Nothing left beside this old cathedral,
Just the sad, lonely spires,
How do you make it right?
Oh, but you try.
- Is It Any Wonder by Keane
CONTENT WARNING: Suicidal desires, ideation and thoughts and extremely poor mental health ahead.
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Akane helps Ranko out of the furo and starts drying the emaciated redhead, towelling her gently so as not to cause further damage to the sores and wounds on her body. Ranko's gone incommunicative again, her eyes full of a hollow misery.
Akane's heart sinks as she sees the expression on her friend's face and she almost cries there and then. But Ranko would take it as further proof she's making Akane's life worse.
The door to the furoba opens and Kimiko moves in with the new clothes, Akane eyeing the pink overalls and knowing they'll suit the short girl far more than they ever did her.
She has the medical kit as well, and kneels next to the two of them, pulling out disinfectant, swabs, tweezers, cotton balls and some muscle bruise balm that Toufu makes for them that they all swear by.
"Hello there, Ranko-chan. I'm Tendou Kimiko." She says warmly to the redhead. Internally she's as upset as her daughter as she looks the girl up and down for the first time properly. Her ribs stand in sharp relief against her skin, which is waxy, pale and thin. Blotches, bruises and sores dot it, along with some poorly healed wounds. There are scars across some of the skin as well – tiny thin lines, as if from claws or something, though these look long healed.
Her hips stand out as well, and Kimiko wonders how close to starving to death the small girl actually is.
Ranko doesn't respond to her, just staring at the ground from the stool on which she sits, not even caring about being unclothed in front of what they think are strangers to her. Kimiko sighs. She hopes it doesn't become full catatonia.
"I'm going to clean and dress those sores, Ranko-chan, then rub some balm onto those bruises that will help. I've got some small amount of food for you that Kasumi says will help keep you going, but we'll need to feed you small amounts very regularly until we're sure your body can start handling proper quantities of food again, OK?"
Not even a nod. Or a blink. Ranko's silence and lack of response is unnerving, but her eyes do flick between Kimiko and Akane and her lips seem to be making the shapes for a sound repeated, without actually making the sound.
Kimiko sighs again and picks the cotton balls up, spotting them in alcohol and starting to rub at the sores. Some of them bleed and she hisses when the sharp alcohol burns against them. Kimiko takes the response as a good sign but still tries to be careful. Some of the worst cuts she cleans and bandages, and then finally starts rubbing the balm over the bruises. Ranko shivers at the direct touch as Akane helps keep her sat upright.
"Why are you doing this?" Ranko asks suddenly, eyes alive once more, dull blue staring into Kimiko's brown.
"You're my daughter's friend and you need help." Kimiko says instantly back.
"I could have gone." Ranko mumbles. "I was so close to being free."
"Free?"
"I could see them again." Ranko says. Kimiko frowns at the non sequitur. "Lost due to a wish/The Changeling finally gone/My suffering ends."
A death poem. Kimiko realises. She swears in her head.
"Ranko-chan…" Akane says softly, her eyes filling with tears. The blue eyes flick to her.
"Let me die." The redhead breathes, slumping on the stool like a puppet with strings cut. "I'm so tired. You don't even have to do any death rites for me, just leave me somewhere the scavengers can get me, and I won't be anyone's problem anymore. There's no place for me."
The slap is gentle, pulled of almost all its force due to the girl's fragile condition, but it might as well have been made of iron given how much Ranko reels from it.
Kimiko glares at the girl. "None of that nonsense anymore, young lady. I'm not letting you die and if I did my daughter would probably send me to follow you quickly."
Akane starts, but they're both interrupted by Ranko's sharp "NO."
Kimiko blinks at the force behind that quiet, rusted voice.
"You won't die. Not after all I…" Ranko clams up, her head bows and the momentary strength she had leaves her. "Never mind. Do what you must. I promised someone very dear to me who is gone I wouldn't kill myself. But I won't stop the inevitable happening. I'm so tired of it all."
Kimiko watches as she seems to deflate before Akane picks the clothes up and hands them to the redhead. "Get dressed, Ranko-san, and then you are staying with us." Her tone brooks no arguments.
She and Akane exit the furoba and both sit nearby on the floor, waiting for Ranko to change.
"She's really bad." Kimiko says. "Worse than I've ever seen anyone. Worse than No-chan was after she lost…" She stiffens a moment and casts a glance to the closed door as a thought occurs to her. Then she stops, shaking her head.
"Her baby, you mean?" Akane asks quietly.
"Yes. Your auntie was very bad afterwards, it took a lot to get her back up. Eventually after that awful ex-husband of hers was too nasty and she divorced him I made her live with us and help raise you three. That seemed to make her a lot better."
"Poor Auntie." Akane sighs. She brightens. "Hey, you think she'd want to adopt Ranko?"
