Disclaimer; I don't own HP or any derivative works.
Harry came back to the Gryffindor common room after his meeting with Dumbledore. A good portion of the House was studying and struggling through homework, so Harry decided to liven things up a bit.
"Hello Hermione, working hard?"
"Yes, I am so fed up with this. I've been working on this Arithmancy problem for the past half hour and I just can't solve it. NEWT work is harder."
"Well, look, here's your problem right there. In your second step you changed this zed into a two. You need to pay more attention. Here…" He quickly scribbled down the solution. "If you ever need help again, feel free to call me over. It's a nice day, I think I'm going to gather the kids together and go flying."
"But you never took Arithmancy! How can you just blow off homework like that?"
"Just because I didn't study it doesn't mean I can't do it. You are too constrained by cause and effect, in that order. I was awarded my Arithmancy Mastery at the age of 29, so NEWT level work is no problem for me now at 16. I can do it now because I will have studied it later."
"That makes no sense!"
"It doesn't have to. Break free of those tight constraints of sanity and fly free with the rest of us crazy folk. Why do you think Luna is so brilliant? So want to come flying with me and the girls? I'll have to pop over to Ravenclaw and see if we can grab Remus. Sirius will definitely join us as soon as we break him out from the snake's den."
"If you promise to help me with my Arithmancy later, I will come with you. I may not like quidditch but that doesn't mean I can't fly."
"Great, I'll grab a spare broom from my trunk for you." He whistled a trill and the girls looked up. "Grab your brooms, let's grab some sky before it gets too cold on us."
"Harry, you know first years aren't allowed to have their own brooms." Hermione sounded disappointed in him.
"Of course I do, and they don't. I have several brooms, and they were nice enough to give me someplace to store them. There's nothing in the rules against that."
Hermione was about to respond when he spun his wand around in the air and stepped forward, disappearing from the common room.
"Harry, look at page three of today's Prophet!" Hermione exclaimed at breakfast the next week.
"Did they finally take my suggestion to get Page Three Girls like the Sun?"
"What? No, there's a recruiting ad for that other group. Listen to this;
"Are you tired of Barmy Old Codgers telling you to do things 'For the Greater Good', but don't want to lose your soul in Dark Magic? Do you want to live through the War without being beholden to others but don't want to go it alone? Join the Lady Moonshine today. Join the only group able to kidnap Harry Potter and keep him without his friends being able to find him. If we can hide him from the world, we can help anyone stay safe. Torturing is completely consensual if it happens at all, we take care of our families. Remit what's left of your sanity to the 'Freak Parade' and receive your new uniform and personal grimiore within the week. No membership dues, no duties to the group. Preference given to the certifiably mad and/or insane."
"There's a pair of pink lip prints on the bottom, and pictures of you smiling with a group of people in brightly colored robes!"
"Does it get my good side? Half those pictures didn't come out right."
"How can you be joking about this? They're using your fame for their own gain. I thought you hated that."
"Well unlike everyone else in the world, they asked permission. Given the great summer I had, I figured it was the least I could do for Lady Moonshine. Oh good, they got my favorite picture in there."
"But they are subverting the war effort."
"No, I think they are appealing to the people who want nothing to do with it. Getting people to watch out for each other and travel with friends is good sense in these times. That's what they're about. Well that and building an army of penguins with machine guns, but you didn't here the last part from me."
"Penguins with guns? But they have no fingers, how could they pull the trigger?"
"Sadly that is exactly what is holding them back. The training wasn't too hard, but they just can't hold the guns. Once you get past the goofy exterior, they follow the doctrine of 'If it aint Black and White, Peck, Scratch, and Bite!' quite well."
"They really did brainwash you didn't they?"
"I think I was always this crazy and I only just embraced it back in June."
"What's that Potty, finally admitting you are crazy are you?" Malfoy came up from behind them.
"Piss off Malfoy!" Ron yelled.
"No, Ron, I know how to handle this. Bertha! Killroy! Look, there's a snake on his robes!" The mongooses teleported in and snarled at Draco.
Malfoy ran away screaming with the mongooses hot on his tail.
"Well that's enough fun for one morning, come on its time for us to head towards Defense, I see Professor Fletcher finishing up." Harry stood up and made to leave when a scandalized voice from behind him called out.
"Mr. Potter! What is the meaning of this?"
"What's that Professor McGonagall?"
"Why are you not wearing any pants?" She screeched.
"Oh, well that's easy. The dress code says I need to wear my robe, a tie, have my shirt buttoned all the way up, and tucked in. It says nothing about pants or lack thereof. I was feeling warm this morning so I just tucked my shirt into my shorts and grabbed my robes."
