She was going to die. She never should have tried to connect in the first place. The First had been waiting for her and was far more prepared. Willow was too weak and it was far too strong. It knew she was coming. And it was tearing her apart.
Kennedy clung to her hand fiercely and Willow was only dimly aware of her weeping. She knew that she was desperately trying to keep her on that plane, but it was only a matter of time before Willow would be ripped apart completely. And she welcomed death for it was far preferable to the agony that tore through every single inch of her.
She cried out inhumanly as she felt the full force of the First's power, undiluted by anything save a corporeal existence. And that would come in time, for without her in the way, it would achieve its aim without a hitch. The slayer was the key and with Willow dead, it would have enough power to overtake her, to force the First's power into her whether she liked it or not. And somehow, though she didn't even know the girl, Willow knew she didn't want it. She knew she was strong enough to resist it. It gave her some hope that maybe all was not lost after all.
Pain ripped through her again in undulations stronger than anything she had ever endured before. She could no longer scream for she hadn't the vocal power to do it. She had to get to the door at the end of the tunnel. The answer was in there – the name of the slayer they needed - she knew it. But every step was agony and she had been wounded to start with.
One step…then another…pain beyond comprehension, yet still she pressed on only dimly aware of the blood that poured from the hand that Kennedy still gripped fiercely.
Another step.
More pain.
Another step.
Agony.
She felt the cuts in her flesh so deep blood poured from the wounds freely, like water from a tap and yet she kept going. She wouldn't stop. Not till she reached that door.
And suddenly she saw her. An angel whose beauty Willow had never forgotten. Whose beauty had almost driven her mad, and yet now it stood in front of her, ready to lead her to the answers she needed. Wind tore through her and the pain grew stronger but this time Willow hardly felt it. She could only stare in wonder. Had she been this beautiful in life? Had anything ever been so precious to her?
"Tara…" her voice barely existed, but it was enough to bring tears to her beloved's eyes. "Is it…oh tell me you're real and not a trick from the First."
"I'm real," she breathed, her own voice wondrous and awed. "I felt you calling me and I knew I had to come….to save you."
"You…you heard me…?" She swallowed back the tears that threatened never to stop. "I…I didn't know you could see me…didn't know…."
"I've never left you," Tara whispered passionately. "I've watched you every moment…missed you every second. Even in paradise I've needed you."
"Have you come to…" she trailed off nervously, then forged ahead, ignoring the agony that had renewed itself tenfold. "Am I already dead? Are you coming to take me to…to heaven?"
"No," Tara's sadness was palpable in that whisper. "You're not going to die Willow. I want to be with you again more than you will ever know, but I can't let you die. Not yet. She needs you."
And suddenly Willow felt Kennedy still clutching her hand, still fighting fiercely not to lose her. Guilt swept through her. Tara had never left her, not even in death, but Willow had moved on and she couldn't hide it from her. She couldn't hide anything from her.
"I'm so sorry Tara," Willow exclaimed reaching out but unable to touch her. "I…I didn't know. I shouldn't have…I didn't deserve you."
"Don't you dare apologize!" Tara ordered angrily. Willow shrank back, surprised at the vehemence in her tone. "You've moved on. I wanted that for you. I wanted that more than anything. It means you're healing…and you're happy. And more than anything I want to see you happy. It's my greatest joy Willow. You have given me so much, even in death. Don't be sorry for that. Don't ever be sorry for that."
"I…" she allowed her tears to cascade in earnest and was shocked to find herself crying tears of blood. "I love you Tara. And I miss you every second. I've moved on, and I am happy. But I'll never not miss you….and I'll never not love you. You need to know that."
"I know," Tara breathed as she leaned closer and kissed Willow's tears away. "It was your love for me that brought me here. You don't have enough strength to get to that door. Not alone. But your love reached me and allowed me to come to you. It is allowing Kennedy to hold you to the Earth plain. Together we can do this. All three of us and I will always be grateful to her. Will you…will you tell her that?"
"I will," Willow vowed. Tara nodded and smiled holding her hand towards hers.
"Take my hand Willow," she told her. "And let me do the rest."
"Will you…" Willow touched her face reverently, trying to get the words out through her tears. "Will you kiss me first? Kiss me good bye?"
Tara didn't answer her, but her leaning forward and capturing Willow's lips tenderly was all the answer Willow needed. She pulled her close, and suddenly there was no pain in the world to equal this pleasure. No pain that could destroy her as long as they were together like this. She wanted to stay there forever, arms entwined, lips gently exploring, saying their farewells. But she knew they couldn't.
