"I remember something very profound during that speech," Isaaru commented, his arms folded across his chest as he looked thoughtfully beyond the balcony, at the bustling city below. He looked up at the darkening sky, at the stars beginning to appear, wondering where the young Praetor could be now.
"What? Gippal grabbing Baralai and running off the podium?" Maroda asked, chuckling.
"Uhm...no." Isaaru watched his brother with narrowed eyes, he grinned though, because he really couldn't help himself. "It was while Baralai and Nooj both admitted that they abused their powers. Nooj asked for forgiveness and he bowed with his friends. The crowd did not seem pleased."
"I must have missed that," Maroda said, shrugging. "It can't have been that big of a deal."
"Oh? Did you see Baralai's face when it happened?" When Maroda nodded, Isaaru continued, "I saw it too. The expression on his face lasted for two seconds, but those seconds showed a face of one who knows he is in a precarious situation."
"You mean of one who knows he's screwed?" Maroda frowned. "No, I don't think so."
"He recovered quite well, of course," Isaaru went on as he lowered his head, "and the crowd cheered once more."
"It doesn't mean what you think it does, Isaaru," Maroda replied. "The crowd was displeased because they didn't think it was necessary to apologize."
"Or maybe they were displeased at knowing that such abuses caused many problems for Spira..." Isaaru sighed, "It's not as if anyone is innocent. The people in New Yevon and in the Youth League relied far too much on their leaders. That is no strength."
"Yea, really," Maroda agreed, staring intently at his elder brother. "I just think that the people wanted more than just an apology and it looks like they got it, so they party on."
"Heh, of course," Isaaru looked up at the sky. "I just sometimes think that the world would be much better if the people were made of stars." /I wonder if Baralai is looking at the sky now. I bet he is. I bet he is holding hands with Gippal while smiling up at the same sky I am watching. He must be content. No, beyond content. He is happy, truly happy. Why couldn't he have been that way when I had worked with him previously/? Isaaru's thoughts, however, were interrupted by Maroda waving his hands in his face.
"Uhm, Isaaru?"
"What is it, Maroda?" Isaaru snapped.
"You just seemed to be staring off in space."
"That's because I was."
"Were you thinking of Baralai?" Maroda asked.
Isaaru slumped forward, "Yes. It can't be helped." He looked up at his brother, feeling no doubt as he trusted both his younger brothers with his life. "Baralai and I have a history together."
"You were lovers?" Maroda frowned.
"What I am about to tell you will not be uttered to anyone else. Not to Nooj, not to Baralai's friends, and most definitely not to Baralai himself. Don't even tell Pacce, he's too young to understand anyway."
"You can trust me like you always have. What is it?"
"Baralai proposed marriage to me, twice."
"Twice?" Maroda stiffened, his mouth wide open. "What? You rejected him didn't you?"
"Twice," Isaaru nodded.
"Why?"
"As a member of the Youth League, you have no idea how politics works in Yevon. I do."
"It's supposed to be New Yevon, Isaaru."
"I know. But, some things don't change," Isaaru looked away, at the velvet sky.
"You still haven't told me why you refused him," Maroda prodded.
Isaaru looked back at Maroda and sighed, "It's quite simple really. I'll be honest and this better not go past your lips. I was attracted to Baralai. I still am and I do like him, but at the same time, I was, and still am repulsed by him. He just seemed cold, distant, and hateful. Behind his sweet smile, I could see someone who would do whatever it took to get what he wanted, and I could see someone who would say nice things to you, and think the lowest of you."
"Ambivalent?" Maroda asked, "That's how you feel, right? Ambivalent."
Isaaru nodded, "Yes. It only intensified when he proposed to me in Zanarkand last year."
"So tell me what happened," Maroda prodded again, putting his hand on Isaaru's shoulder.
"I will."
For Isaaru, nothing was more perfect than the night sky, filled with bluish white pyreflies and stars, in Zanarkand. Nothing was more delightful than silence marred only by his own breathing and heartbeat. The tourists were gone, while Pacce and Cid were resting just outside of the once great city. In front of the dark lake that reflected the starlight, Isaaru stood seeing everything and yet nothing, for every thought he had drifted back to Bevelle. He tried to will those thoughts away, but he always failed as he wondered what would have happened had he simply yielded to young, brilliant Baralai.
