᴅɪɢɴɪᴛʏ ɪᴛ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ sᴇᴇᴍ. ᴡᴇ ᴀʟʟ ᴍᴀʏ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀssᴜᴍᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ᴀ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅʟᴇss ʟᴏsᴇʀ ᴡʜᴇɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅs ᴅɪᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ, ᴏ. ʙᴜᴛ ɴᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ'ᴠᴇ sʜᴏᴡɴ ᴜs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪᴛ's ɴᴏᴛ ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴀɴ ᴀssᴜᴍᴘᴛɪᴏɴ ᴀɴʏᴍᴏʀᴇ, ɪᴛ's ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʀᴜᴛʜ.

ᴡᴇ ᴀʟʟ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ʜᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇ sᴀʏɪɴɢ ɢᴏᴇs, ᴛʀᴜᴛʜ ʜᴜʀᴛs. ʙᴜᴛ ᴛʀᴜsᴛ ᴍᴇ, ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪs ɪɴᴄᴏᴍᴘᴀʀᴀʙʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴀɪɴ ᴏғ ғᴀʟʟɪɴɢ sᴏ ʀᴀᴘɪᴅʟʏ ғʀᴏᴍ ɢʀᴀᴄᴇ. ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴀsᴋ ᴏᴅᴇᴛᴛᴇ.

ᴍʏ ᴀᴅᴠɪᴄᴇ? ʏᴏᴜ ʙᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ ᴘᴜʟʟ ʏᴏᴜʀsᴇʟғ ᴛᴏɢᴇᴛʜᴇʀ ǫᴜɪᴄᴋ, ᴏ. ᴏʀ ʜᴀᴠᴇɴ'ᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴇᴀʀᴅ? ʀɪᴄʜ ɢɪʀʟs ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴄʀʏ. ᴀᴛ ʟᴇᴀsᴛ ɴᴏᴛ ɪɴ ᴘᴜʙʟɪᴄ ᴀɴᴅ ᴄᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴʟʏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ sʜᴏᴜʟᴅᴇʀs ᴏғ ʙᴏᴏᴍᴇʀ sᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇʀs.

xᴏxᴏ ɢᴏssɪᴘ ɢɪʀʟ

[Friday, 12:03 A.M]

After reading Gossip Girl's latest blast any and all hope that Odette had for saving face was quickly squashed and she returned home in defeat. Taking a long drink from her crystal glass, she focuses on the feeling of the liquor burning down her throat. Anika had a whole collection of cheap vodka she had regularly delivered from Russia. Every drop of it was worst than the last but her mother felt comforted by it because it reminded her of home and Odette usually felt comforted by it because it was a guaranteed blackout. Unfortunately, as her luck would have it, tonight it wasn't doing the trick.

She had started drinking almost immediately after she returned home and yet she felt nothing except an overwhelming emptiness within her.

Not even her favorite Christmas-themed movie was managing to improve her mood and if the likes of Hugh Grant and Andrew Lincoln couldn't make her feel better she wasn't sure anything could.

Hearing her phone vibrate against the glass surface of the coffee table, startles her but only slightly. For a split second, she's concerned that it might be another vile update from Gossip Girl, ripping her apart even further. However, as the phone continues to buzz in place she realizes it's not a notification at all but rather a phone call.

Leaning forward from where she is planted on the couch, she peers at the mostly unrecognizable number and after a moment realizes it's the same unknown number that's been calling her all week.

'That's a Croatian landline.'

Jack's words from earlier in the day ring through her ears as her fingers inch closer to the phone. 'Perhaps it's Chuck?' At this reminder, her hand twitches before drawing back towards her chest altogether.

If it was Chuck, she really wasn't ready to talk to him.

But also, if it was Chuck, why was he trying so hard to contact her?

Did she care what he had to say? She'd like to say no but truth was, she did care. She cared a lot which is what had gotten her into this whole mess, to begin with. Odette reaches forward for the phone once more but her initial hesitation cost her and by the time she had the phone in her hand, prepared to answer, the call ended. She hated how disappointed she felt to have missed a potential call from Chuck. She shouldn't want to talk to him and she didn't want to, not really... but the night of Cotilion she had been so blindsided and so angry that they never really had the opportunity to talk. Not that there was much to say... but if he was trying to talk to her she did want to hear it.

Instead of waiting around on him to possibly call again, she takes matters into her own hands. Without giving it another thought, Odette taps the most recent missed call and after a few rings, that seemed to last for minutes each, she feels her breath hitch in her throat as she hears someone pick up the other line.

"Hello?"

That voice wasn't the one she was expecting or hoping for, but she recognizes it instantly.

"Cort? You're the one that keeps calling me from this number?"

There is a long pause on the other end of the line but eventually, her sister does respond.

"Yes. Sorry."

"Okay, why not just call me from your cell?" Leaning back into her spot, she realizes she has been in the same position for so long that the couch has molded to the shape of her body.

"Great question. I guess I felt like if you answered this way it was fate and we were meant to talk."

That felt like a weird response coming from her sister but the more she heard Cortney's voice, the more comforted she felt and so she decided she didn't really care what was being said anymore.

"I'm sorry about what I said the last time we spoke."

"You are? Me too. I've actually kind of missed you, can you believe that?"

A small chuckle escapes Odette's tightly pressed lips, "I can't believe that, actually. But, I've missed you too. A lot." Towards the end, her voice cracks and she prays Cort won't notice or at least, won't comment on it.

"I saw the Gossip Girl blast. You doing okay? Is that a dumb question?"

She wasn't and it was but Odette was also not prepared to go there, on either front, right now.

