Author's Notes

Yup, I'm back. We have a new member to my "Review Crew", Saddened Soul!

The following part of this Author's Notes section is for Banana Peel, Sakiya, and Yumesuta. You can read it if you want, but it has nothing to do with this story.

Yumesuta, you know I've already contacted you. If you didn't get my AIM name, it's in my profile. Tell me once you've got it. You can get that stuff off your profile now too, if you want. Also, any… ahem specifications you'd like, just IM me/put it in a review/put it on your profile. Also, Banana Peel and Sakiya, if you can e-mail, mine is posted on my profile. Tell me what your "specifications" should be and ideas for the story-line. I can't do this all by myself, people! One more thing, Banana Peel, I think I know what you're thinkin': "I'm gonna be a banana peel!"

Ahhhh…

No. Sorry, but no. I can't work with fruits or their skins. Sorry. A heads up, I'm not some stalker freak that's gonna kill and/or rape you (BTK guy freaks me out…). If you're uncomfortable with contacting me, that's dandy. I can go on with Yumesuta and my own OC.

Disclaimer: If you've read this far, I don't need to say more.

End Author's Notes

In the alley...

"Yes, it's too bad it didn't work. But I congratulate your wit and guile. Now give me that jewel!" The figure had an extremely deep voice, y'know, the movie trailer guy. The kind that sounds like a thirty-year-old guy who's been smoking since he was seven? Ring any bells?

Anyway, it's not that important.His face was hidden by a stark white mask with two small holes serving as eyes. It was garbed in a spotless white suit and wore a black steeple crown hat. Veeery ominous looking…

Meanwhile in the other backalley…

Sid came back with three family packs of cigarettes, figuring that would be enough for this steak-out. He took off his helmet (which was REALLY big with huge horns on it… BIG horns) to reveal his sweat covered head and inserted a cigarette into his mouth. Then he realized that the fighting inside had stopped, and he grinned. "$#&$in' showtime." He stood up, did that funky fresh jump onto the roof, and looked through the broken skylight…

"Yes, Justice is a cruel, blind mistress. Just as I am bound to you by my duty, you are bound to me by rope." The Silvah Knight lectured Tooey, who had been tied up with Marcellus. The Silvah Knight had figured Reno was too drunk to be of any harm and was incapable of escaping, so he let him go back to the shattered display case.

"Speaking of duty," Tooey replied angrily, "How the hell do you ALWAYS know when we're about to pull a job? I mean, for CHRIST'S SAKE! The Skishies are going bankrupt 'causea you!" The figure of the Silvah Knight seemed to swell with pride (but defenders of justice do no such thing) and smile proudly. "Vigilante trade secret, sorry, no go."

"I'll show you a vigilantetrade secret, bastard." Tooey muttered. Sid silently fell behind the Silvah Knight. "Well, well, if it ain't the goddamn Silvah Knight! I've been looking forward to meetin' your heroic self."

Meanwhile, back in the alley this chapter started in…

"Yes," the figure said calmly as he walked forward slowly, "Your plan was smart. Really smart. Somewhat smarter than I had originally planned, but less smart than it should have been." He walked forward some more and stood with his back facing the cloaked man.

Above them, Cid watched quietly.

"You knew that those…thieves were planning on stealing the Materia, and following that, the Silvah Knight would undoubtedly show up. Because of this new role in our play, you knew that there would be splashy introductions and a passionate and gory combat production. Given this distraction, you knew you would have the time to steal the Black Materia and replace it with a fake glass imposter." He turned around and faced his opponent. "But no matter, I have you now, and you will give the Black Materia to me!" He held out an open hand towards the other figure (which we will currently title Anonymous Shoplifter of Shinies). "Just one thing," Anonymous Shoplifter of Shinies replied (who will now be referred to as ASS) "How did you discover my daring plan?" The man smiled behind his white mask and held up a sheet of paper. "You dropped your to-do list entitled 'My Daring Plan'. The rest was quite elementary."

Back in the store…

"Aha! Another minion! Hellspawny Hellspawinic Hellspawn…from Hell! I can tell by his sharp, wicked look, his rancid, eeevil breath, the way he swears, and his Mercedes Benz keys, that he is EVIL!" the Silvah Knight called out and pointed his sword at Sid as he quickly hid the Benz keys. "Have at thee!" He called and lunged for Sid, who jumped away. "Hey! MUTHA$#&$! What the hell was that! That was $#&$in' UNCALLED FOR! I don't look evil, and my breath does not $#$$in' smell rancid, whatever the hell that means! I'm just a really big fan of yours, 'n'…" Sid faked a snuffle, "I was really stressed by work which is why I swear so much, 'n' I kinda saw you through the skylight 'n' thought, 'Gee, the Silvah Knight! Golly Gee Whiz, what wouldn't I get to meet a hero like that!' 'n' so I kinda leapt down here to get your autograph…" he turned around. "But you insulted me. And attacked me. And that really hurt my feelings, Mr. Knight!" He tried to hold back tears of laughterwhile pretending to be devastated. "What kinda stupid defender of justice are you? You're pink! Besides, if I was evil, then I'd be wearing a ginormously large helmet with big cow sized horns on them…" The Silvah Knight looked at his feet and started shuffling them. He walked over to Sid and put his hand on his shoulder. "Man, I'm sorry. You okay?" Sid started to cry from hold back laughs. "Yeah, jus' sumtin' in my eye…"

Back in Cid's alley…

"I see you have my plans, I assume you read part four section fourteen?" ASS said to the white garbed man. He looked at the to-do list. "Part four section fourteen? Just a second… part four… section twelve… to, to, to, to, to… thirteen, aha! Section fourteen." He read the one word silently and turned his back to ASS. He began laughing. "What? What's so funny?" ASS asked.

