Author's Note: I'm planning on finishing posting the story this week, so many thanks to everyone for your patience, comments, and encouragement along the way! Life has a funny way of getting in the way of posting and I apologize for not being consistent in that aspect. Also, just a warning that there is a brief and cryptic mention of suicide in this chapter.

Ronon found Sheppard in the exercise room late one evening. The Satedan had noticed Sheppard slipping out of the dining room earlier and knew the man wanted to be alone. But enough was enough.

Sheppard had been on active duty for a few days, but kept mostly to himself. He actually used his office — which Ronon didn't even know he had — and appeared to be busy 'catching up on paperwork,' according to Woolsey. Normally Sheppard would happily have meals with his team, but he had found a new habit of rising before anyone else to grab breakfast, and taking lunch in his office. On occasion he had sat to have dinner with them, but it wasn't like the old times anymore. He was quiet, picking at his food and not engaging in his usual banter with McKay.

Now, Ronon watched silently from the shadows of the doorway as Sheppard moved through a bantos routine he had never seen before. The sticks flowed smoothly in his hands, and he was — dare Ronon even think it — even more lithe and graceful than Teyla herself. As he spun, he caught sight of Ronon and dropped into a defensive posture before casually trying to cover that the Satedan had startled him.

"Hey Ronon."

"Shep."

Sheppard wiped at the sweat on his forehead with the back of his hand and dropped the sticks on a bench.

"Was just finishing up."

"Sure." Ronon pushed away from the doorframe. "Want to spar?"

Sheppard hesitated, and Ronon saw on his face that he knew exactly what the Satedan really meant.

"It'll do us some good," Ronon said, rolling his shoulders as he selected another pair of sticks from the wall.

Shrugging, Sheppard picked up his sticks again. "You always beat my ass anyway."

"Maybe not." Ronon twirled his sticks, circling Sheppard. "Those were some new moves. Teyla teach you that?"

Sheppard's eyes narrowed as he shook his head. "No. I learned that with Janus' soldiers."

"They use bantos sticks?"

"No. But it's easy to use their version of martial arts with just about anything."

Ronon struck out at Sheppard, testing him. Sheppard easily blocked and danced away.

"They just suck at shooting guns," Sheppard continued.

Ronon raised an eyebrow.

"Either that or they were playing me the whole time," Sheppard shrugged. He lashed out at Ronon in a quick 1-2 beat, faster than the Satedan expected, and landed a blow on his upper arm. Ronon hissed at the stinging pain, and Sheppard looked surprised.

"This isn't how our sparring sessions usually go," he said. "You holding back on me?"

"Maybe."

Ronon attacked, and Sheppard parried. With consternation, Ronon realized he could not land a blow on the man no matter how hard he tried. They fell apart after a few moments, both panting.

"That was … surprising," Sheppard said.

"Yeah. Go again?"

They blocked, parried, attacked, and danced around each other for nearly an hour before Sheppard finally put a hand up, chest heaving.

"Alright — I need a break."

"Didn't look like it," Ronon panted. "Couldn't lay a finger on you."

"Yeah … new tricks I guess."

Sheppard sank onto the bench, using a towel to mop the sweat from his face and raking a hand through his soaked hair. Ronon grabbed another towel and wiped himself down as well as he sat down on the bench beside Sheppard, handing him a water bottle.

"Thanks." Sheppard gulped the water down and leaned against the wall, eyes closed.

Ronon studied him, noting the scar at his temple and the new white lines criss-crossing his arms and neck.

"Where did the scars come from?" he asked quietly.

Sheppard's eyes snapped open, but he stayed still. After a deep breath, he pointed to the one on his temple. "This one was from my first day. They beat me up pretty bad. Wasn't sure I was going to make it, actually."

Ronon leaned forward, elbows on his knees. "Why didn't they kill you?"

"Janus' orders. Any human that came through the 'gate had to be brought to him. He set some sort of genetic trap on selected Stargates and it looks like the one where we got separated was one of those 'gates."

"I heard that in the report," Ronon pointed out, then asked again, "Why didn't they kill you?"

Sheppard looked at him, then after a long moment said softly, "To make a point." He leaned back against the wall, but Ronon noted the tension in his shoulders. "They wanted me to know that I could fight but I wasn't going to win. They were in control and Janus was going to get what he wanted."

Ronon felt he understood. Trying to break a soldier to get him to submit was one of the first things any enemy would do. Janus' soldiers were only in control of the physical, while Janus worked on the mental.

"When did they … put the device on you?"

Sheppard bit his lip. "I think it was the first day. Not really sure, though. It didn't start working right away. Then it just sort of … happened. Everything felt right."

Ronon looked away. It was hard to know what to say, and although Heitmeyer had cautioned him on pushing Sheppard too hard, he knew that the man was stronger than he seemed. He also knew that Sheppard needed to get out what he was bottling up.

Sheppard was the calmest officer he had ever served under. He had a steely attitude that kept him thinking and astute during the most stressful times, but Ronon had never seen Sheppard like this. He knew the Colonel was trying to get things back to normal, but he was trying to do it alone. In the past, Sheppard had never tried to do things alone. He was always with the team. This Sheppard was a broken man. He was trying to climb back to where he had been, but he had a long ways to go, and Ronon was determined to help him.

"If it were me," Ronon finally said, "I would have taken the coward's way out. You didn't. That shows me that you're a true leader. You were coerced, tortured, and broken in every way possible. But you didn't stop fighting." He stood, offering a hand to Sheppard. "Don't you ever stop fighting."

Slowly, Sheppard grasped his hand, and Ronon pulled him to his feet, searching his face.

Sheppard looked up at him, steel in his eyes as he answered softly, "I won't."