"Pants are most definitely necessary! I'm going to go make that correction now. I swear, your father and godfather would be proud of you right now."
"No they wouldn't. They'd be spinning in their graves." Fletcher commented as he passed.
"You'd do well to remember that can be arranged Old Man."
"Alright everybody settle down now. We've got an exciting lesson today. Today we start with a spell that has never been taught at Hogwarts before. It could be a valuable tool one day." Professor Fletcher opened the class. "Now very few people know this spell, but I think you all might need to know it."
"What is it Professor?" Hermione was bright and brilliant as ever.
"This spell was created by my colleague Harold Taggart, who taught DADA the year after me. It is a combination reflecting shield and cutting charm wielded like a sword. In the hands of a competent wielder, this spell can deflect anything but the unforgivables and still give you a workable offense."
"Did you ask Professor Taggart's permission to teach this? Last I talked to him he wasn't going to teach it to any but his close friends." Harry was a little miffed.
"Of course I did. Now class, the technique for this spell is a little different from most others. The grip is not the standard duelers grip. You need to hold your wand as if it were a sword. Slap the bottom of your wand with your other hand and say the incantation thusly. Luxaber!" A bright green column rose out of his wand about three feet long.
Hermione's mouth dropped open. "What kind of crackpot made a light saber charm?"
Harry was cursing meddlesome fools under his breath as the Professor responded, "Oh good, so you recognize the inspiration. This charm isn't nearly as good as a light saber but it does its job. For one, the spell draws energy from you as long as you keep it active so not everyone can use it well. It also doesn't cut through anything like a light saber. It's just a variant of the cutting charm and won't harm wood, metal, stone, or dragon hide for example. Harry, I know you know this one, so get up here and demonstrate it for the class."
Harry just glared as he walked up. Fletcher hurled curses at him and he blocked them easily by moving the blade in front of them. He was hit from behind with a headache curse by someone under an invisibility cloak. Harry grabbed his head and cried out.
Ron got up, "Oh no, the Dark Lord must be torturing him again."
The cloak dropped revealing a tall man in a hooded cloak, his voice was cold and high. "Foolish boy, now you die!" A bright red beam emerged from his wand. He waved it through the air just to listen to the distinctive hum.
The class screamed and tried to leave through the now locked door.
"Never!" Harry brought out his luxaber charm again and prepared to fight. He had a feeling he knew where this was going.
The two mortal enemies dueled for a few moments before the expected end arrived. The cloaked man stepped back and asked, "Did Dumbledore ever tell you about your father, boy?"
"He told me you killed him!" Yep, he guessed right.
"No Harry… I am your father." He pulled the hood back to reveal the face of James Potter.
"Nooo!" Harry's wand drew the portal behind him and his other hand wandlessly banished him into it. He went spinning through, caught off guard.
Fletcher unlocked the door and almost everyone ran screaming out into the halls. Hermione and a few other muggle born students stayed behind. Most of them were laughing too much to move, but Hermione was livid.
"That wasn't funny Harry!"
"I agree, no one was supposed to know that spell. I can't believe this prick taught one of our secret spells for the sake of a prank." He gestured to the laughing figure behind the desk.
"Hey, that is payback for telling Dumbledore I was your gay lover and that you were sleeping with my wife! You should know that Remus was a master of glamours and voice changing spells since he was in third year. It was half of his cover near the full moon."
"Still, that crossed the line! And I never said I was sleeping with either of you. I just implied it and let him work. I've got my hands full with just Luna."
"Where did poor Remus end up anyway? I recognized your portal, and nice work with the banishing spell. Too bad he never knew you didn't need your wand for that one."
"Given the severity of the offense, I sent him to the Headmaster's office. That's where I would be right now if I had orchestrated this prank. I am never renting movies for you guys again."
"Oh come on, I've been waiting to do that since I helped make the spell."
"It still crossed the line."
The Headmaster approached him before he could sit down for lunch. His beard as a bit shorter and cut at an angle, definitely different than it was at breakfast.
"Mr. Potter, could you explain why a visitor suddenly appeared in my office this morning?"
"My guess is that when he left our defense class he appeared there."
"Could you explain how he appeared? My office is warded against all forms of magical travel and only accepts outgoing floo travel. The only exceptions are phoenix travel and portkeys I personally make."
"Would you accept accidental magic as an explanation? It was very stressful when he unmasked himself if you could imagine."
"That's a stretch and you know it. Now why did he appear to be your father?"
Luna hugged him from behind. "Harry have you been performing illegal necromantic rituals again?"
