Song is Dance with my Father by: Luther Vandross
I walked up to my room and climbed over the boxes to the corner where my bed was. I pulled the bag I had slid under my bed when I got here out from under the bed. I searched through my belonging until I found the small pink music box with the teddy bears on it in the bottom of the bag. I pulled out the box and slid the bag back under the bed.
I sat looking at the box before I slowly opened it. The music filled the air as the tiny ballerina spun around in front of the mirror.
Flashback
October 8, 1999: It was my 13th birthday. I wasn't expecting anything because I knew we didn't have the money for presents. Mom had been sick a lot and my brother was getting ready to ship out the first time ever. He came into my room that afternoon before he left for the airport. He wouldn't let me go with them because he didn't want me to remember him that way if anything ever happened. He said to remember the good times. He sat down on my bed and handed me a present wrapped in yellow construction paper, my favorite color, and said," Happy Birthday Sarah, You're all grown up now. Go ahead, open it." I pulled the paper off and found the most beautiful box underneath. I opened it up and the music started to play. I looked down and there was a locket inside the box. He took it out and put it around my neck. Then he opened it up to show me the pictures inside. It held a picture of me and him together and a picture for him and mom and I. Then we danced together to the music coming from the box. We had always danced together when I was little. He said he did it because dad always used to dance with me. I remember he had played a song for me when I was little when we danced.
Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around 'til I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
How I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
My brother always told me that my dad loved me and that when I was little he used to dance with me too. But I didn't believe him. I think I didn't want to, because how could he love me and leave me.
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way, I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me
If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
'Cause I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
When I was little some times I dreamed that I danced with him. I would turn on the radio and dance around my room pretending he was dancing with me. But I always danced alone, because my father wasn't there to dance with me.
Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
And I'd hear how my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord she's dying
To dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream
Mom would cry at night some times like she did the night I woke up and they were leaving. She didn't know why he didn't love us anymore, and neither did I.
End of flashback
I prayed out loud," God, how can some one who preached about love and family and values every week walk out on his family and never think twice? Why did you let my dad walk out on me? Why did he walk out on us? Take care of my mom and brother okay? Let them know I'm okay and I'll never forget them."
I drifted off to sleep that night, but it wasn't a peaceful sleep. Nightmare ran through my dreams all night. I kept remembering the night they left. Then I dreamed of the crash that had changed my life, Aunt Susan's voice rang through my head," They're gone Sarah. I'm sorry." I bolted straight up and burst into tears. I curled my knees up to my chest and sat there the rest of the night holding my knees sobbing.