A/N: Hi! Props to Ky111 for yet another review, it's nice to know that there are still people who read my story after this awfully long break (writer's block). In this chapter we finally settle down with Steve and Natasha to discover a few things about them both.

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. All rights to Marvel Cinematic Universe, etc.

Chapter 9

22ND OF NOVEMBER

"Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light." - Regina Spektor

1

Many months later

When Natasha woke up on that cold, autumn day, she wasn't expecting it to be any different from the others. Quiet beeping of the alarm clock brought her back from another nightmare, she most probably should've told her therapist about. The disturbing images Natasha saw every time she closed her eyes - it was all in her head and the spy knew it well. She used to suffer from similar episodes after being brought caught in Budapest by Clint, so it wasn't a new experience. She just had to get accustomed to these drastic scenes. To say it was easy would be a lie.

Ever since she witnessed near-successful suicide attempt of one particular soldier and consequences of brutal tortures of her best friend, she was experiencing frequent anxiety attacks. They were possibly the closest reason for her increasingly unpleasant dreams.

… Natalia Alianovna Romanova. Cunning, lethal, ruthless, most beautiful and most perfect creation of the Program is about to fulfill the will of her superiors. If she fails she will be punished, if not she will be the death of their enemies.

Natalia stands in an antique-looking room surrounded by furniture made of dark wood with golden ornaments, shiny waxed floors and crystal chandeliers emitting cold glow. She pedantically checks every part of her firearm, a black pistol of an unknown design. Quiet sounds of the locking mechanism slide the bullet into the chamber and are enough to unnerve a captive, tied to a chair behind her. The victim is unable to see or speak, but this will change soon.

Romanova turns around, feeling the cold grip of the gun in her right palm. It fits perfectly as if it has always been the natural extension of herself. She then hears a familiar, pleasant voice ordering someone else to remove the blindfold and the gag off the target.

The captive turns out to be a young-looking tall man with blonde hair and blue eyes. He looks very strong but the restraints are stronger, preventing his attempts of breaking free from completion.

Romanova slowly approaches her target and points the cold barrel of her gun at the captive's heart. She searches for his eyes so she could see life being snuffed out with the pull of the trigger but then something unusual happens. She lingers. She starts to lose the hold of the firearm which eventually lands on the floor with heavy thud echoing through the empty halls.

"Why did you stop?" The pleasant voice asks.

"I… can't. He is… my friend."

"You have no friends. Never had and never will." She hears another voice, this time that of a male. "Now, get up and finish what you've started."

"N-no…"

"Do as we say. He must die." Both voices said in unison. "There is nothing you can do about it."

"NO!"

"Then you will suffer."

Out of the shadows come the two figures who are speaking to her. One of them grabs Romanova by her hands and forces the young woman to her knees, while the second one picks up the gun and points it at the captive's heart once more.

"No, no, no, no…"

She cries with terror, as the weapon fires. The bullets hit the target, one after another, and the blood splatters on the floor ...

Natasha Romanoff shook her head. No. She wasn't getting used to this shit. She never would.

That night was no exception. The spy woke up all sweaty and tired, panting as if she had just finished a marathon. The dream was so vivid, she had to convince herself it was not true; Steve was back to work and did just fine after all, while Barton retired to his secluded farmhouse where his wife Laura and kids took care of him. They were both safe and sound.

"Everything's fine, Romanoff. Calm the fuck down." She talked to herself brushing the unwanted thoughts off. Her breathing was quickened and she had to calm down.

It was still dark outside when the redhead glanced at the clock, still beeping incessantly. Natasha had reasons to hate and enjoy this sound at the same time. The positive aspect was that if she had a nightmare, which happened a lot recently, she could be woken before she'd have to go through another disturbing experience. On the other hand, it meant going to work and after HYDRA's recent increase in activity - Natasha had hands full of it. It seemed whatever S.H.I.E.L.D. did, the terrorist organization just couldn't stop messing the world up. Those several resistance-cells of the once powerful syndicate, were enough to make them all busy. Bruce Banner compared it to a nasty rash and Natasha had to agree with him; HYDRA was a real pain in the ass. Sometimes she thought the reason for her very existence was solely to fight bad guys or slave behind the desk all week.

She grabbed her phone which had an empty battery - she must've forgotten to recharge it last night. Natasha sighed with annoyance, plugging the device in. In the meantime she took a quick shower and did whatever it was necessary to look like she wasn't going to murder someone with a teaspoon.

Natasha fixed herself a small breakfast, after which she grabbed her partially charged phone and left. Her hands trembled as she drove even though it was just another boring day of paperwork ahead of her. Well that and dealing with seriously stupid agents.