Soon the First would find a way to expel Tara from this place and they needed to reach the door before that could happen. Breaking apart, she took her hand and allowed Tara to endure the pain necessary to lead Willow to the doorway. As she stood in front of it, Tara began to fade from view and Willow knew there was little time left. She had to go through it before Tara disappeared completely, but something in her held back.
"Go Willow!" Tara cried desperately. "I can't hold on much longer!"
"I don't want to leave you," she sobbed. "I don't want to ever leave you!"
"And you never will," Tara assured her. "I'm always here, always with you always loving you. Don't ever think I'm not. She needs you Willow. She can't hold on much longer. Live for me. Live and love and know that it makes me happy. I love you. Now go."
Willow nodded, knowing she was right and opened the door. She took one last look at the woman that she had lost, and knew that she was finally able to move on…with her blessing.
"Thank you," she whispered as she walked through it and onto the other side. She had made it. It was going to be OK.
Giles sat down in front of the fireplace at the Watcher's Council Headquarters with a cup of hot cocoa in his hand that he had been thinking about enjoying all day. He was beginning to think he was fast becoming far too old to be training young slayers. He had been working with some of the more experienced girls that day and he felt it in his bones. He had bruises in places he didn't even know he had. Luckily Duncan MacLeod and his companion Amanda Darieux had offered to come to London for a few weeks of intensive sword training. His correspondence with Joe Dawson had become close enough that he trusted the other man's judgment when it came to who he could tell about the slayer branch of the Council. Since both immortals already knew of the immortal branch of the Council it seemed like the next logical step and it was no secret that they were desperately in need of more Watchers. More slayers arrived every day and the amount of Watchers they had became fewer and fewer.
Some were Watchers left over from the previous Council who had been on assignment when the building exploded. Some were Watchers who had been going through the academy at the time of the explosion. Though they hadn't finished, Giles had taken the responsibility of promoting them to full Watcher status to help handle the influx of slayers. Joe had promised help from the immortal branch as soon as he could spare it and true to his word had called Giles earlier in the day to inform him when Duncan and Amanda would be arriving.
Giles couldn't help but be curious about the two of them. Buffy had told him a little about Duncan MacLeod on the flight to Paris, but he knew next to nothing about Amanda, save for that she was around 1000 years old and had been a thief for most of her existence. Joe had assured him that she was reformed however, and because of the relative poverty of the new Council there was very little of actual value to steal. He was looking forward to meeting both of them, and hearing their stories. He suspected Faith, Andrew and Robin were anxious as well. They had had very little contact with the immortal branch, but had heard many rumours.
A knock at the door brought him out of his reverie and Giles sighed with resignation. He should have known better than to try to get more than ten minutes to himself in this place. There was always someone or something that demanded his attention, that forced him to keep going and to keep being Giles, the omnipresent know-it-all. He shook his head and smiled in irony as he thought of the days he spent after Buffy left for college, feeling useless and outdated and longing for purpose once more. Then, he would have given anything to have his duties as Watcher returned to him. It was all he knew, and the fact that Buffy had no longer needed him bothered him greatly. Now, he kicked himself for not cherishing that time a little better. It was one thing to have your days and nights occupied by one slayer. It was quite another to have them occupied by twenty and he would give anything to have those days of leisure back once more, purpose be damned.
He looked to the door and was surprised to see Faith enter. He had expected one of the young girls he had been training today to be out there with some sort of problem or another as was par for the course lately. He relaxed a little, realizing he didn't have to play 'authority figure' Giles in front of her and motioned for her to sit.
"Whatcha got there…scotch?" She pointed to the cup he still held with both hands, poised to take a sip.
"Ran out," he replied with a small smile. He gestured to the pot of cocoa that sat on the table beside his chair. There was still a cup or so left. "Would you like some Cocoa instead?"
"Little too tame for me gramps," Faith quipped, "but thanks anyway."
"Can I help you with something?" He asked her, a small note of friendly annoyance in his tone. At first he had been hesitant about allowing Faith to take on such a large responsibility as Watcher to so many other young girls, but the battle against the First and the resulting days afterwards had shown him that she was a far different woman than the young girl he had met when she was first called to Sunnydale. She was more than just reformed, she was strong, intelligent and capable. She seemed not only repentant, but determined to put herself to good use, taking on more than even he would have thought she could handle. In the time they had spent working with the other young girls, Giles had come to respect her greatly and even like her. He had always seen something within her, that if nurtured correctly could become a great good to society and he had been proven right in his assumption.