"Not wanting her as a Tendou?"
Akane blushes. "I don't want her for a sister, Mom." She says. "She can be a Tendou in due time."
Kimiko pats her shoulder. "My daughter the optimist. Well, good luck. You'll both need it."
The door to the furo slides open and Ranko totters out on unsteady feet, the clothes hanging off her thin form. The lifeless, hopeless look is back in her eyes and all she does is stare at the floor as the two Tendou women stand.
Ranko promptly falls bonelessly to the floor, Akane managing to catch her in time to stop her hitting her head. "Ranko!" Akane gasps, cradling the unconscious redhead. "Mom…"
"Bring her to the family room, we'll keep her here for now unless Toufu recommends the hospital."
Akane moves quickly, and they find the rest of the family sans Nodoka sitting, watching the engawa where they would be coming from. Kasumi's eyes soften sadly as Akane sits down at the table, Ranko on her lap again and seeing the food that's been set there. She nods to her youngest sister.
"Toufu recommended these in this quantity to help start her system again." Kasumi says. "We have to be careful else she'll get refeeding syndrome, and that would be… bad."
"How bad?"
"She would probably not survive." Toufu says, slipping into the room. Kasumi smiles and stands, pecking him on the cheek and he smiles back before putting his case down next to Akane and kneeling. "How is she?"
"Bad." Akane admits, biting her lip. "She just fainted, and she's pretty noncommunicative. I um…" She pauses, wondering whether to say or not and then barrels on. "She wants to die, Toufu-sensei." Akane's eyes fill with tears again. "She gave us a death poem and told us to leave her for scavengers. I don't think she's going to be OK even if she recovers physically."
Toufu frowns as he opens his medical bag and spends a few minutes checking the girl over.
"She's extremely weak and I'm not liking her heartbeat." He says as Akane cradles the redhead on her lap. "I think we should take her to the hospital for a few tests and checks. Depending on what they find, she could be in for monitoring for a few days or it might be longer. She's definitely not well, but it might simply be the malnourishment. If that's the case, we'll probably see her back here soon enough."
Akane looks to Toufu. "She doesn't officially exist, Toufu-sensei." She clutches the girl more protectively to her. "What will they do when they find that out?"
He shrugs. "I don't know, Akane-chan. I will pay for her if they demand a full payment." Akane blinks.
"Really?"
"I won't let someone that this family cares about down." He says determinedly. "Besides which I'd take her on as a patient. I'm sure I can sort it out."
"Thank you, onii-chan. I'm going to make sure she stays with us." Akane says softly. He smiles at her.
"Want to take her home, do you?"
Akane blushes.
Kimiko clears her throat. "Akane, please try rousing her and getting her to eat and drink the food. I'll have your father call a taxi, unless you think an ambulance is warranted, Toufu-kun?"
Toufu smiles as he sits next to Kasumi, the eldest sister settling her head on his shoulder gently. "I think a taxi will be fine, she's not currently in immediate danger, but she is very close. If Akane-chan hadn't gone to find her tonight… I fear it would have been heading towards too late."
Everyone around shudders at that statement.
Ranko's eyes open slowly and she regards the world around her blankly a moment. She's being held by someone warm, a feminine voice nearby.
Akane. She thinks.
She looks around properly and sees a familiar doctor, Kasumi's head on his shoulder, his arm around her. "Doctor… Toufu…" She mutters to herself. His eyes flick to her and narrow in thought as Akane helps her sit up. She keeps Ranko on her lap, though, the redhead too weak to really hold herself up.
"…Sorry." Ranko says softly. "I'm a burden."
Akane sucks in a breath but doesn't respond. Instead she reaches forward and pulls the first of the foods Ranko only now can smell.
Ranko would feel insulted that Akane's trying to feed her, but right now she can barely move, so she accepts the feeding with mechanical movements.
Kasumi watches the young girl eat, a deadness in her eyes she's never seen in anyone. Toufu, too, looks distinctly unhappy and she kisses his cheek gently. "I think she needs help." The eldest sister says softly into her fiancé's ear.
He nods. "Professional. I'll see if Mitaka-sensei is able to… if I can somehow wrangle paperwork for someone who doesn't officially exist."
Kasumi sighs as Nabiki watches the proceedings.
Akane continues to feed Ranko the small amount of food that Toufu had advised for her to eat that would help start her back up, but not kill her. Once it's done, Ranko seems to slip away into unconsciousness, needing some prodding by Akane to wake up again and drink the blackcurrant-flavoured drink that had been made, designed to replenish salts and other nutrients.
Ranko doesn't drop off again, but she doesn't respond to any attempts at conversation, her eyes blank. That is, until someone mentions Nodoka.
Ranko's eyes seem to come alive. "Sh-she lives here?" Her voice is as quiet and disused as before.
