That night I had another nightmare. I bolted upright in bed. Danielle sat up on her bed and then got up and moved over to mine. She pulled me into her arms and held me. She asked," What was it about?" I said through sobs," The wreck…I keep dreaming about the wreck. Why won't they go away? Why won't the nightmares go away?" She held me tighter until she felt me relax in her arms. She said," Lay back down and I'll lay with you until you fall asleep." I laid down and she pulled the covers up beside me. She lay down next to me and pulled me into her arms and I fell back asleep safe in my sister's arms.
I didn't have the nightmare anymore that night. I woke up in the morning feeling better than I had all week. It was the first time I had actually gotten any sleep. Danielle was already up and I guess was down stairs because her bed was empty. I wanted to go find her but I didn't want to run into anyone else. She finally came back up about twenty minutes later. She said," I was wondering if you were going to get up. Do you want to go get breakfast?" I shook my head no," She asked," Why are you hiding?" I said," I don't want to see them. I can't face them." She sat down beside me and said," You have to face them sometime. You can't hide in your room for the rest of you life." I sat there for a minute and a song my mom used to sing when she was sad popped into my mind. I sat down on the floor and pulled the box out from under the bed and reached in and pulled the cassette tape from the box. I asked Danielle," Do you think dad will let me sing in church on Sunday?" She said," if you ask him. What do you want to sing?" I said," It's a secret." She said," I think I can handle that." I asked," Can you ask dad for me?" She gave me the look that said, you-need-to-do-it-yourself, and said," you have to talk to him sometime Sarah?" I said," I just can't do it yet Danielle. I just can't."
She came back in a little later and said," He said that would be fine."
That Sunday I stood up in the pulpit of my father's church to sing. No one in my family had ever heard me sing before, and I was so nervous. I prayed to myself while sitting next to Danielle before I got up," Dear God, heal my pain." Then I walked up and took the microphone my dad handed me. He walked down and sat by Annie. The music started and suddenly I felt like I was a little girl again singing the song with my mom.
When your up against a wall
And your mountain seems so tall
And you realize life's not always fair.
You can run away and hide,
Let the old man decided,
Or you can change your circumstances with a prayer
When everything falls apart,
Praise his name.
When you have a broken heart,
Just raise your hands and say,
Greater is he that is within me,
You can Praise the hurt away.
If you'll just praise his name.
You can overcome by the blood of the lamb
By the words of you testimony,
You see the darkness go
As your faith begins to grow
You are not alone,
So how can you be lonely?
When everything falls apart
Praise His Name
When you have a broken heart
Just raise your hands and say
Lord you are all I need
You are everything to me
and you take the pain away
and when it seems you're all alone
Praise His Name
When you feel you can't go on
just raise your hands and say
Greater is He
That is within me
You can praise the hurt away
if you just praise His Name!
Greater is He
That is within me
You can praise the hurt away
if you just praise His Name!
My dad was the first to stand up and clap. I was crying, my brother and sisters were crying, and even Annie was crying. Music had always been my release, but it had never felt as good as it had at that moment. I think my family was finally understanding what my life had been like, and how much I was really hurting.
The song is Praise His Name