Chapter 4

As he drove home from Scranton, he was overwhelmed. He was angry and frustrated and had only himself to blame. How could he have been with anyone other then Pam? She was the very air he breathed and now he had made her hate him. As soon as he saw Pam he knew Cindy wasn't more than a painkiller. He should have recognized this before. After all, he used painkillers in the form of relationships several times over the past four years when the pain of loving Pam became intolerable. He was ashamed to admit but he did it again.

Jim's weekend was miserable. Cindy was clinging to him like a vine. She wouldn't give him a moment to think. It was as if she knew he wanted the time to find a way to dump her. It was terrible that he had let her come all this way but he needed her gone. Every time he looked at her, he only saw was what caused him to lose Pam. She wanted to have sex and he avoided her. As beautiful as she was, his skin crawled when she touched him. She was getting aggressive in her seductive methods on Sunday night and it caused a fight.

Jim was going to take the opportunity and break it off. It would be easier and cleaner then telling her the real reason it could never work. This would hurt much less then saying"I won't ever love you. I can't love anyone but her." When he told her he didn't think this wasn't working out she responded with tears.

"Look you can stay here for the week while you are making reservations and I will go to a hotel." Jim tried to not sound so relieved. His life was still a mess but at least it would be less of one with her gone.

"No you can't." She screamed. She was hysterical now.

"Cindy, it is for the best." Jim calmly reasoned with her.

"How can you say it would be best for a child to be raised without its father?" Her voice was accusatory but crystal clear.

Jim's world imploded. Happiness ended with losing Pam but now his life really was over. "What? We used protection every time!" Jim was horrified at this sick joke the cosmos was playing. He was always careful because he didn't want to have this ever be an issue until he wanted to be a father. He never even went through a pregnancy scare because he always used condoms and the girls were always on the pill.

"Not every time. Obliviously." She patted her tummy lovingly as she said that. Jim was going to be sick. "That first night you were really drunk. You probably don't remember it."

That was true enough. How could he have done this to Pam? He didn't remember much from that first night. His Pam was getting married; he didn't want to remember anything. It was all together possible that he had unprotected sex with her. She had said he was great in bed so he didn't argue. Since he had already made love to her he did it again and again. She helped him weave a veil of fantasy over his broken heart. She helped numb the pain of reality. Now it looks like this painkiller was going to cost him every last shred of hope. He didn't know what to say so he went to go sleep on the couch.

Work on Monday really capped the weekend. They were all called in for a meeting in the conference room. The concepts of downsizing and merger were explained to them. Things started to get surreal as they explained that Stamford was going to be merging with Scranton. Apologizes were made quickly. They could decide to take an exit package or make the move to Scranton. Life was just too cruel at times.

Jan catch him in the hallway. "Hey, sorry we had you moved out here only to send you back. At least you didn't get too settled. You are staying right?" Jan realized she had just assumed Jim would be staying.

Jim nodded without thinking. "Yeah."

Jan smiled with relieve. "Well, good then. You can go back starting next week." She hurried on to chat with some others.

Jim sat in his office the rest of the day. No work was done. He was spinning with confusion, anxiety, frustration and anger. This was almost too silly for words. If only he knew Pam loved him. If only had hadn't hooked up with Cindy. If only he hadn't gotten her pregnant. If only he still had hope. He had nothing. He was used to feeling the pain of loving Pam but now he seemed to be in a vacuum of emptiness. It was as if he was on emotional overdrive for so long that he just felt empty. He was beyond emotion.

That evening he explained to Cindy what the situation was at work. He would stay with his old roommate Mark while he worked in Scranton during the week. He would come back here on the weekends. Cindy wasn't happy but knew there wasn't anything she could say to change his mind. She tried to convince him to have sex with her but the look of disgust on his face stopped her in her tracks. Cindy was a smart girl and knew she had to bide her time. She may have lost this battle but the war was far from over.

