Chapter 10

A month passed since he visited the roof. He worked Monday through Friday and then went to Stamford on Saturday. Each week he left Scranton later and later on Saturday until this weekend he did not plan on go at all. Jim just couldn't. He spent each Saturday trying to convince himself, he could be happy with Cindy. By Saturday night, he knew it would never happen. Thankfully, Cindy stopped trying to seduce him off the couch. She just walked around patting her tummy and smiling. He couldn't wait for Sunday because he could leave for Scranton. Jim felt awful because it wasn't Cindy's fault but he just couldn't love her.
Pam had stopped enjoying the benefits of Ryan soon after her trip to the roof. He took it well. After all, he had been expecting it. They still hung out on occasion but there was no more numbing of their pain. Her evenings and weekends were spent painting. The time passed quickly as she filled canvas after canvas. She seemed to have only one subject and he had the most expressive eyes. As she looked around her apartment, she sometimes felt like she was being invaded by Jim clones in various colors and technique. It was as if she was attempting to purge her soul. The attempt was failing because with each stroke of the brush, she fell deeper and deeper in love with him.
Work had been strained at first but now a routine was established. That first week Jim and Pam could barely say good morning to each other. The second week, their little conversations about nothing resumed. The third week, the office watched Pam Pong again and everyone breathed a sigh of relief. Everyone other than Jim and Pam because there was no relief in resuming the fertile game they couldn't help but play. The fourth week they were eating lunch together talking about everything that best friends talked about except what was truly on their minds. The fifth week found them lunching on the roof.
Jim hadn't realized the pull the roof had over him. He wasn't thinking of getting Pam alone but that's just what the roof did. It gave them the privacy they craved. The privacy not to touch each other. It gave them privacy to fight their feelings for each other. Pam obliviously was feeling the privacy might not be a good idea. So he tried keeping it light.
"It is such a beautiful day, we deserve to be outside. Don't you think?"
Pam nodded as she looked at him wide eyed. Geez, don't look at me like that! I might have to kiss you. "Did you see Wife Swap last night?"
"Nah, I missed it. Was it good?" Jim asked.
"I didn't see it." I was too busy painting your likeness in vivid colors.
Somehow they were standing very close to each other. He was looking down at her and she was looking up. Their breath was intermingling. Attraction pulled them slowly together, so now they were leaning into each other just staring into each others eyes. Somehow their breathing changed so every inhale he took Jim was taking in her exhaled breath. She swayed into him a bit as she breathed him into her. It was like some tantric exercise that couples practiced to reconnect. If it was a tantric exercise, it should be called soul kissing because that's what it felt like.
Time ticked on as they drank in the other. They seemed frozen in place. Love and want were so intertwined that it was impossible to determine one from the other. Gravity had drawn their faces mere inches apart now. Their lips were a breath away. The need to kiss was unbelievably overwhelming. Each stood their ground and was drowning in their own desire. So close now. Their lips were so close one small move would have caused contract.
Pam's body was resting into Jim's. Pam could feel the proof of Jim's arousal pushing against her. Her body answered by reading itself for joining. If she wasn't so turned on she might have been embarrassed by the cream that was seeping into her panties. Just the slightest friction would have caused her to shatter into orgasm. She was panting with need. Her breasts ached and her rosy tips begged to be squeezed, licked or suckled. Anything. But she held her ground.
This is truly torture. Everything Jim wanted was right there. Pam didn't seem to be backing down but daring him to take her. Her plump shiny glossed lips were angled up towards his. They were begging to be kissed. It would be so easy to kiss her. He wondered briefly if anyone died from frustration. Their bodies were pressed tightly against each other. He could faintly smell her lust for him and it was quite heady. Everything he ever wanted was right there and seemed to be his for the taking. Oh, how he wanted to take her. If it were half as good as his dreams, he might very well die of pleasure.
In and out their breath flowed. Their lips tickled by the breath of the other. They were so close to kissing and even closer to heaven, but neither was moving. They stood frozen by their want, need and mostly by their love. To act on this now seemed as if it was a betrayal to each other. A kiss could never just be a kiss with them. Each was begging the other to betray them both and so they could have what they needed so badly. Neither could do it. They just stared into everything they wanted and denied themselves for the sake of the other.
Jim realized if he didn't break the moment the eroticism would overtake them. They both seemed on the brink, ready to spill over into insanity. Pam's panting was probably as loud as his must be. She seemed to be trembling against him. God, let me have her. Just once. No! Not just once. I need forever! Jim knew if he couldn't have forever, once would just plunge they into a hell neither of them deserved. Jim groaned as his decision was made. He lifted his head and stepped back. Pam moaned in disappointment at the loss. He felt utterly foolish for not giving them both what they needed.
Pam stared up at him. Her look was a mix of emotions. She was hurt, sad, angry, very frustrated but she seemed to understand. Desperately, she tried to calm her breathing and stop her damned panting. She felt so pathetic. After Ryan, she thought she knew what pleasure she was capable of but Jim blew that theory out of the water. She was pressed up against Jim, looking into his eyes, feeling his breath on his lips and that alone had her seconds away from the best orgasm of her life. Her insides clenched in disappointment.
Jim looked down at his feet. He couldn't look at her. He didn't have that much control. Hearing her labored breathing didn't help the situation. He could almost hear her trying to think of what to say. It made him smile.
"What?" Pam questioned his smile.
"What?" Jim dared to look up still smiling.
"Why are you smiling?" She tried not to sound pissy but it was pretty hard. Why was he smiling? She felt like she was going to die. If there was a female equalivent of blue balls she had it.
"You. Because of you I am smiling. As bad as everything is right now," he looked at her with love and almost happiness, "You are still my best friend and with you in my life, it can't possibly be so bad."
She looked down and blushed.
Jim decided to go for it. The worse she could say was no. "Hey, best friend you want to go to the carnival on Friday night?"
"Together?" Pam was a bit taken back. They had almost done it on the roof and he was talking about a carnival not five minutes later.
"Yeah. Together. That would be the point of me asking you." He couldn't resist the tease.
She rolled her eyes. Pam really wanted to go but what about Cindy. "Aren't you going back to Stamford this weekend?"
""Nope. What about Cindy?" Pam had to ask.
"She won't be coming." Jim trying to keep it light but what was he doing? He was actually asking Pam to the fair. "Come on what do you say?" Pam nodded. Pleasure shot through him followed by excitement. "Great! It will be fun." Pam nodded nervously.