Disclaimer; I'm sorry to continue this; the penguins are slowly driving me mad.
Harry and Luna met in the Quibbler's office at half ten to plot.
"So Luna, how far back should we go?"
"Well, that all depends on how old you want to be when we return. Logically we are going to use this time to train you to fight Voldemort and me to take over the world, so we can take as much time as we like. If we go take advantage of time travel to the fullest, we can theoretically use the thirteen years of peace from your first defeat of Voldemort to the fullest."
"That's brilliant. In fact, an evil plot is forming in my mind right now. Oh. This will be fun… So much potential for abuse."
"Just remember, we can't change time. It is physically impossible."
"Spoilsport. But what if we make it look as if the timelines are intact and all the while change things behind the scenes."
"I don't think that is possible, but you can always try."
"Great, now I want you to do me a favor."
"What Harry?"
"Create a spell like the Dark Mark but with pink lips for our group. Whatever you do, never ever teach it to me. No matter how much I beg, you must not teach me that spell."
"Why is that?"
"Well yesterday when I left to come here, death eaters attacked my relatives house. They were soundly defeated and that mark was found floating over what was left of the house. If you never teach it to me, that means you have to survive until present day and can't die in the past. As you already said, it is impossible to change the past."
"That's crazy, I like it."
"So, now that we don't have to worry about dying, how far back are we going?"
"No, we've only insured I can't die, not you."
"Trust me, I've got something else keeping me alive."
"Okay, so how about we head back all twenty years. Is that okay with you?"
"If we did that, I'd be older than my parents, I think that may be a bad idea. Just as old is fine with me though. It might be fun to meet them as equals."
"Ok, Nineteen Seventy-Six, here we come!" Luna looped the chain over both of their wrists and began spinning the hourglass.
They arrived in an empty building (The Quibbler wasn't founded until the early eighties.) and began to strategize. They made a trip to Gringotts and opened a joint account so they had money to live on, and went to look for a flat.
"Ok, explain to me again exactly how I am not allowed to even see my parents?"
"Honestly, haven't you ever seen Back to the Future? If you go see your parents before you are born, you might never be born. Since time can't be changed, you would only ever be disappointed as you just miss them. Wait a few years and then see them after you are born. I'm sure they would love a visit from their son."
"I wasn't allowed to watch the Telly growing up. You forgot who I grew up with."
"Oh, I suppose I did. You still cannot go see them yet. Patience is a virtue. In the mean time I suggest you study and get ready to take your NEWTs. Once we have them out of the way, we will be free to tinker with things man was not meant to know. By the way, I bought a book of muggle sports records before we left. That shopkeeper had a good idea."
"Alright, I've passed all my NEWTs, even the ones I never took OWLs for, have achieved a Mastery in Defense, and I was finally born yesterday. May I go see my parents now?"
"Sure, but you have to bring me with you. I've been waiting to see what kind of freaks spawned my Fiancée."
"Fiancée?"
"Oh, I guess I should ask you first, or else I can order you since you are my minion."
"Of course I'll marry you Luna. I just wish I could ask your father for his blessing."
"You can do that next year, after our honeymoon. It will still be before the wedding thanks to time travel."
"You've been planning this… Were you ever intending to ask, or would I just get portkeyed to an altar one day?"
"I don't know, surprises are always nice."
"Not surprise weddings."
"Oh alright."
"So now that we've got that settled, let's head over to Godric's Hollow."
They joined hands and disapperated, appearing just down the road from the Potter home.
They politely rang the bell and waited for an answer. Lily answered the door.
"James, watch Harry for a minute while I get the door." The door opened. "James! But you were… Who's she!"
"No, I'm not James, may we come in? We would like to have a long talk with you and your husband."
"Sure, please do. My husband and son are in the study, hold on a minute and I will get them." She left and returned with the men in tow.
"Whoa! I've got an evil twin!" James exclaimed. Harry and James locked eyes and stopped moving. They were brought back to reality by Luna's squeal of delight.
"Harry, you are such a cute baby! May I hold him Mrs. Potter?"
"I think introductions may be due first, but alright. Let's all sit down and get comfortable. Maybe we can start with how you know Harry's name?"