She was sometimes mighty impressed with certain people who worked for the Agency and yet were dumber than a box of rocks. Take that Alex guy for example. He would have invited the Winter Soldier for a lunch snack if he had an opportunity.

"Of course there's traffic jam. Somebody kill me." Natasha thought as she was forced to wait for the green lights at least thrice before finally parked at the HQ's. She was already late.

Inside her office, there was a giant pile of top-classified documents, which of course, the redhead was tasked to deal with. The fall of primary S.H.I.E.L.D. had caused but she would gladly do anything else than this bureaucratic crap. She might as well have bored herself to death listening to Tony and Bruce's science talk.

Natasha Romanoff was just having a bad day. Everyone did, from time to time, right?

She was almost done, with all the super-important stuff, when the day got worse. A young assistant named Jane Meadows walked in, stating that agent Carter wouldn't be able to make it to the office today. Natasha felt her grip on her pen tightening because she knew what it meant all too well. Fuuuuck.

When the spy asked why Fury didn't inform her himself, Jane told her that the director was currently unreachable. It was unfortunately something Natasha couldn't argue about. In fact it wasn't even Nick's fault - since a few unfortunate episodes of hacking, the director decided to keep at least part of the data in a more traditional form. It meant more hours spent behind the desk and a nasty case of backache. It was the secret part of being an Avenger, which regular folks had no idea about.

Natasha returned to the ever-growing heap of work, muttering some really inappropriate words under her nose.

2

Jane Meadows fixed her hair and lipstick before entering Steve Rogers' office. She was wearing a very provocative outfit today and swapped places with the usual assistant who worked with Captain America which was no coincidence. Then she exhaled deeply and walked in.

"Captain Rogers?"

The soldier raised his sight. The mission reports he was currently struggling with, were the worst and Steve wholeheartedly agreed with the statement: it had to be the most boring part of being S.H.I.E.L.D.'s agent.

If he was surprised to see her, and not his usual assistant, the soldier didn't show it.

"Is there anything I can help you with, Jane?"

"I just need you to sign a few things, Captain. Here, here and here." She said handing him files with some irrelevant stuff, she devised only to get a chance for one-on-one with Steve Rogers.

Truth was that Jane hoped to receive something else from Captain America apart from a signature, but to her disappointment, the soldier not even once acknowledged the fact she was definitely hitting on him. He couldn't be that unaware, now could he?

"Is this all, Jane?"

"Yes, Captain." The assistant responded reluctantly, realizing he wasn't even remotely interested.

"Then I'm all done here. Who's staying late today?" He asked, grabbing his jacket and his trusty shield in a leather case. Soldier didn't pack any documents because they couldn't leave the HQ for safety reasons.

"Agents Morse, Johnson, Browning and... Romanoff."

"Natasha's still here? I thought she took the day shifts only."

"Well, she just had a few additional duties since Agent Carter overstayed her time on a mission. Agent Romanoff had to do it instead." Jane replied even more reluctant than before. What did Romanoff have that she didn't? Apart from an awful character? Steve nodded and it didn't escape the assistant's notice how his eyes lit up when she mentioned the redhead's name.

"Then I'll see how she's doing. Thanks for those reports Jane." Steve said, oblivious to the fact he's just ruined a perfectly calculated plan to seduce him in his own office.

The soldier's mind, however, was preoccupied with something completely different, specifically Natasha's birthday. He didn't see the spy in a long time and even though he had a feeling she was avoiding him for an unexplained reason, it was a good opportunity to at least talk to her.

Steve headed for the elevator, leaving annoyed Jane. At least now she knew the tales of Captain's upbringing weren't exaggerated. She also learned that the super-soldier apparently had a soft spot for Natasha Romanoff. And this meant lots of gossip during the upcoming months.

3

Even though the Agency operated during nighttime as usual, it was surely much more quiet and less-crowded after the end of the day shift. Steve preferred this part of the day without a doubt but it was not the case for Natasha though, so he decided to check up on her and see if she needed any help with the additional stuff.

The soldier quietly knocked on the door of her office but didn't receive any response. After a minute or two of silence, Steve walked in, a bit worried. To his surprise Natasha was fast asleep with her head positioned on the laptop's keyboard, while countless pages with S.H.I.E.L.D.'s logo lay all around her in a complete mess. Well, she was in more trouble than he had originally expected and the soldier was well aware of how much she disliked this part of their job. If she had the opportunity she'd probably murder Nick with a stapler for enforcing that half-traditional data-storage policy. He could relate.

