Chapter 8
Cindy was surprised that Jim came home on Friday night. She welcomed him with a big hug. It felt nice to be wanted some place. But looking at Cindy, he knew he would be sleeping on the couch that weekend. She tried not to push it but it pissed her off that he hadn't slept with her once since they got to America. She believed that after she told him she was pregnant that he would treat her differently, but that wasn't the case. She needed a new plan.

oxoxox

Pam tried enjoying the benefits of Ryan's friendship but it was difficult. The sex was great but that's all it was. A temporary relief was all it ever provided to either of them. By the end of the weekend, they came to the conclusion that they would table the benefits side of their friendship for now. They were both too in love with other people to continue. They decided not to be awkward with each other which were hard at first but by Monday afternoon it almost felt normal.
Jim just glared in her direction. Finally when he didn't look away quick enough Pam stuck her tongue out at him. It was so unexpected he started laughing. She smiled at him for a moment before she went back to her computer busy work.

Later that day, he walked over to the reception area to collect a jelly bean and see if he could say anything that would make her smile. When he got to the desk, he kind of froze and she looked like a deer in the headlights. A lovely doe but a deer none the less. They shared a long look. His look turned into an apology for everything as he cocked his head to the right. She sighed then smiled at him. Her smile didn't give him forgiveness but gave him an opening to talk. "Hey."

She smiled. God, I love it when he says that. "Hey."

Even though she was with Ryan, he missed her. May be we could still be friends, friends without benefits but friends. "Lunch?"

She nodded. "12 o'clock?" She smiled as he confirmed with a nod.

The morning dragged. Both Pam and Jim could barely stay seated. The clock appeared broken because it wasn't moving. At one point, Jim looked over and Pam found she was watching the clock willing it to move. It was exactly what he was doing seconds before. At least, he was the only one who was anxious for lunchtime. He arched an eyebrow at her and she blushingly smiled.

He looked at the papers on his desk and tried not to grin.
He shot her a quick email.

Pam-
Hungry now?
-Jim

She received the email and smiled. It was quarter after 11 but she nodded. She grabbed her lunch and headed for the break room. Jim was right behind her. "The roof."

She didn't question it, she just kept walking. They climbed the ladder and opened the door. It was the scene of their "first" date. Memories of that evening played in both of their minds.

"Hey, do you remember..." Pam asked.

"Yeah. What about Dwight?" Jim laughed at the thought.

Pam giggled. "How does one forget that?" Shaking her head. It was amazing that they had slipped back into their friendship.

Jim arranged the chairs so they could not be viewed from the parking lot. They sat down and ate in comfortable silence. Jim felt like this was the first food he had tasted in weeks. He never knew how good a ham and cheese sandwich could taste. Jim looked at the side of Pam's face as she ate until she noticed him staring.

"What? Do I have something on my face?" She was instantly wiping the side of her face.
He wanted to be suave and say yeah, my lips but that wasn't suave and there was Cindy. "No, you have nothing on your face." He couldn't say anything. She was right there and he couldn't have her because he had someone else. Was this how she felt? Me looking at her the way she is looking at me and not being able to say a damned thing about it?

The silence all of a sudden got uncomfortable. Jim filled it with the dumbest question ever. "So you and Ryan, huh?"

Pam looked at him and looked almost angry. She wanted to lie. She should have lied. "Not anymore."

"Oh." Get the cheer out of your voice. You have Cindy. "Sorry."

Pam looked at him blankly. "No, you're not." She wasn't pulling punches. She was tired of playing these games with him. It was all they ever seemed to be able to do.

Jim looked at her and frowned. "You're right. Sorry." Damn, he was a jerk!

Pam decided to be a masochist. "So how's Cindy?"

Fuck, what did one say about the girl you wanted to dump but couldn't because you knocked her up? "Oh, um...she's okay." Jim knew he sounded lame and stupid. Time for a subject change. "We need to come up with a plan to torture Michael's self-proclaimed the sentry." He wanted to take them to a place of mischief and fun where it was safe and happy.

She willingly went with him for the journey. "Oh definitely. Dwight has really lost it this time. He tries to make me tell him why I am entering Michael's office each time I bring Michael anything."
The rest of the lunchtime was passed in gleeful plotting against an unsuspecting Dwight. Jim went to his desk feeling happier than he felt in months. Pam was smiling throughout the afternoon and sometimes laughing when she remembered something that Jim had said. It felt like things were being put back together. Right now they were only being held together with chewing gum and tape but they were holding together. Jim was hopeful that may be things could eventually be okay.