"Of course I know Harry's name, I've known it all my life. Harry James Potter, the Great Hero…"
"Luna dear, you are freaking the Potter's out."
"But they're going to be freaked out anyway Harry, you may as well say what you came to say, the worst they can do to either of us is ask us to leave."
"Ok, you all may wish to be seated because I have several very shocking things to tell you. In fact, let me pour you both a drink first."
"Thank you, but Lily doesn't drink." James replied.
"She will in a moment." Luna said dreamily, tickling the squirming baby Harry.
"Ok, well I will start with introductions. This lovely lady is my fiancée, Luna Lovegood."
"Nice to meet you Miss Lovegood, are you related to Solaris Lovegood? I don't recall him having a younger sister."
"She is his daughter, which brings me to why you need a drink. My name is Harry James Potter, I am your son."
Both Potter Parents fainted. Harry sent them a quick enervate and they both slammed the fire whiskey they had been poured. Harry refilled the glasses.
"I'm sorry, you are going to have to repeat that. I thought I heard you claim to be my son."
"I am your son, but I've done a bit of time travel to come here and give you a warning. The Order of the Phoenix has a spy in its ranks."
"We already know about Snivellus." James said.
"No, there is another. Unfortunately, I am not able to tell you who it is because in my timeline the spy was not found for another year and a bit. Be careful, you are both targets of Voldemort."
"We know, Dumbledore told us the prophecy yesterday after our son… you were born."
"Good, well then at least you know why. If you weren't already considering it, look into something called the Fidelius charm. It may help you, then again it may not. Unfortunately being from the future I can't tell you, but it is an option."
"Thank you for trying to take care of us son. So anything else we should be aware of?"
"I love both." He gave his parents hugs. "I promise, I will try to do all I can for you to help you survive this war."
"Okay, that was sudden."
"I've been stuck here in the past for four years now without being able to say that. I couldn't visit or even see you for fear of disrupting the timeline and preventing my own birth. So, now that I'm here can I ask you a favor?"
"Of course you can dear," Lily said, wiping tears from her eyes as she looked between both of her sons. "Let me guess, you need money?"
"No, of course not. I came back in time well prepared. We've been betting heavily on every major sporting event in the past four years, we're loaded. No I wanted to ask Dad to teach me to become an animagus."
"Sure thing, how about we meet on Sundays for lessons and let the girls gossip. We Potter men need to stick together."
"Thanks Dad, the Marauders just kept telling me they'd teach me "when you're older." It's really hypocritical of you guys considering you were much younger and still in school when you learned."
"No problem, but if we had agreed to teach you before now, you wouldn't be asking me to teach you now."
"You've got a point. By the way, great job asking Sirius to be my Godfather. He was a good influence on me in some ways."
"What! Sirius was a good influence on you? How could that have happened?" Lily was shocked.
"He mellowed out a bit over the years. I guess Moony taught me more, but Sirius was a good choice."
"So what did Moony teach you?" James cut back in.
"Oh he taught Luna and I Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts. He was definitely the best teacher we ever had in that job."
"Oh, so the job is still cursed then?"
"Yeah, they've never managed to keep a teacher more than a year. I'm thinking of applying one of these days. It might be a fun job while I am waiting to take my spot back in my proper time."
"So what else can you tell us about the future?"
"Well I did kill the Dark Lord that one time… but I can't tell you that story yet."
"I've been wondering what Luna meant about you being a great hero."
"Oh yeah, by the way, you can't tell anyone else we've come back in time. I'd really hate for Voldemort to kill me just because I'm going to kill him one day. Not even the other Marauders. Consider it one big prank we can reveal after everything goes according to how I remember it."
"How could he kill you, I thought time travel would stop that? Paradoxes and stuff."
Lily slapped the back of his head. "No James, he can be killed now, but baby Harry can't. There is nothing protecting him here, he is in even more danger than the rest of us being here and now. Why did you come back Harry, if it would put you in so much danger?"
"Because someone already did warn the Potter family about the spy. It had to be done."
"So you and your girlfriend traveled back in time when you were fifteen years old to warn us four years later?"
"Well Luna might not have been my girlfriend at the time, but yes. What was our relationship then Luna, I kind of lost track. Things were fuzzy back then."
