Chapter 8

October 1998

Brenda

"You look beautiful Bren." Dylan leaned in the doorway of our bedroom with a smirk.

"Thank you." I turned around in time to see him coming closer to me.

"Look at you." I reached up straightening his tie. He made a face like dressing up was the hardest thing to do. It made me laugh, "You look handsome…no hot…you look hot." He smiled wide.

His arms came around my waist and pulled me into him roughly. His lips kissed down my neck making me giggle.

"You know I can't be late."

He groaned, "You're no fun."

"I'll be fun later." I said seductively which caused him to groan again.

"Deal." He kissed me softly.

I breathed out, nerves radiating my whole body.

"It'll be fine, babe." Dylan took my hand up to his lips and kissed it softly.

"I know. Thanks for coming with me, I know it's not really your thing."

"Bren…you're my thing…I go where you go and this is important to you so it makes it important to me."

I leaned in and kissed him longer this time, letting our tongues gently explore the other. "Thank you." I whispered.

I was thankful. I had known Dylan for a long time. He was manning up, putting on a suit and escorting me to RADA's annual alumni night. I had only graduated last year so this would be my first time going. I was nervous, I was excited. There were going to be a ton of people there, alumni, directors, agents you name it.

"I'd do anything for you. Come on, let's get out of here before I ruin your hair and take you out of that dress." He joked.

I laughed out loud, I knew he was only slightly kidding. His fingers intertwined with mine and he led me out of your apartment.

The party was in full swing when we arrived. RADA had outdone themselves. There were white tents filled with twinkling white lights, servers, and a dance floor.

It was by far one of the fanciest parties I had ever attended. I was little upset at Dylan when he had bought me a new dress for the occasion because I didn't need him spending his money on me, but looking around at the other guests, I was secretly thankful.

The red dress fitted my small frame perfectly, accentuating my breasts and butt. The high slit in the front showcased my slim legs and I had to admit I felt truly beautiful.

We had said hello to a few people I had recognized from school, I introduced Dylan, he carried himself well and stood by my side as I chatted with them. He was polite, more on the quiet side but every so often I'd squeeze his hand, and he squeezed back.

A private conversation that he was okay.

We made our way to the bar, I ordered a glass of champagne and a club soda for Dylan, as we waited for our drinks I smiled hearing a familiar voice.

"Brenda…Walsh and the man who is her biggest fan." Dylan laughed turning around knowing the voice too.

"How you doing Roy?" Dylan shook his hand.

"Splendid." His smiled widened when he turned to me. I leaned in kissed his left cheek and then his right.

"You look absolutely lovely, Brenda." Roy said before looking around, "Usually these things are dreadful…but you being here this year is definitely a bright side. I have some people I need to introduce you too." He looked at Dylan as he fidgeted with his tie. "I even have someone for you to meet."

"Me?" Dylan asked confused.

He winked at him and we followed Roy to a group that was conversing not far from the bar. I was introduced to two directors that were putting together winter productions. Roy introduced Dylan to William Stratford IV. He lived here in London and owned England's biggest collection of classic novels in the county. Apparently he had a library size collection of original works, and a whole section dedicated to Lord Byron.

"Come along Brenda…Gregory Max is here, he's doing My Fair Lady this year, you'd be perfect." Roy held out his arm for me to put mine through. I looked at Dylan. He was animately talking to William. His eyes caught mine. He smiled wide and threw me a wink. He was in heaven and he'd be thoroughly entertained for awhile. As I stepped away I overheard William inviting both of us over to his estate for tea, where Dylan would have free roam of his library.

I shook my head and smiled as Roy pulled me away. Roy was a genius.

By the time I made it back to where Dylan was, he was still in full blown British literature mode. Not only was he and William getting along but two other men had joined them. The men were telling Dylan he had to visit Newstead Abbey. It was originally a monastery founded by Henry II between 1164 and 1174. During the dissolution of the monasteries in the 16th century, Henry VIII sold the Abbey to the Byron family. The famous poet had actually lived there. You can tour the house and the gardens. By the look on Dylan's face, I had a feeling a trip to Nottingham was coming up very soon. As the boys were deep in conversation, I excused myself to use the restroom.

My cheeks hurt from smiling, I had met so many people I wasn't sure who was who but I'd have a line up of productions that I would be auditioning for, so that alone was well worth it.

As I was washing my hands I looked up to find a familiar blonde putting on lipstick. It took me several long seconds to place her. It had been years since I had seen her. She looked exactly the same once I recognized her.

"Christine?"

"Hello Brenda." She smiled a kind smile at me before sticking her tube of lipstick in her purse.

"What…what are you doing here?" I was shocked. I hadn't seen Christine since Dylan's dads funeral.

Christine turned towards me as I dried my hands, "I'm here to talk to you." She said easily.

