Chapter 2: Meet the Fuckers

Cue heavy metal music

Wesker: hi I'm Albert Wesker and despite the fact that I'm in love I'm still a fucking bad-ass!

Rachel: And I'm Rachel Wood.

Wesker: Today we are simply letting you see the contestants.

Rachel: and for those who don't know two lucky viewers will get to add a character from any movie, video game, book, etc

Nemesis, Quint, and the sheriff come in carrying a large bag.

Rachel: Did you kill JAWS!

Nemesis: Stop mocking me I am actually very sophisticated.

Rachel: Oh… W

Nemesis: And besides… I'm not the one who acts like Regis and Kelly, always finishing each other sentences.

Rachel: Sorry… well did you kill JAWS!

Sheriff who happens to be on crack: Hgidhgidhgidh

Wesker: What the fuck are you doing!

Nemesis: We would have caught JAWS! But the sheriff thought that JAWS! Was trying to knife him and take his pink pony collection from his leprechaun vault.

Wesker: Riiight, Wesker say backing away reaching for his shotgun, in other words?

Nemesis: He threw a hand-grenade in its mouth and said something like smile you son of a HASTA LUEGO.

Rachel: Ok. That's nice. Nemesis please escorts sheriff to the mental ward.

Sherriff: what I'm not going back OZ! REMEMBER OZ!

The audience shudders at the slight mention of the name

Wesker: Ok our first contestant is Ada Wong. Ada though it hasn't been mentioned do you know what the prize is for winning cue metal music… Resident Survivor!

Nemesis: JAWS!

Wesker: No. Its 1.5635 million dollars and the chance to become the main character of Capcoms next Resident Evil game…

Ada: Why 1.5635 million and not just 2 million?

Wesker: It is all to common these days to see things like 1 million dollars. And I have one word taxes.

Audience: Amen brother!

Ada: I 1.563…

Wesker: Actually, I lied the prize is the chance to get in as the star of Resident Evils next major game.

Ada: Oh. I want to be in the next game because I feel that Asian women don't have enough rights to being main characters.

Wesker: That's not why it is.

Ada: No actually I won't to be in the next RE game so that I can kick Krausers and Leons ass again and again and they can't do anything about it.

Wesker: Yay unnecessary violence. Good choice.

Rachel: Next up we have the little dude with a big personality its Ramon Salazar.

Audience: Awww that's very nice but very untrue.

Rachel: So Salazar why do you want to be in the next RE game?

Salazar: Seriously Rachel you're a brunet and you act like a blonde. Why the fuck would anyone bother to ask why I wanted to be in the next RE game.

Rachel: Its part of my contract. Every time I ask a stupid ass question I get five dollars.

Salazar: Oh yeah I'll give you a Euro to shut the fuck up!

Rachel sadly: Ok. Next up we have the guy who many would call the hero of Resident Evil it's Chris Redfield.

Wesker: damn I haven't talked in a while.

Chris: Hey what happens when a character is of screen for a while?

Wesker speaking subliminally: dick… good question asshole… here I'll show you through this video ass face…

Every turns to a giant TV. The commentary begins to play starting with a gay rap tune.

Voice: ever wonder what fanfic characters do off screen?

Salazar: No why else would we be watching this pathetic piece of shit Wesker's movie.

Everyone except Salazar: That voice so familiar…

Salazar: No shit its Wesker's voice doing the commentary.

Voice: fanfic characters have been documented doing such things as eating, sleeping, reading… the voice continues with everything from having sex to brushing horses anal hair

Salazar smacking himself in the head couldn't help but blurt out what he had to say.

Salazar: What the fuck! This is what every fucking person does pretty much every day! I'm gonna kill my self by the end of this chapter or maybe, eyeing Rachel, someone else.

Muwhahahahahahahaha gags and passes out from loss of major body fluids.

Well there the first and second chapters, what do you think. Please review even if you only have shitty stuff to say. Remember I need a place for the Survivor part of the story to take place and I need two guest characters from any movie, games, books, etc… Also tell me if you want Rachel to die or not. If so why. If not why.