The New Exile, The Struggling Haru, and Kyo's Rant and Attempting to be A Gangster.
Many strange surprises are in this chapter…. The pervertedness is cut down a bit too.
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Kyo: I'm going to join the cracker jacks…
Akito: Why?
Kyo: Because you're the devil and well I guess because my girl friend is scary and is known to be a murderous stalker.
Akito: Stalker? Stop telling me these excuses you stupid cat…
Kyo: SHE STALKS ME DAMMIT! AND ONE TIME SHE ACTUALLY COMPLETED HER MISSION!
Akito: Don't raise your voice with me! What was her mission?
Kyo: Well I found a smelly boar sleeping on my chest… Don't you think that explains anything?
Akito: You could always get a restraining order you stupid cat…
Kyo: SEE! YOU ARE PISSING ME OFF RIGHT NOW! YOU ARE ONE OF THE MOST ANNOYING PIECES OF CRAP IN THE WHOLE DAMN HOU-
Akito starts strangling Kyo around the neck with a whip
Kyo: Oh… it's always the stupid whip that girls like using!
Akito: If you shut the hell up I will let you go!
Kyo: Fine…
Akito stops…
Kyo: SON OF A B-TCH!
He gets Akito in a head lock but Akito throws him against the ground using her whip
Akito: Did you know I was a girl!
Kyo: Did you just say girl? G-I-R-L!
Akito: Yes you stupid jackass…
Kyo gets even madder
Kyo: I'M AM SO TIRED OF THIS!
Kyo runs off…
Akito: That stupid fur-ball… He's going to get himself killed…
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Kyo runs into the Tokyo ghetto and finds the cracker jacks.
The Leader: Yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo, are you ready for my gangsta flow yo yo yo?
Kyo: Can I just join your damn gang now?
The Leader: Yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo, you have to do the gangsta handshake yo.
Kyo looks at his wrists
Kyo: How the hell can we do a handshake if you have no hands… and could you stop saying yo or whatever the hell!
The leader pushes him back
The Leader: Sorry yo but you gotta chill!
Kyo pushes him back and the leader screams
The Leader: DON'T PUSH ME BACK OR I'LL SPILL!
A gang member comes in and whispers to Kyo
Yusuke: My boss is a f-cking crack addict… he thinks he's a glass of orange juice.
Kyo: Are you the only one with common gangster sense around here?
Yusuke: Yeah pretty much… do you wanta escape?
Kyo: What about the other gang members?
Yusuke: Did he tell you he had a bunch of gangsters on his side?
Kyo: Yeah…
Yusuke: He's a liar… and my cousin…
Kyo: That crack attic is your cousin!
Yusuke: No dip Sherlock…. Now let's escape!
They quickly escape
The Leader: Where ya guys go! I didn't get to tell you about the hot glass of Ice tea I met! We are getting married!
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Back at the Sohma house…
Kagura: WHERE IS KYO! I NEED TO HAVE A BABY!
Akito: We really don't need to have a half cat/boar in the house Kagura…
Kagura: COME ON! IT WILL BE CUTE!
Akito: Kagura, I bet you that even the Animal association would kill it… and they normally would do the exact opposite to most animals… Kagura, please go away…
Kagura: WAIT! I FORGOT! I PUT A COLLOR AROUND HIS NECK THAT WOULD SHOCK HIM TO COME BACK TO ME! IT EVEN HAS VOICE ACTION!
Akito: My god Kagura…
Shigure and Ayame burst in
Shigure/Ayame: IS IT TRUE THAT HARU CAN MAKE MILK FOR US!
Akito: I suppose… if he's gay or something and somehow has four breasts…
Tohru burst in too
Tohru: Where's Kyo!
Akito: I thought you were dead Tohru…
Tohru: Hmmm?
Akito: Where is Hatori, we need her memory erased!
Shigure/Ayame: Well…. It's a long story…..
Akito: WHAT HAPPENED TO HATORI!
Shigure: He was sold…
Ayame: To a fishing souvenir shop…
Akito: WHAT THE HELL! HOW DID HE END UP THERE?
Ayame: Well I pissed him off…
Shigure: And I did too…
Ayame: So… he tried suicide… well he tried Seppuku
Shigure: But Ayame and I thought it would be great if he was a shop souvenir…
Ayame: So he could be sold as a keychain!
Ayame/Shigure: Isn't it cute!
Akito: I'm really starting to hate your guy's sarcasm!
Tohru: Ummm… Akito… I don't really think that's sarcasm…. I think it's real…
Akito: I NEED HATORI!
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Outside with the lonely Haru
Haru: What should I do for Tohru…
Momiji: Just let it go…
Haru: How did you get here?
Momiji: I saw you outside and you looked lonely…
Haru: I think she likes Yuki…..
Haru screams and turns into black Haru instantly.
Haru: YUKI WILL DIE!
Haru storms off in search of Yuki
Momiji looks at you…. Yep you!