Steve gathered all the papers and put them in Natasha's briefcase, making sure not to wake her up. He intended to deal with the documents later, so the redhead would have a chance for a few hours of quality sleep, rather than dozing off behind her desk. The soldier took Natasha's coat and scooped the unaware spy up. Her frame was so tiny compared to his that he didn't even feel much of a difference in terms of weight.

Steve left the building with the spy still asleep in his arms. She must have been really tired tonight as nothing seemed to bring her back from the land of dreams. He got a few knowing smiles from several coworkers and a really angry one from Jane but he didn't notice. His mind was preoccupied with something completely different now.

4

Natasha opened her eyes when she felt someone taking off her shoes. It was so soft and comfy that her mind couldn't properly piece the facts together. How on Earth she ended up on a couch and, even better, at her own apartment? The answer to this mystery came quickly as she spotted a blonde hair figure with a beard, tucking her feet under a fluffy blanket.

"Steve?" She asked drowsily.

"Oh, shit. I'm sorry." He said, angry with himself that he woke her up.

"Langua-a-a-a-ge" She replied, stifling a giant yawn and earning a quiet laugh from the soldier.

Steve checked his wrist watch and decided it was time to go. "I was about to leave anyway, so don't mind me."

"Why?"

"You slept at your desk, Natasha." Steve grabbed his jacket and the spy's briefcase. "You must be really tired so try to grab a few hours of good sleep, okay?"

His hand was already on the doorknob when he was halted in his tracks by a few quiet words he had never expected to hear, let alone from Natasha Romanoff herself.

"Steve?"

"Yes?" He turned around, but a few longer moments passed until she continued.

"Do you… do you think you could stay with me, tonight?"

He felt streams of hot and cold going down his spine which had nothing to do with the weather outside. "It's very late. I don't wanna intrude."

"You're not. Please don't go, Steve."

There was something in her voice Steve had never noticed before, though by the time he got to the sofa, she had already dozed off. Why was she so tired? It surely must have been something else than work overload. Natasha could have fought three battles in a row and still had enough energy to tease him and kick ass at the same time. No. Something was definitely off and he intended to find out.

Steve's been to Natasha's apartment only on a handful of occasions as the Avengers spent most of their free time at the Tower. Her place consisted of a living room with an open kitchen, a small bathroom and single bedroom. However it gave off a rather lonely feeling. The awful cold weather outside didn't make it better. Steve kept flowers on the table at his flat at least. Maybe it was for the better if he stayed over?

After rummaging through the kitchen closets Steve found the proper ingredients and a bottle of wine which was the only thing in surplus the spy apparently had. He poured the red liquor into a pot and heated it up while he added spices such as cinnamon, cloves, orange zest and vanilla pods. Fortunately everything was in its place so he was able to prepare mulled wine just like his mother Sarah taught him all those years ago. Then the soldier made a few sandwiches because he could hear Natasha's belly growling from the couch.

"Nat, wake up." He touched her shoulder gently. The redhead twitched slightly and a pair of green eyes locked on him and the food he was holding.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Steve. I thought you left." She propped herself up. "Is that for me?"

"Yup. You must be really hungry so I thought I'd fix a small dinner for you."

She nodded gratefully and bit into the snack. The strong smell of the liquor caught her attention immediately and after a few sips she was left wondering how on Earth, Steve made it taste so good.

Delightful warmth spread throughout her body with each swig of the red brew. Couldn't he cook for her on a daily basis? The spy drew her knees up and patted the couch next to her. "I really don't know how you do it, Steve."

"Oh. Don't mention it. You had all the stuff so I did it the way mother used to, back in the 30s." The soldier shrugged his shoulders. "Once a year she would prepare mulled wine when family members visited us on Christmas Day. The first time I tried it, Bucky made me laugh so much I got it all over myself."

Natasha chuckled and gave him a little nudge. "Well she would have been proud. This is amazing, Steve."

They were silent for a longer moment until Steve dared to say what was on his mind for the past weeks. "Natasha I need to ask you something."

She blinked a few times, surprised by the sudden shift in his tone. "Go ahead."

"I… I think you are growing distant recently. For the past months you seemed like you didn't want to see me… Especially after the last mission with Tony and Bruce. Now you're asking me to stay. Did I… Did I do something wrong, Natasha? If so, then-"

He stopped when she sighed tiredly.

"No, Steve, it's not that. You got it all wrong." Well there was no going back now. She had to tell him. "I believed that by staying away from you I'd be able to get over my anxiety and convince myself you're capable of taking care of yourself. I'm just worried about you, Steve. Constantly. I can't bear the idea of you getting hurt because if something happened to you and you'd be gone… I don't know if I could go on."

