A/N: The last chapter was full of fluff but it left the soldier and the spy a bit shaken up. Let's see if they'll be able to sort their feelings out. Also thanks for the new follows, favourites and reviews. They made me smile :)

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. All rights to Marvel Cinematic Universe, etc.

Chapter 10

MAKE IT UP AS I GO

"Eventually you're gonna have to let someone in." - Cassio Leo

1

Since that memorable Friday night, the spy and the soldier got into the habit of meeting once a week to watch a movie and talk until late about everything and nothing. And because Nick Fury gave them a small break in wake of recent events, they could spend more time with each other. Time without gathering intel, infiltration or fighting brainwashed fanatics who wanted their heads. Just the heads, nothing attached.

Steve and Natasha enjoyed a wide variety of cinema including classics, fantasy, sci-fi, horror and even sappy rom-coms but those weren't exactly their cup of tea. They'd watch them just for the sake of making fun of the cringy characters and cliché situations. It didn't deter them from holding hands every now or again though. None of them made a comment after the first movie night either.

When they woke up on the couch, cuddled together under a blanket, Natasha was so happy she couldn't stop grinning like an idiot. But it also got her scratching her head about the meaning of this all.

Was she selfish? Steve deserved much more than her. The spy had already come to terms with her past which only reinforced her belief that the soldier should be with someone whose life wasn't tainted with the blood of the innocent.

When he held her in his arms it felt so natural as though they were supposed to fit each other's embrace. No matter what, they went through serious shit together. Both Steve and Natasha needed mutual support more than both of them could've ever expected.

What was this thing she felt towards the soldier, anyway? The first word which came to her mind was friendship but she knew it had to be something greater.

Was she falling for him like most women would in the presence of Captain America? He was ridiculously handsome, true, but from what Natasha learned, Peggy Carter fell for the soldier well before the project. He proved more than once he puts his into everything he does.

Was there a reason why she felt like a nervous teenager whenever he flashed that stupid smile of his? Most probably. She rubbed her temples. "Why does this have to be so complicated?"

Steve surely didn't remember those few big words she spoke to him, back at the cabin in the woods, but Natasha still hoped he did. Only Wanda Maximoff knew how hard it was for the spy to say it out loud, regardless of the situation being dire at the time. On the other hand Natasha wasn't quite sure if she understood the meaning of those words fully herself. Without Steve around - they sounded unnatural to her no matter how much she wanted them to be true.

You can't get twenty years of lies and indoctrination out of your head that easily.

When those questions and doubts crystallized in her mind, Natasha felt as if she was walking down the stairs and missed one step after another. She needed to talk with someone who knew her well and wouldn't judge, someone whom she trusted with her life unconditionally.

The spy was the only one besides Fury, who knew the location of Barton's' farmhouse which has been kept in secret through all means necessary. After all, Clint was the only one who had a family outside the Avengers which meant his wife or kids were perfect material for kidnapping by HYDRA's still operating remnants. They all worked together to establish a place which would not only provide a safe home for Barton's family, but also a shelter for the fellow Avengers in moments of need such as this.

As many times before, she very often pondered how her life was changed by her would-be killer. Clint was in his prime when assigned to hunt her down and the fact he succeeded in bringing her down spoke volumes. She remembered being told stories of how efficient the archer was.

"You were well-trained, Natalia. You have passed every test and you are the most prominent student of the Academy. But the enemy was not idling away either. There is someone who may rival your abilities. Should you cross paths with him, do not hesitate to strike immediately… otherwise you may not have a second chance."

Natasha could accuse the Red Room of destroying her life and mental health, but one thing was undeniably true: they taught her how to fight like the devil himself. Her skills were unmatched until she met a young enemy agent clad in black, under the codename of Hawkeye.

She respected him greatly for what he did back in Budapest. Not because the archer spared her life, but because the different call he made offered a chance to atone for her sins. To wipe clean the trail of blood she left behind throughout years of mindless torture and killing. Natasha couldn't have asked for more and she took the chance more than willingly.