"You were my minion, and I was your Master. I had to keep remarking you every few hours but we didn't really become a couple for a few more weeks."
"Minion and Master? What kind of world is this future?" Lily was both troubled and confused.
"The kind of place where two people dressed in tie-dyed robes can tango down Knockturn Alley." Luna replied with a grin.
"Ah, so a crazy future. Ok then. Harry, I'm sorry to say this but running away to travel through time with your Master is unacceptable behavior. We are going to have to punish you."
"But I haven't done it yet!"
"Hmm, I guess you are right. Well then, when you do go off an do this, I'm going to give you the spanking I should be giving you now. You'll never be too old for us to take you over our knees."
"Yes Mum. I'm sorry and it won't happen again."
"It had better not."
"Mrs. Potter, I could spank him for you if you'd like!" Luna sounded a little too happy for anyone's comfort.
"Call me Lily or Mum dear. Apparently we are either about to be family, or else we will be family at some point in the future. This is confusing. And keep your spankings private."
Harry came back every week to continue his animagus training with his father. He was quite relieved when the revealing potion said he was a magical mongoose.
"Oh thank Merlin!"
"Why are you so happy?"
"I've known I was a Parselmouth since I was twelve, given how society viewed parselmouths as evil wizards bound to turn dark, I'm just glad it was my animagus form manifesting early."
"You can talk to snakes?"
"Yeah, it's fun when they are only little snakes and its no danger, but a lot less fun when they are sixty foot long basilisks intent on killing you."
"Wait, you've encountered a sixty foot basilisk?"
"Yeah, back in my second year I fought and killed one. This scar here on my arm is where it bit me. One of the fangs went all the way through."
"Isn't a basilisk's bite… Oh, I don't know, FATAL?"
"Yeah, but I'm remarkably hard to kill. Back to the lesson. And remember, never tell me I am a parselmouth until after I tell you first."
"No, I think I want to hear more about this near death experience of yours."
"Which one?"
"What do you mean "which one?" Are you trying to tell me there was more than one time you almost died?"
"Well lets see, I've fought Voldemort to a standstill four times, killed him once, survived several cruciartus curses, four imperious curses, a few killing curses (and ducked too many more to count), been bitten by a thousand year old basilisk, been attacked by a nest of acromantulas, been attacked by death eaters several times, several dementor attacks including one by over a hundred at once, and chased by an escaped mass murderer. And that was mostly after I started Hogwarts. And then there were all the times I woke up in the hospital wing after quidditch."
"Mostly?"
"Sorry, can't tell you."
"You know what? I think you are right; you are incredibly hard to kill. How about we go back to the lesson and we agree that your mother never finds out about this?"
"Sounds like a plan."
The night of 30 October, 1981, Harry donned his invisibility cloak and entered Godric's Hollow. He crept up on his sleeping parents, stunned, and bound them both.
"Sorry mum, but I promised to do everything I could to protect you."
He gathered some clothing, their wands, jewelry, photos, and personal objects in a few trunks which he shrank and put in his pockets. Then he crept down stairs where he transfigured a piece of steak into a James Potter look-alike and set an animation spell on it. When Voldemort and Wormtail came through the door, it would yell the line that echoed in his mind when he heard dementors. A Lily look-alike occupied the nursery.
He hated to do this. He knew he was condemning his younger self to hell, and he knew the pain and isolation he would feel growing up. But at least his parents would live without being afraid. They would live, and one day they could be reunited with Moony and the rest of the gang who lived through it all. One day, they might forgive him.
The next day he walked into Gringotts and emptied the Potter family vault of everything but a few galleons. He added the contents of the Potter vault to his own and added his parents (under pseudonyms) to his own. He left his trust vault alone; he would need it one day.
Luna kept his parents sedated throughout the day so they wouldn't escape and get themselves killed for real.
Harry donned his invisibility cloak and hid in the shadows of the nursery. He heard Wormtail and Voldemort arrive, heard the voices from his nightmares. He watched as Voldemort entered the nursery. He stared into the eyes of the most feared Dark Lord in history at the peak of his powers and watched the curse rebound. Oh Dumbledore would later swear that it was his mother's love that saved him, but at that instant he knew. He had been saved by time itself, because he had already been saved. Love was a great thing, but it can't bring back the dead.