She could see his expression softening. "I won't be, Nat, don't worry. I'm your friend and I won't be leaving anytime soon. You were the one who reached to me at the lowest point of my life. I'm not going to let you struggle with yours alone."

Steve smiled discreetly standing up. "In fact, I've got something for you so you won't forget it."

As he took the small item out of the pocket of his jacket he scolded himself mentally about it. Had he gone earlier he would have forgotten about the gift.

He returned to the curious spy and handed her a small, cube-shaped package in a colourful paper. "All the best on your special day, Nat."

A genuine look of disbelief accompanied her as Natasha unwrapped her birthday present which turned out to be a neat wooden box with silver ornaments. When the redhead lifted the lid, a small ballerina emerged from the inside and they both heard a soulful melody.

The soldier sought for a long time before he finally decided on what to give her. Steve purchased the gift in a clockwork workshop he used to visit when he was a young boy. He remembered taking his grandfather's watch to be repaired there, but something else stuck in his mind ever since: music boxes. The owner, an Italian immigrant named Alberto, constructed small but beautiful instruments as a hobby and Steve would sometimes listen to them when drawing the streets of Brooklyn. Now the music boxes weren't a hobby anymore but a family business and the soldier knew he couldn't let this opportunity slide.

Of course the shop was run by Alberto's grandson now, but Steve didn't mention this fact to the boy behind the counter. What mattered was that the music box struck a certain chord within the soldier's heart and it certainly did so for Natasha.

As the melody ended Steve was once again taken aback by the redhead. She didn't utter a single word, instead hugging him tightly. By the way she was shaking, he could tell she was crying.

"It's okay, Nat, it's okay." He whispered, stroking her tangled fiery hair. "It'll be alright."

They remained in such a state until Natasha's tears finally ran dry. Her make-up was ruined but Steve didn't care much. She still looked gorgeous even with black traces streaming down her cheeks.

"You're going to be okay?"

"I.. I think so. Thanks, Steve."

"Anytime." He replied sporting that adorable smile of his. Natasha felt a tingling in her stomach which had nothing to do with the wine she's just emptied. "I take it you aren't used to getting presents, huh?"

"Not exactly. You're one of very few who actually know about it." She answered, scratching her head. "Speaking of which, how did you figure today was the special day? I don't remember telling you."

"Well, let's just say we have mutual friends."

The spy nodded knowingly. "Hawkeye, you son of a bitch."

They both laughed and Steve felt as if everything was back to normal. He didn't hear her honest laugh in a loooong time. And he could listen to this sound for all eternity.

"You're not mad at him, are you?"

"No, it's just… I don't like to talk about my birthday."

"If you don't want to-"

"It's okay, Steve. Of all people you deserve to know." She responded with a sigh. "This isn't actually my birthday or at least I'm not entirely sure. The year's correct, though."

"Oh. I didn't expect that."

She nodded her head. "No wonder. I was abducted by the Red Room at a very young age, I barely remember my parents. I think I was three when they took me? I guess I'll never know but this date, the twenty-second of November, was the day when I became the Black Widow… and the day when I stopped being one."

"By becoming the Black Widow you mean…?"

"I see you've read the files."

Steve smiled sheepishly, but the spy didn't seem to be overly surprised.

"I dumped them on the net myself so you don't need to be ashamed. One way or another I underwent the 'final ceremony' as they called it. To be a better weapon, I couldn't be distracted so sterilization matched my job requirements more than perfectly. Love… love is for children after all."

Steve was silent even though it pained him to hear so much defeat in her voice.

"Sometimes I still see faces of people who died by my hand. When I close my eyes or in the crowd. There were so many of them, Steve, so many…Can you tell me please, what have I done to deserve such life? Why did they do this to me?" She asked bitterly.

"I don't know, Nat but you're not the same person as they tried to make you. Clint and I, we owe our lives to you, Nat. You have helped countless people since then." He put his hand on her shoulder. "You are many things, but a monster isn't one of them."

"You never give up, do you? I wish I'd have this much faith one day, as you do now." She said quietly but then she slowly smiled, seeing his goofy smirk. "But I'll try. After all, Clint found me on the same day and now I must put up with a stubborn soldier on steroids."

The soldier chuckled. "Famous Budapest mission. Will you ever tell me what happened there?"

"Maybe one day, Steve." Natasha smiled sadly and then added. "But for now, I'll remember this day for one more reason. The music box is beautiful Steve. Thank you."