"I'm great! She needs to do a better job at vetting her sources because that was definitely not me. I've been home all day."

Closing her eyes, Odette practically holds her breath as she waits for her sister's response. Cortney most likely knew she was lying but she was hopeful that she'd let her get away with it.

"I feel bad you're home all alone."

This time it was Cortney's voice that cracked and Odette's turn to not comment on it, "Don't be ridiculous. I'm not alone." It wasn't a lie, Dottie was also here and Ulyana would return for her morning duties sometime around seven. At the reminder of the time, Odette glances at the clock hung on the adjacent wall from her, "What time is it there?"

"Like six in the morning. I got back in from this party a while ago..."

Odette didn't have much to say about that. It was one thing to assume they were all having fun and quite another to directly be told so.

"Anyway, I'm actually watching Love Actually right now so it's funny that you called."

"Well, technically you called me first but funny enough, that's exactly what I'm watching."

"Even while in completely different places, we still get to have our tradition. Kind of. I'm at your favorite part right now."

While true to a degree, the mention only made Odette crave her sister's presence more.

"I don't understand how you don't get heart palpitations watching Andrew Lincoln confess his love to Keira Knightly. The cards on the doorstep is the most famous scene from the whole movie! The movie you claim to love, yet you hate that scene. Makes zero sense."

Odette can't help but crack a smile as she can hear Cortney's laughter through the speaker.

"Actually, it makes perfect sense when you know I hate that couple in general. She is literally newly married to his character's best friend. That's not romantic, that's shady. Besides, Colin Firth marching through the streets to find and propose to Aurelia is not only comedy gold but actually sweet. And in that pairing, no one is betraying anyone's trust."

Knocking her head back against the couch pillows in frustration, Odette is quick to argue this, "They barely talk the whole movie because they can't understand each other. What's worse? Essentially saying you'll love someone from afar or marrying someone you don't even really know?"

"We have this same debate every year. You know, for two people that genuinely love this movie we sure are quick to rip it apart."

"I think to love romantic-comedies you have to have enough self-awareness to recognize they're all pretty ridiculous in their own way."

"Fair enough."

Despite Cortney's statement being followed by mutual laughter between the sisters, once that dies down they sit in silence for several beats before Odette has to speak up to put an end to the awkward silence between them, "It's late, or well, early for you, so I should go and let you get some rest."

"Right, thanks. But hey, Merry Christmas, Deets."

"Merry Christmas to you too, Coco." Feeling tears start to well up in her eyes, Odette quickly ends the call and is met with the former deafening silence that accompanied being so, completely, alone.

Talking to Cortney made her feel good while they were on the phone. However, now that it was over she found herself aching for more human contact with the people she cared about. All that anger she had for Cortney, Blair, and even Chuck was all but gone and instead replaced by a deep, painful, longing. She was tired of missing them and she was tired of being sad. She wanted to feel anything but that for a change of pace.

Wiping the stray tears that had escaped down her cheeks, she reaches for her purse and after searching the contents carefully, she pulls out her Christmas gift from Jack.

She was hardly an amateur when it came to blow but it had been a long time since she dabbled in it. It had to kind of be like riding a bike though.

Pulling out her Barney's credit card and a loose bill from her wallet, she separates out two white lines on the glass surface of the coffee table and then rolls the bill into a tight cylinder. Before giving herself time to think things through a bit more rationally, she places one end of the bill against the table surface and the other end against her right nostril. With her left index finger holding her other nostril closed, she drags the bill in one fluid motion and can feel the burn she was craving from before.

This was completely different than the burn of cheap alcohol, but it warmed her insides just the same.

As the familiar, pungent, bitterness drips down the back of her throat, for the first time since Cotilion, she feels really good.

Wanting to chase and maintain that feeling she dips down for her second line in the same manner in which she did the first.

Finding that familiar groove once again, all thoughts of loneliness and those that caused it, disappear, as she goes for a bump.

And another one.

And another one...

** PLEASE READ **

After how intense the last chapter was I had a lot of concern about how this one would be regarded. This chapter is certainly not as exciting and plot-driven as the previous one but it is essential in showing Odette's process and ultimately her regression. We knew she was spiraling once she went there with Jordan at the end of the last chapter but now we know her problematic coping methods aren't going anywhere.

From the start of this series, I have always made it a point to focus on the canon characters in addition to Odette and Coco. I love doing deep dives into the canon characters' history and exploring their own plots, thoughts, and emotions throughout this story. Going into this all, I always felt that doing this would make readers more receptive to my original characters since I wouldn't be jamming them down your throat. Now having said that, to me, this chapter really felt like me jamming Odette down your throat lol... but I promise it serves a purpose. It was very important to me to really show how isolated she felt this chapter and I thought the best way to do that was to also essentially isolate the readers (you) from the other characters as well. Other than the few small appearances and mentions of the others, I didn't want readers to know anything about what has happening with them (for now) so that you could perhaps miss them in the way that Odette does, or at the very least, be more understanding of why she feels the way she does.

At this point, Odette is kind of in free fall and there's going to be points that she will really frustrate the hell out of you. So, I hope the love that you all seem to have for her is genuine and that you will continue to stick around for the bumpy (no pun intended), ride.

Additionally, I feel the need to mention that regardless of how insignificant or pointless an interaction or scene might feel, it always serves a purpose. Whether that is to develop a character or relationship further, set up a future plotline, etc. I always try to write with intention. So please bear that in mind as you reflect on this latest update.

If you've made it down this far, I appreciate it. Sometimes these authors' notes can feel like I'm talking to myself but I can't stop doing them because I always feel the need to explain my reasoning for doing x, y, and z. Basically, I never know if anyone actually reads these. So, if you do, thank you.