He called Mark who was surprised but quickly told him he was welcome. Jim spent the rest of the week packing and staring off into space. He wasn't sure how Pam was going to response to him being there again. Amazing how any life altering thing in his life and the first thing he thought he has is about was how it will affect Pam. He would have to work on that. Sighing deeply. Life just sucks!

Chapter 5
Pam was embarrassed the attention her appear had gotten her at work. She even toned down her make up but still people were gushing over her. It felt really nice. Even Angela asked where she went. Ryan smiled at her and told her how much he liked her hair. She blushed because she could tell he really meant it.

Michael gathered them in the conference room with a big smile. He told them all I told you so and that they should trust him more for five minutes before Stanley demanded to know why they were there in the first place. Michael giggled with glee telling them about the merger with Stamford and how they were all staying but people from Stamford were joining them.

Pam's mouth dropped out. Oh, God. How could she be the new and improved Pam in front of Jim? "And yes Pam, Jim is coming back. So more Pam Pong everybody!" Michael didn't realize what his careless words did to her. Michael was surprised she wasn't happier. "What does Jim have another girlfriend?" He said it jokily. "What did he bring back an Aussie?" She felt herself losing it so she got up and quietly went into the bathroom and cried. She needed to stop making an ass out of herself every time Jim's name came up. It must now be clear to everyone that Pam left Roy to be with Jim tossed her over for another girl.

When she came out of the bathroom, people looked at her with sympathy akin to pity. How pathetic she must seem to all of them. She needed to move on. As she was thought about how she was going to do that Ryan walked over to her desk.

He smiled at her. Ryan was really cute, short but cute. "Do you want to grab a drink later?" She wondered if it was a pity date but she thought it might be real. It would not go anywhere but wasn't that the point. Ryan had just volunteered to be the "stepping stone" guy. As if trying to convince her he added, "We can just talk. I know what you are going through."

Pam realized he did know exactly what she was going through. Kelly had been dating a doctor for the last couple of weeks and she was already singing about marriage. She wasn't even doing it to make Ryan jealous she was just really happy. Ryan, like Pam, had figured out his feelings just a little too late. Pam smiled sadly at him. "Yeah I guess you do know. Sure. How about at 5:15?

Ryan nodded and went back to his desk. Pam felt really sad about making the date but she needed to do something. She spent the remaining time clock watching and playing free cell.

Ryan took his car. He was very sweet opening the door for her. He turned on his car and his stereo filled the car with GreenDay. A very sad lonely song was playing. Ryan shrugged and turned it way down. "Sorry."

"No problem." Pam felt the song echoing in her heart and started softly singing the words willing her self not to cry.

Ryan was very good company. He was smart, funny and very interesting. She now understood why Kelly had pursued him so intently. Ryan was quite a catch. Finally, the smile ran away from his face and he grabbed her hand. "Pam, I just want you to know. I understand what you must be feeling. You don't have to go into details but I just want to be clear. Jim has someone else?"

Tears rushed to her eyes and a strangled sound escaped her throat. She could only nod.

Ryan swore to himself when he looked at Pam. "I am really sorry, Pam, not that that gives you any comfort. I know I'm not Jim but I think we could have some fun." Ryan knew the score and wanted to set the record straight. "So are you ready to move on? Are you in the market for the rebound man?" He tried to make light of it and even grinned.

Pam blushed and looked down. She couldn't afford to waste anymore time. She needed to move on and away from heartbreak. Then she got the courage up to flirt. "Actually I am seeking more of a stepping stone man or boy toy if you will." She even batted her eyelashes.

Ryan laughed out loud at Pam's unexpected boldness. He nodded and pointed to his chest. "Well, look no further. I am perfectly trained in the no-strings attached non-relationship. My feelings will not get hurt when you toss me aside for someone better. I will provide you with as much fun and distraction you allow." He lowered his voice which was sounding very sexy. "Satisfaction is guaranteed."

Pam's giggled. "That's what she said!" She wanted a drum hit for that one!

Ryan laughed. "No Pam, that's what I said." Ryan stared at her intently as he drew light circles on her hand. He would definitely enjoy being her boy toy. The potential was amazing. This would help them both forget.

