A/N- Kay, I'm reeeeeally sorry about the lack of updating, here's one, chapter. I hope to wrap this story soon. It kinda made itself a bit longer than expected. Read and review, as much as I hate to admit it, they do indeed motivate to post.

She stood rooted to the spot. Ryan had just dumped her. Prom night had been amazing but then the next morning…she had somehow known. She was supposed to have broken up with him. But when she'd walked in the room, she just couldn't find it in her to say that last goodbye to him. All this time she had been thinking about herself. And not how Ryan would feel, what it would be like.

And now she knew.

It couldn't end like this. She couldn't let it. "No."

"What?" He turned to face her, to make sure he heard her properly.

"No."

"I don't think it's--" Ryan whirled around to face her but she cut him off.

"It doesn't matter what you think right now Ryan! It's what you know, and right now you don't know anything so just shut up and listen because I'm not losing you, not after all of this and not because you're being a baby and not listening to me." She huffed out the last sentence and paused. They both stared at each other; Ryan's mouth dropped a little in shock. He quickly recovered and responded.

"Me? I'm being a baby? Look who is running away! And you don't even know why? You want to find yourself? Maybe you need to watch less Dawson's Creek. And stop with the teen drama. Marissa we're going to college, we're adults now, people have relationships."

"I know Ryan. I know. Please, stop fighting with me. I just need to talk to you about all of this. Just hear me out, if you don't like what I have to say, keep packing, and leave. I wouldn't make you stay, I'll give you back the same treatment you gave me." She looked up and into his eyes, there was this shutter he seemed to have up and she couldn't read what was going on. She was so good at it but right then, all he had on was a blank expression and she didn't know if he would even give her such a simple request. "Please."

The sob-like sound attached to the last 'please' made Ryan's heart tug. But he couldn't give in, he couldn't just allow her to rip his heart to pieces again. Although, he thought, there wasn't much more damage she could do. Her eyes stared into his almost unblinking. "Alright. Alright." He said.

She nearly collapsed with relief. She grinned a little, it was all she could do not to shout out her happiness. Instead she just nodded her head. "Do you want to sit or…?" She trailed off as he shook his head. "Um, okay. We can do this standing I guess. Look, when you showed up here… I was so happy because there was this new exciting guy and he challenged me to be different, to be the unexpected. And I loved it. And then I started to love him, the guy…you. I knew you would always keep me safe. Over the past few years, my life hasn't worked without you. It just hasn't been good when we weren't together, or when we were fighting." She paused and looked over at him. He was massaging his forehead.

"That doesn't make any sense, Marissa. Why would you want to leave if…?" He sighed and shook his head.

"Wait. I'm getting to that. Just listen. My life was always so complex, twists, turns, backflips… but you made it simple, you and me. That was all I needed. I realized that this year after everything we went through, all I would ever need was you. But it scared me so much Ryan, I didn't know what to do about it. Everything was starting to get messed up, what if I lost you? What ifs started to take over my thoughts. It's true that you get scared the longer you have something because it seems like it's getting closer to the time you lose it. I was getting so scared." She blew out a last breath and brushed the hair out of her face.

She wished she could sit, she wished she hadn't done a lot of things. She glanced towards the bed, thinking about possibly sitting. That wasn't really an option though because of all the times they'd spent together there, or even the nights they had taken their love to the chair, the floor, any available surface in the poolhouse held memories that she could never forget.

"But I wouldn't leave you. How could you think that?" Ryan's voice interrupted Marissa's thoughts. "If you think that then what the hell have we been doing these past few years? You don't know me at all."

"No. It's not like I thought you would do it on purpose, I was just afraid that you would somehow think that we WERE from different worlds again and we wouldn't work. I never doubted your love, I just doubted life in general. But that's besides the point. I was scared I would lose you. Scared a lot. Ryan somehow throughout our time together, I lost myself. I didn't know who I was without you. I don't know if you know how terrifying it was to come to that conclusion."

"I do." Was all that Ryan offered. He turned away from her.

"I…I didn't know what to do about it. The only thing I knew for sure was that college was the next step in life and I had control over it. I figured…I figured if we broke up because of me, I could handle it a little better…I could deal with it—"

"You can't just play with my emotions like that Marissa. You've been playing me hot and cold all year but I put up with it, I gave you space. All this time you've just been waiting to dump me. Do you know how awful that sounds, and then today when I do it for you, you suddenly change your mind? It's just because you didn't have the control over the break-up, so you want us to get back together for like a week so that we can break it off when and how YOU want. That's it, isn't it?"

