A/N: Can't remember if I mentioned this in the previous chapter but most likely these chapters aren't going to be in chronological order or willhave long spaces of time between them. I have this little sheet of paper on with 15 chapter ideas (A feeling, a word and a character) and I'm just choosing random ones from it.

WARNING: A depressed Spike. Angelus being almost nice. Well as nice as he gets. Which isn't very. Too much dialogue.

Anyway, here we go with the next chapter. As always, if you want more then review and make me feel loved

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It was... well there wasn't really a word to describe it. Freedom? It would have been if he was human, and it could still be, only it was a lot harder to decapitate yourself then it was to slit your wrists. So maybe it wasn't freedom. It represented some people's largest fears and yet was the largest hope some people had in their life. Human's were strange, inconsistant, how could the same object mean totally different things to people?

Maybe the only word to describe it accuratley was sharp. It seemed to lack poetry, but that wasn't a particuarly bad thing considering his experience with the subject.

He'd considered seeing just how much damage he could really do with it, maybe he could cut his own heart out with it, though Angelus had managed to do a fairly good job of pulling out his insides without the use of a knife, just a sharp tongue. He knew he wouldn't do any real damage to himself with it, it wasn't fair on Willow.

Willow. The Scooby Gang had really underestimated the strength the young woman possessed she'd kept him going the past few years and he'd returned the favour and as tempting as it was to end it all he couldn't do that to her.

He'd tried to cut his soul out once, a long time ago now, or so it seemed. It hadn't worked, left nothing but scars, inside and out.

He picked up the shining object once more, still glistening with traces of his blood from shallow cuts along his arms, he'd wanted to know what it felt like. He had his answer, it kind of tickled. The evidence had dissapeared in the minutes that he'd been contemplating the knife and now his arms were healed making him want to put the marks back there. He lifted the knife once more.

"You know that won't kill you."

"But it'll make me feel better." An honest response was better than no response at all.

"For how long?" Suddenly the voice was directly in his ear and he couldn't help but turn around and see the dark haired vampire kneeling behind him. Then he faced the wall in front of him once more and leant his head back against the strong body behind him as he considered the question.

"'m not sure, only one way to find out."

"Think it'll make you feel better if I'm the one causing the damage?"

"Probably not."

A pair of large hands covered his own and the knife was extracted from him without argument. He shivered slightly as he felt the cool metal gliding down his back without breaking skin.

"You want a choice?"

"Depends what it is."

"You want this knife in you? Or you want my cock?"

"Hardly a choice."

"I never said it was a good one."

Spike turned around once more and tilted his head up slightly so he could look Angelus in the eyes. The emotions in them caused him some confusion. It wasn't love or any kind of emotion that showed he cared about Spike but it could amost be mistaken for understanding. Realisation that Spike was close to breaking point, even with Willow around. Realisation that he had to back off just a tiny bit and give the younger vampire some control over his life back, even if the control came in the form of a choice he didn't want to make.

"Can I have both?"

"Greedy."

Angelus lifted the fragile vampire up taking him and the knife towards the bed. He made quick work of their clothes and was soon sitting naked on top of an equally naked blonde vampire. He took the knife and traced a pattern on the chest bared before him, pausing to lap up the blood before vampire healing took over and the wound dissapeared. He stopped after a couple of minutes remembering his Childe's request for both.

"On your back or on your front?"

"Up to you."

"Just checking you hadn't forgotten your place."

"As if I could."

Angelus ignored the comment that could quite easily be considered as cheek from the blonde and grabbed a tube of lube lying on the bedside table, grabbing Spike's hand he poured a generous amount into it, causing a raised eyebrow from the vampire below him.

"You going to complain?"

He placed the tube back on the table and noted a slight shrug of Spike's shoulders before his lube filled hand reached out and took hold of Angelus' cock which had been half hard since he had entered the room.

Spike took his time smoothing it over the cool surface as if exploring it for the first time with an almost child like curiosity in his eyes. His thumb sweeped lightly over the head and he looked up in surprise as Angelus didn't bother to hide a moan under his usual cool exterior.

Spike sped up the movements of his hand, though still taking the time to massage the hard length in his hand, he wasn't particuarly sure if he felt like being fucked any more, Angelus noticed the uncertainty in his Childe's eyes and offered another choice, for some unexplained reason he didn't feel like forcing the boy tonight. Perhaps it was because he realised that one small shove from him and Spike could go toppling over the edge of sanity once more and he didn't fancy coaxing him back to reality for the next year, or perhaps it was because seeing Spike sat crosslegged on the floor with a knife in his hands had brought back memories of an equally fragile human William.

"You just want to suck me off?"

"You're covered in lube." Spike screwed his face up at the idea of swalllowing half the tube, he put a hopeful look on his face, "Hand job?"

"I must be going soft."

"I don't think that's all too likely."

Angelus looked less than sure but didn't disagree and began thrusting back into the hand that had a firm grip on him whilst deciding to fuck the boy raw at some point in the future to make up for this moment and proving to himself that he wasn't turning as soft as soul-boy.

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There we go, an update, the day after my last update o Shocking, I know. Remember reviews are appreciated lots and lots, I'm actually intending to update this one frequently and maybe even finish off some of my other stories.

Well, that was Angelus acting about as soft as I'll ever make him. And if someone is waiting for a happy ending where Angelus decides that he loves Willow and Spike and they all live happily ever after in threesome paradise then I'd advise you stop reading.

Angelus is a sadistic bastard, get used to it.