"One Time! I did that once and you people never let it go."
"Your stuffed bear was not dead! It just needed some repair. Whatever you did fixed the damage, but now it stares at everyone and scares small children! It's evil now."
"That's not the point. So Headmaster, did he escape?"
"Regrettably yes. Whoever he really was he slashed at my beard and jumped out the window. I looked out, but he was gone. I think whoever it was must have been an animagus of some sort."
"That's one idea. I suggest you interrogate your defense professor now, he's more likely to break and give you the information you wanted." He turned to Luna and put on a falsetto voice "Hi, my name is Teddy Ruxpin, will you be my friend?"
Luna shuddered as she grabbed Harry tighter.
Hermione huffed as she dropped herself into her favorite chair by the fire. She slammed a black leather pocket sized book onto the table in front of her.
"Arrgh! I can't stand it. This piece of rubbish is driving me mad."
"Where did you get that from?" Harry asked.
"I confiscated it from a third year Hufflepuff. It is a book put out by the Freak Parade, see the pink lips on the front cover? He was even wearing a shiny pink pin on his lapel."
"Third year Hufflepuff? That would be Bryan Adams right? You should return it, they aren't banned items." Harry pulled a list from his pocket and made a notation before putting it away.
"You're keeping track?"
"Of course, I need to know where everyone's allegiances lie don't I? If I can't tell friend from foe, I'd be more paranoid than Moody. Give the book back, you won't break its secrets."
"What do you mean? This could be full of all kinds of dangerous magic, we need to know what's inside."
"Hermione, it is full of dangerous and powerful magic. Most of those spells only exist in the creators' personal journals outside of those little black books."
"But we need to know what these people are capable of."
"Then open the book and find out."
"I can't it won't tell me anything unless I make a wizard's oath never to tell anyone what is inside."
"It also requires an oath to only use the spells in self defense or in defense of another."
"But if you make those oaths, you can never report it to the authorities if there is something dark in there. I know you seem to like these people because they took you from your relatives and brainwashed you, but we can't trust them."
"I do. I'd trust them with my life and the lives of everyone I love. Look Hermione, make a choice. You can make the oaths and learn the spells or you can choose not to. That book is protected by more secrecy charms than the case files of the unspeakables, including some that only exist in that very same book. The Freak Parade doesn't ask for your loyalty, they want to prove you can't use their work for evil. You can take that book and give it to the Order, they can all swear the oaths and use the spells, but only for good. It won't change anything, there will only be more people with spells the death eaters and ministry don't know."
"Have you taken those oaths?"
"No, I didn't need to. But I still won't teach you without those oaths. They are a good security measure. I can tell you that before yesterday the Luxaber charm was only found in there. Fletcher spilled the beans on that one, but he wasn't bound by the secrecy spells because he got it from the spell crafter and not the books."
"What else is in there?"
"Shield spells, offensive spells to break shields, strategies, how to protect your family in case of an attack, a primer on basic wand care and safety, an improved animagus potion that can cut training time in half, how to create unauthorized portkeys to rescue your family, security and wards, and all sorts of other useful tips and tricks can be found in there. The secrets from nearly twenty years of work by a group with six Masteries between them, this is the work of far smarter minds than ours."
"I know, I'll take it to Dumbledore, surely he can break the secrecy charms."
"Sorry to break it to you, but if it gets within three feet of Dumbledore or certain other people, it bursts into flame and destroys itself. If you want a copy, just write to them and ask but give the poor boy back his book."
"Is your transport portal in there?"
"Nope, that one is very exclusive, six people in the world know that one and we won't be sharing unless there is a damn good reason to let someone else in on the secret. Your insatiable curiosity is an asset, but not a reason to give away privileged information without ironclad assurances that it goes no further. Think about it, if Voldemort kidnaps me again, I've always got a way out no matter what wards he has in place. The only thing that can stop it right now is an area of dead magic, but then the death eaters would be at a disadvantage too. You'll notice that though I may use it fairly often, I never say the incantation out loud."
There was a mild compulsion charm placed on the doorways leading into the Great Hall that Friday. The strong willed never noticed, but the rest seemed like they were waiting for something. Dumbledore entered the Great Hall halfway through breakfast and walked up the center aisle.
When he was halfway to the head table, Harry stood and shouted, "Hail the Light Lord Dumbles!"
About three quarters of the great hall jumped to their feet and roared, "Hail Ceaser! Long may he reign."
The compulsion charms and cheering continued every few days until they were no longer needed as everyone jumped and hailed Dumbledore without prompting first thing in the morning. Psychological conditioning and group psychology were wonderful things.