Title: Misdemeanors

Disclaimer: Language, violence, angst, and slash.

POV: Speed

Chapter Seven: Giving Back

I put a hand to the burning in my neck. The warm blood trickles slowly through my fingers. The gun slips from my hands. Why can't I ever do things right? I know the wound isn't that bad, probably just a grazing. All that matters is that I have once again been shot. I look to Ryan. He's lying on the ground, the perp underneath him. Have things gone completely wrong? With heavy steps I make my way over to them. If Ryan is dead because I shot my gun I'll lose my job. That will be fitting. I should lose my job for taking the life of another officer. Maybe Horatio is right, I've become a loose cannon.

"Give a guy a hand," Ryan asks in a raspy voice.

I relax with relief. "I thought I shot you."

"You did," he smiles.

He holds up his right arm for me to grasp. I take hold of it and pull him up. At first he staggers into me and we both nearly fall over. But he manages to regain his balance. Only then do I see the blood staining his shirt around his left shoulder. He hadn't been kidding, I'd shot him. I am I going to explain this to Horatio? I'm sure other people will take this all wrong and think that I shot Ryan on purpose. What scares me the most is that the thought crossed my mind more than once. For a split second I actually wanted to shoot my fellow CSI. This is something that I can't tell Horatio. He already has his doubts about me.

"Are you okay? You're bleeding," he states.

I rub my hand over the slight burning in my neck. "Just a graze, nothing more. I should be the one asking you if you're okay. Sorry about shooting you. At least your shoulder matches the red patch on the lower half of your shirt."

He looks down and grimaces. "Damn, that bastard managed to cut me. Must have been during our scuffle. Last time I try to take down a knife-wielding maniac with my bare hands."

"He could have shot you at close range, Ryan. Fighting that guy with your hands wasn't too bright an idea," I remark. To me my voice sounds a bit high and mighty. I should hate myself for that; I've made many mistakes lately. However, I just can't help poking fun at the new recruit.

I walk back over to pick my gun up from the pavement. Technically I should leave it where it lies. It's now part of the crime scene. Instead I place it back in the holster. Ryan isn't watching me. He's busy going over the dead guy's body. Most likely looking for a wallet. Why he wants to know the identity of the man who almost killed him bothers me. Why would you want to know? I never once cared about the guy who shot me. All I know is he's in a jail cell locked away for a few years.

"The guy doesn't have a wallet," Ryan calls. He's kneeling beside the body with a look of frustration.

"Would you get away from that guy?" I yell at him. "You're going to get your blood all over him."

"Stop whining, he already has my blood on him. See, that's what they call blood splatter. Or did you already forget that you shot me?" He makes his way over to me.

"I could have let him kill the both of us, would that have made you happy?"

He smiles. "Of course not. If he killed us I'd have no one to come back and haunt. Takes all the fun out of being dead."

I roll my eyes as he makes his way over to me. The open wound in his shoulder doesn't seem to be bothering him too much. This small fact annoys the hell out of me. My neck burns where the perp's bullet grazed. Ryan should be feeling some pain. Whether it be the bullet wound or the knife wound. He gives me a light-hearted slap on the shoulder.

"Thanks for responding to the call for help. I didn't think you cared," he says.

"I don't care. However, I will not standby and let a fellow officer get shot. There should really only be one body here. And that would be the perp's." I let Ryan read between the lines. He's not a dumb kid.

He frowns. "Any situation can get out of hand. You should know that, of all people." I glare at him. "I'm sorry the other officer died. It all just happened too fast."

"At least you lived," I say with a bit more resentment than I mean to. Ryan doesn't seem to notice.

He smiles again. "Oh come on, you're happy to see me alive and walking around. Why can't you just admit that you like having me around?"

I don't have a chance to react to what Ryan is saying. In the distance I can hear the wail of police sirens as other officers rush to the scene; too little, too late. Had I not responded Ryan would be lying on the cold pavement with the other two bodies. Or would he the other body? The perp could have easily shot them both and run off. With my head in the clouds I'm not watching or listening to Ryan so I'm taken by complete surprise when he leans in a kisses me. There's passion behind the kiss, a hunger. I respond with a longing I didn't know I had. This feeling scares me. My brain finally clicks into motion telling me how wrong this all is. With my feet firmly planted I shove Ryan back away from me. He stumbles and falls.

He looks up at me from where he is on the ground. "What the hell did you do that for?" I glared at him. It irritates me that he finds nothing wrong with kissing me.

"I'd like to hear the answer to that question myself," a deeper voice says from behind me.

I blanch at the sound of it. I turn to find Horatio eyeing me with suspicion. Standing beside him is Delko. Coming up behind him is Tripp. Oh goodie, just what I need. When is something good going to happen? I find it ironic that I'd rushed here in hopes of making things better, of raising Horatio's opinion of me. Now things have just gotten worse.

Delko helps Ryan up. "The perp shot me," Ryan tells him while looking in my direction.

Already well on the road to getting mad this little pebble pisses me off. I don't need him to cover for me. The evidence would prove him wrong anyway. "Idiot, I shot you," I snap.

Horatio looks down at the ground. "Speed, come with me. I think we need to have a talk."

I feel no fear as I follow him away from the scene. Once on the opposite side of the Hummer Horatio removes his sunglasses. He looks at me with troubled blue eyes. Now I feel like I've failed him in some way, and I guess I have. When am I going to win?

"Would you like to explain what's going on?" He asks in a friendly voice.

Would I like to explain how I feel? Do I want to tell him that Ryan keeps kissing me? Should I tell him that I feel like no one wants me around? "No," I reply.

He sighs. "You'll have to explain to Frank why you shot Ryan and how it came to that." There's something more, I can see it in his eyes. He looks at me with sorrow. "Under the recent events I've had time to think and I've spoken with a lot of people. I'm being told to put you on paid vacation while things sort out. So far they've left the decision up to me. After today though, I think the pressure is going to get worse."

Call it a mix of anger and pride but at that moment I came to a conclusion. I draw my gun from the holster and pull my badge from my belt. I shove them into Horatio's hands. "You won't have to worry about me anymore." With those words I climb into the Hummer and head back to the lab. I'll pick up my motorcycle, clean out my locker, and head home. Maybe now everyone will be happy that I'm gone. They can act like I died that day. They'll be happy with Ryan. They already are.