Chapter 1: Rachel

Cue tribal music…

Wesker: Hello folks it's me everyone's favorite bad guy Albert Wesker!

Audience claps and random people blurt things out

Audience Person: Wesker I love you!

Wesker: Yes thank you now why don't you do something like be my slave, silently laughs to himself

Audience Person jumps down and introduces herself…

Audience Person: HI! I'm Rachel! I'll do anything that you want.

Wesker almost jumping at the though of anything gives Rachel her orders.

Wesker: Yeah kill yourself!

Rachel: Anything pulls out a signature signed Killer 7.

Wesker: I didn't remember signing anything!

Dead-Hunter descends and waves his hand trying a Jedi mind trick.

Dead-Hunter: You signed that gun…

Wesker: No, I didn't!

Dead-Hunter: Yes you did… this is not the dog you are looking for Santa.

Wesker: Holy shit the guy put a Jedi mind trick on himself…

Dead-Hunter: Hi my names Wesker whats yours

Wesker pull out Rachel's Killer 7 and kills me. But I'll be back. With weapons!

Wesker: Riiight, anyway back to the show.

Wesker turned to see Rachel almost hovering over him.

Wesker: What the fuck do you want!

Rachel just smiles and stares.

Rachel: Wesker can I be your co-host.

Wesker: Sure you are cute and….

Audience Gasp and a CNN reporter stands up

CNN reporter: Tonight's story, Wesker has a soft side.

Rachel and Wesker together: Shut the fuck up bitch!

They both fire their Killer 7s and kill the CNN reporter.

Wesker: I think I'm in love.

Audience Awes

This is where shit gets weird

Nemesis: JAWS!

Wesker: Nemesis why the fuck are you talking about jaws?

Nemesis: Because it's my hero Captain Quint from JAWS!

Captain Quint who met his demise at Jaws' teeth jumps through a window.

Quint then sings his signature song. You know the one that goes farewell a module (or something like that) No? Watch the movie if you haven't. If you haven't you suck!

Nemesis: I'm ready skipper, pulls out a rocket launcher

Quint: What are ye? Some sort of half ass astronaut!

Nemesis sulks and walks away to return with a harpoon gun

Quint: That be proper sea-worthy material.

Nemesis, Quint, and a sheriff all go out to get on Quints boat the Dolphin Xtreme! The boat explodes from extreme acoustics and the three land on Quints old boat the Orca.

Wesker and Rachel: mmk

Wesker: Now to introduce eighteen of the twenty contestants.

But that'll be right after the break