Then the redhead was surprised even further because Clint Barton offered her friendship, something she wouldn't even dream of, back in the Red Room. Time proved that this relationship was something greater and they developed mutual brother-and-sister love for each other. It was only natural she'd look for his advice with her emotional status seriously fucked up.

Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. gave her all-clear in terms of transportation so Natasha opted for the smallest quinjet available. One of the advantages of working for the agency was the aircraft, especially when Stark Industries, under the leadership of Pepper Potts, provided new, upgraded and much more advanced models of different shapes and sizes. It was perfect to get out of NYC, have a slight change of scenery and clear your head of negative thoughts. Being an emotional wreck could do that to you.

Before she took off, she grabbed her phone and sent a message to Steve. "I won't be around this weekend 'cause I'm visiting Bartons. Hope you don't mind."

Natasha didn't need to wait long until the reply came back. Considering the fact that it took years for Steve to get used to this means of communication, the old-fashioned soldier came out to be doing just fine with modern technology (or technological crap as he frequently referred to it).

"No problem. Give them my regards and please, try not to teach Lila how to murder someone in 14 different ways using a napkin."

The spy laughed quietly and typed a response. "I'll try."

"Be safe, Nat."

The engine roared as Natasha pulled the machine up and flew away towards Bartons' home.

2

Steve's phone beeped quietly alerting him of a new message. When he glanced at the screen it turned out to be from Maria Hill, one of Fury's most trusted people.

"Captain Rogers, mission #ID22042019 has been reassigned to another agent. You are relieved of duty for the rest of the month, on Director's orders."

The soldier stopped with his hand on the doorknob. He was already ready to leave for HQ, the combat suit and vibranium shield packed, but now it seemed he had no mission to carry out.

Steve shrugged his shoulders. In all fairness it was a welcome change from the boring routine he has recently been drowning in. The soldier put his stuff back in the closet and changed into casual clothes. He took his sketchbook and motorcycle keys and headed out to the café, Bruce Banner recommended to him once. It was a perfect day for a drink and some drawing which he didn't do for a while.

When his order arrived, Steve took a sip of the brew and opened his sketchbook. He grabbed the pencil and drew the outlines of a person who was on his mind for a long time now.

It depicted his best friend sitting on top of the Avengers Tower, her feet dangling over the edge of the giant building. The last rays of the setting sun danced in her shiny hair, partially encasing her face in shadows and bringing out these special sparkles out of her emerald eyes. He used pastels for the details, trying to capture her beauty, along with a breath-taking cityscape in the background.

The effect must have been quite good because Steve heard someone whispering into his ear.

"This is beautiful. Who is she?"

The soldier turned around in his seat. He saw a middle aged woman with blonde hair and an apron with coffé shop logo on. She was apparently peeking from behind his shoulder a few seconds ago.

Steve hesitated for a couple of heartbeats before answering. "She's my best friend."

The waitress looked for a longer moment at his face, then again at his sketchbook. It was rather obvious she pieced the facts together and she knew well whom she was talking to. Everyone knew what Captain America looked like. He was not only in the history books but also seen on TV on numerous occasions regardless of the fact if he wanted it or not.

Fortunately she made no comment, otherwise Steve would have been swarmed by people begging for his autograph and giving him unnecessary attention he hated so much. What mattered was that the waitress seemed to know that the word "friend" held a greater meaning than it met the eye.

She gave him a smile. "I've never seen anyone who'd put so much emotion into a simple drawing."

Steve felt his cheeks burning.

"Did you ask her out?"

The question was so sudden that he almost spit his coffee on the table.

"I don't… I don't think she's interested in me like that."

The waitress reached into the pocket of her jeans and took out a worn photo of a handsome dark-haired man. In the right-hand lower corner there were two words written inside a heart.

"I don't know why I'm telling you this. Maybe because you're someone who has a lot on his shoulders just like me. One way or another…" She gave him a sad smile. "Just.. don't wait until it's too late."

With that she left Steve, doubts swirling inside his mind like a violent storm. The coffee he just drank only gave him a headache and he thought that was impossible with serum and everything.

The soldier grabbed his phone and searched through the contact list. A moment or two later he heard his friend's voice.