Nabiki nods to the emaciated girl. "Yes, she's our Auntie. She helped raise us. Why, do you know her?"
Ranko's eyes show that same black pit of depression. "Not anymore." She says softly. "No one knows me anymore anyway."
"Did we?" Nabiki presses.
"Nabiki!" Kimiko scolds. "We talked about pressing her while she's still ill."
Nabiki falls silent, looking ashamed. "Sorry, Ranko-san."
"S'ok…" Ranko says, leaning back on Akane as if the conversation had exhausted her.
Her mind a-whirl, her brain feeling scratchy and the gnawing, drilling headache not really sated by the tiny amount of food she's eaten, Ranko drops out again.
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She comes to in a bed, her back itching. Well, all her skin contacting clothes itching. Her eyes open slowly, like rusted garage doors and she stares at the kind of ceiling you find in a hospital. There's a steady beeping rhythm nearby and she notes she has some sensors on her chest. She's in a hospital gown.
She notes all of this with idle curiosity but doesn't really comprehend until wakefulness mostly returns. She tries to sit up, but finds her arms are attached to the bed. She makes a frustrated noise.
A mop of dark blue-black hair raises from the side of the bed it had been napping on and reveals itself to be attached to Akane, who looks blearily at Ranko before registering she's awake.
"Ranko-chan." She says softly, a pain in her voice. Ranko's heart tightens and the beeping nearby speeds up a little before settling back down. Akane looks at the machine, then at Ranko and shakes her head.
"Why am I restrained?" Her voice is still quiet and slow, but there's more force in it again.
"I-I told them about you wanting to die. They th-thought it would…"
Ranko looks down at the bed. "Oh." She says.
Akane sighs. "I can undo them if you want, but you need to promise me you're going to stay here while they test you and stuff, and then come home with me until you're better."
"Why?" Ranko asks.
"Why what?"
"Why are you helping me? I'm just a nobody. I don't exist. I gave that up. I made my wish, and I gave being a person up. I'm just a jibakurei. I was so close to being done." Her voice is cold and hollow and gives Akane chills just listening to it.
"Because even if you don't officially exist, I like you. Sayuri and Yuka like you. You're our friend, and you're hurting, and I won't let that stand." Akane stands on the side of the bed. Somehow, she seems taller than she had before. "And it's a martial artist's duty to protect the weak, and that's you right now."
Ranko looks back down at the bed again. "…I'm just a husk. Trust me, Akane-san. I am not worth your time or effort. No one will mourn me when I am gone."
"I will." Akane says, taking one of Ranko's hands. She notes the other one is attached to some form of IV drip. "I'd miss you. I've missed you this past three months."
"Why?"
"Do I have to explain it again?" Akane's temper starts fraying. "I'm not explaining it again. I care about you. End of. No discussion on that." Ranko tries to recoil from the anger, so much like the older self she wished away, but the restraints on her hands stop her. Akane notices and runs a hand through her hair. "…Sorry. Sorry. I've got a bad temper. Shouldn't take it out on you." She puts her hand on the restraints. "Ranko-chan, do you agree to stay here while you're needed and then with my family while you recover?"
Ranko stays looking at her bed. "…I'll go when I'm better." She says softly. "Great-Grandmother told me I only bring pain if I go to the places I used to be."
Akane eyes her strangely. This again. Something nags at her. She shakes her head. "So you'll stay then?"
Ranko looks up, eyes dead again. "I suppose." She says emotionlessly.
Akane squeezes her hand. "Don't forget, missy, you owe me a date too, and it'd better be a really good one since you skipped out on the last." She tries to lighten the mood. Ranko's mouth twitches, and the heart monitor beeps slightly faster a moment, but not much else happens.
Ranko nods and leans back as Akane undoes the restraints. "I'll tell the doctors you're awake." She says to the emaciated redhead, and Ranko nods, leaning back and looking at the ceiling.
Akane exits out of the room.
A battery of tests and a whirlwind of doctors coming and going that sends Ranko's current poor following of time spinning later and she's lying in the hospital bed. She's been given small meals and cups of a strange, sweet liquid.
She can't stand it. Why couldn't they let her die? She was so close to it, so close to seeing her family. Now she has to live. A broken, worthless thing.
She stole a body, and then in thanks turned around and completely destroyed the body's entire life.
What's even the point?
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Ranko lies on the futon in the guest room she'd spent so many months in with her father, staring at the ceiling.
She still feels weak. She's only been out of the hospital for a day or two after a week's stay – Akane had to carry her in because she could barely lift one leg in front of the other, and Akane's been doing a lot for her anyway.
She sighs. They shouldn't. She'll only bring pain to them; Cologne had said so.
Kimiko walks in and smiles down at Ranko and she tries to force a smile back, but Kimiko's sad expression shows it's probably closer to a grimace.
