A/N: I greatly appreciate your response to my previous chapters, I mean 17 follows? That's insane. Plus all those positive comments make the writing process that more enjoyable and rewarding. Keep 'em up, guys.

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. All rights to Marvel Cinematic Universe, etc.

Chapter 4

BEFORE THE STORM

"Delusional pain hurts just as much as pain from actual trauma. So what if it's all in your head?" – Tracy Morgan

1

Four months after the disastrous mission at the Ethiopian dam, Steve Rogers, now in a leather bomber jacket, black jeans and helmet with black visor has finally arrived at the Avengers Tower in New York City. When he approached the entrance he used a small remote, given to him by Tony Stark. The door went up, allowing him to get inside the garage. The evening was cold and Steve was glad he could warm up a little.

He parked his vintage 1943 Harley Davidson beside billionaire's collection of various cars, including Stark's favourite Audi R8, Shelby Cobra, Saleen S7 and many others. He also noticed vehicles of other fellow Avengers.

As soon as Steve closed the gate behind him, a familiar voice with characteristic accent spoke up.

"Welcome back, Captain Rogers. It is wonderful you have returned in good health."

"Thank you, JARVIS, it's good to be here again." Soldier replied, taking his helmet off and placing it on motorcycle's seat.

"Shall I inform the others of your arrival, sir? Mr. Stark would never admit it but he has missed you a lot."

Steve chuckled at the thought of billionaire freaking out. As much as eccentric and annoying Tony could be, an autonomous virtual assistant was indeed an impressive feat, he would give him that. A year or two ago it was more than weird for Steve to talk with someone who wasn't actually a real person, but old-fashioned soldier got used to it eventually and started to enjoy conversations with sentient AI. JARVIS was always very helpful and kind, in contrast to his oftentimes brash creator.

"In that case no, thank you. It's gonna be a surprise for all of them."

"As you wish, Captain Rogers. Have a good stay."

Steve pressed the button for the communal floor, where all of the Tower's residents used to eat meals and spend time together. He ascended a dozen levels or so, with a casual music playing in the background. After quiet ding he stepped out of the lift.

There was a gigantic panoramic window in front of him, allowing one to admire the breath-taking cityscape of New York at night. To his left was kitchenette and a large dining table with six chairs, while to his right stood huge, leather couch in semicircular shape and well-supplied mini-bar, stocked with Tony's favourite bourbon and other more or less exotic liquors.

Apart from that the floor was furnished with lots of armchairs and ottomans along with fluffy carpets, providing a comfortable place to relax after missions. Everything was bathed in warm light, giving the place a sense of home, much more than his modest apartment in Brooklyn. Steve's smile grew wider when he finally saw his friends, after all he's been through this past four months.

They were all there: Tony Stark pacing around, for some reason in his Iron Man suit, discussing with Bruce Banner, as always the calmest of them all (despite ever-furious alter ego); Thor Odinson, Asgardian god of thunder who was speaking with Clint Barton – S.H.I.E.L.D.'s best sharpshooter – and a certain redhead spy, who could make Steve Rogers embarrassed on a dime like nobody else.

Stark stopped mid-sentence, when he saw Steve. All of them turned around, following his line of sight. The next moment Tony ran to hug Steve, forgetting he still had his Iron Man suit on.

"How did you…?"

"You know, Tony, super-soldier or not, my bones can be broken." Steve winced in pain, awkwardly patting his friend on his metal back but with a warm feeling inside.

"Oh, sorry about that." Tony chuckled, stepping out of MARK 43 and immediately hugging Steve again, who was, once again, taken aback by this unusual display of affection. Of all people in the room Tony was perceived to be least emotional (right after Natasha Romanoff of course).

"Well, well, well. Who would have guessed?"

Steve raised his eyes and saw the spy leaning against the back of the sofa. She wore all black; black tight jeans ripped in knees, black top with S.H.I.E.L.D. logo. Her shoulder-length hair resembled a crown of fiery red and her combat boots, clicked with every step she made towards the super-soldier.

"Clearly I was wrong. Kristen from statistics is no match for your new fan." The spy gave them her trademark smirk. "Maybe you two should hook up or something?"

"Ewww." Tony jumped away from Steve and turned towards Clint with offended grimace. "Legolas, she's being awful again."

Barton just smiled in response. "Tell me about it. Cap, we missed you, you know? We thought, back at the dam…" He shook his head. "But you're back, that's what matters."

"I cannot express how much joy I feel now, Steven." Thor exclaimed enthusiastically, putting his hand on Captain's shoulder. "My friend, Heimdall, told me not to lose hope, when I asked him about your whereabouts. And so I did, even though he couldn't see you."

