Author's Notes

Chapter 3, people! I hope Chapter 2 was as big a hit as Chapter 1. I try, people, I try. Oh, and the flashbacks… I really didn't like putting them in present tense, so I'm trying something new. Don't like it? Too bad. Bitch about it in a review.

Disclaimer: F file deleted LAYWERS! (sorry AMD)

"…so once the thieves finally realized I'd stolen their gold, they gave a #$in' chase!" Cid continued, his eyes wide and his hands spread out wide.

"Did they chase you on horses n' had guns n' sheriffs n'-okay I'll shut up now…"

Cid drew in more cigarette and blew it out of his nose. "Damn #$in' straight you #$in' will! Yer grandma interrupts less while #$in' than you do! $#er." He chucked his used cigarette and drew out a new one. He took out a matchbox, drew a match, and lit it on one of the children's face. "Anyway, so I was at the bar where I was tryin' to hook up with the $&in' hot bartendress…"

FLASHBACK

"-would look great on my bedroom floor!"

Mervin (the one with the eyepatch) stepped into the bar. "Ha, I have found you! You shant escape me this time!"

Cid drained the last of his scotch. "Yeah, you and whose army?" Mervin smiled happily and turned around, his arms spread wide as he showed Cid. "Why, the army of ninjas I brought along, didn't you see them when I came i-" He turned around, and there was none other than… ESCAPE DUMMY CID! Mervin slapped his face. "Poop." He turned to his army. "Okay, I want you guys to spread out and do what you killer ninjas do! Any questions?"

One ninja raised his hand. "What do we do once we find him, sir?" Cid poked his head out from behind the bar. "Give him a back rub and forty gold pieces!" The ninja shrugged. "Okay, you're the big boss man, move out men!" Mervin chased after the ninjas. "What? NO! I didn't say that! Come back! Please? Oh poop." Once he was long gone, Cid hopped over the bar. "Scotch on the rocks, please." The bartendress glared at him as he served him his drink. "I don't know why I saved your sorry pig-headed ass."

"I'm damn handsome, that could be it." Cid replied as he drained the shot glass quickly and hit the bar. "Get out of my bar before I call the killer ninjas on you." The bartendress replied. Cid choked on an ice cube. "You wouldn't dare!"

"KILLER NINJAS! HE'S IN HERE!" she yelled. A ninja silently dropped from the ceiling onto the ground behind Cid. He grabbed Cid's neck and held a knife in front of it. "I have you now, my preeeeecccciiioooousss…" he whispered in Highwind's ear. "And now you will pay for stealing our gold!" He began giving Cid the most amazing killer ninja massage. You know the one ladies, the kind that makes you wanna piss your pants it feels so damn good. On second thought, maybe not to many of you have had a killer ninja massage…

Cid closed his eyes and his head began to roll around on his shoulders. "Ahh, yeeeeaaahh… that's it… lil' lower, higher, higher…oooohh…thaat's the…spot." He began drooling. Then the ninja silently jumped in front of him and handed him a pile of gold. "Forty gold? For me? You shouldn't have." He stuffed the gold in his pockets.

"Okie-dokie, you're free to go citizen. I hope you learned your lesson. Don't make me have to do this again. Don't go stealing from the Thieves Guild, y'hear?" By that time, Cid had already left with his bags of gold. The thief smiled and waved as he saw Cid's figure run away in the distance. "Gee, what a swell guy…"

END FLASHBACK

""You sure fo-"

WHACK!

"Sorry Grandpa Cid"

ENTER FLASHBACK

Cid had spent all but one bag of the thieves gold, which he was now carrying as he whistled "The Entertainer" to himself. He was just about to sing "Minomina" when he ran into Ted, wrapped up in a black cloak. "You! Moron! Man I hate with the intensity of a thousand suns! You have something that doesn't belong to you and I want it back!" He jump-kicked Cid in the groin. "MY NUTS!"

Ted laughed. "Oh, they'll get better, your pride however, that's a different story."

Author's Notes

So how was Chapter 3? Was it any better? Sorry it took so long to update Chapter 2, so that's why I submitted two chapters at once! Ha!

A Word from Mogkin

"I'm Kupo for Kupo Nuts!"