I fall asleep and dream a dream,
I'm floating in a silent scream.
No-one placing blame on me,
But nothing's what it seems to be, yeah.
Nothing's what it seems to be,
I'm a replica, I'm a replica,
Empty shell inside of me,
I'm not myself, I'm a replica of me.
-"Replica" by Sonata Arctica
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Ranko sits in the dojo, once again watching Akane practicing her kata. She smiles softly to herself at the sight. She's lost in a semi-daydream about her muscular friend when a familiar, ear-splitting laugh fills the air.
"Ohohoho! What do we have here?!"
Ranko's immediately on edge and she stares at the entrance to the dojo to see Kunou Kodachi standing there in her leotard, though for once not surrounded by rose petals.
She's surprised to see the girl here, though she guesses Akane must have fought against her in that match before.
"My my, Akane-chan, who is this?" She asks, looking to Ranko who stays leaning against the wall, watching her warily.
"Hey Dacchi." Akane says, a smile on her face. Wait, a smile? Ranko's heart leaps in a feeling she remembers as jealousy. "This is Himura Ranko-chan."
Himura. Her mother's name. Ranko's thrilled to have a family name again. Kodachi looks her over.
"Ah, so this is the beauteous young woman that has found your favour?" She 'hmm's and looks Ranko over. "Alas, she does not look like much, but I imagine she will fill out?"
Akane nods. "She's recovering."
Ranko manages to stand after some moments convincing her legs to work and she gives a bow once she's standing. "I am Himura Ranko." She says in her quiet, still-disused voice. "I am pleased to make your acquaintance."
"Please, darling, the pleasure is all mine. I am Kunou Kodachi. I had wondered who had pulled dear Akane-chan's attentions so far from victory that I scored some easy wins sparring in the last months. Now I see why!"
Akane grimaces and then shakes her head at Kodachi. "I let you win, Dacchi, you know that."
"Bah, excuses!"
Akane motions to Kodachi. "This is Dacchi." She says, then sighs. "She's my ex-girlfriend."
"Pish, Darling, I hardly think four dates enough to have considered us real girlfriends." Kodachi says. Ranko watches them in shock. Kodachi and Akane? "We kissed once. Now I pursue my darling White Lily."
Kodachi nods to Ranko who smiles uncertainly.
"We met during a Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics fight she was substituting for and started to talk after. Akane-chan helped me see the better ways of fighting with honour and letting my skills rather than defaults speak for me. I on the other hand, taught her some important lessons about being underhanded, especially with her school's martial arts techniques." Kodachi laughs. "We tried dating however…"
"It didn't really work." Akane admits. "I don't know, we both felt like something was missing."
Ranko nods. "I see…" She says. She sits back down, tired again.
"Now you might want to be showing off for your new girl, perhaps you'd deign to a spar?" Kodachi asks hopefully. Akane grins.
"Bring it on, Dacchi."
"And don't think I'll go easy on you so you can look good in front of your new girlfriend!" Kodachi announces, unlimbering her ribbon.
Ranko scoots a bit further away.
The fight is nothing like she'd have expected, and it's clear from the get-go that it's a very friendly match. Each of the two girls point out flaws in the other's stance or movement as they do so, complimenting hits and commiserating losses.
Ranko's never seen this sort of friendliness between the two of them and for a moment, the old despair strikes her as she realises this is another thing that's better because she was never here.
And even now she is here, she's just a faint reflection of that person she was, with no history, no life. Still just a jibakurei hanging around. More of a walking-talking corpse than she had been before the wish.
She tries not to let the slithering thoughts cross her mind, but she can't stop them, can't stop the way the world greys and the black morass drags her down into the spiralling darkness.
"-ko. Ranko!" She blinks and jerks back to lucidity to Akane and Kodachi looking down at her in concern.
"…Apologies." She says.
Akane and Kodachi exchange worried looks. "You were catatonic, almost." Kodachi says. "Are you… alright, darling?"
Ranko looks at Akane, and then down. "No. I should recover soon though, and I will be out of your way then."