Mmmm yum! Pam returned his smile. She shivered as he stroked her palm. Watching his long finger caress her palm, she felt it in other places. "Mmmm, that feels really nice Ryan." She was getting a bit turned on. Damn, how long has it been?

"Yeah, I can make it feel nicer if you want me too." His other hand snaked under the table and started stroking behind her knee. It was really forward but he found most girls loved it. The look on Pam's face told him she was no exception. Her breath was coming out in pants and she was wiggling in her seat. Yup, light stroke behind the knee and it just opens their legs. He continued to touch her palm as he stared into her eyes. If she let him he could bring her such pleasure. He wondered how far she would let him go in the bar. His voice was a bit rough because he was aroused by this situation as well. "So do you want me to make it feel nicer for you, Pam?"

She nodded her head and her legs spread just a little bit. He grinned at her as he recognized that as surrender. His hands gently went under her skirt and began climbing in circles up her thigh. "Tell me Pam. Do you come here often?" He couldn't resist toying with her.

Pam missed the double entrendre. "No, I have never come here."

Her innocence response made his grin wider. "Well, I think we need to change that. You should come a lot." It was priceless to see her face as she finally registered the joke. His fingers were whisper away from her clitoris. He could feel the heat and need. There was no pain in this moment for either of them. "Do you want to come here, Pam?"

She blushed now that she knew what he was talking about but nodded.

Ryan liked to hear the breathless surrender of a good girl. It was so erotic to control her but if she wanted to get off she needed to ask for it. "Say it Pam." He gently touched to elastic of her panties. He kept running his finger along the elastic teasing her. "Say it Pam. Tell me you want to come here. That you want to come right here."

"I want to come here." She whispered it.

As he pulled her elastic away from her skin he leaned towards her, "Louder Pam. Say it louder and with my name." His long finger stroked very gently along very wet skin.

Pam was so turned on, she couldn't help herself. "I want to come here Ryan. I want to come here right now." It was like a plea.

It was music to his ears. He moved his finger towards the middle to stroke her clitoris. Pam moaned and turned her face into his shoulder. Ryan liked that she needed him at least in this way. He could meet her physical needs and her emotional needs would be fulfilled in time by someone else. He moved a second finger under her panties and carefully grasped her clitoris. He learned in high school girls loved to have their clitoris treated like a little dick, so he slowly jerked her off. She was climbing towards orgasm at an alarming rate. Ryan moved his fingers quickly and made good on his promise. Satisfaction. Pam came on his fingers while seated in a bar, it was terribly erotic.

When he was sure she was finished her removed his fingers and put her panties back where they belonged. She looked up at him with a dazed look in her eyes. Then she just unexpectly laughed. It was a musical sound.

Ryan, master of understatement made her laugh further, "Well, I guess you needed that."

Pam laughed. "You could say that!" She shook her head. Pam was breathless and blushing. She was gorgeous. Never had she done anything like that. She was actually satisfied for the first time in weeks. She had foolishly kept herself waiting for Jim's return. No thoughts of that. He made his choice and now I need to move on. Pam realized she just selfishly indulged herself without giving any thought to Ryan. "Could, I um return the favor?"

Now there was a good question. "You don't have to but if you want to I certainly won't stop you." Ryan watched her carefully wondering what thoughts were chasing around her head.

She looked nervously around the bar. There seemed to be so many people around. Even though they were in a semi-private place it was still so public. Ryan smiled. "How about we adjourn to the car." She smiled and nodded.

Ryan opened the door for her and then drove them over to a darken parking lot. He locked the doors and turned towards her. She looked scared. The chilled night air and lapse of time cooled her passion. He shrugged and smiled sheepishly. "You don't have to do anything."

Pam insisted. "But I want to. I just, I just, I don't know. I need it to be like in the bar." It was like Ryan took away her choice. She had no choice but to submit.

"Hmmm, a little bit of a submissive, are you? Okay then. Kiss me." Ryan demanded of her.