Harry left when Hagrid arrived to collect him, tears streaming down his face as he remembered what would come. Dumbledore had a lot to answer for. Those wards around his aunt's house would be worthless. They already were except that everyone thought that because Dumbledore put them up they must be perfect. But the death eaters had arrived while he went to Diagon alley, and the vaunted wards didn't stop a thing.
"Good, you're awake. Now we can start the explanation that mum has been after for the past ten minutes." Harry looked tired as James woke up.
"Why am I tied to a chair? Who are you really? What's going on?"
"You are tied down so you can't do anything until I finish explaining everything. I really am Harry Potter. As for the last question, the short answer is that you are dead."
"What?" Both of his parents asked.
"As I said, that is the short answer. The slightly longer answer is that I have kidnapped you to prevent your deaths. Peter betrayed you and led Voldemort right to your door last night. Fortunately, I had already kidnapped you and replaced you with animated steaks. Voldemort was there looking to kill your me, the younger me that is. When he came, he killed both of you right away with a killing curse. He fired one at me, but it rebounded and killed him. Killed him for now anyway."
"Where is my baby?" Lily screeched.
"Ah… I'm sorry to tell you this, but he is fine. Unfortunately he is about to live fourteen years alone and friendless in an abusive home. In time he will realize that everyone is manipulating him for their own gain and travel back in time where he will wait to meet his parents and eventually save their lives because just having them again is worth any hell."
"But Sirius would never abuse you!"
"I'm sorry to say that Sirius Black was arrested this morning for betraying the Potter family to Lord Voldemort and the murder of some muggles and Peter Pettigrew. Peter framed him and is living as a rat. Sirius was sent to Azkaban without trial."
"Then your Godmother, Alice Longbottom…"
"Was tortured into insanity last night by the Lestranges while protecting Neville."
"And Remus…"
"Is a werewolf."
"But Dumbledore…"
"Wants to raise me as his lapdog. He manipulates everything so that when he eventually rescues me from the hell he placed me in I would feel grateful to him. He let me grow up hated and abused so that I would be pliable when he needs the great hero, destroyer of Voldemort, the Boy Who Lived."
"How could everything go so wrong?"
"I don't know Mum, I don't know. But right now, there are two options opened for the both of you. You can either go fight what is left of the Death Eaters getting yourself killed for real, or you can come with me and live. We can be the family I've always wanted and never had. You are alive, I am alive, and we've got each other and Luna. Let's start a new family and know that you will be reunited with everyone again someday. I'd like some siblings, and heaven knows I am going to make you grandparents eventually. The war tore our family apart but I broke the laws of time to bring us back together, let's not waste it."
"We're a really messed up family, but I think I'd like that. Just promise me everything turns out ok."
"Yeah, we're a regular freak parade alright. Things won't always be easy, but they will be alright."
"That's it!" Luna exclaimed, "I've been wondering what to call my followers, Voldemort had his Death Eaters, Dumbledore had the Order of the Phoenix, and I shall have the Freak Parade! Your parents are welcome to join us in our quest to corrupt the world."
"I've always wanted to join a parade." James said.
Harry and Luna were married in the spring, the wedding was very odd. Time passed and the family grew in secret. Living under assumed names both families gave birth to non-identical twins five years later and only a few months apart. Sirius and Remus Potter were born to Harry and Luna, while Daisy and Iris were born to Lily and James. They grew up as cousins though they were actually aunts and nephews. When they were old enough, their parents let them in on their secret heritage and relations after putting them under a secrecy spell similar to what the Unspeakables used.
Harry and James both took their turns at the DADA job before retiring. James retired because of the twins, but Harry retired because he liked the idea of a DADA curse.
All four twins joined the Freak Parade.
The day after Harry killed the basilisk, the older Harry was back to salvage the parts. Basilisk parts were expensive! He made a full suit for himself and Luna out of the skin and carved several knives of assorted lengths out of the fangs. Basilisk fang knives were exceedingly useful so long as handled with basilisk skin gloves, the teeth always contained traces of the poison on them making them deadly to the recipient.