Momiji: Doesn't this remind you of the hulk? I mean he gets mad and storms off probably going to beat up Yuki… maybe... This story is just insane… What about me? Why can't I be the main character? I mean I should be in my own story, Fear me I am Momiji the midget man whore! The babes dig me, but I'm a midget, so I just have to act cute. I guess I will make my own story later on, but for now, enjoy Haru and Yuki's weird fight. Poor Haru, he must be feeling very sad right now.
Momiji sighs…
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In the Sohma backyard…
Black Haru: YUKI!
Yuki turns around
Yuki: Yes Haru?
Black Haru throws a fist at Yuki, but Yuki grabs his wrist and throws him.
Yuki: You will not hurt anyone any more…. But you may hurt the possessed cat.
Dramatic/sad music plays while a chibi version of half-demon Inuyasha runs around in the background with a box on his head that's on fire with his shirt off.
Haru: Why do you keep taking her away from me!
Yuki: Who, your pet frog that can magically make delicious cookies?
Black Haru turns red
Haru: NOT THAT! IT'S TOHRU!
Yuki: What's wrong?
Kagome appears in the background trying to get the box off of Inuyasha's head while he keeps running around in circles.
Haru: She likes you! Not me!
Yuki: She does? I thought she liked you!
Haru: What the hell I thought she loved you!
Yuki: Well I don't know who she likes…
They both just sit there while Kagome is still struggling with the burning box.
Yuki: I forgot! You had a call from the Got Milk Company and they said you got them bankrupt…
Haru turns back to normal
Haru: WHAT! I need to go visit them or they will sue! I don't like getting sued!
Yuki: I don't either… its common sense… and did you say that from experience?
Haru: Maybe…
Haru runs away
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Back with Kyo and Yusuke…
Yusuke: I have to tell you a secret…
Kyo: What?
Yusuke: I'm part of the Zodiac too… I'm the donkey… my nickname is, 007 Jackass.
Kyo: Hmmm, Your nickname makes sense with your zodiac animal… So you're an exile like me too?
Yusuke: Yep!
Kyo: So you wanted to be a gangster too?
Yusuke: Yeah, I guess we had the same Idea in our head. Well Akito banned me from the Zodiac a long time ago because I said she wasn't sexy…
Kyo: Well you do have a point… I mean, through like the whole fruits basket series you thinks she's a guy…. A creepy guy…
Yusuke: I thought she was an alien… You know, like the ones in the Alien series.
Kyo: Is Haru a girl?
Yusuke: You mean cow nipples?
Kyo: Yep!
Yusuke: I don't know… maybe he is, because he always had an infinite supply of milk in his super soaker water gun.
Kyo: That's creepy.
They both think for a minute…
Kyo: So do you think I should introduce you to the Family again, just to piss Akito off?
Yusuke: HELL YEAH!
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At the wonderful home of the Sohmas'…
Kyo: I'm back!
Kagura: YOU ARE BACK!
Kagura grabs Kyo by the arm and swings him around like crazy
Yusuke: Hi guys!
Everyone there stares at him, when Hatori comes in with a giant keychain on his clothes.
Hatori: Yusuke!
Akito: YUSUKE! Where have you been all this time! I missed you SO MUCH!
Hatori: And now her cuddly little fluffy side comes out…
Yusuke: What the hell! I thought you would be pissed at me!
Akito: Well after a while I realized that you and I have to be destined together. You were the first person of the Zodiac I met!
Yusuke: I can't believe this!
Sesshomaru: I can't either! Naraku took Rin away from me!
Everyone now stares at Sesshy.
Sesshomaru: What?
Inuyasha runs in the room and into a wall… with the box on fire on his head still…
Inuyasha: Dudes, This is insane! I can't see anybody! AND WHY IS IT SOOOO HOT!
Shippo does a slick break dance
Shippo: It is gettin' soooo spicy n' hot in here, so take off all ya clothes
Shippo pulls his shirt off and swings it into the crowd
Tohru: That is sooo cute!
Kyo: I would say the opposite… that was scary… I don't like midget fox strippers… am I dreaming?
Momiji does the robot
Momiji: Domo Arigato Bakka-Chan
Kyo: Yep, I am dreaming.
Yusuke: Kyo, you aren't dreaming…
Shigure and Ayame jump in to and to the Angry Beaver, and eventually everyone else starts dancing, except Haru….
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Dances that everyone does at the party, WOOT!
Shippo: The Robot
Ayame and Shigure: Angry Beaver
Ritsu: Crazy Ape
Inuyasha: The Drunken Haze
Hatori: The Worm
Sesshomaru: Sword Dance
Momiji: The Hop
Akito and Yusuke: Slow Dancing
Kagura And Kyo: "Oww my back!"
Yuki and Tohru: Slow Dancing
Kagome: Girl Dancing
I'M GUNNA DIE FOR SURE OF THIS BOREDOM!
Well anyway I hope this was a good chapter and not as perverted! Thank you for the reviews everyone!
Should I add Kisa, Hiro, and other peeps in the next chap?
O yea! The angry beaver is some retard dance where you put your head up in the air and swing it around in circles like a retard. OMFG!
The Oww my back was made up by me. Kyo might be at the hospital in the next chap…