"What's up, Cap?"

"Hi, Sam, I, uh, I got a major problem I hope you'd help me out with."

"Oh. Something serious?"

"To be honest with you, I'm not sure myself. I… I just need your advice."

"No problem, Steve. I need to run a few errands right now, but I think I'll be ready by 6.30. Sounds good?"

"Yup. Thanks, Sam."

"Anytime."

3

When Clint Barton walked into his house, a delightful smell of home-cooked meal filled his nostrils, making his stomach growl. He closed the doors behind him, took off his boots and hung the coat on the rack along with his training bow.

Since being freed from captivity by Natasha and Tony a couple of months ago, he tried to practice his archery skills but it worked to a moderate degree. The blade Wasilewska dug into his right hand, messed up the tendons and muscles badly. Despite great efforts of Bruce Banner and dr Mitchell, he was only beginning to regain full flexibility in his fingers. He could always switch his hands permanently, and use his left hand to draw the bowstring, but he hoped he'd get back to the original shape eventually. Clint tried not to think what would happen if the injury was to be permanent.

As for the nails that were pulled out during the interrogation by that sadistic bitch, they were still growing back. He had his fingers wrapped in bandages to prevent infection. But the worst change his wife and children had to witness was the absence of one of his ears. At least Wasilewska didn't manage to mess up his hearing so that was a plus for sure.

Clint thanked God, Natasha was in the hospital when Laura arrived, otherwise his wife would have torn the place apart. The archer could only imagine how bad he looked but he fainted multiple times after they left the HYDRA base and the rest of the trip back was just a blur.

With that thought in mind Clint stepped into their living room, which had a fireplace and a stunning view outside the window. Lush spruce forest, hidden under a soft blanket of snow, a frozen lake, perfect for ice skating, and rolling white hills in the background made up for the coziness of this place.

Barton locked his sight on the couch, occupied by his wife, daughter and best friend, all three of them discussing something vigorously. The only person missing was his son, Cooper, who was currently at the boarding school in Saint Louis.

"Where is Cooper when I need him? I can't help but feel a bit threatened with all these women around."

All three of them stood up and looked at him in identical manner with their arms crossed on their chests.

"And here I thought I was the only one on the team who felt overwhelmed by the opposite sex." Natasha sported her trademark smirk.

"Natasha, do you mind if I kick my husband's ass? Then we can catch up without interruptions." Laura asked, trying to look as intimidating as the redhead but it only led to a comical effect.

"Take your time." The redhead replied and they laughed, while Lila watched this exchange with a mixture of amusement and embarrassment.

"Is my dad always that cranky when you're on a mission?" She asked which made the adults laugh even more.

"More or less, darling."

"Speak for yourself, Romanoff." Clint growled and hugged his friend. She returned the embrace which was rather unusual of Natasha. "It's good to see you, Nat. We missed you."

"Yeah, about that. I... I need your help, Clint." She whispered back. "In private."

"This is about Steve, am I right?" He asked even quieter.

"Was it that obvious?"

"I'd be a shitty friend if I didn't work this out earlier." Barton simply smiled. "But we'll talk later. Let's eat dinner first, you deserve some time without worrying about everything."

He then added a bit louder. "Lila made something special for you since you saved my sorry ass. I think you're her idol now."

"Daaaad! I can hear you!" They heard an irritated voice coming from the kitchen.

Natasha smiled sadly. She remembered how Clint asked her if she wanted to be Lila's godmother and how she didn't hesitate even for a split second. The redhead was overjoyed by the fact she would have a goddaughter even though she deemed herself less than qualified for the job.

"Please, tell me it's not true..."

"She already has posters with you all over her room. Not to mention the sheets and pillows."

"Oh."

"I'm not happy either, I was hoping she'd be more like her daddy. I'm kinda jealous, Nat." Clint gave her a nudge seeing how sad she suddenly became. The archer hated seeing her like that. "And don't you even try with that 'I'm not worthy enough' bullshit. I know it's not true and so do you."