"Hey Dad, want to go see something cool?"
"What did you have in mind?"
"Well I was thinking we could go see me bumble through my first attempt at time travel. It will also be a chance for you to see Sirius and Remus again, if only briefly."
"It will be good to see them again after all these years. Let's go make fun of your younger self."
"Grab the invisibility cloaks. And let's head to Hogwarts."
They arrived in time to watch both groups leave the front doors. They watched Moony and Sirius come out with Peter and the kids. Harry had to restrain James when Snape showed up; though it was pretty hard to restrain himself at the time. Only knowing that time could not be changed helped. It would really suck to lose James to a stray dementor just because he wanted to settle an old score.
"Oh, here comes the good part. See all those dementors? Oh man it sucked to be me right now. And here I come to the Lake. Ok, I'm passing out from the dementors, and there it is! Look at that, my first corporeal patronus drives off a hundred dementors."
"Harry, why did you bring me here?"
"Because it's kind of funny to watch myself almost get killed. Hey, so long as I live through it, I am allowed to come back later and heckle."
"You do realize this is every father's worst nightmare? How would you feel if it was Sirius and Remus out there?"
"Oh, I'd be panicking, but come on Dad, you know I lived through it. Hey, look, there I am stealing a hippogriff. Doesn't it make the Marauder in you proud Prongs?"
"Yes it does Hissy, but please don't bring me back to taunt your near deaths anymore."
"So I take it that means you won't come watch me battle the dragon next year?"
James fainted.
In the end, the whole family did come out to watch the Triwizard tournament. They had to apply several silencing charms to shut Harry up when he heckled himself too loudly. He heckled all the way through the third task, but stopped before he and Cedric reached the cup. He was very quiet when the crowd around him went crazy. He cried silent tears and he and Cedric's body returned later.
He was getting quite good with wandless magic since none of them would allow him out in public with a wand anymore. He had also worked for his Arithmancy Mastery and spent a lot of time creating new spells. Luna was now a Charms Mistress. Lily had a Charms and Potions Mastery. James pulled for transfiguration. They were perhaps the most well rounded and studious group of lunatics the world had ever seen.
"Hey Luna, did you and Mum ever finish that portal charm I asked for?"
"Theoretically it is finished, but we haven't tested it on humans yet."
"Why not?"
"Well, if we miscalculated it could kill the person sent through and you were always too busy to help us with the arithmancy."
"Oh yeah, sorry about that. Is it affected by anti-apperation or anti-portkey wards?"
"No dear, you asked us to make it that way and we did. If you weren't so busy foiling the Order and Death Eaters so much you wouldn't have to ask."
"Well, I thought that was what our side was supposed to do."
"Yes, but we can't play our hand too soon. We've still got two months before we can come out of hiding. Speaking of things you needed to do, did you buy the Daily Prophet like I asked?"
"Yes dear. Through fourteen different shills and spread across seven fake identities, we now own the Daily Prophet. How are the uniforms coming?"
"Splendidly, your father had some truly wicked color combinations in his head."
"Great, well, I am going out for the evening. I will see you later and maybe try to recruit a new follower or two."
"Have fun!"
Luna was surprised an hour later when Sirius Black came flying backwards out of thin air and landed on his backside in the kitchen.
"Oh dear, I forgot the date again." Luna moaned.
"What's that dear?" Lily asked coming from the living room. "Why is Sirius lying on the floor?"
"Help me get him to a bed. I forgot the date again and Harry went to heckle himself before I could stop him. He seems to have also arranged a human test for our portal charm."
"Wait, you mean Harry was almost killed again?"
"Yes, in about five minutes he is going to fight Voldemort again. He'll be back soon and want to talk to Sirius. Let's not wake him up until Harry gets here."
"Why not?"
"Because as far as the rest of the world knows, Sirius Black just fell through the veil. Harry must have cast the portal right on the veil so no one noticed. He saved another family member from being killed."
"Oh, yes we better wait for him to explain things."
"I can almost understand now why Harry likes taunting himself so much. I want to go join him right now."
"Why would you make fun of your husband like that even if he was younger?"
"Oh, I was at this fight too. It was a lot of fun the first time, and I think it might be fun to be there and not be fighting so hard as to miss it all."