Kodachi blinks and then looks at Akane again. "What are you talking about, darling? You aren't in my way at all. You do concern me, however." She ponders a moment. "We should be friends. I think that will help you." She nods. "No one who is my friend has yet told me that it is a bad thing for them, so it can only be a good thing to be friends with me." She laughs, a hand over her mouth and Ranko manages a small smile at the familiar display, robbed of its usual malice by the twinkling in Kodachi's eyes that she knows exactly how stupid the laugh is.
"There we are." Akane says, helping Ranko back to her feet. "You've made another friend, Ranko-chan."
Ranko nods and bows to the two of them. "I-I… need to take a nap." She says softly. "I will l-leave you to your spars."
Akane looks worriedly after the petite redhead and Kodachi puts a hand on her shoulder, squeezing comfortingly.
"Come on, Akane-chan. Let's spar. She's clearly a private girl and some pains we should keep to ourselves." Kodachi smiles as if remembering something. "Sometimes we have to look inside at the bottom of our souls and for me at least it is always a very private and solitary affair."
"I guess…" Akane says, shaking herself and moving away, into a ready stance. Unlike Kodachi, she has a pretty good idea of what lurks in the bottom of Ranko's soul and it scares her to death. What if one day she can't pull Ranko back into the land of the waking?
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Ranko manages to get to the room she shares with her mother now and sits cross-legged on the floor. She feels exhausted just from that walk, and she can feel something green and heavy flickering around her in her aura, stopping her from properly working with her ki. She takes a long breath and brings up a ball of ki, not putting any specific emotion into it. It fizzles and pops over her hand, but she knows that the sickly green colour is not normal. Normal, pure ki is a blueish white.
Hers is a vivid, putrid green with black mixed in. Even just hovering over her hand it feels like it weighs heavy. Shaking her hand, she dismisses it and thinks for a few minutes on what she felt and saw.
Standing, she looks around, finding a coat that Akane had brought home for her, and donning it. She walks down the stairs, stopping at the bottom to see Kasumi about to head up them.
"Ranko-chan." The eldest sister says. "Are you off out?"
Ranko nods. "Y-yes, onee-chan. I'm going to go to a park. I feel cooped up. I need some air."
Kasumi looks concerned. "Are you going to be alright by yourself?"
Ranko nods in what she hopes looks like confidence. "I shouldn't be long." She says, slipping into her outdoor shoes. Kasumi nods and watches her go; lips pursed. She doesn't know Ranko well enough to know if the girl was lying, but she is keeping secrets. Deep ones, and that bothers the eldest sister.
A girl Ranko's age should be worrying about what boys (or girls in her sister's case) she's interested in, in finishing school, in growing as a person. Not having to recover from starvation, not having to be lost in the darkness of her own mind.
Ranko shuffles along the road, looking down at the floor. She wonders something – is her ki being blocked? She remembers times when Ryouga's depression had blocked all his channels. It had taken a good fight to clear them, to remove that greasy green ki and let him recover what he had.
She should have started generating ki at her usual rate by now. It's not the first time she's starved. Perhaps not quite so close to the end, but certainly Ranma had definitely had times where food was scarce. Or stolen by Genma. And he recovered quickly.
Ranko might not heal as fast as Ranma, but she knew her ki should recover faster as it was something she'd noticed before her wish.
Unless she'd irreversibly broken something inside over the past three months.
Shaking her head, she turns into the large empty lot she'd hoped to find Ryouga at before everything became twisted and dark.
She looks around and sees no one there. Perfect.
Ranko concentrates and a sticky green, dark ki ball manifests in her hands before she aims them to the sky. "Shi Shi Hōkōdan!" She yells in her breathy voice, the rusted parody of what it once was, and the ball of ki balloons as it flies into the air. She watches it arc, fascination and disgust on her face.
It'd been so easy. She doesn't contemplate her failing, she doesn't generate the aura, she just fires it.
Part of her knows how bad a sign that is. How deep the stain on her soul must be.
The sickly, glowing ball finishes its arc, the size of a car now and starts descending and she remembers that proper Shi Shi Hōkōdan is a technique where you hope it'll kill you too. She watches the ball come closer and closer and part of her wonders why she's not moving away from it.
Most of her just feels numb. What's the point? It's so easy now, stand still and all there'll be left of her is a stain on the ground. No body, no fuss, no more pain other than that of losing her.
She didn't come out here with the intention of it, but it's as good a way as she can consider, and something about firing the blast off wrenched something inside her anyway.
