"Hehehe!" Draco's laugh rang out from his four-poster bed like a cat being eaten by a wallaby. "Oh, I am so in love with your Quidditch-toned muscles."
"What?" Harry felt confused as he looked down at his thin, white arms.
"Your arse, darling!" Draco giggled, "It's so tight from gripping that broom handle for hours."
"Oh, I guess. I mean, after the hemorrhoids went away-"
Draco silenced him with a slender finger on Harry's lips, "Kiss me you fool!".
"Could they possibly be more nauseating?" Crabbe whispered to Goyle as they snuck out of the room, Draco's giggles echoing annoyingly behind them.
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"Okay," Snape whispered into his completely canonical mobile wizarding phone. "And how long will it take to ship the 'Wiziwomb'? Umhum. Well, you see, it's just," he paused and looked around nervously. "My er, friend, needs it soon. Before the fullmoon. And uh... Does it work on werewolves? It does! Splendid! Oh yes. I'll take two. Charge it to Albus Dumbledore, account number 3482. Oh no, thank you!"
He snapped the phone shut and began to laugh. One might say in a diabolical way.
Hey, that rhymed.
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Lucius Malfoy applied some lipgloss and made kissy faces at the mirror.
"Oh you," the mirror giggled.
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"Haaaarry?" Draco said in a sing-song voice as he lazily drew circles on Harry's chest with his fingernail. "Do you like babies?"
"I guess," Harry said carelessly, forgetting about his emotional Baby Related Outburst in Hagrid's cabin in the previous chapter.
"The reason I bring it up is, well, Harry... I'm going to have a baby!"
Harry bolted upright, "What?" He began to hyperventilate. But just slightly. "You're pregnant?"
Draco blinked, "No stupid. Boys can't have babies. Well, unless they buy a wiziwomb."
"But you just said-"
Draco sighed impatiently and cut him off, "No, no... Pansy is. I slept with her while we were broken up."
"What?" Harry began to sob hysterically. "You told me girls have man-eating vaginas with rows of teeth that were designed to snip off unsuspecting schoolboys' penises! And you said they smelled like FISH!"
Draco coughed delicately, "Those... may have been lies."
"What else have you lied about?" Harry lept off of the bed and began pacing wildly, "Oh my God! Does this mean you don't really know Legolas? Is Cumbuttistan really a country? Do fairies really taste like butternut? What's the square root of pie?" He fell to his knees dramatically and wailed, "I don't know what to believe! My whole life is a sham! WHAT IF I REALLY DO LIKE BOOBIES?"
Draco rubbed his eyes wearily. It was going to be a long night.
K, liek this 1 wuz short, but itz cuz I haff like, explosive diarrhea and my asshole burns really bad if I sit 2 long. Plz review! ktnxbyeee!