Harry's voice joined them. "Exactly! Don't worry, I heckled for both of us and we can always go watch the great dance marathon next month."
"You're back! So I take it Voldemort is still a snake faced bastard?"
"Sadly yes. Now, lets wake up Sirius, I've waited almost twenty years to give him this hug. Get Dad in here. Enervate!"
Sirius woke up with a start, and just stared at Lily for a few moments, then James. When he moved to Harry and Luna he just broke down crying.
"It's not fair! First Lily and James die so young, and now you are here on the other side waiting for me too Harry?"
"You're right Sirius, it's not fair. I've mourned your loss for almost twenty years. I've done things I was proud of, and wanted to show you, but you weren't there. I've been separated from you by death or prison all my life. I just want to say it now because I don't think I said it when you were alive. I love you Sirius."
"I love you too cub. My you look older. Please, just tell me you bagged Voldie before crossing over."
"Well that's a sticky point Padfoot," James said, "The problem with it is that none of us are dead. Welcome to the longest running prank in history."
"If you include the part where the prank was on me, we've been fooling the world for almost thirty three years." Harry added. "Now come on, I want to introduce my kids to their Great Uncle Padfoot."
"Kids? But you're fifteen."
"Sorry to break it to you Padfoot, but I am thirty five. In another month and a half I am going to travel back in time and rescue my parents. I am as old as you."
"Speaking of which, I still owe you a spanking for that. But at least this is the last time you will go out heckling."
"Yeah, yeah I know. Was the heckling really that bad?"
"YES!" Yelled the other three adults.
"Heckling? Sounds like my kind of good time. Why are they so against it?"
"Well, that's the rub. Since I went back in time, I've been at every time where I was almost killed and I make fun of myself. Whether it was quidditch matches or my yearly visits with the Dark Lord, I was always there."
"But you could have been killed!" Sirius yelled at him.
"And I have been, many times. See the problem with that damn prophecy is that only Voldemort can really kill me. Heck, just saving your arse tonight I took three or four killing curses. Those things hurt!"
"WHAT?" The room screamed at him.
"Oops? Have I never mentioned that before? Funny, I thought I had. Anyway, unless it is Voldemort, I don't even bother dodging killing curses any more. Crucio's, now those I dodge. Damn things hurt like the dickens. Anyway, let's go introduce you to the kids and catch you up on the past fifteen years."
Sirius was proud to have a brilliant young trouble maker named after him, and accepted their offer to be Remus' godfather. Remus Lupin was going to be Sirius' godfather when they kidnapped him. After hearing about all the assorted gambling and fun being had without him, Sirius was only too happy to join the Freak Parade. He took his mark with happiness like Harry, not trepidation like Lily, or under a death glare like James.
Remus Lupin woke up with a start. Ever since Harry had disappeared he had been drinking himself to sleep every night. He felt a lot of guilt about the way he had lost Sirius and Harry in such a short time. It had been a hard two weeks since Harry left. He looked over to see three black haired men, a red head and a blond in his room.
"Get up you great lout. It's time for the Marauders to ride again." Sirius called.
"Oh God, why must you haunt my dreams?"
"No Moony, we aren't ghosts here to haunt you, we are really here and it's time for you to join us." Harry said. "Mum and Dad have waited a long time for this, and so have I."
"No, you're dead! You are all dead! Ok, I am not sure about the old looking Luna over there, but the rest of you are dead."
"Hey, I am not old!" Luna pouted.
"If we are dead then you are too Moony, now get up and come with us. We've got a lot to talk about. God I've missed you." Harry was getting emotional again.
"Must you cry every time we rescue someone?" Luna asked, "If you're friends were just a little more accepting of these sorts of things we could have visited them more often."
"Well if you would hurry up and make the new glamour charm I asked you for three years ago we could visit my friends more often."
"Hey, its not easy making something Moody's eye can't see through. And if you could stop heckling yourself for two minutes we might have been done months ago."
Moony looked to the others, "Do they always bicker like this?"
"Only when Harry has been slacking off. Mostly they've had a very quiet marriage, but every couple has their ups and downs." Lily replied quietly.
"Since when were Harry and Luna married?"
