DISCLAIMER: I disclaim!
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Remus didn't know what he was going to say. His parents were quite liberal, but this not even James, his best friend, knew. 'Well,' thought Remus, 'they're waiting for me to say something.' The clock in the hallway seemed to mock him with its constant tick-tock, tick- tock. His body trembled, palms growing slick with sweat as he opened his mouth.
"Mom, Dad? Um... I know I seem really normal and everything, and I really hope you don't hate me or anything, cause that'd really suck, and I don't know how to tell you this but here goes: I'm gay." Immediately following the rushed coming-out, he cowered, expecting a violent reaction, but when he peeked up at his parents, both were sitting placidly on the yellow striped sofa with loving smiles on their faces.
"Of course, honey, we figured it out long ago," said his mother. His father patted him on the back.
"It's about time you came out with it, son... No pun intended, of course."
Remus could have died on the spot with the shock of their approval. He was mystified as to how his parents could have possibly known before he told them. Then again, having a psychologist and a psychotherapist for parents might have been conducive to their frighteningly accurate deduction.
"Well, uh, thanks for being so understanding. Just... well, how did you know?" Remus asked, brows knitted in confusion.
"You were staring at James' cousin's rear end, love, that's how. It's no surprise. We're just glad you told us on your own." His mother said with an amused little smirk. His father grinned, then grew serious.
"Now, Remus, I think it's time we had a little talk."
Remus groaned. "Aw, Dad!"
The next day, James came bounding up to Remus in the hallway before class. James was a grade higher than Remus, making James a junior, and quite popular as quarterback of the varsity football team. Remus was deathly afraid of coming out to James, and for rather good reason.
"Dude, Remus, listen to this, man. Ok, last night, my little cuz, you know, Severus? You have science with him, right? Anyway, he asked to talk to Dad, like, alone, right? So I left, but I was listening, and oh, dude, I couldn't believe it, man. Get this, it's so sick- Severus's a fag! I can't believe I've been living in the same house with him, ugh!" James pulled a disgusted face. Remus felt as if he might have cried if he weren't so furious.
"You know James, that doesn't change who he is. He's still family. But I guess my words don't mean much to you, considering I'm a sick little faggot too. Fuck you." And with that, the younger teen stormed off.
Remus couldn't bear to go to class so upset. It would be the ultimate embarrassment to be seen crying in class. It wasn't like he was some mincy queen, or anything. He didn't wear tacky designer clothes, talk with a lisp, or gesture with a limp wrist. He didn't use words like 'fabulous' unless quoting someone, and would never call someone 'girlfriend' in a conversation. Not that 'mincy queens' were bad- Remus thought them rather cute; just to make the point that, in fact, Remus was a pretty normal guy. He was the kind you see walking to your sixth period class, laughing with the guys and teasing the girls. Converse shoes, blue jeans, and a t-shirt for some band or another were daily wear. His shaggy golden-brown hair failed to attract attention. A bit on the tall side, Remus was by all appearances your standard, though slightly too skinny, teenage boy.
He arrived at his spot, a tall tree behind the school. It had thick branches curved just as though they were meant for sitting, and loads of foliage towards the bottom hid anyone sitting up there from the casual observer. In fact, Filch, who checked the grounds for truant students, never checked the tree because its excellent coverage of seated folks led him to the conclusion that no one ever went there. There was a worn-away spot on the limb where Remus always sat when he had some serious thinking to do.
Finally, Remus could cry. He had always kept a tight reign on such impulses he considered weak, and kept what was often an overly happy face, but the clash between himself and James had been too much to hold inside. Now, with hiccupping sobs and hot tears on his cheeks, Remus wished nothing more than for some strong boy to come and wrap his arms around him. 'God, I sound like a girl. Next thing I know, I'll be pining after some hero of a romance novel and crying at soap operas.' He thought.
Harshly wiping at the salty wet tracks down his face, Remus wished he had never told anyone that he was gay. He wished he were just some straight guy, dating a cute blonde from his homeroom, not worrying about whether or not his friends would hate him, or if he would get jumped walking home from school. Of course, Remus realized that no one would bash him if no one knew he was gay, but he was a firm believer in honesty as the best policy. Omitting certain truths counted as lying in Remus's eyes, so staying in the closet would just not do. On occasions, he had been what he liked to call 'creatively honest' but it really had been for the best, such as when Narcissa, a girl in his art class, had asked him if her stiletto faux Converse shoes looked good. Remus had told her that they were certainly interesting, but that she shouldn't wear them because she might fall. What he didn't say was that the shoes looked like crap, and the putrid green color was really making him a bit queasy.
