Sorry for the confusion over the title for the last chapter. I'm no where near finished. Though sadly Rainier and Charlotte are.
This is a bit of a filler chapter I admit and makes some drug, eating disorder and sexual references. Remember its M for a reason. Finals have been crazy this week, but I took a break between studying for AP classes, volleyball and ballet and I'm going on a conformation retreat this weekend plus my internets been screwed up but enough of that heres the next chap.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter Please Review
Confessions of a Potter Princess X
The room is large and airy, bright from the wall of windows, with a splendid view of the Eiffel Tower. The Parisian penthouse takes up the entire seventh floor with five bedrooms and ornate wrought iron balcony across the front view of the Parisian street as well as along the back to view the famous Louvre.
"So what do you think?" Colton asked and I silently sit down on the bare wood floors, pulling on the sleeves of my cashmere sweater. I know its early July, but I'm always cold these days.
I smile sadly at Colton as he sits down on the hard polished floor next to me. He puts his arm around me and we sit there together and he's warmth and love and hope and everything that I don't have right now.
I don't cry so much anymore, because I know I gave Rainier up to be here, I know that it was my sacrifice and my fault. I look around at the big empty apartment and that's all that I see the emptiness. Empty and alone. Though I know better, I'm not alone. I'm never alone. This all so pathetic, because in fact when you get right down to it, I still have everything and more.
"Have you eaten anything today?" he said softly murmuring into my ear.
"No, I have to be at my first shoot in an hour anyway I don't really want to eat now, it'll show"
"Well, just make sure you eat something later than, I'm taking a client of mine to dinner tonight. If you want, you can come with?" he said standing up directing a mover as all of our boxes are being brought in.
"No, no I'll be bored stiff, you have fun talking about suing whoever, I think I'm going to go out with some friends afterwards"
Later
"Manhattan please" I ordered from the Bisou Bisou bar, the club I was at with friends, model Lana Taylor, rock offspring Lulu Flowers, and hotel heiress Theodora Marriott. The four of us were going crazy, already on our fifth drink of the night.
Not the healthiest lifestyle maybe, but hey live fast die pretty, right?
Ever since Rainier and I had ended things, rather badly I might add, I had been going out more and more as if trying to make up for lost time. Then again, it could also be because, it was easy to get lost in the booze and music of the clubs. The flashing lights and crowded dance floors left no room for self-pity; it was all about living in the moment.
The four of us danced fast with people we never got the name of. Grinding, pumping, groping, my body's slick with sweat and I don't even know what this guy looks like. There's nothing gentle about it, it's wild and provocative and fast and I'm trapped in the lights and sounds. Who cares if I go home with him or the guy across the room, or if I feel like it some hot girl? I've never had to go home alone if I didn't want too.
This is boring me and I grab Lulu's hand pulling her away from the tall dark stranger she's currently rubbing up against. She's definitely the wildest of all of us, and there's no doubt in my mind that she'll be going home with both a guy and girl tonight, but not until after she's fucked a guy against a bathroom stall and then a girl on one of the couches in the VIP lounge upstairs.
We jump on the table and the eyes of a zillion men are watching us dance together, and I don't mean the kind of dancing we do at ministry balls and social benefits. Madame Amelie, my ballet instructor for fourteen years, would in fact be appalled by the alcohol fueled "dancing".
Around three in the morning, I stumble out of the club supported only by Cleante Durriere, a French muggle actor and a rather famous one at that. We catch a cab back to his place, to do something I know I'll regret in the morning. This wasn't like Rainier; this wasn't passion and love at first. But, look at where that got me anyway.
Lust and a fiery need for instant gratification, instant fulfillment, that's all that this is now. And I'll enjoy it, I always do. He's People magazine's sexiest man alive after all. I could have picked a worse guy for a one night stand. But this is cheap and sleazy and yet frankly I don't give a shit. We're kissing and biting in the back seat of the cab my top easily rips and his blue button down is now without buttons. We have an unspoken agreement between two beautiful people, he'll help me erase my highly publicized breakup with Rainier tonight and I'll help him forget that little drug scandal the paparazzi have been stalking him for, again just for tonight. Cleante Durriere, my latest conquest, my latest mistake.
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"Hey" I yawn out tiredly to Colton as I walk into our new flat just four hours later. He's sitting at the dining room table eating a hearty breakfast that makes my stomach churn.
"Where were you last night?" he asked accusingly. I ignore him though and head toward the kitchen looking for the hangover potion I know is in there somewhere. Not vomiting, the only thing on my mind.
"Well, do you at least know his name?" he asked more gently this time.
I get where he's coming from but really I'm a big girl I can take care of myself. Plus, I know Colton, this isn't a fatherly gesture and he wasn't worried because I was partying, but more because he thinks I'm in a fragile state right now, leaving home and family and friends, and breaking off my first adult relationship. He's always telling me to eat more, or to sleep more and to work less.
But, it's almost like I feel guilty doing these things. I gave up my life in London and Rainier to pursue my career, if I take even a moment to stop and rest I feel like I'm doing my whole cause a great disservice. I don't get to rest, I don't get to take a moment to stop, and I don't deserve that. If I'm not working than I need to be out partying. And it's not just because of the attention and feeling of lust, but also because I feel like if I don't go out I'm going to miss something, or someone, that I need that I've been waiting for.