Ranko's caught sight of herself in a mirror and she knows she looks a fright. Her cheeks are sunken and when she looked at her body in the mirror, she could count her ribs. Not like you can sometimes by just touching, instead it's as if her skin's been vacuum-welded to them.
"How are you feeling, Ranko-chan?" Kimiko asks, kneeling by her with a tray that has a teacup and a glass of that strange, sweet liquid the hospital had given her.
Ranko struggles to sit up and Kimiko gently helps her, putting a cushion behind her back.
Ranko's in one of Kasumi's spare nighties, the voluminous garment practically drowning the redhead, though it's the only one that wasn't causing problems for her skin with her poor condition.
"Ranko-chan?" Kimiko asks again and Ranko blinks. She looks at the clock. She'd zoned out again.
"O-oh, s-sorry Tendou-san. I just… spaced out. I'm alright thank you." She says it hollowly, numbly. She can't afford to feel anymore. Everything hurts too much if she thinks about it.
"I see. Well, this should perk you a little, dear."
Ranko looks at Kimiko and smiles. She can see the resemblances to her three daughters so clearly sometimes. Sometimes it's Kasumi, sometimes she sees Nabiki's mischief, sometimes it's Akane's temper and streak of righteousness.
She loves it. Seeing Kimiko around, seeing Soun being alive, seeing Akane being so beautiful and confident and strong makes her think it was worth it.
The only thing she's unhappy about is that they won't let her die. She's done her job, she's confirmed they're all better. Why won't they just let her actually go and stop hanging around?
"Why can't you let me go? I was so close to being done." Ranko whispers, hands bunching the cotton nightgown. Kimiko starts and looks away sadly.
"Ranko, no. Death is not for you. I want you to live."
"But I don't want to live anymore. I don't belong anywhere. I don't have anyone."
"You have us."
Ranko doesn't answer, just looks at her thin legs under the blanket.
Kimiko sighs softly. "Ranko-chan. I know you don't like yourself. But we like you. Akane doesn't like people who are bad – she's a good judge of character. And I know you."
Ranko looks at her quizzically. "We hadn't met before Akane-san brought me here a week ago."
"Oh, we had, dear. You stood at the foot of my bed when I was dying, before I recovered so miraculously. You told me to love your family and that you left so I might live."
Ranko looks down. "…Oh." She says softly. A few tears plip onto her lap. Then she takes in a breath and the tears stop, that same blank expression returning. "At least you're alive." She says.
Kimiko frowns, but Ranko doesn't say anymore and she doesn't want to push the red-haired girl too far too fast, at least while she's recovering in body. In mind… Kimiko's not so sure she ever will. There's just so much damage inside.
She sighs and gently strokes the red hair. "I have a friend with hair that's red like yours, Ranko-chan." She says conversationally while Ranko drinks down the cup and takes some of the food that she'd brought. She's still on the regimented diet of small meals often, three small meals a day plus a snack three times a day. Kimiko's sticking to it rigidly, and she's concerned Ranko doesn't seem to have started filling out again.
Then again, it might be that she's being rebuilt internally before she starts showing she's healthy outside. Given what she'd read of starvation… She shivers.
Ranko doesn't reply, but Kimiko presses on. "Well, kind of a dark auburn instead of your bright red. She's my best friend. Oh, she'd love you." Kimiko smiles. "She always wanted a daughter, and you look so much like her."
Ranko doesn't reply, but she finishes her food and looks at Kimiko with something approaching life in her eyes.
"I think she'd want to adopt you." Kimiko smiles into Ranko's eyes, but the girl doesn't respond. "Well, it's an idle thought."
She picks the tray up, Ranko making as if to stand. Kimiko frowns but helps her to her feet. The redhead stands on wobbly legs, leaning on Kimiko. She doesn't speak but Kimiko knows where she wants to go.
She helps Ranko down the stairs and lets the girl totter into the family room, holding onto the wall for support, and leans against the wall. Akane's in there and helps Ranko to sit down, the redhead leaning on her.
Akane ignores the silence and just lets her friend lean on her while they watch TV.
Eventually, Akane helps the girl back up the stairs where she lies on the futon again, staring at the ceiling. Akane watches a while – she'd not spoken the entire time she was downstairs, and only a mumbled thank you came as she put Ranko on the futon.
While she's walking past the kitchen, her mother heading towards the stairs, there's a hurried knocking at the door, and the doorbell rings again. Kimiko opens the door. "Hai, hai… No-chan? Why are you knocking? Don't you have your keys?"
Nodoka looks frantic. Her hair's spilling out of its bun and her kimono is ruffled. Kimiko's seen her out of sorts before but never like this.
"Kimiko, where is she?" Nodoka seizes her best friend's shoulders.