A/N- Sorry for the long time between updating everyone. Things should become a little bit more regular now. I was struggling with this chapter a little. It's kind of transition to the next part of the story. Anyway, thank you all for the reviews... the few that have reviewed that is. I hope you are enjoying it.
After their talk, the weeks seemed to fly by for both Ryan and Marissa. In fact, their lives were perfect in that time. They had found a perfect balance for school, homework, spending time with Seth and Summer and each other.
Of course, it was Ryan and Marissa so the fact that they had managed to get by a month without a 'fight' had everyone commenting.
"Well Dad, looks like you're out of the pool. They didn't fight on the two days you picked. Only Summer and myself left in the grand scheme."
"And I'll own you Cohen, just wait."
"Well my dear, you have tomorrow and I have the day after. You can only win if they do it tomorrow, and I get every day after."
"What? We didn't say that! I demand a new pool!" Sandy looked indignant.
"Just cuz you are out already doesn't mean you get to reset it and besides I have it in contract,"
"What contract?" Summer looked at Seth wearily.
"Okay so maybe not exactly a contract but the effect is there…"
"COHEN!"
Just then Ryan and Marissa walked in, holding hands, smiling and Summer seemed to dishearten a little bit.
"Hey guys, what's up?" Ryan asked, grabbing coffee and pouring some for him and Marissa.
"Nothing, not at all, going to work actually." Sandy nodded in their direction and headed to the door. "Think about what I suggested though."
"No. But anyway, you guys are looking chummy. I can feel the love blossoming. You know why? It's almost time for Chrismukkah!"
"Ew, who even says chummy? You are so lame Cohen."
"You can't dampen my spirits. Moses will pick me up and Jesus will carry me through! I feel you Chrismukkah, it's time I found you." And away Seth went.
"Weird. But anyway, you guys are so totally coming to the lame party he is throwing this year right? I mean ever since he has been making claims it would spread the nation this Chrismukkah party is all he could talk about."
"UH, I mean if you want?" Ryan turned to Marissa.
"No it's what you want, I don't mind."
"No, you," Ryan put his arms around her waste, losing himself in her smile and drowning in it.
"N.." Ryan cut her off with a kiss before she could refuse.
"Okay, so totally still here, but I don't want to watch you guys like make out… so I'll go find Cohen and tell him you're coming? Kay."
"Hmm… guess we grossed her out a little bit huh? But that's okay, she would have asked for the details tonight anyway. Hmm… I wish we could skip and spend the entire day…together."
"Yeah me too but we can't, it's college day and besides we need to figure out what's up."
"Yeah, I guess. Newport Union just, doesn't seem that exciting compared to what, other things, I could be doing or…other people." She blushed a little bit.
Ryan smiled and pulled her closer. "Well after we do our talking and stuff, I suppose I can take one day off and we'll spend some time together, tomorrow? We can work on what we'll do in our future and who we will in the present?"
She grinned into his kiss and then Summer and Seth walked back in. "Okay ew you guys. Like, unlock yourselves from each other. I should just give you the five bucks now. You've clearly won."
"I am supreme," Seth raised his arm and Summer smacked him in the stomach. "Ow!"
"You win what? What's going on?"
"Hurry up or we'll all be late, let's go." Seth headed out the door, closely followed by Summer.
"They are up to something." Ryan watched them suspiciously.
"Yes but there's always something going on in Newport, and besides who cares,"
Marissa kissed him again. "We're uh gonna be late."
"Tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow." He said as he took her hand and walked out.
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The next day, Ryan's peace had come to a very abrupt end. Suddenly it seemed completely clear he had no future. Or at least, after the previous day, it seemed like he'd be going nowhere. What was he going to do? Did he want to go to college? What was Marissa doing? It was a big question for him but he didn't know, he wanted to know, needed to know but didn't. But the most important question of all was could he leave her at all? Could he let go at the end when he knew that her dream needed her to go somewhere where he didn't exactly want to go? Would he be willing to give up his future for hers? Or what about the reverse situation? So many questions he had. But he hoped seeing Marissa would calm him down.
"Hey," She said as she walked in the poolhouse door.
"Oh, hey I didn't see you come in, I was… thinking." He smiled when he said it as he realized it sounded like he'd been brooding. "No, not brooding. I don't brood, well not so much anymore." He stated as he saw a teasing gleam enter her eye.
"I know," She leaned in to kiss him and glanced down at the sheets of paper he had been poring over. "Oh, colleges. I don't even want to approach that subject, really. I don't think I want to apply… you know. I mean, why rush when I don't know what I want?"
"Well, come on… you have to at least apply, I mean what else would you do?"
"Apply for what though, Ryan? There's nothing there for me right now. I just would rather… I don't know. I won't do anything irrational or anything, I promise. I just don't want to apply right now."
"Marissa, when I tried to leave high school you made me stay. You. I can help you through this, let me help you through whatever this is that is holding you back. Just let go and step out, take this chance. If you don't, I know you'll regret it."
"Stop it. I don't need this pressure from you right now; I have enough pressure as it is! I just need for everyone to stop and just let me choose, let me make my own decisions! I have to do that soon enough."