Cid silently jumped behind the black cloaked man, armed with his Gnarled Staff.

"You spelled 'dismemberment' wrong."

"Oh, did I?" ASS replied to the white clad man (who will be known as Whitey) and drew four shurukeins from the folds of his cloak. "Good thing I'm better at doing it than spelling it!" ASS shouted at Whitey, andwhipped around. He threw the shurukeins at Cid, who screamed a girly scream of a scream and squeezed his eyes shut. The four projectiles thudded against into their target, but ASS was not pleased. Very extremely not pleased. "What!" He shrieked, "NO! That cannot be!"

Back in the store…

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, little man. Today's just been such a stressful day, y'know? Fighting crime is a full time job, y'know." Silvah Knight explained to Sid, who straightened up and wiped away his tears. "It's okay… HOLY JUMPING MOTHER OF MARY!" he shouted, causing Silvah Knight to jump. "What's that!" he shouted, pointing towards the darkness. Silvah Knight leapt forward, drawing his sword and pointing it towards the darkness. "What! Fear not, loyal male groupie fan, the…" he paused for effect, "Silvah Knight will protect you!"

Sid began walking towards the shattered display case, calmly looking for something long and hard… heh, that can be converted to a whooooole new level of Hentai Pornography…

"Are you sure you saw something?" Silvah Knight asked, still facing the darkness with his pointy sword drawn and pointed towards the shadows. "Over there, you said? I don't see anything. Are you absolutely su-"

WHAM! "Why does it feel so &$#$in'good to be so damnbad?" Sid exclaimed happily.

He had found an inch thick titanium steel pole near Reno, and after a short battle later, he had yanked it from the drunk's slippery hands and slammed it on the back of the Silvah Knight's head. He then proceeded to untie Tooey and Marcellus. "Righteous!" Tooey exclaimed (to which Sid whacked him with the pole and scolded him for using surfer boy lingo) "You killed him!" Sid shook his head. "Hell naw, man. He's just $$&#in' unconscious, we need to go before he $&in' wakes up 'n' raises some serious pink hell. Poor pink bastard."

"Wait!" Tooey exclaimed, "Let's take his mask off so we can see who he is?"

"It's against the #$&#in' Evil Guide Rulebook. Besides, why the hell would we want to do some #$$&ed up shit like that?"

"…well, y'know…if he doesn't want us to know, it must be important!"

"Maybe he wears a goddamn mask 'cause he's some $#&#in' Elephant Man, y'know, some disfigured sonofabitch like you."

Tooey thought on this for awhile. "Right, don't wanna get nightmares." Suddenly, he turned around and pointed at Sid. "Hey! I am not disfigured!"

"Says who?" Sid retorted.

Back in the alley…

"NO! That cannot be!"

'You know,' Cid thought, 'Death doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would.'

He opened his eyes slowly and looked at Elena, who had become much heavier as of late.

His Gnarled Staff of Ass Whoop had four shurukein embedded into it.

"I'm alive!" he shouted enthusiastically. "You know," ASS replied, "I have something to remedy that." He drew a long saber from within his cloak. "Let's see your Twig of Whopped Ass handle against a blade!"

Author's No-

"Wait! Wait!" Cid cried to the author, "Let me say one line before the cliffhanger!" The author drummed his fingers against his desk and thought. "But it is the perfect cliffhanger! Adding a line would ruin it!"

"Don't make me bust out Elena on your ink stained ass!" Cid threatened.

"Fine, fine. Go ahead."

"Okay," Cid cleared his throat. "Wait…" Cid had suddenly realized something, the man in white was gone. "Where'd the guy in white go?" ASS groaned angrily. 'A good cliffhanger thrown away!' "That's for me to know and you not to find out 'cause you'll be dead. Dammit, Cid, you ruined the whole cliffhanger!"

"But-"

"No buts, dammit! Who hired you, anyway! Asshole."

EXIT FLASHBACK

"Did that really happen Grandpa Cid?"

"$&#$ yes! Why the hell d'you think I said it! You callin' me a liar, boy?"

"No-"

WHACK!

"Kiss Elena! Come on, #$#&in' KISS HER! Dammit, you will respect my #$#&in' aut'oritah! Respect it, boy! Come on! R-E-S-P-E-C-T!"

Author's Notes

Sorry for the bad ending. Thought I'd throw in a few jokes afore the end of chapter nine. Well, Banana Peel and Sakiya, you owe me a character outline and ideas.

Toodles!