For Isaaru, it was enough that he did all he could to help, including putting the great Lady Yunalesca and her lover, Zeon, into Vio Infinito. But, for Baralai, it was nowhere near enough, and while it frightened the former Summoner, it also infuriated him beyond all measure of words. Isaaru shut his eyes, trying to wipe out Baralai from his mind, but could not, for the image of the young man would forever be etched in Isaaru's memories. So, the Summoner opened his eyes again, his hand outstretched to a pyrefly.
"What will happen to me now," he whispered. "Maroda is with the Youth League and Pacce is with me, but it does not answer my question..."
"I thought I'd find you here."
Isaaru stiffened; he knew that voice; that soft, polite, and incisive voice. /Baralai/. He slowly turned around and realized why he would never be able to forget Baralai. He had finely chiseled, delicate, and expressive features, but most of that expression showed in his eyes. When Baralai looked up at Isaaru, his piercing golden brown eyes seemed able to peer right into the elder man's soul. Isaaru could see the look of resolve and friendliness as Baralai's succulent lips curved with a smile. Whether his friendliness was sincere or not, Isaaru couldn't be sure, but he was certain of Baralai's tenacity as he never believed that the younger man would look for him after what happened in Bevelle.
"I never thought you would bother to look for me," Isaaru said, unable to move as Baralai approached with cat like speed and grace, his booted feet making little sound on the ground. The Summoner wanted to back away, but couldn't as his back was to the lake.
"You thought wrong," Baralai gently replied, folding his arms across his chest, the mandalas on the long sleeves of his forest green coat looking blood red in the semi-darkness. To Isaaru, he looked ready to pounce; he always seemed to, or maybe it was just the lean muscles that showed under all of Baralai's earth toned clothes. Isaaru honestly didn't know, but what he did know was that he was picturing himself slowly removing Baralai's elaborate outfit, his hands exploring the smooth, tan skin underneath, and he tried to suppress that.
"So, what do you want?" Isaaru asked, folding his arms into the sleeves of his blue and white robe.
"I am the Praetor of New Yevon now," Baralai simply answered, tilting his head, his golden eyes scanning Isaaru.
"Ah, so Trema is dead."
"Yes."
Isaaru smiled a wicked smile, "Good. May I assume that you didn't broadcast this to the entire world?"
"Oh yes," Baralai whispered, his smile also wicked. "The official explanation is that he was asked to leave and he disappeared."
"And people believed that..."
"Mmm...hmm..." Baralai nodded, "How could anyone prove otherwise?"
"May I assume that he took the spheres with him?"
Baralai looked down, "It was the only way to lure him into Vio Infinito."
"I see..." Isaaru groaned. /That foolish old man. How can people learn from past mistakes if they never learn of the past/?
"I'm sorry..."
"Don't bother," Isaaru squinted at the sky. "He probably would have smelt a rat if you tried to take the spheres for yourself." He looked back down at Baralai, whose gaze still never wavered. "So, how did you manage to kill him? Trema was said to be a Grand Master of the martial arts."
Baralai chuckled, "He was." He relaxed a little, letting his arms fall to his side. "But, no martial arts in the world can stand up to a well placed bullet."
"Very good," Isaaru replied, very impressed with the whole thing. "One little detail though, what of Yuna? You lied to her by saying that you were the "Chairman's Son". It would not surprise me if you were to encounter her again. What will you say to her?"
"I will simply tell her that it wasn't me and that the Chairman's Son disappeared along with Trema."
"Oh," Isaaru scoffed. "And she'll believe you because...?"
Baralai stepped forward, the moonlight suddenly reflecting on his platinum hair. "She'll believe me because she would have no other choice."
"All it takes is one New Yevon member to slip up and reveal who really proposed to her."
Slender hands on hips, Baralai whispered, "If I may ask, is that, by any chance, a veiled threat?"
"No," Isaaru answered simply and honestly. "I just mean that if she were to ask someone in Bevelle, they would just say that Trema didn't have a son."
"Believe me, Isaaru, even if someone were to reveal that, and should she question me, I would simply mention that it was another member who lied about his actual position, and I simply played on it to humor him, to tell him what he wants to hear, even if it wasn't true. No one can prove that I was the one who proposed to her." He frowned at Isaaru, "That includes you, Isaaru. I am the Praetor now, who do you think she'll believe, hmmm?"
"I don't intend to mention any sort of marriage proposal to her. I have nothing to gain by it." Isaaru said quietly. "I just hope that you can cover yourself as well as you always have."
"To be honest with you, I hope I don't get questioned by her." Baralai grinned, "I suppose I have to rely on my luck, like I've done before."
