"You really shouldn't be letting Draco get to you like this Harry." Hermione was dispensing advise like her head was a giant Pez. Knowing marketing these days it may well be before too long. But I digress.
"Oh, what do you know about UNREQUITED LOVE?" Harry snarled from where he was making a collage of Draco pictures.
The portrait swing open and Ron stepped through. Hermione drooled.
"Nothing! That's what YOU know about UNREQUITED love." Harry positioned a particularly rude picture of Draco and began drawing flowers around it.
Ron rolled his eyes, "Look Harry! I brought chocolate!" The false cheer in his voice could have sent a clown into spasms.
"I DON'T WANT CHOCOLATE!" Harry screamed, his eyes bulging and veins standing out in his neck. A dark cloud fell about him and his eyes glowed red with white hot rage. (Author's Note: Leik, OMG, that makes sooo much sense!)
In the background Neville turned on 50 Cent.
Ron sighed. "Fine. I'll eat it."
Neville started throwing gang signs.
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Lucias Malfoy reclined in his bathwater.
There was really no point to this interlude, other than to point out that Lucias Malfoy was in the bath. Carry on.
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Draco Malfoy reclined in his bathwater. Bubbles flowed around his perfect slender form happily. Nearby, Crabbe settled in beside of Goyle, who was openly staring at Draco. "Um... I didn't know that this bath had a hot tub function," Goyle said.
Crabbe shuddered. "It doesn't."
"Oh."
There was a pause.
"Oh!"
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"We think there's something really wrong with Harry." Ron and Hermione were trying to stage an intervention. It didn't seem to be working.
Professor Lupin leaned back in his chair and steepled his slender fingers. "I'm listening."
In a plot point not used nearly enough in Harry Potter fanfiction, the author of said fanfic decided to bring Remus Lupin back to teach at Hogwarts, though not as the DADA teacher... No, he was now the Potions Master. Professor Snape had finally gotten his prized job. This in turn gave Snape the mental and emotional confidence to go after what he really wanted... Hermione Granger.
But that's neither here nor there.
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Harry sobbed, hiccuped, sobbed some more, and blew his nose.
Neville danced to the Tootsie Roll song.