"No. It's not true; I can't handle it either way. I can't break up with you Ryan, now or ever. I need you Ryan. I need you now. I need you like I've never needed anyone in my entire life. If you walk out that door, you'll be taking my heart with you and I'll never get it back."

"And this changed how? In the last five seconds? I heard you Marissa. I heard you! Just now to Summer. I came strutting out of the poolhouse, expecting to hear what an amazing time last night was and maybe, just maybe the possibility that you would want to stay now. But no. Apparently that wasn't in the cards, last night just made you want to break things off. Imagine my surprise. Imagine how I felt. Because you haven't been doing that. Stop thinking about your fucking self for one moment and think about me." Ryan flung his arm out and his bedside lamp flew off the table and shattered. He glanced down at his arm where there was a small cut and he looked down at the glass spread across the floor. His voice lowered to almost a whisper as he continued.

"Think about how I felt. You know what. Don't bother. I can't even fight with you." Ryan stormed past her and headed towards the bathroom. Marissa watched him walk away, watched him leave her and for the first time truly realized how deeply hurt he was and how much work she needed to do to prove she loved him. To prove this was it for her. She wanted to yell out to him to come back but she was interrupted by a knock at the door. "Go away!" Ryan yelled from the bathroom.

Marissa whirled around to look at the door. She wasn't sure whether to open it or let the person stand there. She was about to ask who it was but was saved the trouble.

"It's Summer. We uh… we just wanted to make sure everything was okay. I heard the crash…Coop?"

"Uh…" Marissa took a deep breath; through all the tears and emotional trauma she was experiencing. "I'm fine. We're fine. Just a lamp. I'll talk to you later Sum." Marissa tried to indicate now was not a good time.

"Um, okay Coop. We're all in the house… we're not listening it's just we heard the crash…if you need anything we can hear if you holler."

"Right." Marissa walked towards the bathroom door and leaned just her forehead against it. "Ryan? Ryan? Please. Open up, let me in." After a moment's hesitation where she thought he wouldn't, the door opened. He was seated on the lid of the toilet, staring at the mirror. He looked up at her. She kneeled in front of him and took his wrist.

"Oh my god. Are you okay? Ryan?" He nodded his head. "Okay. I didn't know you heard all of that but what you missed was Kirsten. She gave me advice. She told me to go for what I want, not for what I thought I wanted or what I thought was logically best. And so I came out here, to tell you I love you Ryan. And I want to stay. I want to make us work. I want all of this. But I can't do it all alone. If you don't think we can get past this together… then… then… I can let you go. It would kill me…but I would do it because I'd have to. After all throughout this entire year…I made my final realization all I want..is you. Everything I need, you have."

Ryan looked deep into her eyes. He leaned in to kiss her, and he felt all her emotions and relief swamp him. He kissed her like he had a thousand other times when she had been unsure and he had been there to make her feel better. And it hit him. They ALWAYS did this. It wasn't Marissa if they didn't have a major conflict and this time it was her who had created it. Out of nothing. "No." He said into the kiss. He pulled himself back and got up and walked out of the bathroom. "No." He repeated. "I can't keep doing this Marissa. I can't keep having these almost break-ups. They kill me."

"You think I like them too?" She questioned, getting upset.

"Well I don't know. It's just they seem to be almost routine. I can't keep doing this with you Marissa. What makes this time different? What makes this any different from any other fight that we've had? How do I know? I can't. I think…I think maybe I need to go for a bit. Just to see how we'd work apart. I can't see clearly right now and I can't see what will have changed for us. I just…need something… saying you'll stay is great but you've said some things before and changed your mind. I can't live my life waiting for yours to catch mine… I'm ready, I don't know if you are…" He grabbed his half packed bag and turned to the door. He took a few steps and stopped. He turned around and faced her again. "It really is too bad. I really love you Marissa. And I do need you too. Just not half of you, I need the whole deal." He paused staring at her, before turning around and facing the door.

Marissa watched him; he was walking out of her life. She had lost him. Nothing was making sense. Everything was a jumble of words, emotions, thoughts. She didn't know what to do. She had to stop him. She didn't know how. He couldn't leave. She wouldn't let him. Words raced through her head.

"Ryan. Ryan. You can't leave. Ryan… Marry me!" Her last two words brought Ryan to an abrupt stop, as the room was forced into silence.

A/N- If you DO R&R, let me know which way you think I should go with this... I already have an idea, just wanting to see what the reaction is of the audience.