Isaaru ran a hand through his auburn hair, "So tell me, Baralai, did you cover your tracks in Vio Infinito? Don't tell me you're relying on luck with that. Is it sealed?"
"Oh, come now, Isaaru, I am not stupid. Of course I sealed it," Baralai said, huffing a little.
"I figured you would have. So, why are you really here? I know you didn't come here just to let me know that I can have a taste of vengeance."
"You've had your tastes of vengeance with all the Maesters gone, and I believe you've had enough," Baralai replied, his golden eyes narrowing. "But, we do need to talk. I should have gotten to the point a long time ago. I apologize."
/Oh, cut that out.../. "So, what is your point?"
Baralai looked around before responding, "If I may, you were foolish to reject me in Bevelle. We have made great allies before and would make great partners now. You should have chosen to marry me. You hurt me deeply when you refused."
/I should have known.../ "I hurt you?" Isaaru knew damned well he had to have, considering the vitriol he spat at Baralai just barely a month ago. It's not like he was sorry for doing it either or at least not very sorry. After all, why on Earth should he marry Baralai? Especially considering that the younger man asked Yuna first, and that was only to look good to the other members of New Yevon and secure Praetorhood had she accepted. Obviously, it wasn't necessary. Isaaru remembered the shock he felt when Baralai personally proposed to him.
"Yes," Baralai replied, his eyes widening. "Or have you forgotten how you reacted?"
"I haven't forgotten," Isaaru replied, unable to keep his gaze on the Praetor. "I just had no idea that you had any feelings to hurt." He looked up when he heard Baralai audibly gasp.
"I have the same feelings you do," Baralai whispered, his voice harsh yet softer than a breeze, "and when you step on them, it tends to hurt."
"Were you hurt when Yuna rejected you?"
"That's different."
"Why? We are both well respected former Summoners. Marriage to either one of us would make you look good. I just can't help but think that even if I were cordial, you still would have been hurt. Seeing as Yuna's rejection didn't bother you, why would mine? I mean, other than the way I refused you."
For a moment, Baralai did nothing but quietly chuckle as he looked down on the ground, "With Yuna, rejection was expected, but it was something I knew I could deal with and come up with some back up plans."
"And I was a back up plan, wasn't I?"
Baralai sighed, "Look, the reason why Yuna was asked first was purely for political reasons. A marriage to her would help New Yevon. It didn't hurt to ask."
"It was unnecessary. Besides, she would never want to be used by anyone," Isaaru said, shaking his head, "and neither would I."
"I'm not trying to use you," Baralai replied, his hands out to his sides. They curled into fists. "I know that you have your supporters, and I have mine. With you gone, those who have supported you are now under me, but they are obviously reluctant. They just don't oppose me, thank Yevon. But, we have the same opposition, both in New Yevon and all over Spira. We need to unite, and what better way to unite than through marriage?"
It all made sense, Isaaru knew that, but there was a huge part of him that honestly believed that as soon as he yielded, he would be under young Baralai's dominance forever. It wasn't just that, but the simple concept of keeping your friends close and keep your enemies closer made him wonder. Isaaru was well aware that his supporters would end up siding with Baralai, they didn't have much of an alternative. Sure, Isaaru could go back, but he knew damned well that if he did that, his supporters would clamor for him to be Praetor, and the marriage wouldn't stop them. He looked into Baralai's pleading brown eyes and while they seemed to show sincerity, Isaaru knew Baralai long enough to know that he was damned good at creating masks for himself. But, Isaaru was able to do the same and he wore one now, one of calm and it masked someone who felt like fainting.
"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer..." Isaaru finally said, causing Baralai to frown.
"Excuse me?"
"Oh, come now, Baralai, do you really think I'm stupid?"
"You'd be stupid to refuse me!" Baralai snapped.
"Not quite," Isaaru folded his arms across his chest, "My supporters are indeed under your banner now. This I know, but should I return now, they'll want /me/ as Praetor instead." /Oh yes/. Isaaru thought when Baralai's eyes widened, then quickly narrowed. "You know this..." Baralai didn't answer. Instead, he balled up his fists while pursing his pouty lips. "I also know that I cannot and will not accept you as my husband."
The young Praetor gaped at Isaaru, his eyes wide as the moon above. He shook his head, trying to find words and couldn't. After he took a few deep breaths, he calmly demanded,
"What is wrong with you? Just tell me, please!"