"Eighteen years this April!" Luna sang over her shoulder.
"Somebody hit me with a sobering charm, I think we all need to have a talk."
And the Freak Parade was up to ten.
The next day, five couples in tie-dye robes wearing purple scarves danced the two Alleys. Young and old, they were given a wide berth as they did back to school shopping. This would be an interesting year to be at Hogwarts.
Harry, Luna, their sons, and their sisters were all on the Hogwarts express on the first of September. Hermione, Ron, and Ginny tore through the crowd trying to follow them to their compartment.
"Harry, where have you been? The Order and Dumbledore have all been worried sick!"
"Hello Hermione, good to see you again too." Harry leapt up to give his friends hugs and/or kisses on the cheek.
"Stop it Harry James Potter, you are not allowed to get emotional again. You will not cause a scene!"
"But Luna…"
"Secrets!"
"Yes dear."
The new first years giggled.
"Come on mate, let's grab our usual compartment. We can talk away from the firsties." Ron tried to drag him away.
"No, but if you want we can expand the compartment a bit and you can join us here. I'm sure we won't mind your company."
"Alright, you heard him, first years out." The Potter children didn't move.
"I don't think you understood me," Harry said calmly. He pushed against the windows and expanded the compartment for his friends. "You may join us, no one is being kicked out."
"Who are these students Harry, they look slightly familiar?" Hermione asked with a thoughtful frown. Foru black haired green eyed children stare up at her.
"Oh, I am sorry, Hermione, Ginny, Ron, meet Sirius, Remus, Iris, and Daisy Potter." Harry pointed at each in turn, "And we all know Luna Potter."
"Potter… But… and them…" Hermione fainted while Ginny looked envious.
"Enervate! Sorry Hermione, I shouldn't spring that on you. I've had a busy summer." Harry joked.
"Took forever though didn't it?" Luna cracked. The kids giggled.
Ron looked at Ginny, "Ever feel that they were having a joke and not sharing?"
"Welcome to being Luna's friend."
"Oh don't worry. No one is getting this joke. This is going to be the best year of Hogwarts ever!"
"But there is Voldemort and this new group out there! Sirius is dead and Remus has been missing for weeks."
"Sirius is with my parents now, and Remus has probably just run off somewhere. Voldemort will get his eventually and I really am not worried about the new group. Their leader likes me."
"You know who their leader is?" Hermione asked, "You've got to tell Dumbledore immediately."
"No I don't think I will. Lady Moonshine wouldn't like it."
"Yes, we wouldn't want Lady Moonshine to punish you again would we?" Remus quipped, "I heard you screaming through the walls last time. Seriously, its called a silencing charm, teach it to her."
Harry went read and the rest wisely decided not to ask.
The sorting ceremony began as it always did, except for the four smirking first years who knew more magic than the rest of them put together. That was unusual. McGonagall read down the list of first years as always, she nearly choked when she reached,
"Potter, Daisy" the hall went quiet.
"Gryffindor!" Harry yelled with triumph.
"Potter, Iris"
"Gryffindor" Again Harry was out of his seat.
"Potter, Remus" Snape whimpered.
"Ravenclaw!" Luna cheered like a maniac.
"Potter, Sirius"
"Slytherin!" Harry stood and cheered again as the rest of the hall looked at him oddly.
"Oh HELL NO! I will not teach that Potter Spawn! I won't have him in my house. This is all one of the brat's jokes!"
Eight people in the great hall bristled.
"Severus, it is your job to teach the students." Dumbledore quietly reminded him.
"Then I quit. I won't be party to his pranks. I don't know what he did, but I know Potter is behind this."
"I thought what I did was obvious Professor Snape." Harry yelled. "Surely you aren't asking me to explain where babies come from?"
"Professor Dumbledore, my wife is a Potions Mistress, she may be interested in teaching. I know for a fact she would have no problem teaching Potter spawn." Said a voice from behind a cloak that Harry knew all too well.
"Of course Professor Fletcher, if Professor Snape insists on leaving, ask her to see me for an interview. But now, on with the sorting!"
There were no problems with the rest of the sorting or the feast. Dumbledore stood to make his annual announcements.
