"Dawn is dating the idiot?" Methos shook his head and gave a quiet chuckle. "And here I thought, given her good genes she would have better taste."

"Yea, well I'm not exactly doing cartwheels about it," Buffy admitted with a frown. Then, upon seeing his expression amended, "not that I have anything against Richie…he's not an idiot you know."

"I know," Methos agreed reluctantly. "He's a kid that hasn't had enough experience to fit a thimble. That sometimes falls under the idiot category when it comes to me."
"Yea, well look who's talking." She shot back.

The two of them were at Joe's again, but on this particular night none of the others had decided to come out. Joe wasn't performing, he was bartending and Duncan was out of town helping an old friend get out of some kind of scrape that Buffy had only half paid attention to. Xander was AWOL as usual, and Dawn had elected to stay at Adam's place that night and try on clothing options for her upcoming date with Richie. Buffy might have been amused by her sister's behaviour if it were anybody but an older immortal that she was going out with.

She had considered not going out herself, but Methos had talked her into it, saying that with Joe bartending he would be able to mooch free beer, but he did not want to do it solo. She had reluctantly agreed.

The truth was, being alone with Methos was getting considerably harder as the days wore on. Dawn had made some valid points the other day when she had brought up how 'cozy' the two of them looked together and as much as she hated to admit it to herself, her feelings for the enigmatic older immortal only seemed to grow stronger by the day. The logical argument she had made to Dawn about immortals being dangerous people to date or fall in love with seemed to nearly fly right out of her head every time Methos looked at her with those mysterious hazel eyes of his.

She was beginning to resent him for it, even though it was ridiculous to do so. It wasn't his fault that he practically radiated sensuality with his every movement. It wasn't his fault that his voice made her warm in places she had thought long cold. None of it was his fault…she wasn't even sure he was aware of it. The idea that he might have had feelings for her at some point was beginning to feel more and more remote and for some reason that hurt. It was confusing as hell and she had wanted nothing more than to put confusing behind her.

She was cookie dough. It was time for her to have fun…be fancy and free. So why couldn't she do it? Why couldn't she just tell him she wanted something light? No strings attached? But even as she asked herself that question, she knew the answer. What she felt for him was far deeper than something with no strings ever could be and once she stepped into that pool it was the deep end, or bust. She had had enough busting.

"Calling me ancient again." Methos was joking. She turned her attention back to the conversation. "Oh how you wound me slayer."

"Wound you? You just said Richie sometimes seems like an idiot to you because he doesn't have enough life experience to fill a thimble. I'm younger than him, so what does that say about me?" She shot him a falsely annoyed look, and he instantly sobered.

"You have enough life experience to fill ten lifetimes." He told her seriously. There was a touch of sadness in his voice. "Your age doesn't even factor in."

She felt something flutter within her at the caring in his voice, but pushed it away. They were talking about Dawn.

"Yea, well Dawn's does and she's only seventeen." She sighed. "I don't like it that she's into him. Friends, yea, but dating? That just puts her into a whole new category of bad."

"She's not helpless." Methos pointed out. He had gotten to know and like Dawn Summers quite a bit. Although she was younger, and not as mature as her older sister, she possessed a quiet intelligence and strength of will that he suspected came with all the Summers women. She had already begun to feel like a younger sister to himself as well, a dangerous thing as it put him even further into an emotional situation he knew would only result in hurt, and yet he couldn't seem to help himself. "And she's seen enough to know what she's getting into."

"Yea, I know." Buffy grumbled. "That's what she said, and she's right…it's just…"

"What?" Methos leaned in and touched her hand. He thought she might have flinched, and was saddened by that. She had been growing more and more distant lately and he knew that had nothing to do with the fact that there had been no demon activity or council related duties to attend to lately. It was him, he was sure of it. Something about him, about the their friendship, was making her uncomfortable and he hated that.

"I don't want her with an immortal." She finally said quietly. "It's not that I have anything against immortals…you know that, but…your lifestyle, the violence of it…"

"It's not something most of us ask for." Methos reminded her.