Steve nodded his head, then exchanged handshakes with Bruce.

"Welcome back, Cap." Banner simply said.

The threatening clicking started once more and the spy was now inches away from him, while Tony made some inappropriate gestures behind her back, causing Clint to cover his mouth.

"One way or another, Stark asked a good question." She looked in Steve's eyes. "How?"

"I guess I was lucky. Again." Steve shrugged his shoulders modestly, which earned him a questionable look from Natasha and smiles from the others. "After I fell, I was found by someone, who just helped me get back in shape. And then, uh… I was busy a little bit."

Natasha raised an eyebrow. "And who was that good Samaritan?"

"I promised I wouldn't tell anyone with who helped me and with whom I, uh, worked with." Cap smiled apologetically.

"Hmmm. So you were working for past four months?"

He had a sheepish expression on his face. "Let's not talk about it, shall we?"

"You do realize how it sounds?"

"Well for your information…" Steve unzipped his bomber jacket, placing it on a rack. He took off his shirt, revealing a scar in the centre of his chest. "… you don't argue with those who saved your life."

Everyone went wide-eyed, including herself. They were well aware that thanks to dr. Erskine's serum, Steve achieved peak of human physicality and could heal rapidly from almost any injury whatsoever in matter of days. Even the one, left by a direct hit to the heart.

And here they could clearly see a large, irregular, red blemish on his skin. Nothing special to someone who didn't know about Steve's enhanced organism, but for them it meant that, even if the enemy didn't succeed in killing Captain this time, HYDRA was definitely capable of doing so in the future. And honestly none of them doubted that the world's largest terrorist organization will ever stop.

"Those who save my life asked to keep their identity a secret and I intend to leave it that way." Steve said quietly, putting his shirt back on, as Natasha was still silent. "I'm indebted to them and I'm grateful I was given an opportunity see you once more."

"There is something you need to know something, Cap." Clint opened a few beers, handing one to Steve. "After the battle in Ethiopia, word was that the United Nations Council would be gathering to decide if the Avengers should be suspended."

"What?!"

"Yeah, it was looking really, really bad, but then Fury informed us that the meeting was cancelled due to the investigation into Captain America's disappearance. Now that you're here…"

Steve stood there, staring at his boots. "Guys, listen, what happened back at the dam, it's my fault and mine only. If only I called you off the battlefield and ordered to regroup… maybe all this mess wouldn't happen. I thought some of you were actually dead, while in my recovery."

He swallowed hard, before he finished.

"Someone more capable than me should lead you, at least for now. I'm sorry."

All of them were silent, looking at him intently. They couldn't believe what they were hearing.

"Please, Capsicle, tell me you're joking." Tony looked terrified. "We can't lose you again. You're my friend. Our friend."

"I'm serious, Tony. I'm sorry." Steve muttered, avoiding to look at them.

"You are also our Captain. Don't go, Steven, don't let us fight without you." Thor added.

"I have to." Soldier said with sadness in his voice.

Clint and Bruce kept silent, as if they couldn't process what they've just heard. Natasha on the other hand, despite everything she was taught in the field of emotion-control (even if against her will), felt anger rising and before she knew an exasperated growl escaped her mouth.

"Typical."

"Excuse me?" Steve turned towards the spy, trying to figure out why she was angered.

"In the most critical moment, you decide to back out. How smart of you, Rogers."

"Okay, maybe we should give them a moment." Clint said, forcing everyone out of the room and into the lift. "I feel this is something between those two."

"Yeah, maybe you should. Someone has to educate a boy-scout here." The spy snapped back, putting hands on her hips. When everyone left, Steve put his empty beer bottle on the counter and looked at Natasha again, confusion clearly being expressed on his face.

"I don't intend to leave anyone from the team. I just think I shouldn't be the one to lead you during future missions, at least those in the nearest future. I don't understand why you're mad at me."

"I bet, you don't, you idiot." She has had enough of this Captain-America-always-taking-blame-for-others-thing. "You are the leader of the Avengers for fucks sake and believe it or not, it was not your fault you've got sniped and pushed into a river to die. I have never been more worried in my life than after this accident and now you tell me you want to leave?"

"If I led our team better, Thor and Bruce wouldn't have to be brought to Asgard for treatment and you wouldn't get shot by HYDRA bastards. I would never forgive myself if you became disabled or, God forbid, died."

"How do you know?" She asked, realizing how much he was getting under her skin.

"Fury." He replied simply, than he approached her. "Look, I'm sorry if I made you mad. But I must go, at least for now. Everything has already been arranged with S.H.I.E.L.D."