"Why?"

She looked around at where we were nervously. Quietly she took my hand and led me down the hall to an empty events room.

"Tell me Brenda, what will it take for you to leave Dylan?"

"Excuse me?" Christine had always been nice, now she felt a little intimidating.

Her eyes were sad but her expression was serious, "Did Dylan tell you who I was…what I do for a living?"

I shook my head. "I thought you were Jack's fiancé?"

She smiled sadly, "I was but I also work for the FBI."

My eyes widened. She proceeded to tell me, Jack had been working for the FBI. She claimed Dylan knew all this and had found out the day of Jack's funeral.

I was tryin to think back at that time. Dylan did leave my house during the funeral and he had come back a lot more relaxed then when he had left.

Dylan and I hadn't been together then, so it wasn't surprising he wouldn't have shared this information, but I knew Dylan and it wouldn't have been surprising for him not to share this information with anyone.

"Sometimes Brenda we have to make decisions. Sometimes we have to give up someone even if you love them because it's in their best interest."

I was sick of the pussy footing around coming from Christine. "What exactly are you saying?" My tone frustrated with her.

She walked closer to me, spoke softly, "Brenda…Jack testified against some very powerful people. He was the reason some even lost their fortune, Jack is gone and it has come to the bureau's attention that they have their sites on Dylan."

My stomach sank with unease, and my eyes watered at the thought of Dylan in danger. I stood quiet not knowing what to say.

"The bureau doesn't know I'm here but I'm willing to pay you whatever you want to leave Dylan so he gets out of England. They know he is here, this family is English royalty and have decades of shady business dealings. He needs to leave here…and fast."

"I'll tell him…we can leave together." I stuttered.

Christine laughed at my naivety. "Brenda…he would never allow you to leave here. From what I understand you have a bright career ahead of you. Dylan would tell me so what, let them come. You know him better than I do…do you think he would allow you to give up your dream because of the mess his father left behind?"

No…no I didn't. Knowing Dylan he would say bring it mother fuckers.

"He'll listen to me. I love him Christine. I only want what's best for him, I'd do anything to protect him."

"I know you would, the only way I see Dylan leaving London, is if he had no other choice. He wouldn't leave here without you."

My heart sank, "Name your price Brenda. I promised Jack I'd protect his son…this is me protecting him. It's for his own good. Don't you want to protect him too?"

"I don't want your money." I said with ice in my veins.

"Not only is Dylan in danger, you are as well. If they know where Dylan is…they know you are important to him. They could use you to get back at him."

My stomach tensed. I wiped my tear that slid down my cheek effortlessly. She continued, "If you love him Brenda, truly love him, you wouldn't keep him in a place that is dangerous. If you loved him you'd let him go, there is no reason Dylan should pay for Jack's mistakes, don't you think he has paid enough? Think about his safety, your safety…your families safety."

I looked down at the ground, a million things running through my head. If I went to Dylan with this, she was right he wouldn't take it seriously and if he knew I was in danger as well, I'm not sure what Dylan would do. Not to mention my family? The silence between us was long and somber. Putting my broken heart aside, I had to do the right thing for him, even if it wasn't the right thing for me.

When I spoke, my voice sounded foreign to my own ears. I was breaking, even if I didn't let Christine see it.

"I'll do it. I'll leave Dylan, but I don't want a thing from you."

My heart broke with that sentence. I knew it would be painful to break Dylan's heart, but it was the only way he would let me go. There wouldn't be anything keeping him here. But my heart was fully aware breaking Dylan's heart, would be breaking my own.

Christine didn't stick around to watch me cry. She had accomplished what she had set out to do.

Wiping the tears off my face, I made my way back into the bathroom, I fixed may face the best I could.

I wouldn't let Dylan be in danger for me. My boy deserved greatness. He had came so far in his struggles. He deserved peace.

Once I stopped crying and my face was the best it was going to be, I went to look for Dylan.

I didn't have to search for long. Dylan was already looking for me.

As soon as I made it down into party again, our eyes found each other. It happened every single time. It didn't matter who was around, it was just him and me.

I gave him a big smile and waved him over. As soon as he saw me, his body sagged with relief. "Do you want to get out of here, baby?" He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead.

I took a deep breath, smelling his unique scent and committing to memory the way his arms felt wrapped around me.

Strong.

Protective.

Secure.

And for one more night, all mine. I would be selfish one more time. Just for tonight, I would pretend for a little longer, but starting tomorrow, I would set things in motion.

"Yeah I'm ready." His smile was loving as he leaned in and gently kissed my lips.

For one last time, I held him close. I held him tight, and when I pulled away, I left my heart in his arms.

For one last time, I allowed myself to feel whole—to feel at home.

Two days had past. I think Dylan thought something was going on because I don't think I had left his side the whole entire time.