She's not as durable as Ryouga. It must have always done damage.
Oh well.
"Look out!"
She's tackled to the side as the ball slams into the ground with a rattling explosion of green, and bounces off the bench, landing in a heap.
Hissing as she sits up, she looks around dazedly as a familiar boy stands and looks down at her, face twisted in angry concern.
"What the heck was that, miss?!" Hibiki Ryouga yells at her. "You could've hurt yourself!"
Ranko looks down at the floor. She cradles one of her arms which seems not to be responding, but something in her feels clear. It darkens fast, but for a moment, she feels like she can think without it encroaching darkness into her mind. She feels like she can breathe again.
Ryouga kneels by her. "Are you OK? Oh, your arm." He sighs and pulls on a lead. A half-and-half dog runs properly over and hops onto Ranko's lap, licking her face. "Shirokuro, down girl!"
Ranko pushes the happy dog away with her working arm and Ryouga helps her to stand, though she leans on him.
"I'll take you to Great Grandmother." Ryouga says to Ranko. "She'll help you, I'm sure. I saw that move. I never managed to quite get it working, but it was the Shi Shi Hōkōdan, right?"
Ranko nods, not trusting her voice. Ryouga frowns.
"That you can use it at all is a bad sign…" He mutters. "Shirokuro, take us to Granny."
Shirokuro gives an 'awoo' and starts pulling on her lead, Ryouga following and supporting the dazed redhead.
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They enter the Nekohanten, Ryouga still supporting Ranko. Shampoo and Mousse walk over, their faces like thunder.
"Who this hussy?" Shampoo asks jealously. Ryouga holds a hand up as he sees his husband and wife with looks on their faces that radiate displeasure.
"Someone I found outside while walking the dog. She performed the Shi Shi Hōkōdan and was about to get herself killed when I pushed her out the way. I think she's dislocated an arm and there's something funny about her ki."
The pair seem to relax, though Shampoo looks at Ranko with ire she only ever saw for someone else. She shivers as the lavender-haired girl helps her into a chair.
"Stupid red hair better not try steal Shampoo's man." She says quietly to Ranko, who looks at her.
"What?" She asks, genuinely confused.
"If you do, I-"
"That's enough, Great Granddaughter. You do realise you're speaking like that to one of the gods' chosen?"
"You said she just a Remnant."
"And you were here when that little goddess visited along with her sharp-tongued friend. Let's not invite trouble into the home, hm?"
Shampoo backs off with a half-hearted apology and Ranko winces.
"Now, what happened?" Cologne asks Ryouga.
He explains his side and Cologne rambles to herself in annoyed Mandarin as she runs her senses over Ranko.
"I-I'm fine. Really…" the redhead protests. "Toufu-sensei can fix my arm and I can go home…"
"No, girlie, you're not." Cologne says irritably. "Far from it. Looking at you properly, you've barely recovered from starving and your ki is still all burned out. Using Shishi Hōkōdan in your state, what on earth is wrong with you?" She grabs Ranko's arm and relocates it, then pushes a few bursts of her ki through it to speed up the healing.
Ranko looks down. "I'm sorry."
The wind seems to run out of Cologne's sails and the elderly woman takes a seat next to Ranko, for a moment looking exactly her age.
"No, child," the matriarch sighs, "I should be the one who is sorry. I never meant for you to take what I said the way you did. When I told you hanging around will bring nothing but pain… I meant it for you. It usually only brings a Remnant pain to be reminded they no longer have a place."
Ranko shakes her head. "And yet I still brought nothing but pain." She says in a small voice. "Everyone I know is so much better off with my never having existed. You, Shampoo, Ryouga, Mousse. Akane, her family, everyone. Even my own mother has had a better life for lack of me." Tears start falling from her eyes. "Am I such a curse on the world, great granny?" She sobs. "Am I so terrible a person than simply taking me out of the world makes everyone's lives better?"
"Ranko, I-" Cologne tries and then stops. She reaches across and pats the redhead's hand. "From what I have seen you are not a curse. The gods blessed you, they want you to live."
Ranko shakes her head. "B-but I don't!" She wails. "I just want to be done! I'm so tired of it. I can't eat properly, I can't sleep properly… All my mind does is drag me back down into the darkness. What kind of life do I even deserve?"