"Fur fucks sake, you don't have to take all the blame for yourself, Rogers. We were there too, we can take care of ourselves." Natasha blurted out.

"I didn't say…"

"Just for once, don't be a martyr, Steve."

"It was my fault, Natasha, I'm sorry."

She closed her eyes for a few longer moments, and when she opened them, they were blank and emotionless.

"Get out." This voice was colder than the ice, they thawed him out of.

"Natasha…"

"Get out, Rogers, I don't want to look at you."

Steve sighed, grabbed his jacket and stepped into the elevator. It seemed his comeback was not that anticipated after all.

2

"Where's Steve?" Clint asked Natasha when the rest of the team got back to the communal floor.

"Yes, where is our Captain? I'd like to speak with him." Thor added, obviously not acknowledging that Steve made his mind already about his leadership.

"I don't know, and I don't care to know." She replied coldly, swapping between channels on the TV.

"Captain Rogers took his motorcycle and left." JARVIS announced.

"What?!" Stark yelled in surprise.

"Captain pointed out he wanted to be left alone."

Bruce sighed and closed his eyes, well aware of what was about to happen. He braced for impact, just as Tony turned towards Natasha with angry expression.

"Why are you always so mean to him? I don't fucking believe it. He fought in a war, lost 70 years in ice, and when he gets a second chance for a normal life, all you do, is being an asshole. What the fuck is wrong with you, Romanoff?" The billionaire seemed to be losing it, which proved that he did care for Steve, though in his own way and against popular belief of being always egoistic.

"Don't try that, Stark." The spy said quietly, her eyes still fixed on the TV.

"Bite me." Tony retorted, and before anyone could react Natasha was up, her face glowing with cold fury.

"I said, don't."

"I'll stop when you stop being such a bitch!"

"You gonna regret this…"

"ALRIGHT STOP!" Bruce suddenly yelled, making everyone a bit nervous, as he never shouted, not even when driven to the edge. Nobody wanted him to hulk-out in the Avengers Tower. "Instead of arguing like two first-graders, maybe you could listen to the TV, huh?!"

Tony and Natasha reluctantly did as they were told and glanced at the screen, which happened to be broadcasting late evening news.

"…Human Relief Foundation reports that the damage, caused by a malfunction of the Omo River Dam and associated Hydroelectric Power Plant in Ethiopia, Africa, has been finally undone after four months of strenuous efforts. A few hundred volunteers helped in easing the suffering of those who lost their home due to ravaging floods…"

The newsfeed showed countless workers rebuilding last of the destroyed villages. One of them picked a giant piece of rubble, helping a small girl to get out of the ruined house. He had dusty clothing and tousled blonde hair , plus the fact he was the only non-African among the workers certainly stood out. Everyone went silent, their eyes focusing on Natasha. Tony had a vindictive smile on his face.

"Shit…" She thought to herself, then strutted out of the apartment, avoiding looks of disapproval from her fellow Avengers.

"I'll go talk to her." Clint shrugged his shoulders and followed the spy, who already disappeared in the elevator.

Barton found Natasha in her room, laying on her bed with eyes fixed on the ceiling. The curtains were slid open and the only light in the room was coming from the neons and street lanterns below. She was fiddling with one of her various combat knives, as if it was a child's toy.

"Hey, Princess."

"Do I look like I'm in a gaming mood, Clint?"

"Relax, Nat. I just wanted to tell you messed this one up." Barton closed the door behind him.

"You don't say? Thanks for the reminder."

"Well, that's something." Clint smirked and poured her a glass of water from a pitcher on her nightstand. "You should find Steve and apologize him. He'll understand."

"I will not apologize him, only because he always plays a dumbass with no regard for his life." The spy retorted angrily, but she accepted the glass.

"He was absent for four months, only because he stayed behind to help fix the damage we were responsible for, even if indirectly. We all should be proud to have someone like him on the team." Clint sat beside her. "Just go there and say you're sorry, Nat."

She was silent for a quite some time and when she spoke, her voice had a hint of sadness in it.

"He won't listen. I was more than awful to him."

"C'mon, Nat, it's Steve. He can't be mad for someone for a long time." Clint smiled knowingly. "Plus this hero-thing is why you like him so much. And I'm not talking about super-strength or inspiring speeches."

Hawkeye smirked. "Maybe even more than Tony does."

"Watch your words, Birdbrain." The redhead punched him lightly in the shoulder.

"Nah, I'm pretty sure that 'like' is not accurate enough…" He was interrupted by a pillow, hitting him in a face. "Hey!"

"You should be happy it wasn't a knife."

The archer shook his head, smiling even wider.