"I know," she replied, the frustration over not being able to express herself clearly was evident. "But it's so pointless! The slayer fights evil. It's my purpose, but it's not pointless. I do it to keep the world from ending. You guys chop off each other's heads for some far off 'prize' that may or may not exist. Some of you kill one another for sport, for power. I don't want her in that world."

"I never knew you felt that way." He looked away from her, unable to meet her gaze and Buffy instantly regretted her words. She wasn't sure why, but it seemed she had wounded him by voicing her concerns.

"It's not you Methos, I don't blame you…"

"No, of course not." He replied with a slight edge to his voice. "But the pointless violence of my world puts you at a distance from me. You don't want to go too deep."

"When did this become about me?" She asked, suddenly aware that the conversation as veering further and further away from Dawn like a runaway freight train. "I said I didn't want Dawn…"

"This isn't just about Dawn and we both know it." He cut her off abruptly. "For weeks you've been pulling away from me Buffy and I've been trying to figure out why. Now I guess I know. I thought it didn't matter to you…what I was. Looks like I was wrong."

"It doesn't matter," she insisted. "I don't know where this is coming from. Just because I don't want Dawn dating an immortal-something I can't do anything about by the way-doesn't mean our friendship has to change. I've told you before that what you did before doesn't matter. Who you are now does."

"You've told me that," he agreed with a slight nod, "but now I see differently. What if I want the friendship to change Buffy? What if it has to?"

Her whole body instantly went still as he spoke. Her heart was in her throat and she had trouble breathing. It felt like the world was closing in, too fast, too soon. Methos was talking about the two of them…the chemistry they had together and that he had apparently politely been ignoring. One moment more and it would be out in the open and she would be forced to acknowledge it. She didn't want to do that. Not yet. She wanted to go on pretending for just a little while longer.

"Methos, please…" she wasn't sure of what to say or how to say it. How could she tell him that despite everything inside her that told her this was what she wanted, that it was the last thing in the world that she needed?

He leaned in towards her and touched her cheek with a gentleness that caused her resolve to melt slightly. He smiled regretfully and shook his head.

"Sometimes things change," was all he managed to say. He sat back and gave a heavy sigh. "And sometimes they don't. Don't pay any attention to me…I think I've had too much to drink."

And with that, he took another swig of his beer and turned his attention to the band that Joe had hired to perform that night. Buffy watched as he seemed to shut himself off from her and desperately wanted to reach out and stop him…to pull him back to the closeness the had just had, but couldn't. She had just had a narrow escape with something she wasn't prepared to deal with and to go back there would just make it worse. Better to pretend nothing had happened.

Methos did not want to look back at her at all. He hated that he had made such a stupid mistake. He hated that he had nearly bared his soul to her, because he knew it would only end in rejection. He was smarter than this normally. What had possessed him to nearly do something so stupid? He was behaving like a stupid kid. Even Richie Ryan was smarter than this.

And yet despite this knowledge, he ached to turn back to her, and kiss her…to force her to look at what they obviously had together. It was there…he knew that to be a fact, but her resistance was incredibly strong. He couldn't blame her. He only knew a fraction of the heartache she had gone through, but that was more than enough to tell him that she would never carelessly risk her heart again.

It made him furious that on top of all she had gone through she would have to shield herself this way and yet he understood it. He had been there. There wasn't a human emotion in existence that he didn't understand on some level. It made it incredibly difficult to feel anger or resentment, even when he was more than entitled to it. Especially where she was concerned.

He shook his head, ordering himself to stop dwelling on things he couldn't change and to enjoy the rest of the evening. Their friendship was still in tact and that was the important thing. It was the only thing. Plastering a smile on his face he looked back at her.

"The band is good." Was all he could thing to say. She gave a noncommittal nod and the rest of the night was spent in small talk and uncomfortable silences for the two of them, desperately trying to avoid any talk or mention of what had just happened, or nearly happened as the case may be. They would have this out at some point, but tonight wasn't it.