Cologne pats her hand again. "Ranko. What has happened, has happened. I'm sure you're aware, but you cannot take it back."
Ranko nods, looking down. "I'd make the wish again." She says quietly. "It's brought more joy than I thought possible. But I just… I'm tired, Elder. Everyone wants me to live but I can't understand why. Why can't they just let me go?"
Cologne purses her lips and sighs. "If people see worth in you, is that not their judgement to make? Your own estimation of your own worth does mean something, but you do not tell me what my estimation of your worth should be, you see?"
Ranko looks up. Then down at her hands. "…I suppose." She manages.
"I would advise some form of mind-healer, child." Cologne says, nodding. "They will not only help, but give you the tools to help yourself. You're a fine young woman, I think, and your chosen family like you. Your mother was frantic, and while I rail against girls who talk down to me, I understand when the gods get involved that things get complicated."
"…Mother is already sending me to one." Ranko says. "I don't know how she can even begin to help me. I feel like something in me is broken beyond repair."
"Nothing is beyond repair, Ranko." Cologne says to the redhead. "Sometimes it changes into something else, sometimes it can be fixed, sometimes it's fixed so its flaws show and prove how ephemeral things can be. In that way, no one is beyond repair, least of all you. You just need to learn to accept love."
Ranko's fists squeeze together. "I don't know how." She whispers.
"Then let the mind healer your mother has chosen show you how." Cologne advises.
A bowl of ramen is placed in front of the girl and she looks up to see Mousse smiling at her. "For you, miss. I apologise for my harsh look earlier. I and my wife are very protective of our spouse."
Ranko cants her head to one side quizzically. "Okay. Thank you."
He shakes his head. "Don't worry about it. Shān Pū will come around eventually, she's just the jealous and somewhat spoiled type."
Cologne cackles. "Second thoughts, son-in-law?"
Mousse chuckles at her. "No, honoured elder, simply the truth a husband must tell of his wife."
There's a splash and a shriek, and Ranko turns to see a tall woman standing, dripping wet, next to Shampoo, who has her arms folded. The girl has fluffy hair in a light, almost greenish brown, and as she stammers at the lavender-haired amazon, Ranko can see fangs in her mouth.
Her jaw drops open. It's Ryouga. She'd hoped he wouldn't have a Jusenkyo curse because he didn't follow her, but apparently he does. What surprises her more is when Shampoo grabs the tall girl's face, drags her down and kisses her thoroughly. Mousse sighs.
"Sorry, our spouse has a… curse I suppose it technically is."
"Jusenkyo?" Ranko whispers. Mousse and Cologne look at her sharply.
"Oh, you've heard of it?"
Ranko looks down. "Part of the price was its removal." She says. "I was cursed to turn into a boy." She wonders if she should tell of Ranma, but the curse won't be a problem for her anymore. It's technically not a lie.
Cologne shivers. "Sounds like you're glad to be rid of it, child." She says.
Ranko nods. "N-no one else has one, r-right?"
"Thankfully no, I kept the others away."
"That's good." Ranko says. Cologne smiles at her.
"I'm sure it is a fascinating story from your version of the world how someone like you came to be at Jusenkyo, but I think I will ask it later when you are less hurt and thinking more clearly."
"But I'm… I'm thinking more clearly than I have for ages." Ranko protests. Cologne holds her hand up.
"Child, you are not. The Shi Shi Hōkōdan unfortunately does affect you after. You probably understand that part of firing it is that you hope it kills you too. I have some elixirs that might help there. And I can see you are not generating chi properly. Though… there are no blockages…"
Ranko looks at her ramen. "I-I think the depression ki was blocking something. I feel… like it wrenched something."
Cologne nods and smiles. "Yes. Well, I have an elixir to help with that, but I will also try some pressure points. That should help get you jumpstarted – you should be recovering nicely by now."
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Ranko enters the doctor's office nervously, looking back once to see Akane nodding at her. Ranko holds onto the door frame as she enters. She's still a little unsteady on her legs, though nothing on a few days earlier. Whatever Cologne did after she fired the Shi Shi Hōkōdan has helped to kickstart her ki generation.
She still loses herself often, though.
