"So, your dad said for sure you can't go to the ball with Potter?" Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle were in the boys bathroom on the second floor relieving themselves.
Draco sighed. "No. And I sent him a letter on the nice stationary and EVERYTHING."
Goyle stepped back from the urinal and zipped up his pants. "Why are we even having a ball?" He was met with blank looks. "The only other time we've had a ball was during the Triwizard Tournament, and that only happens every now and then."
Crabbe blinked blankly.
Goyle sighed in irritation and continued, "It seems to me that this is a thinly veiled plot device that's used all too commonly in Harry Potter fanfiction to give the two main characters a reason to be the thrust upon each other, literally and figuratively."
Draco sneered, "When did you get so smart?"
Goyle glared, "I'm more than mere muscle you know. I have a brain!"
"Well then, maybe you should go use it with Granger!" Draco snapped. He wasn't in the mood for a lesson on emotions or plot points from one of his goons.
"Maybe I will!"
"Well, go then!"
"I am!"
"You do that!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
The door slammed. Crabbe blinked again.
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Professor Dumbledore hurried into the faculty lounge and pulled Professor Flitwick to the side. "We may have to watch Mr. Goyle. He's onto us."
"About what?"
Dumbledore sighed. "The ball!"
Flitwick gasped dramatically and slapped a hand to his chest. "How do you know?"
"I was in the fourth stall of the second floor boys bathroom again."
"Beans?"
"No, that's third floor seventh stall. This was treacle tarts."
"Nasty business, that."
"Very."
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Ron flipped the Quibbler upside down and giggled. "Hey Harry, do you think it's true that Dumbledore has a different toilet for every food that gives him the shits?"
"Who knows?" Harry said, but instead it came out 'hoo oows' because his head was buried into a shirt of Draco's. Apparently he was trying to imprint Malfoy's scent into his brain forever.
Hermione stood up. "I'm going to the library."
In the background, Neville bleached his hair blond and muttered something about "Stanley".
Ron flipped the Quibbler over to the right side. "You mean you weren't there already?"
"Puh-lease, RON," Hermione snapped. "You never notice anything about me! All I am to you is a brain!"
"Well, maybe you should turn it off and go run around with Snape!" Ron yelled, happy for any excuse to fight with his unrequited love.
"That just proves how little you listen to me!" Hermione screamed back. "We broke up 4.5 seconds ago!"
"Well, why?" Ron yelled, his face and ears turning red, a sure sign of the Weasley!Temper.
Hermione fumed. "It was a spur of the moment decision by the author!"
"I'm sure there are other Slytherins around for you to cozy up with!" Ron was slightly out of breath from all the yelling and rage. "Why don't you go find Goyle and give him a big wet kiss!"
"I think I will!"
"Well, then do it!"
"I am!"
"Fine!"
"Fine"
"Fine!"
The portrait door slammed.
"Yo," said Neville.
----------
Hermione reached for the book 'How To Give Your Friends Rashes, Bumps, Boils, Sexually Transmitted Diseases, and Other Manners of Discomfort Without Being Caught, Implicated, or Otherwise Found Out' when another hand, also reaching for the book, bumped into hers.
"Oh er, I'm sorry." Came a deep, somewhat familiar voice.
She stared up into Gregory Goyle's eyes and felt a little shiver run up her spine. "Oh, don't worry about it," she breathed.
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Lucias Malfoy brushed his hair and crooned, "Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who's the fairest one of all?"
"You are," the mirror said with a giggle.
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Dear Diary,
I am so alone. Without Draco my life is a black void. My heart is bleeding... And not just because of that Weasley's Wizarding Weezes Crimson Custard Ron just gave me. I am so alone.
Love,
Harry Potter
"Why do you sign your full name in your own diary?" Seamus asked, from where he was reading over Harry's shoulder.
Dear Diary,
I am not as alone as I would like.
Love,
Harry Potter
PS: That means you, Seamus.
Seamus glared, "I can tell when I'm not wanted." He stomped out of the dormitory.
Dean stood up to go after him, "You shouldn't be so mean to him Harry. He's sensitive."
"MY GOD!" Harry exclaimed, "Does no one care about the excruciating pain I'm in?"
"We did at first," Ron said. He was sorting all of his candy into piles on his bed. "But you've been such an asshole that no one gives a crap anymore."
Harry started to cry.
Again.
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plz r&r! Kthxbye