"I can't trust you, that's what's wrong." Isaaru answered, inwardly feeling beaten for doing this, but it was how he honestly felt.
"You can't trust me?" Baralai repeated incredulously.
"No. I know why Trema told me to leave, and it wasn't just because I was nothing but a 'useless relic of the past.' You had a hand in it, I know you did," Isaaru spat, wishing he could forget what Trema said to him.
"Oh, I did have a hand in it," the young Praetor admitted, nodding with a glare. "When you tore me to pieces, did you think I wanted you around then? I couldn't work with you then and no matter how hard I tried to mask what I was feeling, it did not mask the obvious tension between us. It would have caused division in the New Yevon ranks and I just couldn't have that!"
"You also couldn't stand the fact that I bruised your ego and you wanted revenge," Isaaru hissed.
Baralai folded his hands in front of him, his fair face unreadable, "Perhaps I did, but as you can see, I'm willing to set aside all that." He took a step closer. "Come back with me, please."
Isaaru looked away, just nearly awestruck by the Praetor's relentlessles. It was almost like the first time Baralai proposed to him. At the time, he was certainly tempted to accept, and he definitely was now. But, as always, something held him back and that something was a very real fear of Baralai eventually betraying him. Even while they worked together, neither one of them revealed too much about each other, because it was obvious to Isaaru that there was no trust, and if there is no trust now, how can there be any hope for any sort of marriage to work?
"You trusted no one..." Isaaru suddenly whispered.
"I trusted you then and I trust you now!" Baralai whispered back.
"I do not trust you..." Isaaru said, nearly drained and wanting the young Praetor to just go away before he weakens completely.
"Isaaru--"
Isaaru sighed, stopping Baralai from continuing, "What can you possibly expect? How do I know that while on our wedding night, while we are removing each others clothes, while our lips trail each others bodies, while we are inside each other, that I won't find myself with a knife in my back as I come into you? I would be a rival removed from your path."
"Isaaru, that's nonsense!"
"Did you not make it clear that you never gave a damn about the old Priests?"
"You're no different!"
"I was among those old Priests! Perhaps not in age, but in belief! I know that once I get in your way or once you have no further use for me, you would dispose of me!" Isaaru felt tension rising in his body as he spoke those words and he saw it in Baralai.
"You know nothing...nothing..." Baralai's slowly answered, his voice low, yet loud enough to reach Isaaru's ears.
"Then tell me, Baralai, what good would marriage do? I will not be anyone's pawn!"
"I love you!"
That statement, said with quiet intensity might as well have been a bullet. Isaaru put a hand to his chest, not believing what he was hearing. /That can't be.../. He couldn't breathe as he felt his chest tighten.
"I...don't...believe...you..." Isaaru finally managed, feeling very dizzy. He almost doubled over, but Baralai grabbed him and held him up. As Isaaru felt Baralai's slender but strong hands, he put his own hands on Baralai's arms, helplessly grasping the woven sleeves of the Praetor's forest green coat, feeling the lean muscled arms underneath. "I don't believe you..."
"Why is that so difficult to believe?" Baralai asked gently.
"Because I saw you with another on the day all of Spira sang the Hymn of the Fayth. He was an Al Bhed in purple and he had an eye patch."
"Gippal." Baralai nodded. "Yes, I was with him on that day. So what? He is my best friend and nothing more."
Isaaru tried to move away, but Baralai held him fast, "Do best friends kiss? Do they lie on top of each other while everyone else did their part to save Spira?"
"Isaaru, please--"
Now Isaaru tightened his grip on Baralai, quieting the younger man, "Are best friends lovers?"
For awhile, Baralai was silent as his eyes looked into Isaaru's as if searching for something. For once, it didn't make Isaaru feel as though his heart stopped. Finally, the younger man looked down, "It's not what you think."
"Oh, no, of course not!" Isaaru scoffed, as memories from his teen years began surfacing. He immedietly squelched them. "No, it's never what one thinks, even though it's painfully obvious!"
"Gippal and I can't be together as lovers. It was never feasible. We're close, but anything beyond friendship was simply casual."
"Oh please--"
"No! Isaaru, no!" Baralai snapped and before Isaaru could say anything, continued, "What Gippal and I share is entirely different from what I'd like between you and I. I want you with me!"