"It made you smile and this is all I could ask for."

Natasha shook her head. "I'm a complete mess today, huh? You probably wanted to relax at home after the whole week and I forced you to listen to my pathetic confessions."

"Having feelings is not pathetic, Natasha."

"But it's still new to me."

"We both know that's not true." Steve said and she looked at him quizzically. "Otherwise you wouldn't be friends with Barton or me. Not to mention Nick or the other Avengers. We are all your small dysfunctional family whether you like it or not."

Natasha smiled at the comment and finally seemed like she relaxed a bit. "Soooo, you're saying that you didn't intend to be doing anything fun Friday night?"

Before she finished he was already smirking. "Well, all the guys from my barbershop quartet are dead, so no, not really."

"And I didn't thwart any of your plans, say, with Jane the assistant?" She asked innocently causing Steve's brows to furrow. His confused voice made Natasha chuckle. "I don't see why I should be doing anything with her apart from work."

"Oh, please. She's been practically devouring you with her eyes recently." The spy watched as he blushed disarmingly. The soldier was so adorably oblivious when it cameto certain things... but in all fairness she couldn't blame Jane for her attempts.

"It's not… she's into me probably because I'm... sorta famous even though I don't want or deserve any of it."

"Okay, so now you're talking bullshit, Steve. You're the hottest man in America and a national hero so it's no wonder she's been dressing like there was a beach resort at your office."

After this comment Steve's cheeks were so red that he looked as if he had severe sunburn.

"You really shouldn't have drunk all that wine." He said after a longer pause and Natasha laughed again. It was probably the first time since many many months when she actually enjoyed herself. Who said you need to go partying in a club when you have an adorable super soldier around?

"Besides how did you know she was making a move on me, huh?" He added, his voice puzzled.

"I've been spying on people all my life so it's kinda my habit." She retorted. "She's always eyeing you up and she always... expose herself more than it's natural in an attempt to draw your attention. As if that was gonna get you to kiss her or something."

"Oh." The soldier scratched his head. "I guess, I didn't notice."

"I can tell." She said with a smirk, but then Steve asked her something she didn't expect.

"But now that I'm thinking about it… why are you so interested? Jane's not your assistant plus you're always trying to find me a date."

Shiiiiit. Natasha's mind went into high gear despite the exhaustion and wine she drank. Did she just inadvertently admit to being jealous in front of Steve Rogers?

"Well it wasn't that hard to see. Everyone in the office talked about it." She replied with a tiny delay, she hoped he wouldn't catch.

"So the reports she gave me to sign today were..."

"An excuse to corner you in your office? Most probably."

"Oh." He repeated again, his face totally mortified. "Maybe I should start taking lessons from you on how to read women?"

"Maybe one day, Steve." Natasha said, even though something inside her wanted to be read by Steve right here, right now.

There was a comfortable silence for a minute or two.

"I know I was the one who wanted to put you into bed, but now that you're so active, maybe you wanna watch a movie?" Steve asked with a smirk appearing on his face again.

Despite the teasing and embarrassing moments he couldn't be more happy. The redhead was talking with him without a care in the world, as if she'd forgiven him for all the awful things he had done (even though he wasn't technically responsible for them, he still felt guilty at times) and considered him a friend once more. He couldn't ask for more.

"You wanna watch the history channel?" She asked in a completely serious tone which earned her a playful nudge.

"You know what, Romanoff?" He sported a crooked smile. "I heard that Black Widow likes Disney cartoons. How does that sound?"

"Clint told you about this as well, didn't he?" Natasha muttered a few inappropriate words under her nose, which made him laugh hard.

"He might have mentioned it here and there…" Steve smirked, switching on the laptop. "So how does the Lion King sound? I heard it's a classic."

"You must watch it! Bring it on." Natasha said enthusiastically, positioning herself more comfortably on the couch, which meant getting closer to Steve who was delightfully warm. One of many advantages of the serum: high metabolic rate meant he was always hot (literally).

The film started and the soldier grabbed the last sandwich she didn't manage to eat. They watched one of the best animations in the history of cinema, until Natasha finally dozed off, leaning against Steve's shoulder and holding his hand. This time, however, he made sure not to wake her up and soon they were both snoring blissfully on the couch as the hakuna matata played in the background.

Neither the soldier nor the spy had nightmares that night.

A/N: I had lots of fun writing the sarcastic exchange of comments between those two and I hope you enjoyed reading this as well! As for the future chapters I'll try to post them whenever I can (the exams are coming!). See you next time. / WS