"Cleante Durriere" I answered after choking down the tar like hangover potion.
"The actor",Colton said sounding, funnily enough, just a little bit impressed.
"Yup" I grab a towel and wet it in the kitchen sink and place it on my forehead, "I'm going to go lie down for an hour or two before I head to work"
When I woke again a couple of hours later, I got into the shower and cleansed myself of the previous night's activities. It wasn't bad at all. Cleante was great in bed and I have to admit I did in a sense enjoy the power that I felt I had from just leaving this morning. I snuck out of the bed and left without a word while he was till sleeping. It was easy, and in the end, it was a little bit fun, being a little bit slutty, being the one to leave first.
I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed the "love" bite on my décolletage. I looked at my naked body in the mirror.
Usually I was happy with my body; I had tried to have confidence in it, even through the years of intense dance classes. But for some reason I couldn't place my stomach looked bigger today and my knees looked fat, arms limp and pudgy this was unacceptable.
Gates had asked me to be in his couture show. Everyone knew that couture was the epitome of perfection in both the delicately constructed clothes as well as the beauty of the models. These women were the most stunning women, the thinnest women, the chicest women.
The press statement had already been made that I would model in the show. There was absolutely no way that I, Charlotte Lillian Potter was going to be asked to either one: drop the show or two: have the clothes let out to fit my fat body.
Thank god, the shows weren't for another month still. That really would have been quite disastrous, if the show had been say tomorrow. I mean just looking at myself; I needed to drop at least fifteen pounds. A size zero or nothing, I told myself. That is my new goal.
I hurriedly dress in a pair of dark jeans and an old loose cotton jersey tee, not daring to put on shorts or tank tops despite the hot summer weather outside. I don't think I could bare the disappointment of looking at myself anything else.
I went out again that night, though this time Colton came with and we each danced the night away with each other and others, finally making our way home at nearly two in the morning. I had fun, but Colton had unfortunately insisted we go out for pasta ahead of time.
Oh gods, just thinking about all those carbs, that cheese, the rich sauces, the salad dressing made me want to scream. But I didn't want to appear weird about the food thing; because I knew Colton would fuss over it. So we ate and thankfully I was able to excuse myself to the bathroom after dinner, where I promptly stuck my finger down my throat and watched all those calories swirl away into nothing. My sides hurt with the effort and my throat burned afterward from the stomach acid, but I didn't give a shit. It felt good, a kind of purification.
I had weighed myself upon arriving home from work and discovered that I had in fact weighed one pound less than I had that morning. It was working, one more pound gone and I was able to steady myself, losing the original panic that I felt earlier that morning. It was agony still though upon seeing that I weighed 123 pounds. That wasn't like obese or anything for a 5'9" girl but for a couture model that was still like ten pounds too heavy. Though I figure if I can lose fifteen, I'll be golden. I'll be perfect.
I catch myself staring at the rail-thin body of Lulu Flowers enviously as we lounge at the pool in the Cannes beach house we rented for the rest of July. It's just me, Lulu and her flavor of the week a rocker by the name of Falin, just Falin, and Colton. Delilah and Maxim were going to visit in a week. The sparkling turquoise sea and bright white sand are the perfect view from where I lounge in my sapphire blue bikini. But, I feel anything but perfect.
I look at Lulu again and see her flirting with Falin. She's so thin, so gorgeous, a long tan luxurious brunette with golden-brown eyes and big pouty red lips. She looked exactly how she was too dead sexy, totally disarming and a very naughty girl indeed. I had never really seen her exercise though and I wondered at how she was so damn skinny. It wasn't fair. I mean I wasn't jealous of her in many respects; she had a very broken family with something like ten half-brothers and sisters by her philandering dad, an aging rock god. But still…
I even caught her eating a brownie after lunch later and literally gagged at the sight of the rich chocolate dessert. Partly, because I seemed to have developed that reflex whenever I saw food these days and partly because I didn't understand how she could eat that and still keep that fat free frame. I mean she wasn't a zero, like I wanted to be, but she was definitely a size two and she was only three inches shorter.
"How do you it?" I ask as we change to go out later that night. We're in our underwear putting on just a bit of makeup before we go out tonight and I notice the narrowness of her hips in comparison to mine.
"Do what?" she asks smacking her lips together after they're freshly glossed.
"Stay so skinny. I mean you obviously don't diet a lot and you don't exercise"
She sighed heavily and placed the lipgloss on the marble countertop.
"Look, if I tell you, you have to promise you wont spread around my secret" she said looking seriously into my eyes her hands placed on my shoulders.
"Okay, I promise" I whisper barely able to stand the anticipation. I feel like a little sweet-toothed girl being told to promise to behave and she'll get that double scoop ice cream cone.
She grabbed my hand and we run conspiratorially into her room down the hall, and I'm about to uncover a wonderful treasure. The elixir of perfection.
"Ok, now remember this is totally secret, but it's also the secret to staying skinny, and I'm only telling you this because you're my friend" she said unzipping her suitcase and taking out a small little vial of something.
"What is it" I say gesturing to the small vial
She opened the vial and poured a bit of fine white powder into her hand. It looked innocent and harmless like powdered sugar, but I knew what this was immediately, and it was anything but sweet.
Cocaine.
Special thanks to
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