"…And finally we are most happy to welcome Professor Fletcher back as our Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. He taught here back in the eighties and we are fortunate to persuade him to come back."
"You sly bastard! Why didn't you tell me?" Harry yelled.
"What, and miss the look on your face? No, this is worth the pain I know I will get in return." James Potter responded as he lowered his hood.
"Just you wait. I'll bring it down on you like you've never seen!" Harry threatened.
"If you are quite finished threatening my teachers Mr. Potter, may we continue?"
"Sorry."
"I would like to see the both of you in my office after the feast."
"Yes sir." Came two chastised voices.
Dumbledore finished his announcements and Harry stood up.
"Everyone, I'd like to make an announcement." He got the attention of most of the Hall. "I'm tired of trying to hide what I am. I'm coming out of the broom shed. I am a Purple Wizard and I am proud."
Seamus Finnegan started cheering, "Finally! Let's get together later and… talk."
Strangely four other "purple wizards" came out at the opening feast, none of them were Purple Wizards. Harry chuckled to himself, the best cover was no cover at all.
"This must bring back memories, eh?" Harry asked James.
"I've lost count of the number of times I was called to the Headmaster's office." James called out the password and they ascended the stairs.
"Hello Professor Dumbledore. What did you need with us today?" Harry asked the Headmaster.
"I'll admit, I am intrigued by your behavior in tonight's feast as well as your disappearance over the summer. How about we start with how you know a professor who hasn't taught here since long before you came?"
"Oh, that. Well you see Professor," Harry lay down across James' lap and stroked his cheek. "He and I share a special relationship."
"Ah…" Dumbledore was flustered, "Does your wife know Professor Fletcher?"
"She knows, I have a very special relationship with her as well." Harry replied.
Dumbledore choked on his lemon drop.
"I trust you can both keep your relationship completely outside of school affairs?"
"Oh certainly Professor, I wouldn't dream of going easy on this impudent brat!" James gave a feral grin. "If anything he will have it worse than anyone."
Harry winced.
"Alright, but I had better not hear otherwise. Now, Mr. Potter where did those first years come from? They weren't on the roll until just this summer."
"They came from the usual places. You see Professor, when a man and a woman love each other very much…"
"I know that! I meant why are they named Potter."
"Well that's easy, because their parents were named Potter. It seems Professor that you may be guilty of keeping me in the dark again. Are you certain that my parents are dead, and that I am the last of the Potter line?"
"Yes Harry, your parents are very dead. I am sorry."
"Too bad, they were decent folk." James snickered.
"Professor Fletcher it isn't polite to amuse yourself with your student's sorrows. Now Harry, would you like to tell me how you know those students, or where you have been this summer?"
"Well I know the students because I know their parents. And I really don't feel the need to tell you about where I have been. I was safe the entire time."
James snorted, "Safe? How many times did you see Voldemort since the end of last term?"
"Six."
"How many cruciartus curses did you have to dodge?"
"One hundred thirteen."
"How many did you fail to dodge?"
"Twelve."
"And how many killing curses have been thrown at you since you last saw your Headmaster?"
"I lost count."
"And you call that safe?"
"Well I am alive and sane! Um… Well I am alive anyway."
"Harry, Professor Fletcher, I will talk with you later. I've suddenly developed a massive headache. Remember to send your wife in for that Potions interview. What house was she in again?"
"Goodnight Professor."
"Goodnight. I believe she was in Slytherin." James lied smoothly.
The two miscreants left the office much happier than they had entered.
"I ought to wallop you over implying that you and I were lovers! And then extending that to Lily! Shame on you Harry Potter."
"It was payback old man for not telling me you were coming back this year."
"Like I would miss my daughters' and grandsons' first year at Hogwarts. With the six of you here, Lils and I just had to come."
"Point, I still don't see how all of your kids get into Gryffindor and mine go elsewhere."
"I blame Sirius on you entirely. You are way to conniving to be a Gryff. Remus takes after his mother and there is no shame in that. Hey, give my girls a goodnight kiss for me before you head off alright?"
"Sure, then I am going to floo over to Luna's trunk and sleep with her. It should lead to a fun morning given my announcement tonight."
"Goodnight Hissy."
"Goodnight Prongs."