"Wait, no one is telling you to do anything! I'm trying to keep your options open, I want to be involved in your life, your choices, help you make them. Help you. But I can't if you won't let me."
"I don't need your help right now, just your support. God, Johnny has been really helpful maybe if you…" she stopped then. She realized how it looked.
"What did you say? You have been talking to him about this? This is the first I've heard about it. You'd rather tell him? I don't get it? Is that what you think?"
"No, Ryan, it's just… I don't know what I want and you have a better chance at things. Johnny and I are at the same place right now."
"Does he get you like Oliver got you? Yeah, I hope not, for your sake. I'm so sick of this. When I don't ask what's wrong you fight with me and when I do you fight with me. There's no way to win, why do I even try?"
"How could you even bring him up?"
"Stop thinking about yourself! What about everything I said about how I was feeling, all taken out because you heard me say 'Oliver' and it hurt you. I love you Marissa but I can't keep getting hurt because you don't know what you want. I'm going out. For awhile." His gaze told her he was hoping she wouldn't be there when he got back.
She was going to make sure his hope was fulfilled.
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Seth had won the bet. But he wasn't particularly proud about it. Over the next week, Ryan changed completely. It wasn't that he was sad or melancholy, Seth had seen and experienced that, it was that Ryan was so… happy.
"Hey man. I brought the tree in and was gonna put it up. I can't wait for the party on Friday."
"Um, you okay dude? Because I mean, Chrismukkah and the holidays don't usually mix with you and stuff." Seth's eyebrows narrowed.
"No, I can finally see the light this year. You know, why let myself get upset. The holidays are fastly approaching and no matter what I do, I can grin at them or scowl my way through it, doesn't mean they won't come."
"Wow, a Chrismukkah miracle. But, I didn't want to ask but I have to.. are you and Marissa coming together? Because… I mean…"
"Oh, um, no." Ryan's face lost a little bit of his smile.
"Oh, do you wanna talk…" Seth trailed off, hoping Ryan would jump in.
"No, if she wants to throw her life away, let her, I'm not jumping in to save her this time. I can't. She needs to see how hard I tried, how hard I am trying. No matter how much I love her, there are limits and I just can't take anymore."
"But you don't wanna talk about it?" Seth's one eyebrow raised questioningly. Ryan blushed a little.
"Can we talk about something else, how about football, soccer, sports? Oh wait…"
"Hahaha—Moses will smite you for that!"
"Every year… a little weirder."
"Just wait!"
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"Coop, you can't not come. You have to come. You said. Cohen will be like, totally lame if you don't and I mean, really… you can't leave me."
Marissa looked up from her pile of homework and frowned. "Come on, you know why I can't go. He'll be there and we haven't talked and I'm not sure I want to talk to him right now. Can you believe he actually brought up Oliver? And I mean he says I don't know what I want and need him to rescue me. What is that? If I don't want to go to college, I don't have to go. Why doesn't he understand it's just something I have to do."
Summer had been adjusting her dress in the mirror. "Coop, like when he was leaving you totally told him to stay and when you thought it would ruin his life, you told him. Now it's the exact same thing with you but as soon as he helps you push him away and go to Johnny. Seriously!"
Marissa's eyes flashed with hurt and anger. "You're taking his side?"
"No one has a side. Clearly you're upset but don't get mad at Ryan, I think you're mad at yourself. If I'm way off base then fine but I don't think so. And he's a nice guy… so maybe you need to talk this over."
"Whatever. I'm not going, I can't."
"Fine. I'll tell the Cohens you don't feel well."
"Fine. Bye."
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"Hey look, there's Summer," Ryan pointed towards her as she approached. "Hey, how are you?"
"Not bad," They hugged and she stepped back looking uncomfortable. "Uh, Marissa wasn't feeling well so she didn't…"
"Hey no, that's fine. You don't have to feel weird or anything. She feels sick, she feels sick, we'll have fun here."
"Cohen, where's the food table? I'm hungry"
"Over here my little munchkin," He grabbed her hand and led her away. Ryan watched them go. Marissa hadn't come. He hadn't expected her to. Although he had thought, maybe if she came, maybe she had seen what he was saying. It didn't matter. He smiled as Kirsten approached.
"Hey Ryan, can you see if the lights in the front are on? I mean I saw them on but I want everything perfect for tonight for Seth."
"Yeah, sure. No problem." He headed off to the front. As he stepped out onto the driveway headlights raced up in front of him. He stopped in mid stride and stared straight at the oncoming car.
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Marissa was sitting on the bed, she had going over college applications and deciding what to do exactly. The phone rang and she got up to answer it.
"Hello?"
"Coop… Sum… at…party…Ryan…"
"What, what's going on I can't here a word you are saying. What's going on? What about Ryan?"
"Problem… Ryan… Come, hurry!"
"Sum? Sum? What's wrong with Ryan? Oh my god is he okay? SUM?"
She slammed the phone down, grabbed her coat and left. She didn't know what happened to Ryan but she knew she had to find out. What if he was…?