As soon as hope reared its head it was squished beneath Cindy's clicking heels. On Thursday, Cindy showed up at lunchtime right before Jim and Pam were heading off to the roof for another planning session. Each day the session was more comfortable and more fun. Jim was shocked to see Cindy standing there. Cindy rushed over to see him and gave him a big hug and kiss. Jim watched as Pam tried not to look hurt as he unwound the human vine from around him.

Pam realized this is how Jim probably felt when watching Roy being physically affection to her in the office. Her heart ached and she wanted to cry. She wanted to tear the tall blonde limb from limb for touching Jim. But then Cindy did have a right to touch Jim she was his girlfriend. Pam truly hoped Jim hadn't experienced this feeling every time Roy touched her but she had a feeling this was his personal hell. Now all the hurtful comment that came out of his mouth usually after such a display was more understandable. Pam just did her best not to cry as she looked away.
Michael came shooting out of his office. "So who is this lovely thing?"

Jim knew Michael wasn't going anywhere without an introduction so he introduced Cindy. "Everyone this is Cindy. She is from Australia."

Cindy said, "Hi, everyone. It is so nice to meet you." Everyone's eyes looked at her and then to Pam. They were unsure of how to response.

Michael completely unaware of the tension. "So you are the beauty that helped old Jimbo get over Pam." He wiggled his eyebrows. "Nice taste my man." He told Jim as he gave him a manly punch to the arm.

Pam's eyes stayed glued to the computer and prayed for deafness. She just kept breathing. It had to get better.

"So are you staying long?" Michael was too curious not to ask.

Cindy looked at the clock. "No, I won't bother Jim. I just thought I could see him for lunch."

Michael laughed. "No. I mean stay in the country."

Cindy hated to look slow. "Oh, I think permanently." As she patted her stomach and smiled. She wasn't showing but it was her meaning wasn't lost.

Dwight piped up. "You mean you are with child?" His eyes shot to Jim and then he smiled. "You are as fertile as a Shrute my friend."

Jim wished the earth really could open him up and swallow him whole. He looked over at Pam and knew how hurt she must be. He knew how hurt he would be if the places were reversed. It didn't surprise him when she stood up with a mask of calm on her face and walked out of the building.

Jim stood up to follow, but Ryan moved past him. "I got it. You stay here, man." He didn't want someone else taking care of Pam. Jim didn't want to stay there. He wanted to be sure Pam was okay.

oxoxoxo

Ryan found Pam at her car door. She was just standing there looking at it. Ryan touched her shoulder. She looked at him blankly. "No keys." She held out her hands to show they were empty.
He guided her over to his car. "Come on." Ryan put her in the passenger seat and drove her to his place. He used his cell phone to call Michael to tell him that Pam was sick. Michael didn't really say much because Cindy was obliviously a distraction for him. Ryan was relieved to get the brush off from him. Michael even told him to take the rest of the day off and just make sure Pam was okay.

Pam looked like she was in shock. Jim was having a baby and it wasn't with her. Ryan didn't question or stop Pam when she grabbed him and started kissing him. He let her. He had overhear Kelly tell Toby that her new doctor was incredible in bed..."the best she'd ever had" Even though Ryan was pretty sure Kelly made him hear her, it hurt like hell. Ryan wanted to prove to somebody... that he didn't even know what he needed to prove...but Pam was with him. It was all so messed up. Pam was moaning that she was close so he paid attention and made sure she enjoyed herself a number of times. When it was over, they didn't talk; she just turned on his TV and went to sleep. He woke her for dinner which she didn't eat. She stayed the night and he took her to her apartment in the morning. Ryan didn't mind waiting for her as she showered and dressed for work.

Pam looked at him in the car and smiled. "Thank you, Ryan. You really are a good friend."
Ryan rolled his eyes. Yes, he slept with all his good friends. "This is twisted. You know that right?" She nodded. "But hey whatever. I told you I would be here if you wanted to be numb."
"Well, you didn't exactly make me numb." She was trying to be cute with her double intended but failed. "But I am walking a bit funny."

Ryan smiled a bit and they both said "That's what she said!" They cracked up as they turning into the office parking lot. They drove up laughing. As they got out of the car, they saw Jim was watching them from his car. Ryan smiled at Pam. "And here we go again!"

Jim had been sitting there looking at her car. He knew she left yesterday because of him and had a feeling she didn't come back because of Ryan. Jim tried not to watch them as they drove up together but he couldn't help it. Ryan was making her laugh. He obliviously succeeded in making her feel better. Jim should be happy for her, for them but he couldn't be. He wanted to be the one to make her laugh, to make her smile, to make her cum. Pam looked over at him and tried to smile, but she just looked guilty. He ran his fingers through his hair and hit the steering wheel. How could life suck this bad?