Sheppard found himself alone on the pier one evening after a run. Taking a deep breath of the fresh air, he leaned on the railing, relishing the feeling of the setting sun on his face and the salty tang in the humid air.

It had been a few weeks since he had returned to light duty, and the Stargate had remained silent. He suspected Janus was biding his time, or perhaps he was amassing his army for an aerial assault on Atlantis. He had prepped all personnel in the city for an attack — from the Stargate or from the air. Despite everyone reporting in that they were ready for anything, he didn't feel ready.

The guilt hanging over his head from his time under Janus' influence was getting easier to push to the side. Ronon insisted on sparring or going on a run with him daily, and Sheppard knew it was the Satedan's way of making sure he was ok. Sometimes it was only when he was running or fighting that he could focus on something other than what he knew was an impending attack. Teyla had also joined in on their sparring sessions, and Sheppard had surprised himself and the others when he was more than able to hold his own against not just one, but both of them at the same time.

Teyla had praised his new skills and asked him to teach her how to fight like Janus' soldiers. In her own quiet way, she helped him turn his thoughts of animosity towards the new martial arts into a tactician's advantage. If the people of Atlantis could fight like the enemy there was a better chance that they could come out of this alive. And of course, Teyla took to the new martial art like a natural, so with her help, they started arranging classes, teaching as a team to military and civilian alike.

Looking out over the calm waters beyond the city towards the setting sun, Sheppard knew Janus wouldn't sit quietly. He also knew that Janus was unwilling to continue his battle against the Wraith alone. He wanted Atlantis, and although Sheppard only had an inkling of the true power behind the city, he knew that if Janus got his hands on what he wanted there would be no stopping him.

While Icarus had been ruthless towards his enemies, he had rules. Janus had no rules, and that was what scared Sheppard. He hoped that he had made clear to Woolsey and the rest of the city that they had to defend Atlantis against Janus' impending attack to the last man. Atlantis could not fall to a madman — let alone an immortal AI program.

Lost in his thoughts, he almost missed the gentle swoosh of the doors opening, but he recognized the tread of the approaching man behind him and didn't even have to turn.

"Hey Rodney."

The scientist leaned on the railing next to him, looking out over the water.

"It does kind of look pretty today," McKay mused.

Sheppard smiled. "As opposed to other days?"

"I don't come out here that often. You know that."

"So why'd you come out today?"

"To talk. To you." McKay kept studying the water but Sheppard knew he was gauging his response.

"What do you want to talk about?"

McKay shrugged. "Whatever you want."

Sheppard said nothing, and he could feel McKay growing impatient next to him.

"It hasn't been the same," McKay finally said.

"I know." Sheppard gave him a sideways glance, then added, "I'm not sure if it will ever be the same, Rodney."

"I get that Janus did horrible things to you — made you do horrible things. But you're back. Things are back to normal now."

Sheppard sighed. "Things will never be normal again, Rodney."

"How can you say that?" McKay turned on him, fire in his eyes and voice. "You can't let what happened change you like that."

"We grow when we change," Sheppard said softly. "It doesn't happen overnight, but change is good, Rodney."

McKay sighed, turning back to the water. "I miss our conversations."

"I won't let that change," Sheppard said. "I just … need some time."

"We might not have a lot of time if Janus attacks Atlantis like you think he will."

"He will."

"It could be this week. It could be next year. We don't know if he has space-worthy ships or if he needs time to build them."

"I'm sure he has ships. I never saw them but I know how he thinks. He's had eons to develop his weapons against the Wraith. He was also trapped on that planet for who knows how long until he created his own DHD. It might have been faster to build ships than a DHD."

McKay shrugged. "Probably true. I'm just tired of waiting."

"I think we all are."

McKay was silent for long moments as he looked at the sun. The golden disk was starting to turn red as it slipped lower on the horizon. He finally turned again to Sheppard. "Are you angry with me?"

Sheppard looked at him, surprised. "About what?"

"That I couldn't find you."

Sheppard laughed. "Of course not."

"I still can't figure out how he programed that Stargate to send you to his world — and I'm a genius."

"I know you are, Rodney."

"He's a genius, too. That's what makes this so hard. Because he can outthink us — and me."

Sheppard turned to face McKay, leaning one elbow on the railing. "You're the smartest man I know, Rodney," he said. "Janus is just an AI. He isn't a man, nor an Ancient. I believe in you and I believe that you're going to be able to help us figure this out and stop him one day."

"But you saw his planet. He has a whole army protecting him, and I don't even know where he houses the AI program. We could destroy all those buildings but he might have backups —"

"Rodney."

McKay pointedly closed his mouth.

"I believe in you," Sheppard said quietly. "We're going to figure this out and we're going to either stop Janus or somehow get him to see reason. Ok?"

McKay hesitated, then nodded. "Ok."

Sheppard pushed away from the railing, heading back to the city. The sun had finally disappeared below the waters and the stars were making an appearance. "Now, if you have time how about you set up your chess board. I haven't played in a while so I'm rusty."

And as they walked back to the recreation room together, with McKay talking endlessly about how Sheppard had cheated the last time they had played, Sheppard started to feel a bit better about his return to Atlantis and to his family there. But he also knew that he had a long journey ahead of him, as did his team in continuing to understand his new mentality.

Sheppard had a deep, prescient feeling that the time ahead of him might be shorter than when he had first stepped through the Stargate onto Atlantis those few years ago. But he also knew that he and his team had survived the Genii, Replicators, and the Wraith. So who was to say they wouldn't survive Janus and his army, too?

He set his shoulders, lifted his chin, and looked at McKay, tossing him a grin as he said, "I'll never reveal my secrets, Rodney, but you know I'm probably going to beat you again this time."

"Never in a million years," McKay vowed, barely able to hide the excitement in his voice as he began to set up the chess board.