"I'm not gonna make you go there." He stood up, putting the pillow back. "But you know I'm right. Think of this as an advise from a friend." Clint patted her shoulder reassuringly and left Natasha with her own thoughts.

3

Natasha heard quiet sounds of guitar, coming from behind the closed door. She couldn't tell why she felt something shifting inside her, as the sad melody evolved; something elusive and distant, yet unspecified. Natasha approached the door and stood there for a few long minutes, listening to the song.

Finally she inhaled deeply and knocked on the door. "Steve, it's Natasha. Are you there?"

The guitar sounds fell silent.

"Will you let me in?"

Nothing.

"We need to talk."

Still, a dead silence. He didn't want her company, she was well aware of that, but at the same time she couldn't go away just like that, not making any amends. The next moment she started picking the lock, which opened after a few moments with a characteristic click.

Natasha entered a small apartment and curiously looked around, as she had never been here before. After the battle of New York Steve used to live at the Avengers Tower with everyone else (that is Tony, Pepper, Bruce, Clint, herself and Thor if he wasn't in Asgard at the moment) but he was staying at his apartment more and more in recent times.

It was modestly furnished, probably an effect of his soldier nature. After crossing a short hallway, she found herself in a living room, which had nothing more than a sofa and a TV sitting on top of a bookcase, containing tomes dating back to 1940s or older. To her left was a kitchenette as well as a table with two chairs. The only other doors, than the entrance ones, were the doors leading to a bathroom. There was no bedroom so she assumed Steve slept on the sofa, which kinda looked too small for his gigantic frame.

She put his shield, which she took from the Tower, next to the guitar he apparently started to play. Then her sight locked on curtains, being moved by evening wind. She made her way towards the balcony, where she saw the super-soldier leaning against the metal railing.

Even though it was February, he wasn't wearing nothing more than plain white shirt, cargo trousers and leather boots. She could see his breath every time he exhaled, gazing at the outlines of New York skyscrapers towering over them.

"Hey, Steve."

He didn't turn, nor acknowledged her presence, instead gripping the railing tighter, so his knuckles went white.

"Maybe you should put on something warm. I can bring you..."

"I'm fine. And I don't recall leaving the door opened." He responded, his voice as cold as the night air.

She forced a smile, even though he was not looking at her. "You know me. Just couldn't resist."

Steve didn't respond and after a few long minutes she stepped up closer, tentatively putting her right hand on his shoulder.

"Look, I'm sorry for what I said back at the Tower. I was just… worried about you always getting hurt on missions. I didn't mean to shout at you. The decision you made is yours only and I am no-one to judge." She stopped for a moment to collect her thoughts. For some reason she felt her stomach tying into a knot, though it was just an argument… right?

"It's okay, Natasha. I'm not mad at you."

He was silent yet again, still not looking at her.

"What's wrong?" Natasha expressed her concern. "Even before the last mission you seemed so distant. You started to go on solo missions which is really not your style. What's the matter?"

"Nothing. Everything's fine."

"Don't lie to me, Steve. You're a terrible liar."

Steve sighed and slowly turned around. His brow furrowed when saw Natasha was shivering a bit, so he opened the balcony's door.

"Get inside, it's too cold for you."

She complied and he handed her a thick blanket, which she put around her shoulders. Then Steve moved on to preparing for her a big steaming mug of tea. He flavoured the strong brew generously with raspberry juice, orange slices as well as grounded cloves and cinnamon. A beautiful scent filled the air, as Natasha took a sip and closed her eyes.

"He really does know how to move around the kitchen."

"Damn, this tastes fantastic, Steve." She said taking another mouthful of the delicious drink.

Steve didn't reply nor smile, instead taking a seat in front of her. There was a silence for a moment.

"I didn't know you started to play." Natasha pointed the instrument, leaning against the wall. The soldier blinked a few times when he saw his shield next to the guitar, without battle scratches and his blood splashed all over it.

"I thought HYDRA took my shield…"

"Don't worry Steve, Tony recovered it and brought back into shape." Natasha said in a soothing voice. "So… what's this guitar thing is all about? I must say I liked that song you had played before I came."

"Well, I started some time ago, but then, as you now know, had to take a few months off." Steve smiled sheepishly. "My therapist said it could help ease my…"

He suddenly stopped mid-sentence, avoiding Natasha's eyes.

"…Steve?"

The soldier just shook his head. "Nevermind."

"I didn't even know you were seeing a therapist. You can tell me about it, if you like."

"I don't know Natasha. I... I think I cannot forget my past. It haunts me every day, since... Since the day they took me out of the ice." He replied quietly, his voice suddenly tired. "It's been a while ago and I still, just can't forget… The battle of New York made it worse, much worse. Not to mention the last mission."

