October 29, 2103

Afterlife Realm

Captain/Paladin Grime sat in a comfy chair outside his afterlife home, enjoying the perpetually nice weather. Lounging around like this was nice, since never got much of a chance to relax when he was alive (other than those two weeks where he did nothing but watch Suspicion Island).

He took a sip of Bog Grog and began working on a crossword puzzle Mr. Boonchuy gave him. "Hmm… a nine letter word for a weapon with a sharp and blunt end. Well that would be warhammer, of course."

As he wrote down the word, Grime suddenly heard footsteps slowly but surely getting closer..

"Grimesy!"

Grime gasped. "Sash—oof!" He didn't get a chance to finish before Sasha tackled him into a hug.

"I missed you so much!" Happy tears streamed down her face. "Aw man, I visited your grave like a month ago and I was so dramatic about saying goodbye to you but you're right here!"

Grime returned the hug once he got his bearings back. "I missed you too, Lieutenant. Or should I say Dr. Waybright?"

Sasha blushed a little. "How about just 'Sasha'? Besides, I should be gushing about what you've done. You and the other Paladins did a great job rebuilding Amphibia."

"All in a day's work," said Grime.

"Yeah, I guess it is," said Sasha. "By the way, you give excellent one-armed hugs."

"Were you surprised to see I still have one arm?" asked Grime.

"A little," said Sasha. "Well I already knew but I was surprised when Marcy told me."

"I wouldn't have gotten as far as I did without my injuries. I won't change that." Grime pointed to Sasha's facial scar. "It's not like you're doing that either."

Sasha hummed. "That's true, Dad."

Grime's eyes widened. "You… you called me 'Dad'."

"Of course," said Sasha like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Have you met my biological parents?"

Grime scowled. "As a matter of fact, I have."

"They're shit, ain't they?" Sasha chuckled. "I'm gonna find them."

"Are you sure that's wise?" asked Grime.

Sasha shrugged. "I never saw them again after I permanently cut them out of my life." A smirk grew on her face. "Which means there's something I never got to do." And with that, she turned to leave. "I'll be back later, though.

"Okay," said Grime. "Don't forget to say hello to Percy and Braddock while you're here."

"I won't!"

A few seconds passed before a duplicate Sasha appeared where she was standing before. "I forgot I can do this. We can continue the conversation now."

"I suppose being some sort of god takes getting used to," surmised Grime.

Sasha nodded. "You have no idea."

Carl Waybright and his ex-wife Karen are many things, but pleasant is not one of them. Their marriage was always strained but admittedly started out somewhat peaceful. That all changed once there was a child in the picture. Neither Carl nor Karen were capable of handling a child, and the fragile peace between them broke down completely thanks to Sasha's presence. They yelled at each other more and more often and took their anger out on Sasha whenever they felt like it. When Sasha was 11, they finally decided enough was enough and divorced, not knowing the damage they had done to their daughter.

You see, Sasha was quite impressionable and had unintentionally copied a lot of their bad habits. That, combined with the helplessness she felt after the divorce led to Sasha becoming overly controlling so stuff in her life would finally go her way for once. Luckily she managed to grow out of this behavior, and while her parents got slightly better once they learned the consequences of their actions, by that point Sasha wanted nothing to do with them anymore. She stayed living in her old house until she left for college, at which point she severed ties with them for good.

Ironically, Carl and Karen's afterlife homes were located right next to each other. Even though they weren't bad enough to be officially punished in the "Bad Place", that didn't mean the forces in charge of the afterlife couldn't get the last laugh.

"You'd think dying of an overdose would've made you stop doing that," said Karen.

"Shut up!" yelled Carl as he downed a bottle of pills. "I'm already dead so I can do whatever I want!"

Karen huffed. "Clearly that's a lie since you're incapable of having things turn out right."

"Well you two haven't changed at all. Actually, I think you got even worse."

Carl and Karen turned and stared at their daughter in shock.

"Sasha… you're here," said Karen.

"Yep," said the blonde Guardian, "it's me." She started walking toward them.

Her parents' emotions quickly went from shock to anger.

"I wasn't aware you even cared about us," said Karen snootily. "You seemed so happy to replace us with some filthy toad."

Carl sneered, "Yeah, you don't care at all about fami—"

He never got to finish that thought as Sasha punched both her parents in the face, knocking them to the ground. She punched them so hard that their faces painfully and unnaturally contorted inward

"I can't replace something that was never there to begin with," said Sasha. "You're the ones who don't care about family." She spit on both of them. "Go fuck yourselves. No one else ever will."

Then she vanished like she was never even there.

Sasha knocked on the door and waited. It wasn't really necessary since the doors didn't lock, but Sasha wanted to be polite. She waited for about a minute before the door opened.

"Hello! We weren't expecting anyone— Sasha!?"

Sasha awkwardly waved. "Hey, Percy…"

"Braddock! Sasha's outside!" called Percy toward the inside of the house.

Braddock rushed toward the front door and joined her husband. "Sash… it's great to see you."

"It's great to see you too." Sasha enveloped the toads in a tight hug. "I am so, so, so sorry for mistreating you back then." Tears were streaming down her face. "I had no excuse. I was just an asshole."

"It's okay, Sash," said Braddock. "Grime told us how sorry you were."

"Yeah," Percy agreed. "We already forgave you a long time ago. You know that."

"But you two needed to hear it from my mouth," said Sasha. "I should've at least left you a note before I left."

"You changed for the better, and that's what's important," said Braddock.

Sasha hummed. "You're right. I stopped being that person a long time ago, and now I can fully put her behind me. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Sash," said Percy. "By the way, we hope you'll enjoy the party!"

Sasha blinked with confusion. "Party?"

October 30

Many decades ago it was agreed upon that when all three of the Calamity Trio made it to the afterlife, a massive party would be held. And while they didn't show up in the expected way, their friends and family weren't going to break that promise. There were nearly 200 people in attendance, ranging from Wartwoodians to Resistance members to the trio's old school friends to some casual acquaintances who the trio knew at some point.

Yunan regaled some humans with her war stories.

Hop Pop and Humphrey Westwood showed off a two-man show they'd been brainstorming.

Ivy talked about the first expedition to Anne-phibia.

The Boonchuys and Stumpy shared the best recipes from both dimensions.

Terri and Dr. Jan shared their theories of the multiverse

The IT Gals eagerly showed everyone their inventions.

Wally described what Anne destroying the moon looked like from the ground (with one eye).

Similarly, Gabby told the amphibians about Anne's battle with Andrias in his Dyoplosaurus suit.

And at the heart of it all stood the Calamity Trio, describing what it was like to be Guardians of the Multiverse. They basked in the bonds they had made, and they knew there would be more parties like this to come in the future. They had plenty of friends and family who were still alive, after all.

"I always dreamed that something like this would happen," said Anne. "I never realized there's a way it could happen without the music box."

"The constraints of the living world no longer apply after death," said Marcy with a sage voice.

"Did you steal that from an anime opening?" asked Sasha, snorting a little.

Marcy blushed, "Maybe."

"That doesn't mean I don't like it, though," Sasha noted.

"Yeah," Anne agreed. "It was nicely poetic."

Marcy grinned and gave each of her wives a kiss. Their lives may not have been perfect, but right now things were nice. Doing anything differently would mean they never made it to this moment, and they wouldn't change this for the world.

I realize that the end of this chapter sounds like a good end to this series but it's not the end. I have a few more Calamity Moms ideas at least. And of course You're About Seven Years Too Early will continue.