Pam immediately didn't think she just followed the order. She gave him a hot sexy kiss. Her hands went down to his pants and touched him through the fabric. His dick tented out his pants. She grabbed hold of him through the material and squeezed. It had been a while since Ryan had anything other than his own thoughts and hand to bring him to fruition.

"Now take me out and make me cum, Pam." Ryan swallowed a moan. Damn, this felt so good. Pam was wide eyed as she tentatively stroked his cock. "That's right Pam. Up and down. Make me cum. Lick my neck, Pam." Instantly she was licking his neck as she continued giving him a hand job. If she stopped to think she would have been mortified but she wasn't thinking. She was blissfully focused on something over than her broken heart. "Yeah, Pam that's it." He was pushing up into her fist almost fucking him self. "Yeah, mmmmmm, yeah." Just like that Ryan came all over Pam's hand, his pants which he didn't think to move out of the soak zone and a bit got on Pam's blouse. Ryan smiled with relief. "That was good. Thank you."

He sounded like she had passed him the salt. But may be that's how she needed to see it. She decided to be cute. "You are most welcome. I guess you needed that too."

Ryan shrugged and nodded. Pam was a bit wiggly in her seat. He smiled when he realized she was ready for more. He smiled and looked her in the eye. "Pam, would you like to go back to my place?"

Pam found her conscious. "You must think I am a slut."

Ryan quietly sighed and denied her accusation. "No, Pam I think you have a broken heart and you are looking for a painkiller. I am willing to be your nova cane for a bit." He sounded sad but practical. He really expected her to say she couldn't go home with him.

She needed to move on. Jim certainly had. "Okay." She smiled with determination. "Let's go." She turned on the CD and started singing again. Ryan noticed she was louder this time and she had a very sweet voice. He joined her in song. It was a nice.

Once they were at his apartment, they became awkward again. Ryan realized it was up to him to move this along one way or another. "Again, we don't have to do anything. We can just hang out." He brushed her hair behind her ears.

Her mind screamed at her. Don't do that. Jim did that. Don't touch me. I want Jim. Her practical side reminded her of the facts. Well, you can't have Jim. Jim doesn't want you. No sense pining. You wasted 10 years of your life, no more! Ryan is offering you some pleasure take it. Jim took his pleasure with someone else. Her eyes welled up with tears. Ryan noticed them. "It's okay Pam. Really. It will be okay." He was wiping away her tears.

Jesus, what am I doing here? She loves Jim. How could he expect her to...Pam grabbed him and kissed him. She needs me to help her forget until the pains manageable. I have done this before so I can do it again. Who am I kidding? She's gorgeous that's why I am here. Ryan deepens the kiss until he heard Pam moan. He pulled her on to his lap so she was straddling him. Only thin material of her wet panties and pants separated the two of them. Ryan's fingers found the buttons of her blouse. Soon he was removing her bra. She was indeed beautiful. Pam was a bit passive but she was grinding herself down on his erection working her up into quite frenzy. Her eyes are closed I wonder if she is pretending I am him?

His ego and pride wouldn't allow that. If she were going to use him to deaden her pain, the least she was going to know who was going to fuck her into amnesia. "Look at me, Pam. Look at me." He said in between licking her nipples. Her eyes opened with a moan. "That's right. Do you want me inside of you, Pam?"

Pam didn't want to open her eyes. She was pretending it was Jim. When she opened her eyes, she saw Ryan's handsome face. He really is sexy and he mmmmm sure knows what he is doing? She nodded but knew that would not be enough. Ryan wanted her to acknowledge who she was with and what she wanted. It was like making her beg. Pam had no idea why but she liked it. It kept it away from intimidate love making and kept it firmly into the dirty sex category. "Yes, Ryan I want YOU inside of me. Please. Deep inside. I need you."

