Sam couldn't help but cry. He desperately tried to hide his tears from the man sitting beside him, knowing how John reacted towards crying. He'd taught both his sons not to cry at a very young age. Sam couldn't remember the last time he cried, but could pinpoint it to somewhere near the age of seven. And now the fourteen yr old couldn't stop the crystalline tears running down his cheeks.
John glanced at him and was about to turn away until he caught sight of the moist tears streaking down his youngest son's face. John grabbed a hold of Sam's chin roughly and examined the boy's face.
"Stop crying. There is absolutely no reason for you to be doing so." John ordered. Sam hastily tried to wipe the tears away.
He didn't really know why he was crying in the first place. Maybe it was just the thought that Dean was now 18 and out of school. Sam was afraid his older brother would get away from his family and his abusive father as fast as he could, leaving Sam alone with the man. And that scared Sam the most. The thought of being left alone with his father for the next few years. The idea of being without his brother. It would be like half of Sam himself had left.
But on the other hand, Sam knew he was being selfish. It was selfish of him to want Dean to stay. Dean staying would mean that Dean would still have to endure the beatings, and that was something Sam didn't want. No, it would be very selfish of him to ask Dean to stay.
After the ceremony, John and Sam found Dean out in the hall, clutching his diploma to his chest and looking up to the sky, mouthing what seemed to be the words "Freedom". Sam looked down at the floor.
"And you said I would never get a diploma, huh, Sammy. Remember that?" Dean teased, waving the paper in front of his brother's downcast face. When Sam didn't reply, Dean grew worried. He looked at his father for answers, but John didn't reveal anything.
"We should get going." John suggested, his voice stony, and they headed out of the building.
Sam and Dean let their father walk slightly ahead of them, while they walked side by side.
"What's the matter, Sammy?" Dean asked with a sigh. Sam looked up at him.
"What makes you think something is wrong?" Dean stared at him incredulously. How could he not know that something was wrong?
"Uh, maybe it's cause you haven't said a word all night. Hmmmm, or maybe it's because you won't look at me?" As soon as Dean said that, Sam looked up at his brother. Dean narrowed his eyes. "Or maybe it's because you've been crying…" He added, noticing that his brother's eyes were a little puffy (just a little) and his eyes were still glassy.
"It's nothing." Sam reassured him. 'Don't be selfish, Sam,' the boy reminded himself. His brother scoffed at him.
"Okay, yeah it's nothing. Just like that time that you broke your leg it was nothing, or when the kids at school were picking on you was nothing, or-"
"Dean. Please."
"No, Sam. You know that I'm going to find out what is wrong." Sam didn't say anything, just got into the truck with his father. Dean rolled his eyes and did the same. The ride home was silent, and most of the evening was, with only a few lame jokes from Dean, trying to break the unbearable silence.
Later that night, after John had gone to bed, Dean and Sam lie in their beds, both of them unable to sleep. Sam couldn't sleep because he was worried that Dean would leave him alone with John, and Dean unable to sleep because he was stressed out over what had his baby brother so worked up. The damn kid hadn't cried since he was eight!
"Dean? Are you awake?" Dean rolled over on his side so he could face his little brother, even though it was too dark to see the fourteen yr old.
"Yeah. What's up Sammy?"
There was a pause on the other side of the room as Sam stumbled over what to say. "Well, uh, you see, I was wondering…" Dean waited but Sam didn't continue.
"Spit it out Sam!"
"What are you going to do now that you're out of high school?" Sam asked. Dean stared at him through the darkness. 'Where did that come from?' he wondered.
"What do you mean Sammy?"
Sam struggled to come up the words to explain it to his brother. "Well, are you going to college?" Sam asked, tentatively.
Dean snorted. "Yeah right. Like that'll happen. I just got out of school. I'm not in a hurry to get back in one, bro."
"Are you going to move out then."
"Why the hell would I do that?"
"Because. Because you can. You can get away from Dad. You can get away from hunting. You can-" Sam cut himself off. He didn't want to think about how his brother finally had the chance to get away from him. He didn't want to think about Dean leaving.
"Sam. I'm not leaving. There is no way in hell that you're getting rid of me that easily. I've lived with Dad my whole life; I can put up with him for a few more years. I'm not going to allow you to be alone with him. And I like hunting. It takes away all my stress. I'm not leaving." Dean's tone spoke of finality. Sam didn't say anything.
"Is this what was bugging you at graduation? Did you think I would leave you Sam?" Dean asked. Again, Sam remained quiet.
"Answer me, damn it." Sam involuntarily jumped slightly. Dean sounded frustrated. He sounded like their father. He immediately gave himself a mental kick in the shin and cursed himself for ever comparing Dean to that bastard.
"Sammy, we're family. And families stick together. Always. I'm not going anywhere." Sam smiled at his brother in through the darkness, even though Dean couldn't see it.
"Thanks, Dean." Sam whispered before allowing himself to fall into worry-free sleep.