With that he invited Natasha to sit at the table while he and his wife prepared the plates, the cutlery and a delicious roast with oranges, based on Laura's family recipe. For the next few hours Natasha forgot about her troubled personal life and enjoyed herself, talking and joking without a care in the world.

4

Steve stood in front of his favourite bar in Brooklyn, waiting for his friend to arrive. He glanced at an old-fashioned watch he wore on his left wrist. It belonged to his grandfather and after the war was put on display in a museum devoted to Captain America's life along with many other items from many years before.

The soldier decided to leave them be, opting to keep only three things: the compass with Peggy's photo which he had when he crashed into the waters of Antarctica, the old, torn picture of himself and Howling Commandos and finally - his grandfather's watch. When Steve asked the curator to return this 'exhibit', it was promptly given back to him for which he was grateful.

Steve just had to carry something from his past life, close to him. It reminded the soldier of how it used to be whenever he felt too much out of time, which needless to say was very often.

Steve shook his head. He was getting more and more sentimental over the years and he couldn't help the feeling that being called 'grandpa' by Tony and Clint was that more justified.

The watch showed 6.48 which meant his friend would be here any minute. Speaking of the devil, a black jeep pulled over a few spaces down the street from the bar entrance. One of his fellow Avengers, known by the codename of Falcon or Sam Wilson to friends, stepped out of the vehicle and gave Steve a bear hug.

"Thanks for coming, Sam. I appreciate it." Steve said, returning the embrace.

"No problem. I kinda missed you since you've been staying at the office lately. Let's get wasted."

Steve chuckled slightly. "I can't get drunk, remember?"

Wilson patted the soldier on his back. "That's even better. More beer for me, then."

They sat at the table in the corner so that no-one would interrupt or eavesdrop on them. Sam ordered two large beers despite Steve's earlier comment.

"So how you doin' Steve? What's this problem about?" Wilson smiled at his friend who had a troubled expression. "Something at the S.H.I.E.L.D.?"

"Well, you could put it that way..." Steve scratched his head. " I've been seeing someone who works with me for a long time now and I've no idea what I should do about it."

"I didn't know you were dating Carter."

"I am not dating Sharon." Steve sighed with exasperation. "I don't know why everyone around keeps thinking I would."

"Well, she's very pretty, very smart and an excellent agent. Not to mention she's Peggy's niece." Sam replied as if it was obvious and he had to explain it to a four year child. "Some at the HQ think you two should have already been together for a few years by now."

The soldier rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on, Sam. Sharon's in her 30s and I'm almost one hundred years old. She deserves someone better, don't you think? I could have been her uncle."

"If you put it that way, it does sound weird."

"Told you." Steve muttered, taking a sip of his beer. It had no effect on his system whatsoever but it helped him to calm his nerves.

"Who are you dating then?" Sam asked, watching his friend closely. Steve exhaled deeply before answering.

"Natasha." He said and then quickly added. "And it's not dating, all right? We've just hung out a few times. Watching movies and talking."

Sam's hand froze midway between the tabletop and his mouth. "Damn, Steve."

Steve let out a nervous laugh.

"But I shouldn't be surprised by it." Sam added with a knowing grin. "It was bound to happen sooner or later. but you two always seemed to be busy with saving the world around you."

"You've been a part of this as well."

Wilson smirked at the comment. "Yeah and that's why I could tell there was something in the air between you and Romanoff. Sometimes I couldn't help but feel like a third wheel."

The soldier's face coloured with embarrassment. "Why am I the only one who didn't see it?"

"Oh, you know what they say, Steve. Love's blind. Maybe that's the case."

"I… I'm not sure it's love, Sam. It's not that simple."

"Of course not. But you've been seeing Natasha and from what I figured it made you happy."

"More than happy. I have never had such a relationship with anyone. She's the best friend I had since being pulled out of the ice." The soldier said, fiddling with his watch.

Sam feigned an offense.

"What am I, chopped liver?"

Steve chuckled but then his expression turned bitter. "Before serum I was a weakling and had no chance for a normal conversation with a woman I liked. Now, that I have all this-" He pointed at himself. "Every woman wants to date me just because I have the looks."

"What about Peggy Carter?"