Faith, to her credit, did not seem to take her position of trust and authority for granted. She knew that trust was not a gift given lightly and had worked hard every day to earn it. There was a bond between them that hadn't been there before and she knew that though she might not deserve it, she would work as hard as she could to earn it.
Giles was staring at her expectantly and she shook the thoughts from her head and concentrated on the matter at hand. She had some disturbing news for him, so much so that she had hoped that the cup he had in his hand contained some sort of stiff drink as what she was about to tell him meant that he would likely need it.
"I just got a call from Kennedy," she began carefully. She didn't want to upset him more than she had to. "It was about Willow."
"Willow?" Giles echoed. His eyes met hers in full alertness She had his attention now. "What happened? Is she all right?"
"She uh…" Faith cleared her throat but pressed on. "She tried that spell that she was working on."
"The one the Coven told her was too dangerous?" His voice sounded worried now and Faith felt even worse about what she had to tell him. "The one that was giving her the headaches?"
"Yeah well, you know how often Red listens to advice on magic." Hr voice was a little more caustic than she intended it, but part of her was angry at Willow for forcing her to give this news to Giles after the difficult day of training that they'd had. She sighed.
"Is she…" Giles couldn't complete the sentence but Faith knew what he was asking and shook her head slightly. He relaxed visibly, realizing that if Willow were dead he would have taken the phone call personally rather than have Faith sent to bring him the news.
"She's in a mystical coma," Faith said quickly, hoping that delivering the news quickly would have the same effect as swiftly ripping off a band-aid. The raw worry in Giles' eyes told her otherwise. "Kennedy says that she'll be OK. She'll come out of it soon, but she won't be able to do magic for a while. That means finding slayers as well."
"I'm not worried about that," Giles murmured. Faith knew he wouldn't be, but she still had to tell him.
"There's more," she continued, knowing that this would only add to his worries but also that there was no other choice. "Angel's office called earlier. I guess there's something wrong with Fred. They need Willow's help…a spell of some kind. I know she can't help them. I don't know what you want me to tell them though. I mean...Wolfram and Hart. They're pretty bad news. I speak from experience. Do you think they should know anything about what we're doing here?"
Giles looked seriously at her for a moment before speaking.
"Do you truly think Angel may have become a danger to us?" He knew that her opinion on Angel was worth a lot. She had been the one to save him from himself when he had returned to Angelus the second time. She had been willing to sacrifice her own life to bring Angel back, so Giles knew there was nothing she wouldn't do to keep Angel on the side of good. If there was any chance that he was no longer on that side, Faith would know.
"No," she replied with a shake of her head. "If Angel had gone bad ass, Wes would've called me. I just think they might be in over their head, y'know? I mean they can't keep their eye on everyone in their company. One big bad hears that Willow's out of commission for a while and we might have another apocalypse to deal with on top of the one we're working on."
"I see," Giles said with a nod and he did. He had been worried about Angel's involvement with the law firm ever since he had received Andrew's report on the mentally damaged slayer he had sent him to find. This could only confirm his reservations. "Call them back and tell them Willow is on assignment for us…another astral plane. She can't help them anyway, so it doesn't hurt to keep the true reason for it secret."
"Gotcha," Faith replied, though Giles could tell there was still something bothering her.
"Faith?" He looked questioningly at her and she sighed knowing that she couldn't hide her apprehensions from him.
"The chick in trouble…Fred…I just feel bad," she shrugged helplessly. "I've met her y'know? And from what I hear it's pretty bad…whatever it is. They really do need Red's help."
"And no doubt she would help if she were able to," Giles replied with a regretful sigh. "Sadly we are stretched terribly thin as it is. What Willow did for us was for the good of the world. I know it's a painfully utilitarian view, but it's all we have. Hopefully this isn't too terribly serious and they are able to find aid elsewhere."
"Yeah I know," she replied with a halfhearted smile. "I'll get Andrew to call and tell them Willow can't make it. I'm gonna hit the sack. I'm pretty wiped."
"Yes," Giles murmured, "I'm…err…wiped as well. Good night Faith."
"Night G," she said with an easiness she didn't feel. "You ever want to spice up that cocoa let me know and I'll join you."
"Yes," Giles replied with a wan smile. "You'll be the first one I ask."
Faith nodded and left the room as Giles took one final sip of his cocoa and began to gather up the cup, tray and saucers. He was more than exhausted and his conversation with Faith had only added to that.
Shaking his head and trying to ignore the worry he felt for Willow, he shut the light off and closed the door to the study.
"Willow," he said quietly to himself as he padded slowly up the stairs towards his room. "Will you ever learn?"