All I wanted was to be with him. I wasn't sure how I was going to do this. I didn't know how I was going to let him go.

Dylan was at a meeting. I packed a suitcase, enough clothes for at least a couple weeks. Whatever else I would need I could buy.

The only person I told about this was Roy, he said he would allow me to stay at his chateau in Paris. He would keep an eye out and let me know when Dylan left and then I would return to London. God I hope he left.

Roy didn't ask too many questions knowing this was hard for me. He did ask me one though, "How do you know he'll leave?" And I didn't know how to answer it.

Part of me, the selfish part of me, that knew Dylan loved me with everything he had, hoped Dylan wouldn't leave. He wouldn't let me go. He would wait for me, knowing I wouldn't do what I was doing to him. Knowing me well enough that I wouldn't leave him like this, especially after what he had done to me. When Dylan picked Kelly, he broke me. I was a different person. I thought what Dylan and I shared would never compare to his new relationship with Kelly. I never thought I would lose. But I had lost. And after telling Dylan what that did to me, he…felt…awful. He told me about my dads ultimatum, how much if affected him that I didn't attend his fathers party. He told me everything but he knew even after knowing the truth, it didn't change what him leaving me for her did. We worked through it, we were stronger, we were better, we were forever.

I had a 4am train ticket to Paris in may bag. I'd get everything ready, then when Dylan was asleep I'd disappear.

I couldn't face him, I couldn't break up with him in person. He'd see right through me. This was the only way. I would never do this to someone, and I was well aware Dylan knew me better than this too.

I would never break up with someone in a letter but Dylan had to think I was moving on, and didn't care. He wouldn't leave any other way.

My hand was shaking as I grabbed a pen and tore a piece of paper from one of my notebooks. It was time—time for me to rip my heart out, then try to stop the bleeding so I could get on with my life.

A life without my Dylan.

A life without Dylan McKay.

Dear Dylan,

God, that sounded pathetic. A tear fell down my face, ruining the nearly blank page. The paper had tear droplets all over. I threw it away and started another.

The last few years with you were amazing. You are everything a girl could ask for, but I think we have been lying to ourselves. We come from very different families, and we want different things from our lives. I have plans, I know who I am, and I can't be held back by you.

God, this was killing me. If I had it my way, I would say how he was my hero. Dylan came into my life when I needed someone to believe in me, to see me as special in a world of rich blonde girls. He made the empty ache in my heart full again. At out all the girls that Dylan could have been with, he chose me. When your heart was full of love, there was no room to be homesick or worrying about not fitting in. I knew nothing would touch me because Dylan wouldn't let it. He was my shield, but shields didn't last forever.

More tears fell as I wrote, and I had to lean back and wipe them off before they marred the words on the page. Dylan had to believe I didn't love him anymore.

Every moment I spend in this town with you feels like I'm drowning. I'm suffocating here, Dylan. I didn't ask you to come here, in fact, you married someone else. I think were lying to ourselves that this could work, after all the drama of our past. It's not working. I met someone. He isn't from around here. He makes me laugh; he understands me and reminds me that all I ever wanted was to be free. I can't do this anymore.

I take a break from writing, trying to get my breathing under control. I never knew how hard it was to push through when you had a broken heart. I knew now. The pain was secondary to the memories, the laughter, and the love. Pain took a back seat to regret. It taunted me, reminding me I was throwing away the best thing in my life. The pain I could handle; it was his pain that destroyed what I had left of my heart. Dylan would hate me, but at least he would be safe. I would endure it and learn to live with the ache because the ache would remind me that, at one point, I had it all.

If only for a moment.

I'm leaving town, Dylan. I'm leaving with him. I want him, I'm choosing him. Please just go back to LA. I hope that one day you find it in your heart to forgive me and think of the time we shared with fond memories. I know you will do great things.

Take care, Brenda

"Please… d-don't h-hate me," I cried in our empty room.

Dylan had made it home when he usually did after a meeting. I made dinner and tried to smile and act as normal as I could. That night, Dylan and I made love for the last time. It was slow, loving and passionate. It was heaven and it was hell knowing that it was the last time.

I waited until Dylan's breathing was even, a light snore attached to it. I got dressed quietly, grabbing my bags I had hid in the living room closet setting them by the door.

I walked into our bedroom, stared at a peacefully sleeping Dylan for what felt like an hour. I carefully laid his letter on my pillow beside him, on top of it I left my promise ring he had given me.

My heart ached, my stomach was a mess. I left quietly and as I shut the door to my taxi, only then did I let my tears flow.

It had to be done. Dylan would be better off. He would be safe, protected. Christine was right, sometimes when you loved someone you had to let them go for their own good. What I couldn't decide or predict was if Dylan would believe it.

Hit review. Next chapter, Brenda's perspective on the alley sex lol