"Peggy was different. She saw me before the project. She knew a scrawny kid from Brooklyn, not the heroic Captain." Steve replied quietly. "But it didn't matter in the end. We were never meant to be."

Sam put his hand on the soldier's shoulder.

"Natasha reminds you of her, right? And you fear you two are also not meant to be?"

Steve sighed tiredly.

"I do."

5

Clint gave his friend a mug of steaming tea and sat beside her. They were in his office upstairs, both Laura and Lila already asleep in their rooms. It was time for a heart-to-heart talk between two friends.

"So… What's going on, Nat?"

There was a long pause before she began to speak. The archer waited patiently, well aware of how difficult this topic was for Natasha.

"I don't know what to do. I've been seeing Steve more and more lately and I cannot help this feeling that there is something between us. I can't deny it any longer."

"I didn't know you were dating Steve."

She blushed a bit, which was the last thing on Earth the archer could expect from the Black Widow.

"Well, not exactly... rather hanging at his or my place, watching movies and talking."

"This sounds precisely like a date to me." Clint smiled slightly as he took a sip of his tea. "Whose idea was this?"

The spy hesitated for a brief moment before answering. "It's difficult to tell. I dozed off at work and Steve brought me to my own apartment. I asked him to stay overnight… and he did. We started to talk and..."

Clint's brow went up. "Yes…?"

"... we watched a cartoon and I fell asleep on his shoulder. We were like this until the next morning."

"Awww, that's so sweet."

"Maybe. But it freaked me out so much I didn't eat anything that day. The fuck is happening to me?" She said quietly, staring at the blizzard outside the window. "I can't help feeling something is wrong."

"You have nothing to be afraid of, Nat. We both know Steve would never use or hurt you, especially after you freed him from Schmidt's influence." Clint responded calmly. "And there is certainly nothing wrong with the fact you experience emotions just like any other person would. Try to relax."

"All my life, I was told these emotions were a sign of weakness, that they could hurt me if I got involved. It's better to use them against others, to gain control, rather than have them myself." Natasha's voice was bitter. "Every time I think it might have worked out… I can't get the image of Steve trying to kill himself."

"We've talked about this, Nat. You need to let go."

"I can't get this out of my head, Clint, I just can't! It comes back to me at night." She confessed quietly, her voice cold as the frozen lake. Barton watched her closely for a few longer moments before putting the empty mug on his desk.

"In that case maybe we'll try something different."

Natasha rolled her eyes. "If you want to give me a speech on how good of a person I've become I'm gonna punch you."

"Sometimes you need to admit your defeat, Nat. And you are the most stubborn person I know, so no." The archer took her by her hand. "What you need to know is that blocking Steve out is not the answer to your problem. He cares about you, there's no doubt about it. And you, very clearly, care about him as well."

The redhead was about to chime in, but he continued before she could do so. "Don't deny it 'cause everyone could see it during the past few years. Those looks you gave each other, the way you were always perfectly synchronized in battle or outside it. It was obvious to so many people yet you two idiots were and apparently still are, too blind to see it."

Clint smiled slightly. "And now you two are even closer. The things you feel right now are completely natural which is why you're so frightened. Because you've never been allowed to let them out."

Natasha resumed her stare at the snow falling outside. "I don't wanna ruin what little relationship I have with Steve."

"And you won't. You've done nothing wrong, Nat. It's not forbidden to love someone." The archer said firmly.

"I… I don't love him, Clint."

Barton sighed and shook his head. "So how'd you call this thing between you and him? Because it's not friendship, that's for sure."

"How can I know this is love if I've never loved anyone before?"

"Oh, I think you already do." The archer winked at her.

They sat in silence for a long time before Natasha reached into her jacket and took out the birthday present she was given by the soldier. She fiddled with the music box for a while, going back to the memorable movie night she spent with Steve, but she snapped back when Clint asked her. "Can I see it?"

Natasha handed him the box without a word and watched as he pulled the lever on the side. Soft melody filled the room and the spy once again found herself captivated by it. Those few sounds were simply magical and soothed her whenever she had too much on her mind. And she did a lot recently.