That's what he needed to hear. He loved how a woman's voice got all gravely and deep when they got needy. He pushed Pam onto her back and pulled her panties down. Her skirt was bunched up like a belt. It wasn't in the way so he just left it there. Ryan pulled off his shirt and tossed it. His pants were off in a flash as he looked down at Pam laid out like an entree. He grabbed a condom from the end table and rolled it on. He could see she was turned on she glistened. He got between her bent legs and teased her with his dick. He smiled at her desperate moan. Her wordless pleas as she watched him move his dick back and forth teasingly her beyond reason. "Pam, do you want me to make you cum?" She nodded eagerly. "Come on Pam. You know what you have to do. Do you want me to shove my cock inside of you until you cum all over it?"

Her insides clenched. She was helpless. She needed this. She needed Ryan to take care of the ache. "Please Ryan" Pam gasped as he lined his dick up with her opening. He posed at the ready but he wouldn't move. It looked like he was in perfect control of himself. Unlike me! It was a bit irritating but then he moved a bit and provided her with all the encouragement she needed. "Ryan please. Be inside me! Make me cum on you!" She was almost yelling. "Please!"

As she said please, he stroked in giving her exactly what she needed. God, she is tight! He felt her muscles clench and squeeze him. She was ready to cum so he gave her what she needed. A couple well placed insertions and she came all over his cock. Ryan always found it, so beautiful to watch a woman cum. In and out he helped her ride out the pleasure until she was done. She stared up at him panting. He held himself above her just looking rather smug. She wanted to roll her eyes but he deserved to be smug. Wow!

When Ryan felt she was recovered enough to start again he stroked in and up. Pam's eyes flew open. He smiled down at her. "Did you think we were done?" The look of shock on Pam's face told him she was in unchartered terrority. Roy should be ashamed. Ryan was going to make it up to her. "We aren't done. You especially are not done. Let's see how many times you can orgasm." Ryan moved in a circular motion which put the end of his cock in contact with her G-spot. She was already tensing up. "I think we are going to be counting soon." Pam clearly surprised but certainly ready for more. Ryan set a nice pace and soon Pam was cumming again. Ryan made her made her cum two more times before he finally pulled out and came himself. He would have liked to cum inside her but he knew that triggered emotions for women. Ryan didn't want this situation to be anymore complex then it already was for either of them.

He fell along side of her onto the floor. Pam looked content and satisfied. He felt pretty good himself. She reached over and pet his head like you would a good pet. He smiled at her sweetness. They just stayed there together but separated in their own minds. He knew she might be cold so he pulled a blanket from the drawer on the coffee table. He laid it over her. She opened her eyes and smiled at him.

Ryan was happy she didn't look sad and uncomfortable. He wanted to keep it that way. "So you hungry?"

Pam's stomach answered for her with a grumble and they both laughed. He cooked them up some steaks and she made them some salad. They relaxed in each other's company for a while.

Finally, Pam's curiosity got the better of her. "Ryan, do you do this a lot?"Ryan arched his eyebrow and smiled at her. "What play the 'Rebound Guy'?" Pam nodded. Ryan shook his head up and down. "Yeah, I have it written on my forehead." He pushed back the hair that always found its way to his face. "See." He chuckled but Pam could tell he was not happy about it. No, Pam no pity! "Look, after it happened the third time where I was only a 'stepping stone' as you called it, I figured why not specialize in it. The sex is great and I help beautiful woman. How can that be bad?"

"Yeah, but Kelly." Pam questioned.

"Kelly." Ryan spoke her name like one spoke of a dream. Pam knew his mind drifted off into places it would rather not be. Shaking his head, he seemed to do that to think. "Kelly, wasn't supposed to happen. It was a simple hook up. But then I got to know her." Ryan smiled. "When I ran away she always caught me. At some point, I stopped minding her catching me. I knew I was in trouble when I stopped running all together." Ryan hurried on, as if trying to rush past the pain. "And well, as you can see where that got me." He gave Pam a sad smile and touched her hand. "So that's why. It's much easier this way. Hurts less..."

Pam felt really bad for Ryan and for herself. What a mess! She reached for Ryan and pulled him in a hug. Pam whispered in his ear. "Ry, let me be your painkiller too." Ryan groaned and they numbed each other for most of the night.