My darling Harry,
I feel that our breakup may have been premature. I only did it because my daddy told me too. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, PLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAASSSSSEEEEE, take me back.
Lots of love and lube,
Draco Sassafras Malfoy
Draco signed his name with a flourish and pressed a kiss to the paper. "Hey Goyle, read this and tell me off it sounds too needy." There was no answer. Annoyed, Draco stomped over to Goyle's bed and pulled back the shimmering green curtains. It was empty, save for a pair of sensible white cotton knickers that had been flung upon the duvet. "Dammit! I don't remember telling him that he could shag Granger!"
"Actually," Crabbe said, from where he was lounging upon his bed. "You did in chapter three."
Draco jumped. "How long have you been there?"
"Five years..." Crabbe said sadly.
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Lucius Malfoy paused as he walked down his sweeping staircase and scratched his left asscheek.
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Harry stared morosely at his wrist and then at the razorblade in his other hand. Life just wasn't worth living anymore. With a sob he cut off the beaded "Boyfriend 4evar" bracelet that Draco had made for him. The sparkling red and white beads bounced across the bathroom tiles as if in slowmotion, while Harry's eyes brimmed with tears.
"I am like, so EMO right now!" he choked out.
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Neville began break dancing in the Common Room.
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Glancing furtively from side to side, Dumbledore stuck his chewing gum on one of the suits of armor and then fled the scene of the crime.
Moments later, Argus Filch came across it. "Damn you!" he cried to the heavens. "I'll get you one day, you Chewing Gum Sticking Bastard!"
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Out on the grounds, Hagrid looked at the castle with a frown on his gentle face. "Things jus' don't seem right, no more. All the new girls from America with weird eyes and hair running around, Dumbledore is mad as a hatter, and all the boys having wild unprotected buttsex in my pumpkin patch. It jus' ain't right..." With a sad sigh, he began to walk back towards his hut.
omg Like YOU HAFF TO REVEW N SHIT! or ill die and stuff.