"Steve gave it to me for my birthday." She said when the music ended, earning a smile from the archer.

"When he asked me about your birthday, I knew he was going to give you something special."

Natasha nodded her head as she put the box on the desk. "Whenever I have problems with sleeping I listen to this melody. It's strange but… it reminds me of home. "The one I had before the Red Room and the Avengers."

The redhead suddenly realized her cheeks were wet. She wiped the tears away with the sleeve of her jacket and looked at the archer who had a smile so wide that it eventually made her lips quirk a little.

"Don't you even fucking say it."

Barton smirked. "Or what?"

"I'm gonna strangle you in your sleep."

"Oh." The archer feigned anxiety. "So, you don't want me to say that I knew it all along?"

"You're so screwed right now, Hawkeye."

"Bite me, Romanoff."

Natasha chuckled. She stood up and hugged Clint. "Thanks."

"Anytime, princess."

6

Steve shook his head. "I'm not sure if this is a good idea, Sam."

"Why not?"

"She'll freak out."

Sam raised his brow. "So you're telling me, you won't try because you're afraid of something that may never happen?"

Steve didn't have a response to that.

"Get a grip, man. That's no excuse."

"She deserves-"

"Natasha deserves someone just like you, Steve, and you know it." Sam said firmly. "I really doubt you wanna spend the rest of your life alone when someone like her is around. Open your eyes, man."

Steve looked at his friend's enthusiastic face and decided if he doesn't act now, he won't have the courage to take this step next time. Suddenly, the final visit at Peggy's hospital resurfaced in his mind, the details of the conversation echoing vividly in his mind.

She was very weary and emaciated the final time he saw her, but she did have the last moment of clarity before passing away. "Steve… will you do something for me, please?"

"Anything for you, Peggy."

"When I go- don't interrupt me! When I go… try not to be alone. You have made new friends and that is good, they'll watch over you just like Bucky and the others did… but there is something else..."

Steve nodded his head without uttering a word. There was something in Peggy's voice that told him to shut up and listen.

"I know…" She tried to continue but she got a coughing fit. When it passed, Peggy had beads of sweat on her forehead and was panting heavily so it took some time before she calmed down. "I know how you felt towards me all those years ago and I know that this feeling was mutual. However, while I got to live my life and grow old with the love of my life - you didn't."

"I'm glad you did, Peggy."

She sported a faint smile, then her brown eyes found his blue ones.

"Don't waste chances, Steve. Especially when you're given the second one." She squeezed the soldier's hand and Steve realized how weak Peggy's grip was. "It is a rare gift. Try to remember this when I'm not around."

"I… I will." Those were the only words that he managed to produce. He could already feel hot tears streaming down his cheeks. The final link to his past life, to past Steve Rogers, was about to be severed any minute.

"Goodbye, Steve."

"... eve? Steve, you there?" Sam's words snapped him out of this grim reflection.

"What? Oh. Yeah." The soldier scratched his head. "Sorry, I got lost in thought."

"I can tell. So…. are you going to back out?"

The soldier realized that something inside him, no, everything inside him, had already made the decision. He just had to let it happen. It was the easier part, right?

"No. I don't think I will."

Wilson's smile grew wider. "I'm happy for you, Steve."

"I'm not even dating her yet, Sam."

"True, but I have a good feeling about this." Sam responded, finishing his beer. "Trust me."

7

Natasha walked out of the bathroom with a towel around her waist, using the other one to dry her red hair.

Clint, Laura and Lila were already asleep but she decided to take a shower after such a lengthy conversation. Even though it drained her mentally, it also relieved some of her anxiety which was a very welcome change. Barton was not only a formidable archer, but also a good listener.

A quiet buzzing drew her attention to the nightstand. The spy glanced at the clock. It was well past midnight. Who'd call her this late? Fury? Rather unlikely, he gave her the rest of the month off.

Natasha grabbed the black phone and felt a shiver going down her spine.

"Steve?"

A/N: I'm happy this chapter came as a sort of mix between thoughts of two people who seek advice from their best friends. It was an interesting experience and I'm eager to hear what do you guys think? See you next time. / WS