Finally, a burst of fresh golden optimism hit the downcast boy like a gust of springtime wind. He realized what had started the conflict with James- Severus was gay. And Severus, well, Severus was the one who had made Remus realize he was gay. That's right: Remus's crush, his one love, the apple of his eye, was James' loathed cousin. Severus was a sophomore as well, but Remus hadn't talked to him much until James invited him to a party at their house. When Remus had first seen the scrawny, dark-haired boy, it seemed that time had stopped. At the time, he'd blamed that funny feeling in his tummy on indigestion, but later, much later, he realized the truth. In the beginning, Remus was a little resentful towards Severus. He felt that if it weren't for Severus, he'd still be that plain old straight guy, but he later realized that with or without Severus, he would still be gay.
Now that this new information about Severus had come to light, Remus felt much better. There was still some hope; he wouldn't be moping for the rest of his high school career over a case of unrequited love. There was still the question of whether or not Severus would return his feelings, but it was worth a chance. After all, Severus would be willing to at least try a relationship, right? Remus might even be considered a bit of a prize. If truth be told, he had earned compliments for his looks on several occasions. So, he'd have to at least ask Severus out. If he never tried, he could blame no one but himself for being lonely. Valentine's day that year was on a Saturday, so if Remus asked Severus out that evening, the two could go out all of the next day with Cupid on their side.
School was over. Remus had dozed off in the tree after having decided to ask Severus out. The tears had still been damp on his cheeks when he had drifted off, but a smile rested on his cherubic mouth. Now the late evening, twilight clouds poured rain into the blue-tinted world, and Remus slid out of the tree, shirt already translucent with the wet. As he walked, the puddles soaked into his jeans, making them heavier and heavier with every passing moment, yet he couldn't have felt lighter, even as his sopping hair dripped into his salt-swollen eyes and beads of rainwater ran down his rapidly numbing nose.
The rain seemed to Remus as nothing more than a floating mist, carrying him effortlessly to his home. Even the numbness seeping into his body was a pleasant tingling; nothing could be bad, not the sloshing water and mud in his shoes nor the leaves down the back of his shirt. As long as he knew Severus would be around, nothing bothered him. Now Remus's feet were completely numb. A thin layer of ice coated the bottoms of his pant legs. Somewhere along the line, he had stopped moving, and now he lay against a hill. It had been turned into a shallow run of mud by the rain, with clumps of slicked-down grass sticking out here and there. A happy smile spread across Remus's face, and the yellow glow-beam of love passed through his vision, illuminating raindrops before Severus finally appeared in front of him. Then came the darkness.
"Remus..." Remus stirred. What was this fire that consumed him? "Remus, please wake up." The voice, though soft, shot through his head like a self-intended bullet. He knew this voice. It made his stomach twist into knots, his head clear and once again become cluttered with thoughts of blue city lights and red neon fog. The voice made his heart feel like it would implode at the same time as it fluttered up his throat. It was that very voice...
"Remus, it's me, Severus. You know, if you don't wake up I'm gonna throw you back out in the rain to die."
Remus was jolted back to consciousness to find the wide-eyed face of his one love peering at him, half-concerned and half-startled.
"Oh, Severus! I was in the rain and I was freezing but I was so happy that it was all so lovely because I was in the tree because James hates me because we had a fight because he hates you and I found out that I love you so much and SHIT!" Remus slapped a hand over his mouth. "I uh. I wasn't going to tell you that. But I was going to ask you out anyway, so... You know."
Severus gave Remus a strange look. "Remus, I don't know why you want to go out with me. Besides, I'm straight."
"Yeah, straight as Lucius Malfoy! I know because James told me this morning that he heard you tell your dad that you're gay, and then I yelled at James because he thought it was gross and I'm gay too -so there. And I love you." Remus clung to Severus's fluffy hooded sweatshirt determinedly. "And I'm not letting go until you admit that you're gay and agree to go out with me on Saturday because I won't stop being an obsessive freak until you do."
"Malfoy is a ridiculous prancing fop, not a homosexual. And I would greatly enjoy a Valentine's date with you, Remus. I'll pick you up at noon." Severus calmly said as he peeled Remus from his arm. "You have to go home now, though. I'll give you a ride in my aunt's minivan, but only because you'd freeze again if I didn't."
When Remus fell into bed that night, he couldn't believe his evening. First he nearly died of hypothermia, then his most darling Severus agreed to take him out on a date on Saturday! There was no way anything could have turned out better, according to Remus's mind. Remus's mind may not have been entirely reliable at the time, though- it was, at the moment, filled with sugary pink fluff and heart-shaped doilies.