"Ah, Himura-san, welcome." Mitaka-sensei says, smiling at Ranko. "Please, have a seat."
Mitaka-sensei, it turns out, is a motherly-looking, middle-aged woman with black hair streaked with grey in a prim bun, a pale blue blouse, white slacks and a white cardigan over that. Half-moon spectacles sit on her nose and she nods, appraising the redhead as Ranko makes her way across the small office to sit down. Mitaka-sensei shuffles some of her paperwork as Ranko takes a seat in one of the comfortable chairs across the desk from her. There's something about her that reminds Ranko of Cologne. Some magic hanging around her. Her red-framed glasses have beaded strings around her neck.
"Hello, Mitaka-sensei." Ranko says politely.
"I suppose you do know why you're here?" Mitaka-sensei asks Ranko.
Ranko looks down. "Only th-that I'm broken."
Mitaka-sensei smiles at her gently. "Oh, broken is very much an extreme thing to say. Hurting, damaged, perhaps, but you're here to talk. And hopefully, to heal and find ways to deal with the hurt that a physical doctor can't heal."
Ranko squirms. "O-oh. I d-don't…"
"Why don't we start with telling each other about ourselves, hm?" The doctor leans forward and smiles gently at the redhead. "I'm Doctor Mitaka Hiromi. I have a doctorate in psychology and specialise in therapy for patients with severe trauma and self-esteem issues. I'm a licensed therapist and I have a dog, a Spitz named Wan Wan."
Ranko blinks. "A dog named Wan Wan?"
Mitaka-sensei laughs. "Yes. Well, my young niece named her. And now it is all she answers to."
Ranko giggles, some of the tension leaving her shoulders and Mitaka-sensei leans forward again. "Well, Himura-chan, it's your turn."
Ranko looks at the floor. "I… Don't know i-if you'll b-believe me." She says in a small voice. "It's… a v-very complicated story involving magic and… I have no e-evidence except myself…"
Mitaka-sensei clasps her hands together and leans back, that same kindly smile on her face. "Whether I believe you or not is not what we will be discussing, Himura-chan." She nods. "I am versed in some magical things as it is – one doesn't become a therapist covering Nerima or Juuban without understanding that the world can be… strange."
"Th-this is… extra strange." Ranko says quietly.
Mitaka-sensei sighs. "Himura-chan…"
"Ranko."
"Ranko-chan. I'm not here to judge, I'm here to listen and then help you. Part of that will be teaching you to help yourself, but I cannot work without knowledge, as a painter cannot work without paint. Or…" She looks to the door outside which Akane and Nodoka wait, "A martial artist without katas."
Ranko nods. "O-oh… W-well."
"Please do tell me. Leave nothing out you think I need to know. I don't need every detail, but I will need at least the bare bones outline. While you talk, I want you to tell me what happened, and try to think how you felt. I won't ask that until later, though, so just think about it, OK?"
Ranko nods, takes in a deep breath and then starts her tale.
A brief sketch of her life as Ranma, the wispy and almost-ethereal memories she has. She looks up as she freely confesses that the body she inherited was originally male, but Mitaka-sensei just gestures for her to carry on without any questions.
It's good she was only asked for bare bones. With everything that's happened, her memories of her time as Ranma are even more foggy, but she sketches his life. The road. Martial arts. Dojos.
China. Jusenkyo. The Amazons.
Nerima. The Tendou Dojo.
Akane. Ryouga.
Shampoo. Mousse. Cologne.
Fights and adventures and chaos and horrors. Frustration and malleting and everything boiling, boiling.
Then she describes the fall, the rock, and then waking as herself. Ranko coming to the fore.
Three weeks of being treated as a living corpse.
The bridge. Ryouga. Meeting her mother.
And then everything slowly falling into place.
Ukyou and Shampoo and Cologne.
And finally, Akane. And then the night they made up.
Ranko's mouth stops up. Her heart hammers in her chest as she stares at Mitaka-sensei.
Meeting Berry and Rachel. And then the wish.
Mitaka starts. "A Remnant." She says softly. She writes something on a notepad. Ranko looks at her.
"Y-you know of them?"
Her therapist nods. "I've met one before. It was not a pleasant experience."
Ranko looks down. "N-now you've met two."