He shut his eyes and a lonely tear rolled down his cheeks. Natasha got up and came closer.

"You must fight it, Steve. You're safe now, among friends."

"I… I know. I think I need to be alone for some time."

"Sure thing." Natasha got up and put her empty mug in the kitchen sink. "I'll see you tomorrow at the Tower. How does that sound?"

"I'll think about it."

She kissed him on the cheek and made her way towards the door. "I'll be waiting."

4

"Where the fuck is he?" Natasha thought, glancing at her cell phone. It was way past 8.00 PM and Steve still didn't show up. Everyone else seemed to be having a good time and didn't notice the redhead spy started to get nervous, which was happening extremely rarely. Well almost everyone.

"He'll be here, eventually, Nat." Barton said, as always proving that he had a talent when it came to observations. He sat beside, handing the spy her mojito.

"The question is when?" Natasha replied and, to take the soldier off her mind, began to talk with Bruce.

Forty minutes later the elevator's door slid open and Steve stepped out. He was wearing black trousers with matching boots and navy blue shirt with rolled up sleeves, revealing his muscly arms. The first to notice apart from Clint and Natasha was of course Tony, who immediately ran to Steve, handing him a bottle of beer.

"Hey Spangles! I'm so glad you decided to come." Enthusiastic billionaire smiled brightly, than he leaned and whispered in confidential tone. "Little Red was worrying about you, you know…"

Steve just smiled in response and joined his friends. They talked all evening, while drinking beer (bourbon when it came to Tony) and eating sushi ordered by Clint (Steve and Thor had problems with the chopsticks) Natasha carefully observed the soldier during the meeting, trying to figure out if her theory was correct, but Steve seemed to be rather relaxed and happy.

That was, until he flinched at a reflection of someone in the window, behind Bruce's back. Someone who simply could not be there. Steve fell silent and was staring at the image, forgetting he was in a middle of a conversation. The redhead spy immediately noticed the shift in his behaviour. "Damn, he's doing that again."

Natasha put her hand on his shoulder and gently squeezed it.

"…eve? Steve, you're with us?" Her voice sounded as if it came from far away.

Soldier blinked a few times and glanced at her. "Yes, sorry for that. I got… lost in thought."

"I can tell. You're OK?" Natasha had a sceptical look on her face, while Bruce carefully observed both of them, through his glasses.

"Yeah, yeah, don't bother yourself with that." Steve smiled sheepishly and got up. "I guess I'll do the dishes."

"Is everything alright with him?" Pepper asked the spy, both of them looking at soldier's back.

"I doubt that and he doesn't want to admit it." Natasha responded out of the corner of her mouth, so that Steve couldn't hear them. "And I'm not intending to leave it just like that."

5

Natasha came into her room and closed the door. No-body was to hear the conversation, not even Stark's AI. Having asked JARVIS not to record the audio in her room, she took her black cell phone out of her pocket and chose Nick Fury from her list of contacts.

"What is it, Agent Romanoff?"

"Director, I've got bad news, concerning Rogers." She got right to the point and Nick immediately dropped the official tone.

"What's wrong?"

"He seems to have psychological problems. I suspect PTSD, Nick."

"Are you sure? You don't have proper qualifications to be one hundred per cent sure. Plus he didn't show it after the battle of New York."

"On the contrary. He told me yesterday that it intensified because of New York." Natasha took a deep breath. "You know what I'm talking about, Nick, I used to struggle with this as well, remember?"

Fury was silent for a few moments and when he spoke, she knew he'd already believed her.

"Please be more precise, Natasha."

"I think he no longer feels safe around the Avengers Tower or his apartment in Brooklyn. He gets lost in thought frequently and believes he's chased by something or someone." The spy replied, biting her lower lip. "For me, it looks exactly like PTSD."

"Indeed. Maybe we can set him up with a therapist?" Fury suggested, but the spy dismissed this option.

"He says he's seeing one. He started to play the guitar in order to cope with the stress."

"Are there any results?"

"I don't think so. It would be better for him, if he wasn't alone. I'll try to convince him to move to the Tower, because he's been living in his apartment in Brooklyn recently. It'll be easier to keep an eye on him."

"Very well. I'll see what I can do. Consider informing dr. Banner about this and if it gets worse, call me." Having said that, Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. hung up.

Natasha put her phone on the nightstand and went to the shower. This day seemed to drag like a never-ending nightmare and she had a lot to think about. Again.

A/N: So our favourite spy is concerned about our super-soldier. Will she be able to help him? Will she let her emotions take over? Stay around until the next time. / WS