Author's Notes

THE VERY FIRST STORY I'VE WRITTEN! If you haven't noticed, I'm happy. Very happy. Or maybe that's the booze…

It's probably the booze.

Anywho, I hope you guys enjoy.

…apologies to "A Modest Destiny".

Disclaimer: …even if I didn't write this, I'm broke. This story is all I've to my name. Lawyers don't like broke people… do they?

The doorbell to Old Grandpa Cid rang, then burst open with two young children running in and a young man closely following. "Grandpa!" the children cried as they saw their ancient grandfather. "Damn, you kids get uglier every year…" Cid muttered under his breath.

"Sorry Janice couldn't make it, but she did send this nice bunt cake." The young man said to Cid as he handed the cake to Cid, who refused to take it.

"That wench hates me! I've seen the way she looks at me with those beady little eyes, and that…look! That cake's probably #$in' poisoned! She's a whore, too, y'know…" Cid's son sighed. "Dad, Janice is not a whore." By this time Cid's grandchildren were pressing their noses against his glass spear display case.

"She can't fool me! Remember when I had to do the #$in' laundry for y'all? I had to clean her damn #$in' undies! The $#in' 'How to Wash' tag was #$in' bigger that what covered stuff up! She's a $$in' slut!" He yelled, waving his walking stick around. The young man looked at the ground and shuffled his feet. "Actually, Dad, those, umm… those were mi-"

"She can't #$in' fool the Cidmeister!"

Cid's son dropped the subject. Instead, he changed it.

"I've missed you, pop." He said lovingly to his father, opening his arms in a loving embrace.

"Touch me, and I'll kill you. An' how many #$in' times have I told you not to call me pop!" Responded Cid. He then gasped in horror. "HOLY JUMPING MOTHER OF GOD! Get those damn kids away from my spears! Those are MY #$in' spears! Dan, get those #$in' little freaks away from my spears!" He hobbled over to his grandchildren and proceeded to whack them repetitively with his stick. "Damn #$in' monkeys! Go! Vanish! Be #$in' gone!"

The two children were away from the spear case and safely under their father's arms. Dan looked at his children and they gazed back. "Hey kids, have I ever told you how your grandpa saved the world? How neat-o is that?" Cid puffed his chest out proudly. "Actually, twice, but who's countin'?"

His grandchildren gazed in awe at their Grandfather Cid. One said: "Grandpa Cranky used to be cool?" The other said: "Naw, I don't believe it."

Cid glared at them. "'Course I #$in' saved the world! D'ya think I got those $&in' spears bowlin'!"

"Actually Dad, this one's a mop."

"Shut the hell up."

"Okay Dad."

Cid struck a pose. "It 'twas a #&in' long time ago, when I was a strappin' young 'un…"

"Dad, could you watch the kids? I'm gonna go pick up some food."

"HOLY JUMPIN' MOTHER OF GOD NAW!"

"…is that a yes?"

"Hell naw."

"…I'll pick up some cigarettes."

Cid thought for awhile. "Throw in some #$in' booze an' you got a deal."

"Okay then. See ya, Dad. Don't bore them too much."

The eldest grandchild spoke up. "Don' worry, Dad. Grandpa Cranky-"

"It's Cid, you $in' Hellspawnicy Demonchild from Hell!" Cid shouted, hitting the kid on the head with his stick.

"-is gonna tell us how he saved the world!"

"Twice."

Dan sighed. "Okay, go ahead kids, but don't say I didn't warn you." He grabbed his keys and left the house.

Cid's eyes gleamed happily "It was a $in' long time ago, when I was younger 'n' yer two-faced mother#in' father over there…"

Author's Notes

How'd you like it? Next chapter coming up soon! I'd say R&R, but you've already read it, so review! Please? I've got cookies…

And to complete this chapter, a word from Cid:

"Shut up! Sit your ass down in that chair and drink your goddamn TEA! Arggggggh! DAMN, I'm pissed!"