Mitaka-sensei takes her glasses off, sighing. "I hope this will be a more pleasant time. You're a very charming young lady, so you already have a headstart. The last Remnant I met was less so."
Ranko shakes her head. "I'm… not. I'm not really worth talking to. I don't know why anyone wants me around."
Mitaka-sensei sighs. "Well, hopefully I can at least get you to see that. But please, continue your story."
Ranko takes in a breath and carries on.
The world, changed. Empty of her. Seeing Kasumi, seeing Nabiki.
Seeing Akane.
She can't help but gush about this Akane. How brighter she is. How much less angry – still bad tempered at times, still quick to anger and quicker still to forgive. But so, so much happier for her mother being alive. So much more complete.
Ranko sounds proud as she describes the girl and the differences.
"I would pay any price again for that alone." She says to Mitaka-sensei.
Then she describes realising she had no home. No place. No money, no food, no ID. She didn't exist.
Having to sleep in various places outdoors. Not eating. Akane's attempts to constantly help her. Sayuri and Yuka.
She describes in a small voice about finding Ryouga, Shampoo and Mousse. She describes the defeat she felt when she realised one potential plan was gone with Ryouga married.
She stops a moment. And then she starts to describe what she'd told Cologne earlier in the week. How everyone is better off for her never having existed. For Ranma never having existed. How everything is brighter, less broken, less chaotic.
How she feels like she's a blight on everything, her ruinous touch rusting everything around her, tarnishing all.
The world is brighter without her, she tells Mitaka-sensei. Everyone better off for her absence. No matter what people say, the evidence is there. It can't be refuted.
She describes meeting Cologne and the advice she was given. Advice she took wrong, advice that she knows Cologne did not mean how she took it, but she still feels is true. Can't stop feeling is true.
Running away, and finally going to see her mother.
And her mother not recognising her.
Some of that heartbreak comes back, making her feel cold and alone. She tries to describe it, tell the kindly woman how she felt but her throat closes up as she chokes back her sobs. Mitaka-sensei offers her some tissues and she eventually manages to calm down to carry on.
She goes over three months alone. Besides the things she did for people in the district, it isn't much to say. How do you describe three months of solid isolation and starvation?
She describes the last fight and falling unconscious, waking up in Akane's arms. How since then Akane has taken care of her.
How unworthy she feels and how much she's sick of living.
How much she wants to just die but no one will let her.
When she's finished, Ranko curls onto herself in the chair she sits in. Mitaka-sensei leans back and closes her eyes.
"That's… quite the tale." She says quietly.
Ranko shrugs, curled into her miserable ball. "It is what happened."
"I believe it." The therapist says sadly. "But it is still extraordinary even by Neriman standards."
Ranko nods.
"Still, I can see roots for things even in that, and we can work on getting you better. Do you feel a little calmer now you've told someone everything?"
Ranko looks up. "I… suppose I d-do." She says, probing her emotions.
Mitaka-sensei nods. "Good. It doesn't help to bottle things up. Still, it is a large amount to unpack." She indicates the pages of notes she's taken. "I think we'll talk about much of this at a later session. For now, I think we're out of time."
Ranko sighs. "I don't feel any better." She mumbles. "Just more calm."
Mitaka-sensei smiles at the girl. "These things take time, Ranko-chan. It isn't a fast process, the same as healing a cut or broken limb. All healing takes time, whether it is in the mind, body or spirit. As your injuries likely cover all three, don't be disheartened if you don't feel all better so quickly."
Ranko nods morosely. "I suppose so. I just thought…"
The therapist nods. "Well, I'd like to see you next week at the same time and we can go from there. I would like you to think about things that make you happy in the meantime. Make me a list and be prepared for some more in-depth questions next week."
Ranko stands up and bows. "I will. Thank you, Sensei."
Mitaka-sensei smiles. "Don't worry, Ranko-chan, this is my job, and my passion to help people. You said you were thinking about being a doctor once, too. I think you understand that same feeling. Now, when you come out, please send young Tendou-chan in." She motions to the door. "I'll see you next week."
Ranko bows again and exits the room, pondering her meeting.
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A/N: So the therapist lady is a reference to "The Silent Horse" or at least her name is.
Also I've had plans for Ryouga to have a nyannichuan curse for like, forever. Someday I might even explain that three-way marriage.