"I don't give a damn what you want," Isaaru hissed. Baralai glared, but Isaaru did not relent. "Of course you want me with you. You want to get inside me in every way you can. Know your enemy," When Baralai shook his head, Isaaru pressed on. "Keep an eye on them, so that you know what they do, what they think, and what they say. When the time comes, you will use all you have on me against me--"
"No..."
"You cannot afford to keep me as an equal. You always thought you could do everything on your own and now is little different!" Baralai's shoulders slumped, which calmed Isaaru. "Just leave. Go back to Bevelle! Go back to lord power over everyone when you think of them as 'sheep', and know that you will never have me under your thumb!"
Baralai's eyes flashed as he looked up at the former Summoner, "I saved your life, you owe me!"
"I owe you nothing." Isaaru said slowly, suppressing his memories of how Baralai saved him from being cleft in twain by Auron one year ago.
"The only reason why you and Cid could turn this place into a tourist attraction is because /I/ allowed it," Baralai said, every bit as slowly as Isaaru.
"I owe you nothing. Go home." Isaaru repeated, trying to get Baralai off of him, but to no avail.
"If I wanted you dead, I would have killed you a long time ago," Baralai whispered, looking directly into Isaaru's eyes.
Isaaru helplessly looked away, and winced when Baralai embraced him. He felt his resistance crumbling as Baralai's warm cheek pressed against his. Despite feeling safe and protected in the Praetor's deceptively strong arms, he still felt uneasy. He knew Baralai was right and he also knew that Baralai could never afford to kill him or have him killed, but he also knew that it wasn't about being slain, it was, once again, about trust and he still didn't feel it for the younger man.
"You know I'm right," Baralai said, his breath gliding over Isaaru's ear. "You know this. I can't allow you to stay here when I know your place is in Bevelle with me. Whatever reservations you may feel are wrong--"
Those simple statements angered Isaaru with the fiery passion of a thousand suns. He pushed Baralai away, forcing him back on one knee. When Baralai looked up, his eyes blazed with such hatred that almost turned Isaaru into stone. But, he showed no fear. He would not give the Praetor the satisfaction.
"Your deception will not work on me," Isaaru said gently, but very firmly. "Leave now and do not ever come back. Go to your wicked, hypocritical, deceitful life, live it, and keep it away from me."
Baralai's eyes narrowed, and he looked truly dreadful as his beautiful face twisted with rage, but his voice was very quiet when he said, "I should have let Auron kill you." Then, he said nothing more as he deftly spun around, and ran into Zanarkand's darkness.
With the young Praetor out of sight, Isaaru fell to his knees, exhausted. He felt foolish and wondered what he had just done. As much as he imagined himself happily living with Baralai and working together for a better New Yevon, he just couldn't shake off his doubts and wasn't sure if he really wanted to. /But, gods, that look. I hope I never see him again. That must be his true self...dear gods, how frightening/. He shook his head, now doubting himself. /Perhaps I am insane/.
Isaaru whispered to the chill air. "Whether or not I am right will be determined by time alone."
"Oh shit..." Maroda whispered as soon as his elder brother finished. "That was bold of him. He must have really liked you. I don't blame you for doubting yourself."
Isaaru walked away and rested his arms on the stone balcony railing, "Even now, I'm not sure if I did the right thing."
"You didn't."
Isaaru turned sharply at his brother, "I'm surprised you'd say that. It was in the Youth League's best interest to make New Yevon as weak as possible."
"That doesn't change the fact that you made a very stupid mistake," Maroda replied as he stood beside his brother, gazing at the city below. "Besides, I'm your brother first and foremost, you know that. I know we went our separate ways for awhile, but that doesn't change how I feel."
"I know," Isaaru smiled. "But, now I wonder what will happen now."
"It's hard to say with him, and that's all I know."
"But, I am still worried."
"Yea, you should be. You're the one who has to face him."
The former Summoner closed his eyes, "I don't need to be reminded. But, I think you're right; I did make a mistake. When I came back here, it seemed like there were a bunch of leaders with no one willing to follow. You saw what it was like."
"Yea, and I saw how you were able to put it all back together in a very short time," Maroda replied. "I couldn't have done that and I'm not sure if Baralai could have matched that."
"Is that bias talking, Maroda?" Isaaru inquired after chuckling.
"Nah," Maroda shook his head. "I know what you can do." He put his arm around Isaaru, holding him close. "You'll be okay. You just have to stop worrying. He would not ever hurt you, me, and especially not Pacce. I know that."
"I do not fear him," Isaaru replied, comforted by his younger brother's presence. "But, I do fear what is to come."