Saturday morning, a gargantuan yawn nearly dislocated Remus's jaw. He rolled out of bed and peered at his clock, which read 11:45 in blinking green numerals. Remus yawned once more, rolling back into bed and pulling the covers up before a sledgehammer reading DATE WITH SEVERUS slammed into his brain and swung him into the closet where he began to frantically pull out all his clothes in a frenzy to wear just the right thing. Finally deciding on a pair of very tight, very shiny black trousers and an even tighter pink- and-yellow striped shirt, Remus dashed into the bathroom for a quick clean-up. The doorbell rang just as he was gargling for the third time. He nearly choked on the Listerine as he tried to yell to the person to wait for a moment with the minty liquid still in his mouth. Spitting out the green foam and leaping down the stair in two bounds, Remus flung open the door and attached himself to Severus. Only he wasn't Severus. He was the nice young Jehovah's Witness who came around every couple months or so.
"GAAH!" Remus quickly detached himself, swung the door shut in the man's face, and dashed back up the stairs, locking himself in the bathroom. Once sure the caller was gone, he set about brushing his teeth for the fourth time. After a quick brush of clear mascara he'd swiped from his mom, Remus figured he was ready to go. He glanced at the bathroom's giant roman-numeral analogue clock and noticed that it read 7:30. 7:30! Remus raced back into his bedroom and saw the clock blinking up at him with the time of 12:13 am. Finally, he checked his cell phone, which always had the accurate time- Yes, 7:30 in the morning it indeed was. The blinking of the clock should have alerted Remus to its momentary loss of power. He groaned.
Remus had decided to find a new outfit and take a shower after eating breakfast, since he had so much time on his hands. Going back to sleep would do no good- he was far too excited about his date to even sit still. Instead, he grabbed a sewing kit and some old clothes to make his outfit for the date. He took a paisley sleeve from a ragged shirt his father had owned in the seventies and attached it to a vivid lime green t-shirt reading 'we're not against the soldiers, we're against the war' across the front. The other sleeve, including most of the shoulder area, was replaced with a section of grey tights his mother had thrown out. Remus decided to tie his oldest, most ragged jeans shut at the bottom, then fill them with rocks and bang them on the ground before running them through the wash for natural looking rips.
Just as the doorbell rang, Remus had smeared some Carmex on his mouth to enhance his lovely lips. This time, it really was Severus, who stood on the doorstep holding a bouquet of red roses and a tiny four-piece box of chocolates. Remus stood gaping at Severus's perfectly cut trousers and frayed pinstriped button-up shirt for just a moment before grinning widely and stepping out into the cool, crisp day. Everything was good.
Effervescent joy and flashes of brilliant white love-lights filled the day. The evening curtain fell, studded with angel-diamonds; the lonely buzzing radiance of the city streaked past the eyes of two lovers. When silence had come into their space, it had been pushed away time and time again, but now it stood like a crystal window, offering each a clear view into the other. Remus and Severus, gazing over the cream and lace of a dinner table, now knew each other as well as their own selves, as though had a fired neuron that the other did not. One would speak not for gaining information, but for the sound of the other's voice.
Suddenly, a large penguin smashed into the crystal window, shattering it into thousands of fragments. The fragments could be pieced back together, but for now it was lost. The penguin looked at each boy, and with a snooty accent, requested their orders.
"Um... I'd like the, um... that one." Remus pointed to a dish he couldn't pronounce. The waiter pronounced the name in that horrid condescending tone of his before scribbling it down and turning to Severus, who pronounced his even more complex choice with near-perfect accent and sent the waiter off with a commanding sweep of the hand. The pale boy's small stature hid his assertive character until he began to speak. Where Severus spoke and moved as necessary and only with great poise and confidence, Remus was a chattering bumblebee, full of movement and emotion and never mind what people think as long as this feeling never stops. Maybe in other circumstances the two would have been at each other's throats, but the careful balancing act that made up Severus and the precarious whirl that was Remus created a sort of tilted perfection.
When the moon's sparkle finally went in search of another young couple's eyes, Remus and Severus rested at Remus's house. They watched a sappy romance movie and had a popcorn fight. Upstairs, in Remus's room, they listened to the radio and when 'No Sleep 'til Brooklyn' by the Beastie Boys came on, they took to jumping on the bed and playing air guitar. It faded out and one jump, two jumps later, Remus lost his balance and fell down to the mattress, bringing Severus down with him. It was one in the morning. Staring into Severus's eyes, Remus could hardly believe his day. No one could have possibly felt this emotion before, for if they had, surely they would have spread this joy into the entire world. He drew a hand down the side of Severus's face.
"Severus, do you love me?" asked Remus. Severus gave Remus a look.
"I didn't stay out this late for the conversation, I'll tell you that." He replied in a lovingly sharp tone.
"I love you too." Murmured Remus. Then came the darkness.
- e n d .